Cute and cuddly, I was holding a precious life in my hands. Little did I know just how much would change in a matter of weeks in my own family. Relatives were not always behaving themselves. Negative comments were thrown around about who would see the child, how long, and whether others would do anything for the new baby.
The journey of not only parenting a newborn was well underway, but so too was the mean-spirited behavior of some in-laws turned outlaws had showed and showed out! There was possessive grandmother, jealous grandmother, controlling grandfather, and lazy grandfather. Once in awhile someone had time and money for their grandchild while others didn't and then another would step it up and the cycle would continue. It was like they were taking turns on being nice one minute and uncooperative the next.
With the tension in the air and the know-it-all attitudes all around, my relationship with the father suffered. I grew fed up early on with relatives. I was already tired often, felt the emotional and financial strain, and the lack of support from the father was pissing me off on a regular basis. He behaved like a single man rather than a family man. It wasn't until almost a decade later that he finally got it and by that time we had divorced.
I also experienced post-partum that didn't last just a week, I was depressed, sad, and sometimes emotionally withdrawn from everyone on and off for about a year. The phone was irritating, the baby's crying drove me up the wall, the household tasks were mounting, and my bank account was draining. No one or book could prepare me for the years of challenges ahead raising a child.
That baby turned out to be a light that exposed the dysfunction back then among so many. A dysfunction that I didn't want to see. I got to see sides of relatives that I suspected existed, but having that baby amplified them. I didn't want him to experience what I had experienced growing up and worked hard to keep him away from any foolishness.
As he grew older, he had his own personal challenges and not always did we adults understand or was all that supportive. For me, I had to do much praying and trust God that He knew what he was doing.
When I relocated, against my own parents wishes, it was tough. We all had some growing up to do. I knew I had to be independent and learn some things about life on my own just as they did. I found that I could parent without needing a babysitter, relying on family materially and emotionally, and loving who I was as a mother without watchful eyes.
These days that child is now 20 years old--a grown man! He is living in a nice location, driving a 2017 Jeep, and carrying two jobs that he enjoys. He prays nightly and whenever I talk to him he motivates me to live my best life! He tells me, "Don't worry about me, I will be fine!"
When I looked back on how the baby rocked my world and those around me at the time, I also understand why. He was a gift. A child that would grow up to be one of the good ones. It isn't easy raising any child, but a child of God is something special.
So I encourage every parent who is expecting a child or has a newborn, think ahead--years ahead! What do you want for your child and for you? What type of influences do you want your child to be exposed to? Are you respected, loved and appreciated in your own family? Will you provide those things for your own child?
Imagine your child grown able to encourage and help you one day, it was motivating for me during some tough times. I had to walk out of the room, breathe and tell myself, "It won't always be like this." I picked up the phone and called those same people who had their share of issues with me getting pregnant in the first place. I gave them an opportunity to be a part of our lives and for a time they were. But I had, had enough and realized that I wanted more for my family that didn't involve pettiness and controlling behaviors.
Your baby is a gift, enjoy him or her while you still can.
Nicholl McGuire
