There is No Sharing the Babies - Battling with the Need to Keep Them Close

Whether your baby is a newborn or an adult, there is an innate need to want to protect your child.  You will not feel comfortable with who is in contact with him or her for awhile or maybe not ever.  There is nothing right or wrong with being protective, but overprotection coupled with controlling actions can cripple your baby (son or daughter) emotionally and physically as well as cause a disconnect with others.  Consider the many children who speak openly in the media about childhood and how some were not permitted to visit relatives or enjoy the company of those who may have been a different ethnicity, social class, etc.  With social networking, this is changing and children are finding out the good, bad and ugly about relatives all by themselves.


Some children have great relationships with extended relatives because parents took the time to connect with them.  They invited family out to the home or visited with children.  They asked for assistance when they needed someone to watch a child.  They also made the time to entertain loved ones over the phone, email, or social networking sites.  There was always some kind of family involvement.  Therefore, a relationship was built with kin.  However, those who didn't do these things due to any number of reasons including being protective of children, didn't bother to create a meaningful connection with relatives.


When one refuses to share babies, doesn't like or trust relatives, or even wishes to be alone on an island with a child, you have to wonder what personal issues are happening within?  Although they might be justified, one will need to strongly consider what might be the short or long term impact on the child when he or she is being isolated from others. 


As parents, we must choose who are the good guys and who might be the bad guys and act accordingly.  However, we also must be mindful not to allow our past issues with others dictate our children's present and future for we are not promised to outlive them all.  Bridge the gap where you can before it's too late!


Nicholl McGuire 

Holidays - Children Get Overwhelmed with Toys, Relatives, Food, Noise

Sometimes parents can be so happy being amongst adults that they lose track of time and forget that their fussy baby, cranky tween, and angry teen are simply tired.


Children are excited when they know they have a day filled with fun activities and that excitement may not come down for hours, sometimes days!  They rise early, talk much, do unusual things, and can drive parents insane due to all their energy.  Oftentimes, they will want to stay up on most nights even when they should be sleeping.


Parents will need to plan accordingly.  When children are starting to overwhelm parents, it is time to put things away and direct them to bed.  At times, adults don't comprehend this especially when they don't have children at home.  They will sometimes encourage mayhem, rather than help alleviate challenging situations.


If you are a new parent, speak up and explain to those who insist on keeping children entertained that enough is enough, there is always tomorrow.  Invite them over the next day if they want to spend more time with your baby or children.  Enlist the help of those who could put toys away, help with kitchen clean up, start a bath, read a bedtime story, or do something else.


Most parents enjoy the company of all, but even the best parents grow weary of family and all that comes with them, and so do babies and children.


Nicholl McGuire is a mother of four boys and the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.  She offers spiritual insight on a number of topics on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Take Control of the Toys

If you want some peace during the holiday season, be mindful of those loud, noisy toys.  They are cute, fun and might keep a child occupied for awhile, but they also can be very annoying.  These loud items can try one's patience and bring out the worst in anyone who isn't use to so much sound.  Rather than be tempted to defend the toy, be rude to adults, swear at your kid, or run out the house, make plans for the loud toys.


When dealing with noisy toys, try doing the following:


1.  Rotate the toys.  Allow the child to play with one at a time.
2.  Don't put batteries in all the toys at once.
3.  Avoid bombarding small children with so much.
4.  Take away toys they aren't playing with and hide them away until you are ready to rotate them.
5.  Don't argue with a spouse or relative about a toy he or she has bought.  All will get played with eventually, just not at that moment.  If the issue becomes a big deal, resolve in your mind to rid yourself of the problem.  Remember the land of the broken toys in the movie, Toy Story?
6.  If a toy doesn't work, take it back to the store and exchange it for one that doesn't make any noise.
7.  Put a time limit on how long a child will play with certain toys, be sure to have quieter replacements.


The more ways you come up with regulating the toys, the better you will feel.  It is never a good idea to allow children to run amuck playing with everything all at once.  Noisy toys will drive you crazy!


Nicholl McGuire also maintains the blog, When Mothers Cry, see here.

Wayward Teens: Back-Talking, Nasty Attitudes, Sneaky Behaviors, Ungratefulness

You know when you have to turn up the discipline, teens will not hesitate to test a parent.  The back talk shows up when you tell them to do something.  The eye-rolls and deep sighs present a new character you didn't encounter when they were small and cute.  Things they once didn't mind telling you are now off-limits.  Buy them some gifts and they aren't too happy about your selections no matter how much time you spent getting them or how much money you paid for them.


Tough teens are not easy to parent especially when they were born into a tough atmosphere.  Parents were hollering (possibly fighting), grandparents were rude and ignorant, the environment in the neighborhood was challenging, and friends were at times wild and crazy. Throw in some alcohol and drugs and children were exposed to far too much then they should have.  So it isn't any wonder when a tough teen talks, walks and acts tough.


Violent and sexual media doesn't help matters when it comes to raising teens.  Parents who permit a child to watch and play with whatever will be faced with more issues than one who tends to monitor his or her child's activities on and offline. 


A wayward teen is one who may have started on the right path (being respectful, caring, loving, etc.), but has now changed due to any number of factors including a parent not making time to assist a son or daughter or failing to find and pay for necessary resources to help him or her.  Many teens suffer from lack.  A parent who lacks knowledge, wisdom, time, and money is most likely going to have trouble with a teen's behavior in and out of school.  The parent might be very good about buying things, attending sporting events, participating in school projects, etc. but have a bad attitude at home.  He or she could be impatient, rude, strict, or have a personality disorder.  Those who live with the parent know better including a child turned teen who simply can't deal with a parent's issues any longer.


Parents can make their lives easier by taking the time to learn more about what makes your teen feel the need to back-talk, (i.e) for a young girl could this be connected to her menstrual cycle?  Maybe there is a teen boy who finds it difficult to talk about a closet behavior he might have, why?  Whatever the issue, the Internet is the book that generations before us didn't have to help them raise us when we were teens, but we do have, so why not make the most of it?  Forums, blogs like this, videos and articles related to how to communicate with teens might provide you with the insight you need to deal with issues.


Nicholl McGuire also maintains When Mothers Cry, the blog

Getting Rest After Having a Newborn, Tips on Keeping Stress Levels Down

I believe I was able to dream again after four months of having a newborn.  The demands of feedings, burping, diaper changes, and other needs were so intense during the first four months that I felt at times I was ill-equipped to handle a baby.  Being tired most often, unable to sleep through the night, and having my share of women's issues, was mentally and physically draining.  Yet, I pressed on anyway during tough times with all my children.  My new partner who was initially confused after I had my third son, caught on later and realized I seriously needed help.  My older children to a previous relationship helped when they could during visitations.  Then there were calls of well-wishes and strangers on the street that said kind things to me about my son.  It wouldn't be long, more specifically 14 months later, that my final son showed up.


I didn't pressure myself to see everyone in the family who wanted to just hold a newborn, but didn't want to babysit or help clean my home.  I also didn't run to the church either knowing full well the stress of calming the baby as well as watching folks wanting to touch the baby with unclean hands would be too much!  I didn't want admirers around me or stares from brothers and sisters warning me about a crying baby.  All I wanted was to be left alone, me and new baby.  I learned this after feeling stress from having the first grandchild, first grandson. 


Family members acted strangely at times and said far too many wrong things when it came to who was next to spend time with the newborn.  As the children grew older, walking and talking--getting into everything, the petty comments died down and the desire to watch the first grandchild died down too.  It also helped that I had moved as well.


I am a strong believer that a mother who brings a newborn in the world has the right to dictate when she is ready to see people and when she is able to deal with people holding her child.  I think it is terrible when controlling and manipulative individuals want to attempt to dictate to the mother how the whole process of delivery should happen down to who shows up at the home after the baby is born.


True rest doesn't come for new parents until the baby sleeps through the night.  That is an occasion for celebration!  The day you are able to wake up and realize that you didn't have to check on the baby at all--it is such a great feeling!  Some things I did to keep the peace in the home for all when it came to a challenging newborn at times included:


1.  I didn't keep the baby in the room with the other children.  He slept sometimes in a bassinet in the living-room or in my bedroom.


2.  I refused to continue conversations over the phone or in-person when my baby needed me.  If the baby was taking too long to calm down or I had, had enough, I had music for my ears, a vacuum, and a baby swing.  These all helped.


3.  I didn't permit critical, difficult or angry people with their negative energy to cross my doorstep, nor did I go to theirs.  If they wanted to come over, I set aside a specific day and time, other times I simply said, "Not a good time, I will call you to set up a time."  I really had no patience or time to sit and entertain someone especially when I had days when I was in pain after having a baby.


4.  I conversed with my partner about how I felt about mostly everything i.e.) newborn issues, employment, the other children, the ex, and finances.  Whether he agreed or disagreed with my thoughts/plans, it didn't matter, I just needed to talk.  My body had to emotionally and physically heal, the baby needed to be trained to live in our world, and doctor's appointments were necessary whether he liked going or not.  I discussed with him about his work schedule and we planned accordingly.  He helped with nighttime changes and feedings.  I posted the baby's feeding and diaper schedule and included tips on what to do if the baby did one thing or another and posted on the refrigerator.  I never let his mood, television watching or facial expressions hinder me from asking him to help.  I shared with him when I needed to leave the home and went out for a bite to eat and to the movies.


5.  I had my older children participate in a baby care program.  They learned how to do things like change diapers, deal with some emergencies, etc.  It was very helpful to them and they were able to connect with their little brothers.


6.  When things got real tough, I planned a vacation away to see my mother and grandmother, who had been there and done that!  I didn't take the baby with me.


7.  I listed the baby's needs and asked my partner to run errands.  This way there was no conversation needed about everything that we ran out of or any complaint about me always asking him to do something.  Once the list was complete and coupons attached, he went out and got what we needed.


8.  I didn't participate in holiday planning or making myself available to help others.  Holidays were the least of my concern.  We reasoned we needed to save money not spend it on adults and their children.  I also didn't let church leaders and church-goers guilt me into giving money to the church and other causes.  I ignored all ads from my older children's schools about needing money.  When I stopped giving to this cause and that one, I was able to buy things for the baby that were needed like a stroller for starters, formula and clothes.


9.  We didn't go out and splurge on anything.  Instead, we periodically looked for places to dine that were low key, inexpensive and family friendly and took baby along.  Oftentimes, we used coupons.  If the newborn became restless, one of us took the baby out and the other waited for the food to be prepared so that we could take it home.


10.  The residence and laundry were tended to on certain days rather than everyday.  No one had the time or energy to want to maintain both daily.  Although, I would have liked to do that, I didn't want to add additional stress on the dad by asking him too much or wear myself out trying to do everything each day.  If something needed to be done, I mentioned it or left a note or did it the following day.  For instance, I cooked enough food for a few days at times rather than just a day.


Hope these tips are helpful and for veteran moms, I know they brought back to some memories!


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight about a variety of issues at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

A Word from the Blogger of parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com

Thank you so much for stopping by!  I started out writing parenting articles in 2007.  At that time, I had a newborn, a toddler, a tween, and a soon-to-be teen.  I needed a place to release some of the pressure, so this blog as well as the blog and book When Mothers Cry was birthed during the same year my last son was born.


It has been a long and challenging journey with the children and I have had to pray much.  There were times that I felt like my head was going to pop off from crying from a newborn to little boys fighting with one another.  Sometimes I would close the door of my bedroom and breathe deeply and other times I would leave my residence as soon as my partner hit the door.  When times are good, you know as parents, they are good!  Children make you laugh, partners do nice things, and the world seems like a better place.


 I am grateful for you readers who have stopped by my blogs over the years and I appreciate you supporting them by purchasing items from this site and others.  I ask for your continued support and please do share this blog with other parents.


Sincerely,


Nicholl McGuire


Twitter @nichollmcguire


YouTube channel: nmenterprise7


Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...

Nicholl's spiritual poetry blog: http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogsp...

Rebel in the Family?

Face Your Foe: Rebel: But if ye will not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then shall the hand of the LORD be against ...

No More Family Drama: You Can Do It!

It's All In the Family: No More Family Drama: You Can Do It!: You don't want the family drama around you, so what better time to start then now?  Last year you had some difficult times, to the point...

What I Don't Like About Being a Parent Sometimes

Sometimes as parents we have to say the kind of things that others are too fearful of saying.  But the truth is, there are many things I like about being a parent just like any other parent like: being able to teach, love, care, and do other things that assist my children and make me a better person.


As for the things I don't like:


1.  Feeling more like a maid, a babysitter, a teacher, and a friend, but not much of a mom at times.  But then again, aren't we everything to our families anyway (lol).
2.  Watching money leave my bank account as quick as I get it to pay for yet another thing related to children.
3.  Having to put off buying things for myself more times than I care to mention.  I recall years going by of wearing clothes from my 20s because I couldn't afford to buy a new wardrobe. Now I am back in that season again when the weight is increasing and things are getting tighter (sigh).
4.  I noticed that people seem to care about you more because you are a mother, those "dear children...sweet kids..." If the children weren't around that phone wouldn't ring as much and the generous giving wouldn't be unheard of--this was so true prior to having children.
5.  I feel pressure to overachieve at whatever I do from organizing to working a job, because of the children.  Yet, there is no appreciation, just more requests for more things.  I have to keep reminding them to say, "Thank you."
6.  Invites to activities, fliers from school, and catalogs in the mail child-related always asking for money/donations/volunteering.  Just teach my kids!  I have enough to do and my money can't cover everything, so don't put my children up to asking me!
7.  I seriously wouldn't deal with certain family members and in-laws or acknowledge a single holiday (including birthdays) if it wasn't for my children--can't wait until they get older--FREEDOM!
8.  Constantly reminding children to clean up, put up, shut up, get up, hold your head up...you know the rest while dad sighs.  "Look, I was fine until we pro-created, so get over it," my eyes warn.  "Better yet, you come over here and help with the children, thanks," my feet do my talking for me.


That's it, I'm done.  If you feel frustrated about being a parent sometimes, by all means, please share.  I don't know your family or your friends and besides, they wouldn't care because they are most likely having their share of issues too.  But what keeps many of us from speaking out loud or talking with a counselor, because there is always that one mom who has lost a child warning, "You best appreciate what you have because you never know one day you might lose a child."  So true.  But we are entitled to express times of frustration so that we aren't the ones on television one day walking with our hands behind our backs in handcuffs.


Hats off to all the moms who are at home with children during school breaks!  May God be with you and I! 


Nicholl McGuire, Author of When Mothers Cry

When I Had Babies...I Didn't Anticipate How Much My Life Would Change

From the person within to the fathers who helped me create life, I had no clue how much life would change. 
 
  • No more looking out for just me.
  • No more eating just for me.
  • There isn't a day that you don't think of your children.
  • Men change and don't see you, the mother, the same way.
  • Relatives and friends treat you differently (more respect, sometimes include your children, want to help...)
  • Career focus is not what it use to be.
  • Everything costs more.
  • You take your faith in God more seriously.
  • Bodily changes.
  • Friends come and go.
  • Jobs come and go.
 
As far as I remember, I didn't want the marriage and parenting side of life that God said I would have one day.  His message was prophetic back in 1997, as much as I thought I wouldn't be a mom and wife one day, God said, "But you will be." (Came to pass with the first child in 1999).  It wasn't his command, it was just a fact.  He knew things about me, that I didn't know.  Like feeling unloved, bored with life, desiring more, and looking to a man (or men) to fulfill voids.
 
In time (a period of 20 plus years), I didn't realize how much of myself got lost in relationships (married before, married again--children in both--dating in between).  There were babies--not just one, but four!  Different times in my life, usually the highs, brought on the news we were expecting.  It seemed that the babies came when I was trying to do more for me--they were like champagne toasts to humanity.
 
The dreams, plans, new faces, and challenges that came along in my world didn't show up without a baby bump, a baby walking, talking, or in school.  As their milestones showed up, so did mine.  In some cases, I improved emotionally and physically, but then there were those times that I didn't see anything positive--no progress just regress financially, spiritually and mentally. 
 
Back in the early stages of parenting, how could I see the light at the end of the tunnel when a dad fell into temptation too many times to count and brought unnecessary issues to our home?  Then there was the crying and needs of children that seemed to come in the middle of arguments, phone ringing, doorbell chiming, and aha moments.  Fast forward past the time of separation, divorce, new job, and relocation, and along comes another man in my life and two more babies on the way and far too many issues to count--I still am upset about some things as I write.  Prior to the birth of the second two babies, I will be the first to admit, I didn't leave any room for my Creator.  But when I realized that I couldn't do this parenting thing without a Savior, is when he made life a tad bit easier for me.
 
The closer I walked with my Lord, the more I could see purpose and the more I realized just how much these children were His than mine.  I was a mere vessel created for someone else's plan.  Now that my sons are no longer babies, I feel somehow empowered and overwhelmed with the desire to finally get it right for me, not for a man and not for them, but for me!  It's yet another journey, but this time I am willing to stick to the righteous path since I have young boys who are great motivators.
 
Nicholl McGuire
 

Parenting Tips - 10 Important Things You Don't Want to Do in Front of Children

When parenting children, some couples simply don't think about the consequences of their negative actions and reactions they do especially in front of children. 

Offensive and immoral behaviors come back to haunt parents through their children now and later in life.  Remember the things you were exposed to when you were a child.  Do you recall how you felt?  Most parents, who sincerely love their children, object to repeating the cycle of inappropriate and/or abusive behavior they experienced during childhood. 

Part of knowing how to be a good parent is being mindful of the type of influence you are making on your child.  If one isn't paying close attention to bad behavior, sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light.  A teacher, another parent or child, counselor, police officer, relative, lawyer, or someone else will point out the "bad parent" or "bad child" and the only one who will be blamed is the parent for not teaching his or her child right from wrong.

Some things that a parent should avoid doing in front of children are as follows.

1.  Abuse any substances from food to illegal drugs.

There should be no explanation here, but some parents need to know that what they do might be emulated one day by their curious children.  So if they see dad piling on plates of food, they are going to do it.  If they see parents doing drugs, they are going to want to try some one day.

2.  Lie.

Children who listen to adults tell stories that they know are untrue will reason it is okay to make up a few of their own when asked about something.  "Why tell the truth?  Mom and dad lie," a child reasons.

3.  Steal.

If mom and dad steals things from a job like:  notepads, pens, paper, time, etc. a child notices.  If a parent doesn't want to pay for anything when they buy it, then the child assumes that he or she shouldn't have to either.  It doesn't matter whether the item is small, meaningless, or "no big deal," the point is a parent stole and a child will do things like:  learn not to trust his or her parent over time, reason it is okay, teach others to steal, and get caught and go to jail in the future.

4.  Bad-mouth the child's mother/father and other relatives.

The more negative a child hears from parents, the more likely he or she is not going to like the other parent so much.  In the future, a son or daughter might also treat relatives the parents don't like badly as a result.  Keep in mind, children can be bad actors.  So if mom or dad is pretending to like someone, the child won't necessarily go along with the act.

5.  Encourage negative behaviors in others.

Children watch everything parents do, so if they see a parent encouraging their older siblings and other relatives to behave badly, they are going to repeat the pattern at some point or tell others to do what they have learned.

6.  Show off any weapons.

Once a child knows that there is a weapon in the house that can potentially wound or kill another, they will be curious about the item(s).  The television and Internet have so much information about things like guns, switchblades, and more, so the idea that dad or mom has one in the next room excites a child.

7.  Have sex with parent or someone else.

Children who have seen their parents or someone else in the home have sex, can be emotionally and physically troubled by these things.  They might not do well in school, may avoid socializing with peers, or may treat future partners badly.  A child with mixed emotions about adult behaviors
tends to grow up with a lot of emotional challenges to overcome.

8.  Watch, read, play, or listen to adult entertainment and conversation i.e.) games, movies, radio programs, etc.

As mentioned before, many emotional issues that children experience come from being around adults who don't know or don't want to shield children from their world.  There is far too much going on with adults--much of which is dysfunctional.  A child is not mature enough to handle adult issues.  They will experience everything from nightmares to long-term physical illness as a result of being exposed to adult entertainment and conversation.  They will also share what they know with others which will result in much trouble for the adults.

9.  Disrespect or fight others.

If a child sees a parent often arguing and fighting with a parent, he or she will become nervous, scared, or even worried about whether the family will remain intact.  This is a lot for children to have to deal with and eventually school work suffers and personality issues arise as a result.

10.  Use any tool or equipment in ways that are unsafe.

Children who see adults use things in ways that are not intended will copy what they see.  Sometimes incorrect use of tools and equipment result in fires, lost limbs, severe wounds, and worse death.  If you do use a dangerous tool around the child, explain what it does and why it is unsafe for children to use.  Mention consequences if your son or daughter touches it.

These ten tips are just the start of many lessons in life you will want to teach yourself when it comes to parenting.  Although the tips are what parents shouldn't do in front of the children, many of these things they shouldn't do behind their backs either. 

Parents who want the best for their children, do avoid doing the things previously mentioned in front of their children.  Many desire that their sons and daughters live happily, remain innocent for as long as they can, and teach them how to focus on things that really matter to them.

Nicholl McGuire is an author, blogger for this site, and mother of four sons. See more of her work on YouTube, click here.

Family and Friends Won't Always Say Nice Things About Your Children

We love our children and want was is best for them.  Yet, sometimes what we think is right in what we say and do with our children isn't necessarily right in the eyes of those who have long parented children--who have been there and done that.  So when you and your children are invited to a family celebration, spending far too many hours with relatives, sometimes things will be said or done that just might offend you, so be prepared.


1.  Why did those kids get all that food on their plates knowing full well they aren't going to eat it all?
2.  Why is there open cans of soda and water bottles half full, yet the children are going to get more?
3.  Why didn't the parents clean after the children when they made that mess?
4.  They shouldn't let the children run around like that.  Where are their parents?
5.  Did you hear what that child said to his/her mother/father, if that was me...?
6.  These children nowadays just aren't being raised like we were.
7.  Is anyone going to quiet that whiny baby?  If the child didn't feel well, why did they bring him/her?


Some solutions to quiet some of the family criticism concerning your children would be:


1.  Shorten your visit from the start.  Seniors and children after awhile tire of one another.  Both will compete for attention, both tend to act petty, and both can be demanding.


2.  Take noisy children outdoors or in another part of the residence.  Nap time might be needed.  The longer they stay up, the more likely they will be disruptive.


3.  Don't assume everyone likes children, so stay away from those who appear to act rude, impatient, and critical of babies and children.


4.  Teach and discipline your children before they leave from home how to behave when around others.  Specify the consequences if they choose to misbehave.


5.  Avoid piling on food and desserts on the children's plate and share bottles and cans between children by pouring in cups or bring their cups from home to avoid accidents.


6.  Keep noisy toys at home and don't forget headphones for electronic devices.


Tis the season.  Happy Holidays!


Nicholl McGuire


Oh and please show your support, I have many books available for sale.  See below:


Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...



Parenting Blues: 7 Things to Expect that You Might Not Want to Share About Your Children

Sometimes things we talk about concerning our children have a way of coming back to haunt us later.  Whether you boast a little too much about your child or you tell every awful thing he or she has ever done, what we fail to realize is that children are a reflection of who we are and how we parent. 

There are personal issues that will come up during the raising of one's children that is better left unsaid, especially if you are still learning and growing when it comes to parenting.  In addition, if you know you are the type that is easily offended when it comes to being told some negative things about your children, it is also best not to share too much about them.

1.  How much a child looks like, acts like, and does other things like the other parent.

When you know you don't have the best relationship with the father (mother) or you have some personal issues concerning him/her that you have yet to forgive him/her for, it's best to keep those comments to yourself that are negative and tend to compare father and son and mother and daughter.  People have a way of piggybacking off of what you say and then bringing it up in a harmless way later.  "Sure, looks like his dad...I know you must be proud, I really do hope he turns out to be better than his dad." or "Remember when you said his mother was sneaky?  Well, you know I notice that your daughter is acting just like her, you are right!"

2.  The evil or embarrassing things they do in school, daycare, at home, church, etc.

What parent doesn't have a story about a son or daughter that has left his or her face red and palms sweaty?  But it happens, and should everyone need to know about the incident including the Internet?  One day someone in the family is going to bring that story up to your child and he or she just might rebel because it was shared.  "Your mom told me when you lied about...I hope you don't think you can tell me one and get away with it!"  Keep in mind, the self-righteous, jealous types love spreading negative stories about the offspring of those they hate.  

3.  Personal hang-ups about things like: height, acne, making friends, talking, etc.

The more family and friends know about your child's weaknesses, the more likely they might come up with people they know or they may be approached by these so-called well-meaning people.  "Honey, I bought this acne cream for you.  Your mom told me that people tease you at school...I remember when I had problems..." or "Dear, you really out to wear this girdle, your mom told me you are trying to lose weight, don't want the fat wiggling."  Sometimes children feel like parents can't be trusted with sensitive information so they will close up. 

4.  An illness that could possibly spread.

Whether the illness was treated years ago or a day ago, you tell someone, who already has a compulsive disorder or two, about your child's illness, he or she just might act strange around your son or daughter.  Better off leaving your child with someone who is understanding and has had a similar issue.  Sometimes people will keep bringing the past up and sharing it with others as if it is a present issue which only shames the poor child.  "Your mom shared that you had ring worm, okay don't sit here...keep your head away from this pillow...I mean I know that happened awhile ago and you're better, but just in case."

5.  Consistent poor grades and other school issues like fighting.

It won't be long before someone in your circle is going to start questioning, "Why is Johnny always getting into trouble?  What are you and your husband teaching him?"  In time, you will start treating your partner and child as if they are the sole cause as to your unhappiness because of those whispers in your ears from family.  The poor grades and other school issues might come back up later when relatives are thinking about who they might want to help and who they would avoid in the family.

6.  Selection of friends.

Is it really necessary to talk about a son or daughter's friends to family and friends?  Just imagine hearing this from a relative if you were a child, "Your dad told me that you have been hanging around the wrong crowd, well if you bring any mess to my home and cause problems for my children, I will give you a spanking you will never forget!"

7.  Personal interests.

Since children can be very private and you don't know sometimes what to say or not to say about the things they like, it is best just to check with them first.  Consider this, "So I heard you like that new toy--I wouldn't buy it, cost too much!  My son told me about it--such a waste!  Aren't you a bit old to be playing with that anyway?"  Once again, adults who don't like you or your child will use what they know to hurt you.

Keep in mind, before you tell a relative everything that is going on with you and your child, think about the future.  Take the time to think how might a relative or friend use the information.  As much as we love the people in our lives, we also need to know when to keep some things about our sons and daughters to ourselves.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, get your copy here.

Unexpected Life Challenges, Know Where to Look for Help


Busy Life? More Strife.

 
 
 
Does every leaflet, flier, or invite need you and your family connected with it?  What about family gatherings and other social events?  The more you involve yourself with such activities, the more likely you will burn out.  You might be snappy with your partner, impatient with children, or disappointed about money issues--whatever the case, sit down, take a look at your life and start cutting off and cutting back on all your activities.

When to Stop Doing So Much for Children?

As a parent, you will know when it is time to pull back from giving children so much when you realize they can do some things on their own.  When I finally came to the revelation that I could encourage my sons to be more responsible is when I couldn't do everything for them.  From stomach cramps to headaches, there are those times when mom is not going to be able to stand on her feet to cook, clean, wash dishes, take out the trash, and do other things.  So it was then that I thought, these boys can do something to help out around our residence from the toddler to the tween back in 2011.

In time, I found other things they could do even when I wasn't sick.  I taught the little ones how to fold clothes, get a snack out for themselves, and I showed the older ones how to wipe down walls and cabinets, run the vacuums, dust, microwave a meal, and keep the younger ones entertained.  They know how to do far more than what is listed, but this was my start at teaching them responsibility as well as earning money and other things they wanted.  To date, the older ones are very independent, the younger ones are getting there, but sometimes dad sets them back especially when, "I don't want to..." followed with a crying outburst comes from them.

I understand that some parents want to keep children young forever, but the time will be here before you know it when you will cry out, "Is there anything you can do for yourself?"  Start directing your children on that independent path for their own survival.  We parents are just not promised to be here tomorrow.  So do remember that the next time you attempt to do something for your child that he or she is perfectly capable of doing themselves.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual messages to inspire on YouTube.

The Child Who Loves to Exaggerate - How to Put a Stop to It

Raising Teens, What I Wish I Would've Known


Don't Take a Chance, Avoid Leaving Children Alone

For some parents they can be very irresponsible when it comes to raising children.  They leave babies alone for long periods of time, fail to control meal size and snack times, children are permitted to play with or near dangerous things, while others are allowed to participate in activities far too despicable to name here. 

When confronted on obvious wrongs when it comes to children, some parents, especially those who have been exposed to all sorts of evil during childhood, will justify why, "It's okay...I turned out okay...I don't need anyone telling me how to raise my children, I know what I'm doing."

Years ago, I overheard some news about children who had been left alone and burned up in a house fire, it turned out to be relatives of mine.  The mother was out doing God knows what!  She told no one what she was up to that day.

I have heard all too often children being left in rooms for hours "to play" while adults were in other rooms only to find that an older child is demonstrating sexual acts on younger siblings. 

The longer children are left alone, the probability that they will do something they have no business is likely.  Older children know how to pretend like nothing has happened while parents are away.  They learn how to clean up messes, tell lies, and blame others.  I have heard countless stories of children participating in underage drinking, experimenting with drugs, viewing porn, and doing many other things while parents are busy working, visiting friends, shopping, traveling, and most of all sleep.

If you are a parent and haven't checked your children's phones and gaming devices lately, you might want to.  If you haven't checked up on baby-sitters in awhile, you should.  If it has been a long time since you sat down with children and had a real conversation with them, you should consider doing it.  There are so many people in this world who blur the lines between good and evil and don't mind using children to help create a nonchalant culture.

Nicholl McGuire

Pregnant Woman Giving Birth - Vaginal Delivery in Hospital





Viewer discretion is advised.  Notice she is lying down.  Be sure that if you should deliver at home that you have a professional ready to assist.

Teen Addictions

You never know what a child is up to behind your back until someone or something exposes he or she.  If you have been so busy with other things, an addiction might have slipped into your home without your knowing.  School breaks can be long and boring for many children; therefore they have much idle time to do things that bring on shame to the family.  Some of the addictions that teens tend to develop are as follows.  Check for signs on whether your teen has already been partaking in such behavior(s).

Spending far too much time on the Internet?  Do they shut the computer down when they suspect you are watching?  Do they spend money rather quickly, yet have no evidence of what they spent their money on?  Do they say or do things that leave you scratching your head?  Are they over-protective of their devices, closets, drawers, etc.?  Is everything password protected or locked?  Has a relative or friend warned you about your child's behavior in a subtle way, and you just didn't read between the lines?

Pornography/Sexual perversion - Advice for parents of teen porn, click here.

Smoking - Advice for parents with teens addicted to cigarettes. See here.

Marijuana and other drugs

Alcohol

Prescription Drugs

The more you learn about teen addictions, the more you are better able to help your child!  But before you yell, judge, or talk about your child to others, be sure you are not doing anything that contradicts what you say.  Are you still struggling with your addictions?  Are you behaving in ways that your child can't help but say, "What about you!"  Clean yourself up first!

Need Original Parenting Articles, Videos for Your Blog, Social Media Page or Website?

Take a look around this site and you will find much parenting information.  Nicholl McGuire Media shared much of this work to the audience that visits this site.  If you are in need of good parenting related content for your site, feel free to email your request to: nmcguire7@hotmail.com  Rates are affordable and quality of writing is good.  Other services provided can be found here: http://nichollmcguiremedia.blogspot.com.

 

Family Plans - When Things Just Don't Turn Out Like You had Hoped

From planning when to have a baby to when to send a child off to college, as much as a parent thinks he or she has everything figured out, along comes a surprise or two that throws everything off its course!  But before you give up, just know that there are always additional ways to achieve goals.  You don't have to let feelings of discouragement get in the way of your dreams.

1.  What is your Plan B, C, D...since Plan A is no longer doable?   Take a deep breath, with pen and paper in hand begin to write out what you need to do next.

2.  Check the Internet for new keyword phrases and other thoughts that come to mind related to your challenge. There may be answers in places that you least expect online.  (ie. yellow page directories, forums, videos, blog radio, online bible sites, free article web pages, and blogs like this one.)

3.  Seek out a source who "has been there, done that" to find out how he or she solved a similar dilemma.

4.  Walk away from the trouble.  Sometimes a trip away from the place that you first heard the bad news will clear your mind a bit.  When dealing with a troublesome individual, choose a different way to communicate with the person.  You might want to consider the help of a mediator.

5.  Re-evaluate your information.  At times we jump to conclusions without fully reading material or seeing the benefits of the challenges we face.

When you know that things are getting to be a bit difficult to plan/discuss, reconnect with yourself!  External people, places and things can rob you of your peace.  No matter what issue you are dealing with, try hard not to lose your mind in it!  Break down all tasks/issues into smaller things to do.  Keep away from those individuals who like to say, "What if...What are you going to do...If I were you...Why don't you..." far too often than you can handle their suggestions/concerns/problems.  The more you let their words permeate your ears, the more stressed you can become.

Have a good week!

Nicholl McGuire

Keeping Children Safe From Sexual Predators : Child Safety Tips for Bein...





In past media reports and to date, there have been teens who have received rides from people they barely knew.  Many were never found, others were eventually discovered murdered.  Teach children both young and older not to accept rides from people they really don't know.  Just because he or she has seen them around the neighborhood or a friends knows the person doesn't mean they are trustworthy!

Talk to Children

They go to school five days a week.  A lot goes on there, but what exactly?  Ask the kind of questions that will help you get to know more about your child and his or her school.

1.  Which class do you like the most and why?
2.  Do you hope to do that sort of work when you are older?  Why or why not?
3.  What do you eat for lunch?  What is your favorite meal?
4.  Do you have a best friend?  What is it about her/him that makes this person your favorite?
5.  Is there anyone you don't like and why?
6.  Do you have a favorite teacher?  What do you like about that teacher?
7.  Which day do you have most of your tests?  Is there something I can help you with to make it easier to study?

The questions can go on and on, but you get the picture.  Find out what is happening with your child at school.  You can ask little ones, "What made you happy today?  What made you sad?  Who is it that you like or don't like?  What did your teacher say to you today?  What did you like the most about your day?  What made you angry?  Did you draw/read/play/sing/write/take a nap/sit by yourself?"

Nicholl McGuire

Your first 90 days as a father

Former child actress talks 'Full House' reunion, marriage


Give Me Some Space Mommy, Daddy!

In a week's time, my older son had walked on his younger brother's back, hit him on his chest, pushed him, and had a tugging match with him for a toy.  His younger brother had kept accurate records and he was out for blood.  With arms flailing one day he gave his older brother enough slaps that he would never need a spanking for the rest of his life!  Sounds like abuse?  Well it was!  I had to have a talk with these two knuckleheads before they put me in the hospital with a stress-related illness.  I also had to evaluate what was I doing and not doing that kept the crazy behavior up.

I had been attentive.  We played games during winter break, spent time talking, and doing some constructive things.  We sang, prayed, and went places.  The boys got new toys and great meals.  So what was wrong?

When I disciplined Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, I told them what I was taking from their room.  That hurt far worse than any other form of discipline.  Oh they cried, fell down--acted like fools!  Little by little, I did just what I said until there was nothing more than a small bin, two beds, and two dressers, and one television in their shared room.  The IPhones and gaming systems were put on a shelf for a time until they earned them back.  It was quite easy to rid the children's room of many of their things since we were moving anyway soon after winter break, but even if we hadn't, the room was still going to be relatively bare.  Less stuff, less fuss.

Anyway, what were these boys thinking hitting each other like boxers?  They were in, what appeared to be, blind rages during their outbursts.  They were overwhelmed with pending change and needed an outlet.  So I encouraged them to separate from one another.  One would take some time alone in the backyard while the other had the room to himself.  Then when the other came in the home, the other would go out.  When both were in the house once again, I set one up on the computer while the other played a music instrument with ear phones on.  I rotated the two little monsters like chairs.  I didn't want to see my sons together in one room.  The only time they had spent any real time with one another was at the dinner table.  The next day I did the same as before, rotated them like playing a game of musical chairs, and the next more of the same and so on.  I must say that the winter break ended quite well.  Back to school, thank God!

Sometimes all it takes is space.  Everyone needs a little space.  "Go play in your room..." we say.  Well that isn't good enough.  Are you going in there too, Parent?  Most likely not.  So Jenny and Joan or Billy and Bobby are going to pound one another in one way or another whether verbally or physically as soon as you turn your back! 

The signs of being tired of one's sibling and parents are always there with children.  Sometimes we see them, other times we don't.  You know when they are tired of the family, when there is constant complaining about one or all members, yelling, fighting, crying, etc.  Throw in hunger, thirst, a lack of sleep, and your own tension and look out, your children will act up!

My two angels had turned into monsters practically overnight, but I could turn them back--at least somewhat.  I had been praying before, during, and after the commotion, I can tell you when God has given you common sense, you have got to use it! 

Sometimes we can become so busy, selfish, moody, or whatever else that is going on with us that we overlook the writing on the wall when it comes to raising sons and daughters.  Children need time apart periodically just like us with spouses, bosses, parents, friends, etc. before or after we have had a major dispute.  No adult interference, no sharing with a sibling, no nothing, but a simple room with not much in it but a favorite toy.  Is that too much to ask, mom, dad?

Nicholl McGuire

Baby Products Moms Regret Buying: Diaper Genie, Boppy, Baby Bullet, Munchkin Bottle Warmer...








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