Good and Bad Childhoods

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Warning Signs Of Child Abuse

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Warning Signs Of Child Abuse: In the USA, over 900,000 children are victims of abuse & neglect every year. Child abuse is so common, yet shocking . Whether the abuse ...

The Past Hidden Truth - family history, secrets, ancestry

Caution - Keep Away from Toxic Influences

Whether you are a new mother or a veteran mother, there are those moms in this world that are unfortunately competitive, vulgar, prideful, and miserable.  Negative moms with little positive to say.  If you want to stay above water and be a beacon of light for your spouse and children, you will distance yourself away from them.  Busybodies have wrecked havoc on families.  Temperamental people keep atmospheres tense.  Liars can't be trusted.  You know these people and whether covertly or overtly they are systematically influencing you.

I thought of a toxic relative who had a terrible relationship with her daughter.  This woman was close to another relative and spent much time talking with her about her woes.  In time, I watched how the negative woman's influence changed the loved one.  She too was starting to complain about her daughters.  She too was saying mean and hurtful things during conversations with her kin.  Sometimes we underestimate the power of negative people and conversations and before long our family and friends take notice.  The husband complained of his wife's cursing after she would talk to the relative.  Her adult children recognized that hours on the phone with her gossiping relative was making her difficult to listen to.  Relationships were changing and the mother was too involved with outside influences to recognize the difference.

So as much as you are tempted to reconnect or maintain a toxic tie to someone negative just because that one holds a title like "best friend," especially with this upcoming school year ahead, think twice--people like this are trouble!  The school year is already long enough and when pessimistic people are attached to you, it only becomes longer! 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry now available at Barnes and Noble online.  She also owns and manages this blog.

10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with the Ex

Face Your Foe: 10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with th...: Tired of arguing with your ex?  Isn’t that the reason why you both couldn’t make it in your relationship anyway?  Why not, make up in your ...

Are They Truly Important?

Television can wait.
The computer can go into sleep mode.
Your laundry can sit there.
The phone can go into voicemail.

They are your children. 

You can only put them off for so long before they grow up and say,
"Remember when..."

Books by Nicholl McGuire

Unhappy Being a Parent? 10 Ways to Be at Peace with Parenting

You have often wished that you could do your life over again without the children.  The stress, money, tears, and fears of parenting have been a bit overwhelming in recent years and if you could take flight, you would.  How did it come to this?  Why do you resent it so much?  What will you have to do to be at peace with parenting, so that you can fulfill your destiny?  It is time to evaluate yourself, put the following tips in action, and later reap your rewards, are you ready for change?

Acceptance.  Now that you are a parent, you will have to accept this role for yourself.  It isn’t what you planned, but it happened.  If this is something you vehemently don’t want, then make the arrangements with the children’s father, mother, other family or an adoption agency to have them take the children off your hands.  If this suggestion seems a bit harsh, then getting rid of your children isn’t what you really want, but advice on how to parent is what you really need. 

Overcoming Bitterness/ Resentment.  If you find yourself complaining a great deal about being a parent, this is a clear sign you are still carrying bitterness and/or resentment about your role.  It is time to examine why you feel this way and what will it take to remove these feelings once and for all.

Making time for you.  Maybe you are bitter and resentful, because you are thinking of the personal time you once had before the family came, the dreams you planned, and the friends you use to have, etc.  Find out what you could do now that would put you at ease and help you reclaim who you are from time to time without compromising your role as mom or dad.

Understanding your role as a parent & understanding your children.  Make the time to educate yourself on what it means to be a parent.  Begin to read books about parenting.  Utilizing other’s ideas may help you raise your children without the burden of coming up with some unique plan.

Creating/communicating with your support system.  If you don’t have a support system, then create one.  Talk with the mothers who are walking their children at the park, speak with the grandmother watching her grandson who lives on your street or the nearby daycare provider.  These people may be a blessing to you when you are feeling overwhelmed.  Call or email a fellow parent who wouldn’t mind joining you in a vent session about the latest craziest thing your wild child did.

Employment/starting a business.  When one is not happy with work, some how that has a way of affecting how you interact with your family.  You may want to reconsider whether your current job is bringing in the kind of money that can fulfill your family’s needs.  You may be feeling guilty about being away from your family for long hours, consider starting a home business.

Saving & spending money.  The way you feel about money may also add to your resentment of being a parent.  As we all know it costs to raise children.  With a better budget, you may feel at peace about your spending and saving habits.  Research ways to help you develop spending and saving plans.

Planning for the future.  Do you want your children to resent having their own children in the future?  Be an example and show them love.  Prepare them for the future by raising them to be strong, civil human beings respectful of authority and caring of others.

Building a strong foundation with your mate.  There are many spouses who are having a hard time adjusting to their role of parent.  It makes it even harder to transition, when their mate is not supportive.  You may want to meet with your spouse to discuss how he or she is making you feel.  You may be overwhelmed with duties regarding the children and household responsibilities, ask your spouse for assistance.

Have a faith.  When you believe in a power higher than yourself; it helps with the feelings of loneliness.  Know that there is someone out there greater than you who cares.  Seek the all-powerful One for wisdom, peace, and patience about your situation.

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