Stressed with Partner, Taking Out Issues on Children

It happens.  You are angry with your partner and out of the clear blue your children do something that upsets you and before long you are emotional with all.  The children are punished more than usual and your spouse is the last person you want to talk to.  But what started the madness?  Was it the tone of voice from you or a partner that morning?  A bit too much silent treatment could have aided in the emotional swing.  Sometimes repeated rejections from a partner who just doesn't want to have sex.  All this and more can affect one's interaction or lack thereof with children.

A spouse or partner doesn't always see how he or she is impacting the household due to any number of reasons: stubborn ways, mood swings, irritability with others outside the home and more.  We don't always have the mind capacity, energy, or time to deal with our partner's woes.  So when the rain starts to pour, it won't be long before yet another storm.

Consider the following if you are having your share of the blues at home:

1.  Take a break and be alone for as long as you can.  If this means you have to sneak away, then do so for a time.  Leave a note if you are going out of the home explaining why you really need some time to yourself.  Think about how you can make things better at home and with children.

2.  Don't always assume that a partner understands what you are going through.  Write yourself a note airing out everything that is bothering you, pray, and then throw your cares away.  This way you feel a little lighter and ready to face the world again and your family.  Talk to a trusted friend or professional if need be.

3.  Children will misbehave and you will not always be equipped to handle whatever they throw your way, so forgive yourself if you are a bit callous at times with them.  Come up with a system to handle some of those household issues.

4.  If you feel like you are obsessing about leaving the relationship, chances are you just might need to distance yourself from a partner.  Seek the counsel of an attorney before you say anything about a divorce to anyone.

5.  Keep in mind, you were once a child, would you want to walk on eggshells everyday around the family home?  Make children feel safe even if you don't feel secure sometimes.

6.  Note how you have been feeling since changing your diet, routine, a medicine, or something else.  You might be going through a myriad of emotions because your body is fighting up against change.

7.  If you feel you are losing your mind with a partner due to things he or she may be going through, communicate your concerns, but also take necessary action if there is no compromising.

May peace be restored within you and with those you love!

Nicholl McGuire

When the Children are Away...

You may be one of the blessed who have a strong support system around you that you can rely on for things like: babysitting, gifts for children, special event attendance, party planning, etc. but there are many parents that don't have those circles.  For many reasons, parents are usually taking turns watching, care-taking, and supporting children.  One is busily working while the other is tending to children.  One is in need of a break while the other is driving children to one appointment after the next.  But when the opportunity comes that children are away, what are you doing?

When children are away, here are some ideas to keep you and your partner close rather than apart:

1.  Discuss plans on what to do when children return.  Re-work anything you both may or may not be doing to bring peace to the home.

2.  Take some time to do the things you really wanted to do in and around your residence.  Whether tasks are big or small, take advantage of that 1 to 24 hours that children are away and get as much done as possible.

3.  Maybe you don't have anything individually that must be tended to, then why not have that date night you have been talking about?

4.  Breathe.  There is nothing wrong with doing nothing while children are away.

5. Pray.  Chances are you haven't spent any quality time with the Lord in a long time.  Drag those prayers out.  Read the Bible or fellowship with Christian friends.

6.  Lastly, enjoy yourself by tending to personal needs (without a partner) from pampering yourself to shopping.  Sometimes time together isn't what you need, but some space away from it all.

Although moments away from children don't come often, when they do come, embrace them and appreciate those who help you gain that much needed quality time!

Nicholl McGuire

10 Things that Define a Quality Mother

Sometimes we lose sight as to what defines a quality mother.  The following list are some common traits that show up with caring and loving mothers.

1.  No matter where they are, they check in with children.
2.  They love children even when they are difficult.
3.  They will stand up or fight for their children.
4.  They are not fearful of their children.
5.  They teach sons and daughters about life.
6.  They train children to be respectful and caring toward others.
7.  They brag about children.
8.  They are happy even with the little things that children do.
9.  They ask a lot of questions concerning children.
10.  They encourage family togetherness.

A mother who loves will do what she can, when she can.  Mom is special, treasure the good ones!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and When Mothers Cry.

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ABC Reading: Placing Education Before Everything Else
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