Welcome to a parenting advice blog which provides only the significant and simple tips to help mixed aged group families.
10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with the Ex
Face Your Foe: 10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with th...: Tired of arguing with your ex? Isn’t that the reason why you both couldn’t make it in your relationship anyway? Why not, make up in your ...
Are They Truly Important?
Television can wait.
The computer can go into sleep mode.
Your laundry can sit there.
The phone can go into voicemail.
They are your children.
You can only put them off for so long before they grow up and say,
"Remember when..."
Books by Nicholl McGuire
Unhappy Being a Parent? 10 Ways to Be at Peace with Parenting
You have often wished that you could do your life over again
without the children. The stress, money,
tears, and fears of parenting have been a bit overwhelming in recent years and
if you could take flight, you would. How
did it come to this? Why do you resent
it so much? What will you have to do to
be at peace with parenting, so that you can fulfill your destiny? It is time to evaluate yourself, put the
following tips in action, and later reap your rewards, are you ready for
change?
Acceptance. Now that
you are a parent, you will have to accept this role for yourself. It isn’t what you planned, but it
happened. If this is something you
vehemently don’t want, then make the arrangements with the children’s father,
mother, other family or an adoption agency to have them take the children off
your hands. If this suggestion seems a
bit harsh, then getting rid of your children isn’t what you really want, but
advice on how to parent is what you really need.
Overcoming Bitterness/ Resentment. If you find yourself complaining a great deal
about being a parent, this is a clear sign you are still carrying bitterness
and/or resentment about your role. It is
time to examine why you feel this way and what will it take to remove these
feelings once and for all.
Making time for you.
Maybe you are bitter and resentful, because you are thinking of the
personal time you once had before the family came, the dreams you planned, and
the friends you use to have, etc. Find
out what you could do now that would put you at ease and help you reclaim who
you are from time to time without compromising your role as mom or dad.
Understanding your role as a parent & understanding your
children. Make the time to educate
yourself on what it means to be a parent.
Begin to read books about parenting.
Utilizing other’s ideas may help you raise your children without the
burden of coming up with some unique plan.
Creating/communicating with your support system. If you don’t have a support system, then
create one. Talk with the mothers who
are walking their children at the park, speak with the grandmother watching her
grandson who lives on your street or the nearby daycare provider. These people may be a blessing to you when
you are feeling overwhelmed. Call or
email a fellow parent who wouldn’t mind joining you in a vent session about the
latest craziest thing your wild child did.
Employment/starting a
business. When one is not happy with
work, some how that has a way of affecting how you interact with your family. You may want to reconsider
whether your current job is bringing in the kind of money that can fulfill your
family’s needs. You may be feeling
guilty about being away from your family for long hours, consider starting a
home business.
Saving & spending money.
The way you feel about money may also add to your resentment of being a
parent. As we all know it costs to raise
children. With a better budget, you may
feel at peace about your spending and saving habits. Research ways to help you develop spending
and saving plans.
Planning for the future.
Do you want your children to resent having their own children in the
future? Be an example and show them
love. Prepare them for the future by
raising them to be strong, civil human beings respectful of authority and
caring of others.
Building a strong foundation with your mate. There are many spouses who are having a hard
time adjusting to their role of parent.
It makes it even harder to transition, when their mate is not
supportive. You may want to meet with
your spouse to discuss how he or she is making you feel. You may be overwhelmed with duties regarding
the children and household responsibilities, ask your spouse for assistance.
Have a faith. When
you believe in a power higher than yourself; it helps with the feelings of
loneliness. Know that there is someone
out there greater than you who cares.
Seek the all-powerful One for wisdom, peace, and patience about your
situation.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
5 of the Most Challenging Times in Parenting
When you spend much time with other parents you discover that many have similar stresses when it comes to raising children. There are five things that repeatedly came up in conversation when I talked with other parents who felt like they were at their wits end about children at times like myself.
1) Chronic crying
"What is it now?" You go through the long list in your head of what might be the problem and you still can't figure it out. Once the crying starts it seems like it is endless. You anticipate the day they "grow out of it" the whining, screaming, etc. But as they get older, those periodic reminders show up and you remember why you will not have another baby again!
2) Accidents or on purpose stuff
Sure, they never meant to do it, but sometimes they do. Children have accidents that can make you start fantasizing about going to the moon. But when they do things on purpose with a coy look--uh oh, better call on the other parent, "Come get your son...daughter!"
3) Sibling rivalry
The children started out as friends, but now are the worst of enemies! Another shove, bite, kick, or scream from pain, "Enough already!" And if that isn't bad your partner is ineffective and sometimes an aid to the household drama (sigh).
4) Pushy people
These are the type that don't consider your feelings, time or energy when they ask to see you and your children or want you to tote them to yet another event that the baby and/or kids will be a challenge to settle down.
5) Lack of money
You might know the feeling when your baby or child needs something and you can't meet their needs or have to delay them. Pride gets in the way of asking someone for help, a difficult former or current partner doesn't want to cough up the money for any number of reasons, and once again you end up stuck with a cheap item or service.
We all have our highs and lows when it comes to children and this is all the more reason to think deeply, act carefully, and don't take any chances having other children or attempting to parent someone else's children when you have a hard enough time with the ones that are already here.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog, reach out if you would like to advertise on this site or make a blog entry contribution linking back to a web page.
1) Chronic crying
"What is it now?" You go through the long list in your head of what might be the problem and you still can't figure it out. Once the crying starts it seems like it is endless. You anticipate the day they "grow out of it" the whining, screaming, etc. But as they get older, those periodic reminders show up and you remember why you will not have another baby again!
2) Accidents or on purpose stuff
Sure, they never meant to do it, but sometimes they do. Children have accidents that can make you start fantasizing about going to the moon. But when they do things on purpose with a coy look--uh oh, better call on the other parent, "Come get your son...daughter!"
3) Sibling rivalry
The children started out as friends, but now are the worst of enemies! Another shove, bite, kick, or scream from pain, "Enough already!" And if that isn't bad your partner is ineffective and sometimes an aid to the household drama (sigh).
4) Pushy people
These are the type that don't consider your feelings, time or energy when they ask to see you and your children or want you to tote them to yet another event that the baby and/or kids will be a challenge to settle down.
5) Lack of money
You might know the feeling when your baby or child needs something and you can't meet their needs or have to delay them. Pride gets in the way of asking someone for help, a difficult former or current partner doesn't want to cough up the money for any number of reasons, and once again you end up stuck with a cheap item or service.
We all have our highs and lows when it comes to children and this is all the more reason to think deeply, act carefully, and don't take any chances having other children or attempting to parent someone else's children when you have a hard enough time with the ones that are already here.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog, reach out if you would like to advertise on this site or make a blog entry contribution linking back to a web page.
Odd Things You Might Experience During Pregnancy
With each pregnancy, a woman experiences something
different. Her first pregnancy is
definitely not like the one she will have in the future, nor will her spouse
react the same way he did with every pregnancy. Many things happen during this
very exciting and at times difficult period in their lives.
“What’s that smell?”
This may happen to you. Don’t be alarmed it may be a sign of something insignificant, but then again something very serious. It could mean that you are weary or that you may have a fever. It is best to buy a pregnancy medical book and make a call to your doctor if you experience anything that affects your eyesight.
“I am so forgetful.”
“I hate the way people smell around me.”
“I am more particular about the way I look, my house looks and everyone around me looks. I feel like I am cleaning and organizing often.”
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog.
There are many things
that occur with most pregnant women that once the baby is born are
forgotten. A first-time pregnant mom may
feel left out of the loop, because when she asks, “Did you ever feel this
way…” The veteran may say, “No.” Meanwhile, everyone around her will say,
“Yes, you did. Remember when…”
Doctors, family and friends may not have experienced or
heard of your symptoms, but it doesn’t mean that you are weird. Remember there is someone in this world that
may have experienced the same symptom, just never bothered to mention it. The following information will help you feel more
at ease with some of the strangest things that may happen during your pregnancy
experience.
“What’s that smell?”
Even though no one else around you smells what you smell it
doesn’t mean that those scents don’t exist at least not to you. You may have a craving for peanut butter and
suddenly smell it or a sudden interest in a hamburger and there is no fast food
restaurant near you. Strange, but it
happens. The least your mate or relative
could do is ease your craving by getting it for you, rather discussing what you
do or don’t smell.
“I saw what appeared before my eyes to look like bugs
with flashes of silver.”
This may happen to you. Don’t be alarmed it may be a sign of something insignificant, but then again something very serious. It could mean that you are weary or that you may have a fever. It is best to buy a pregnancy medical book and make a call to your doctor if you experience anything that affects your eyesight.
“Everything around me seems to be so noisy lately.”
Pregnancy tends to make women more emotional then
normal. Hormones contribute to the mood
swings, noise sensitivity, and so much more.
It is better to avoid noisy places and other sounds that may have once
had no effect on you, now annoy you.
“I have been having dreams about my pregnancy.”
Those of you who may be interested in dream
interpretation may find the interpretation of a pregnancy dream, according to
dreammoods.com to put you at ease. Here
is a portion of the interpretation, “Women in the first trimester of their
pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the
second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother
and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving
birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy.
Finally, in the third trimester, dreams (may) consist of your own mother. As
your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and
other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.”
“I think I have turned psychic since being pregnant, I
just think of things and they often come to past.”
You can take a
mini-quiz to find out if you are indeed psychic or always have been it’s just
their abilities may be heightened since the pregnancy. Check around the web and include keywords related to pregnancy and psychic abilities.
“My mate seems to be gaining weight and is sick
often.”
This might occur with a mate who is nervous about the pregnancy. He may also feel the need to stay close to you and baby-- offer protection; therefore, he isn't as active as he once was.
“My mate doesn’t come around me as much, nor does he
give me much affection. At times he is
just as irritable as me, if not more.”
He may have his own share of concerns such as: money challenges, life changes, etc. Some men will discuss what bothers them when asked while others will stay mum, because they don't want to upset their expectant partners.
“Everything people have been saying to me lately has
been annoying to me.”
With hormonal changes also comes a lack of wanting to be around people with some pregnant people. It can be quite a challenge for some moms to maintain a conversation or receive affection when a baby is moving within them along with uncomfortable symptoms related to their pregnancies.
“I watch television shows now that I wasn’t interested
in before I was pregnant.”
Depending on one's mood during pregnancy you will find yourself taking up interests you may not have considered before. Preferences in movies, places to visit and even exercise might change. Embrace the new interests just so long as they don't harm you or baby.
“I laugh way more than I did before pregnancy.”
Being pregnant for some women is a happy time particularly if they always wanted to be pregnant. Also, hormones may be playing a part. Better to be content than weepy. If the emotional swings become too much for you to handle, share your behavior with your doctor.
“I am so forgetful.”
Bodily changes will affect the mind. Many pregnant women complain about this and unfortunately work performance is affected at times. Write more notes to remind you of key events. Set alarms if necessary and reach out for assistance from others to keep you on task.
“I hate the way people smell around me.”
Once again related to hormones and if the smells are overwhelming, try a diffuser or other air fresheners to offset the offensive odors.
“Everything seems like it hurts mentally and
physically.”
Past issues have a way of showing up during pregnancy. Loved ones or friends behaving rudely and having to take on way too much responsibility while being pregnant will affect your mind, body and spirit. Re-evaluate what you are doing and let go of some people, places and things that are negatively impacting you. If you care about your baby, you will protect him or her from the stress. Delegate responsibilities whenever possible and learn to say, "No" to needy individuals.
“I stay up late.”
It happens. You will have to train yourself to go to bed on time. Notice your routines before bed, could they be keeping you awake? Consider this, your baby might want to stay up late when he or she arrives too.
“I eat a lot.”
A baby growing inside of you will need as much nutrients as you consume. If you were a healthy eater before then you just might find yourself eating more. But if not, it is still okay; however, keep in mind just because you are with child you don't have to eat a lot. Babies are content just so long as they are being fed. There is nothing wrong with eating for one, the baby still receives necessary nutrients in order to grow. Stay consistent with meals, eat less but more frequent. So rather than eat three meals a day, break them down into five and eat your heavier meals during the day rather than at night. Choose healthy meals, not junk food. Learn more about gestational diabetes.
“I don’t eat enough.”
If you feel you don't, then consider additional meals. Discuss with doctor.
“I am more particular about the way I look, my house looks and everyone around me looks. I feel like I am cleaning and organizing often.”
This happens as it gets closer to the delivery date for some moms. It is quite natural for a mother to want to prepare for the baby's arrival. So if you are finding yourself wanting to get much done, enlist the help of those around you. Don't lift anything heavy and stay off of things like step stools to avoid a fall.
PLEASE NOTE:
This blog entry was not prepared by a medical professional. Therefore, you should make an appointment with your doctor to access
your condition. The article is only
written to inform others’ about some pregnancy experiences that may be similar
to your own.
Handling Conflict with Your Children
Problems between children will come and go; the key is
trying to lessen the problems and make them go away faster. How does a parent resolve conflict with their
children and still come out looking positive in their child’s eyes? The following suggestions have been tried by
parents and will hopefully help you in your quest to find peace in your home.
Arguing between one another. Voices are raised and you know that if you
don’t intervene at some point, someone is going to get hurt, stop what you are
doing and stand nearby to listen. Walk
in on the argument only if you know it may lead to bloodshed. Once you are in the room, don’t ask about who
started anything; instead take one child out of the room, talk with them separately
then the next. Compare stories and then
form a judgment. After you have rendered
the necessary punishment, allow the children space apart. Put children in separate rooms with a few of
their favorite toys. Believe it or not,
but children need their personal time too.
Physical fighting between siblings. You already hear the fighting, go in and stop
it by physically separating both parties.
Once everyone is calmed down, then talk with each separately to find out
what happened and discipline accordingly.
As mentioned above, give them their personal time. Don’t use their moment of freedom as
punishment; instead, explain to them how the personal time benefits them.
Making public scenes.
Your beautiful daughter or handsome son has just decided to let the
world know how much you have angered them.
Don’t react negatively out in public that is what they want. Instead, react as calmly as possible, then
once you are home, handle it in the way you deem fit.
Stealing. You
just found out that your child has stolen something. When confronting your son or daughter, don’t
be surprised if he or she denies what was done.
Take some of their favorite things away for a time, later ask them how
does that make he or she feel? Maybe the child will confess, but then again
maybe not.
Lying. Not
sure whether he or she is lying? Assume you
already know that your children are lying and provide details as if you know
what you are talking about. For
instance, I already know you took XYZ because you left behind crumbs on the
kitchen counter. Pay attention to their
mannerisms if you know your kids well, you will know whether they are telling
the truth. If you can’t tell, accuse
them of something you know they didn’t do and watch their reaction. Compare the two reactions that will help you
learn how to tell when they are lying or being truthful.
Crying. A
child will not stop crying when you are continuously saying to them to stop it
or be quiet. However, they will begin to
tone it down if you distract them with a toy, television, food, a walk outside
or car ride. Don’t make a big deal of
any emotional situation and they will grow not to make a big deal of it
either. For instance, if your child
falls down, don’t yell and run over in panic, this will only make him or her
think that the situation is worse than it is and now you will have to spend a
longer amount of time to get him or her to calm down.
Sneaky behavior.
Children who realize they will get in trouble for negative behaviors
will do just about anything to avoid punishment, including placing blame on
someone else, hiding the broken keepsake then lying about it, trying to fix the
mishap while making matters worse, etc.
As a parent your job is to find out about the sneaky behavior and
discipline both effectively and immediately.
If it means taking privileges away, treasured gifts, cutting off their
social life for a time and other things that mean so much to them.
Playing adults against one another. You may have already experienced this, but if
you haven’t you are in for a surprise.
You tell your child “no” to something and then they go and ask another
adult who may or may not be aware of your objection and that adult says, “yes”
to your child. You tell this adult about
the conversation you had with the child and he or she downplays your objection
with “Oh I didn’t know you told him no, so what’s the big deal anyway?” Now you are upset and proceed to explain to
them why it is such a big deal. The two
of you begin to argue. You have just
been played! Set the ground rules with
your child from the beginning as well as the consequences if they should break
the rules. Then, communicate with the adults they will be in contact with about
your rules, hopefully before your child gets to them.
The favoritism accusation. If you have been accused of favoring one
child over the other, then chances are, you have. The bigger cookie, more toys, more clothes,
more money and whatever more you gave to the other. You may have done it unknowingly; however,
now you will have to watch how big you cut that piece of cake. Now if there is an age difference between the
two, then you can always explain to your youngest child that their brother or
sister is older, bigger or did well on their test or with their chores and that
when they are bigger, older, wiser, etc. they will get more too.
The famous “I hate you!” statement. This statement comes from the deepest part of
your child’s soul, don’t dismiss this statement, but the truth is that in that
moment he or she means it. You violated
him or her in the worse way when you told them “no”—I know big deal, right? But
it was something that your son or daughter really wanted to do, even if it meant
that you were saving his or her life.
Your well- meaning efforts don’t matter and the only way you will get on
their “good side” is to give in to their demands. Now why would you do that? If you choose to do this, you might as well
send your child out with the wolves. Remember there are many things children will
get over especially when you are protecting them as well as explaining your
reasons. Maybe next time if your child
demonstrates a little self-control and respect, you just might let him or her
have their way—and oh what a lesson to be learned!
To your success!
Nicholl McGuire
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