Hello, lately I have been all over the Internet searching for the best places to buy everything from Sony ps 3 games to pajamas for the children, and the following is what I came up with...
Magic Kids & Company www.magickidsusa.com
If you aren't particular about names, although there are some bran name items, and are more interested in price and selection, then go to this site. What you will find is both boys and girls clothes from all categories from newborn to 8 years of age. I have paid as little as $2 for a quality sleeper for my baby and as much as $10 for a jump suit for my bigger boys. Now that is a steal! Also, if you are one of those folks who love flea markets (also known as swap meets) then may I suggest you start your own weekend business by purchasing a lot of clothes in advance and selling them to market-goers?
Amazon.com
Those gaming systems and video games to go along with them are too expensive in brick and mortar stores and the corny games (dare I say it) are what is on sale. Forget about them! Amazon has hundreds of private sellers like you and I selling new and pre-owned games, you might as well check for your titles there before anywhere else!
Walmart.com
Now you are just shopping the entire site for your goods --- no way! Go straight to the clearance rack online. Type in "clearance" and you will find a host of items on the clearance rack in all categories. Now let's say you don't see anything worthwhile on Monday, because most of the items were out of stock from the weekend, don't worry wait a day or two and come back, you just might get lucky!
Upromise.com
Now Upromise has a database that includes many of the on and offline retailers that you may be familiar. If you have an account with them, you might as well use it so that your children gain some money in their college savings account for what you bought.
Etoys.com
I was surprised! But I really liked there selection for toys and the prices were reasonable. They are also listed in Upromise as well as the other stores mentioned so as I said before you might as well gain some money back on your purchase.
Now stores I was very disappointed in this year were as follows:
Toys R Us because I noticed online that many of the toys I wanted I had to pay shipping, so they didn't make any money off of me this year. You either have free shipping or you don't!
Sears wasn't happy with their price on clothing and the selction of toys were not unique enough for my taste. Go to the brick and mortar store and you might do better on the clearance rack in the back!
JcPenny same thing as I said about Sears.
Target had a great selection of toys, many I hadn't seen offline, but $20 plus for many. I don't think so, not for a baby or a toddler who will just look at it and on to something else!
Gap had some very nice clothes for the young men, but was it just me...I don't know but I wasn't impressed with some of the styles and could we say free shipping?
Old Navy good for the teens and young adults not good for the little ones. They grow entirely too fast to pay more than $10 on anything!
Burlington Coat Factory's sister site for Babies what's it called again? Not happy with the older children's line of clothing, but for a newborn you might be pleasantly surprised.
Kmart you would do better going inside their brick and mortar store. I wasn't impressed with the price of the toys or the clothes online. You would do far better with children's clothes dealing with private sellers and wholesale companies.
Kb Toys saves their best toys and prices for their retail stores, so don't bother shopping online. I saw a significant price difference between what I saw on the Internet and in the store fliers, so if you can shop their brick and mortar store.
Just remember if you do any shopping online check using Upromise first and also consider Paypal for their buy now pay later system -- definitely useful for those items you simply forgot to buy for others!
Written by Nicholl McGuire http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label adopting children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adopting children. Show all posts
I Don't Always Like My Children
I don't know about you but there are those times that I dislike my children, more than I love them. I know this is a bold statement, but it is true and I believe in honesty not lies or half-truths. They can get on my nerves to no end!
The whining, the arguing, lying, yelling, and other out of control behavior that shows up when you least expect it. A good talk and a threat of violence doesn't consistently help matters, sometimes it makes things worse.
I guess just like adults, children get into their unexplainable mood swings where everything in their world is tough, terrible, depressing, and miserable, so we are the unfortunate ones that catch their wrath. I guess if you put yourself in their shoes, it can be a bit challenging. I mean when they are newborns, they can't lift their neck, roll over, raise their arms, or barely see, I guess that is a good enough reason to scream their head off. Then when they are able to do the basic things, they still have to face the challenges of raising up, rolling over, sitting without support, making sounds, and digesting new foods. Later, the other difficulties of cutting teeth, saying bye to parents, seeing new things and experiencing strange places while trying to get some control over their bodily functions...whew! These are plenty of reasons for them to want to snap on us on some days too!
I guess I can't complain too much, I think I like them again!
Written by: Nicholl McGuire
The whining, the arguing, lying, yelling, and other out of control behavior that shows up when you least expect it. A good talk and a threat of violence doesn't consistently help matters, sometimes it makes things worse.
I guess just like adults, children get into their unexplainable mood swings where everything in their world is tough, terrible, depressing, and miserable, so we are the unfortunate ones that catch their wrath. I guess if you put yourself in their shoes, it can be a bit challenging. I mean when they are newborns, they can't lift their neck, roll over, raise their arms, or barely see, I guess that is a good enough reason to scream their head off. Then when they are able to do the basic things, they still have to face the challenges of raising up, rolling over, sitting without support, making sounds, and digesting new foods. Later, the other difficulties of cutting teeth, saying bye to parents, seeing new things and experiencing strange places while trying to get some control over their bodily functions...whew! These are plenty of reasons for them to want to snap on us on some days too!
I guess I can't complain too much, I think I like them again!
Written by: Nicholl McGuire
Why Your Child Suddenly Doesn't Like School
So you are excited and nervous, next year your child will be going to Kindergarten! However, when you talked to him or her they tell you, "Mommy and Daddy I don't want to go to school!"
What happened? Wasn't it just a few months ago they said they wanted to go to school? The tips preceding this will help you find out why the change in attitude and what you need to do to get them excited again about school.
Did you change daycares or caretakers? Sometimes when you change the child's environment the people around them may not be enriching your child's mind or encouraging him or her when they make strides in their development. Is there a bigger child bullying him or her? Are their children making fun of them? Is he or she spending a lot of time playing alone? Find out what is going on at their pre-school.
Have you recently divorced or separated from the child's mother or father? If so, he or she may not want to go through another separation by being apart from you. Going to school may make them feel as if he or she is alone. Talk with your child's teacher about what you have noticed with your son or daughter. He or she may have some great ideas to help you with your child's behavior.
Are there negative images, people, places, or things around your child? Television, radio, and music can play a significant part in how a child views his or her world. Pay close attention whether what they are seeing or hearing is affecting their behavior.
Do they have a bedtime schedule? As crazy as it may seem, not getting enough sleep can make anyone's behavior distorted. He or she may have had bad dreams; for example, about other children, riding a school bus, or sitting in a classroom.
Have you recently had a new baby? Sibling jealousy is very real. Preschoolers can be envious of newborns. They may do or say negative things to get attention.
Has someone recently become ill or died? Depending on how close they were to the family member or friend, they may not want to attend school because they fear that you will leave them too.
Once you have determined why your child has had a change of heart about attending school, make a list of things you can do to make school fun again. Think of things you did or didn't do to promote education. Did you read to your child? Take them to fun places where other children were present? Did you let them visit a school? Show fun videotapes on going to school? When your child talks or hears about school, does your family say positive things about it?
Everyone will need to be a part of this intervention to get your child to like school again. Find workbooks, coloring books, and crafts that will promote early learning. Don't stop encouraging your child to want to learn, and interact with other children. However, if school is nearing and you have done everything consistently and got others involved to encourage your child, you may want to have he or she see a child therapist. They may be able to uncover some things happening with your child that you may have overlooked.
For more work by Nicholl McGuire, see http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com
What happened? Wasn't it just a few months ago they said they wanted to go to school? The tips preceding this will help you find out why the change in attitude and what you need to do to get them excited again about school.
Did you change daycares or caretakers? Sometimes when you change the child's environment the people around them may not be enriching your child's mind or encouraging him or her when they make strides in their development. Is there a bigger child bullying him or her? Are their children making fun of them? Is he or she spending a lot of time playing alone? Find out what is going on at their pre-school.
Have you recently divorced or separated from the child's mother or father? If so, he or she may not want to go through another separation by being apart from you. Going to school may make them feel as if he or she is alone. Talk with your child's teacher about what you have noticed with your son or daughter. He or she may have some great ideas to help you with your child's behavior.
Are there negative images, people, places, or things around your child? Television, radio, and music can play a significant part in how a child views his or her world. Pay close attention whether what they are seeing or hearing is affecting their behavior.
Do they have a bedtime schedule? As crazy as it may seem, not getting enough sleep can make anyone's behavior distorted. He or she may have had bad dreams; for example, about other children, riding a school bus, or sitting in a classroom.
Have you recently had a new baby? Sibling jealousy is very real. Preschoolers can be envious of newborns. They may do or say negative things to get attention.
Has someone recently become ill or died? Depending on how close they were to the family member or friend, they may not want to attend school because they fear that you will leave them too.
Once you have determined why your child has had a change of heart about attending school, make a list of things you can do to make school fun again. Think of things you did or didn't do to promote education. Did you read to your child? Take them to fun places where other children were present? Did you let them visit a school? Show fun videotapes on going to school? When your child talks or hears about school, does your family say positive things about it?
Everyone will need to be a part of this intervention to get your child to like school again. Find workbooks, coloring books, and crafts that will promote early learning. Don't stop encouraging your child to want to learn, and interact with other children. However, if school is nearing and you have done everything consistently and got others involved to encourage your child, you may want to have he or she see a child therapist. They may be able to uncover some things happening with your child that you may have overlooked.
For more work by Nicholl McGuire, see http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com
Financial Mistakes that Could Ruin Your Child's College Experience
Whether a child is the first to attend college in the family or the 41st, there is one major area in his or her life that will be dramatically affected by what parents say or do. This life experience involves how your child deals with his or her finances while attending college. Without effective parental planning, wisdom, patience, and most of all money, your child will most likely not complete college for reasons other than being unmotivated, distracted, or disinterested and they will have you to blame.
The following financial tips have been provided based on reasons why some people leave college and to help you evaluate what you have been saying or doing that may be causing more harm than good.
The worst mistake many parents do is send their children off to college without a college savings plan, sufficient grants and scholarships to help foot the bill, and no financial contribution from the family. Why encourage the child to go to a four-year university that you know you can't afford?
Parents will also make the mistake of not bothering to research other schooling that may be more affordable for all. Although college is a great choice it is not the only choice. There are trade and business schools that have programs that complete in months rather than years. Know where they are, how much they cost, programs offered, and whether your son and daughter would be willing to attend one of them. If he or she isn't paying for college, they may not have a choice.
Co-signing on loans has put a strain on many relationships between parents and children. Why allow them to take out loans knowing you nor they won't be able to pay even the minimum for a while. Deferring the loans also known as temporarily stopping payment until he or she can pay only allows the loan to accrue interest.
What about opening a credit card account for your child? If it isn't absolutely necessary, don't do it. Instead, purchase a debit card for him or her that gives you greater control over their finances until they show they are responsible. Although they can still open a credit card account on their own, be sure you remind them what will happen if they don't meet the payments each month. Talk to them about their credit report, credit score, and how it affects their future purchases. Show them how to use credit cards to build income like starting their own business, buying property or investing in mutual funds. When you encourage your child to use credit cards to pay for groceries, entertainment, rent, books, and transportation, you are teaching them that everything is an emergency no matter how small.
The time will come that you will grow tired of sending them money and will want them to get a job. If you want them to work while attending college, be prepared for them to reduce the amount of classes they take. It is rare for a college student to work a college work-study, a full time job, and carry a full time credit load, most often there just isn't enough time in the day to do it all. If you know that you don't have any intention of helping your child with their bills while attending college, then at least keep your eyes open for employers in your area hiring. Review his or her cover letter and resume while providing suggestions. Send them a book of stamps or offer to mail their resume to employers.
Withholding money to get your children to behave may have worked when he or she was a teenager, but for the young adult it can only aid in bitter feelings. Find another way to send a message that you want him or her to straighten up when they are failing classes such as being silent. Your silence will make them feel you are disappointed in them and they will either respect how you feel and see that they get their work done. You may want to reduce the money you send, but don't cut them off completely. You don't want them to blame you for not being able to purchase a book they needed for class.
When you haven't been the best example with your finances, you can't expect your children to do better than you. Rather be candid with the mistakes you made and show them what they are doing that is causing problems now and in the future with regard to their finances. Be a fortuneteller and provide them with a crystal ball of what their future holds.
Why do parents expect their children to acknowledge family holidays even though they know their children have no money? Don't put that kind of pressure on them when you know that you are barely giving them enough money to buy their personal products. Tell them you don't expect them to buy anything during holidays.
Parents will expect their children to use their financial aid money for their basic needs, rather than tell them to save it and use that to make future payments on their tuition and/or books. What's even worse, some parents expect children to send some of their financial aid money to them.
You busy college student will need for you to make the time to teach them how to manage their finances. Don't do this until you have your own financial situation together. Remember to seek professional advice for matters you don't understand.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
The following financial tips have been provided based on reasons why some people leave college and to help you evaluate what you have been saying or doing that may be causing more harm than good.
The worst mistake many parents do is send their children off to college without a college savings plan, sufficient grants and scholarships to help foot the bill, and no financial contribution from the family. Why encourage the child to go to a four-year university that you know you can't afford?
Parents will also make the mistake of not bothering to research other schooling that may be more affordable for all. Although college is a great choice it is not the only choice. There are trade and business schools that have programs that complete in months rather than years. Know where they are, how much they cost, programs offered, and whether your son and daughter would be willing to attend one of them. If he or she isn't paying for college, they may not have a choice.
Co-signing on loans has put a strain on many relationships between parents and children. Why allow them to take out loans knowing you nor they won't be able to pay even the minimum for a while. Deferring the loans also known as temporarily stopping payment until he or she can pay only allows the loan to accrue interest.
What about opening a credit card account for your child? If it isn't absolutely necessary, don't do it. Instead, purchase a debit card for him or her that gives you greater control over their finances until they show they are responsible. Although they can still open a credit card account on their own, be sure you remind them what will happen if they don't meet the payments each month. Talk to them about their credit report, credit score, and how it affects their future purchases. Show them how to use credit cards to build income like starting their own business, buying property or investing in mutual funds. When you encourage your child to use credit cards to pay for groceries, entertainment, rent, books, and transportation, you are teaching them that everything is an emergency no matter how small.
The time will come that you will grow tired of sending them money and will want them to get a job. If you want them to work while attending college, be prepared for them to reduce the amount of classes they take. It is rare for a college student to work a college work-study, a full time job, and carry a full time credit load, most often there just isn't enough time in the day to do it all. If you know that you don't have any intention of helping your child with their bills while attending college, then at least keep your eyes open for employers in your area hiring. Review his or her cover letter and resume while providing suggestions. Send them a book of stamps or offer to mail their resume to employers.
Withholding money to get your children to behave may have worked when he or she was a teenager, but for the young adult it can only aid in bitter feelings. Find another way to send a message that you want him or her to straighten up when they are failing classes such as being silent. Your silence will make them feel you are disappointed in them and they will either respect how you feel and see that they get their work done. You may want to reduce the money you send, but don't cut them off completely. You don't want them to blame you for not being able to purchase a book they needed for class.
When you haven't been the best example with your finances, you can't expect your children to do better than you. Rather be candid with the mistakes you made and show them what they are doing that is causing problems now and in the future with regard to their finances. Be a fortuneteller and provide them with a crystal ball of what their future holds.
Why do parents expect their children to acknowledge family holidays even though they know their children have no money? Don't put that kind of pressure on them when you know that you are barely giving them enough money to buy their personal products. Tell them you don't expect them to buy anything during holidays.
Parents will expect their children to use their financial aid money for their basic needs, rather than tell them to save it and use that to make future payments on their tuition and/or books. What's even worse, some parents expect children to send some of their financial aid money to them.
You busy college student will need for you to make the time to teach them how to manage their finances. Don't do this until you have your own financial situation together. Remember to seek professional advice for matters you don't understand.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
Tips Of Positive Parenting Skills - Parenting Guidelines For Single Mothers
Raising children as a single mother is a challenge. There are moments when you find that your life is in complete disarray and your house is in complete chaos. This is the time when you feel that you lack essential parenting tips as a single mother. It is better to have such arsenal at your disposal before you land in such a situation.
There are numerous ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. So to be successful as a single mother you should have a set of parenting tips for each group.
Material regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all "The Well Trained Mind" is a good choice for those who want to train their children early.
A number of websites and organizations are available to assist single mothers with parenting tips. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and single mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required information.
If you require some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. The moment you become angry and irritable, you lose your composure. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be successful always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.
Discover ways to get help from single parenting support group and resource on single mother support when you visit http://www.singleparentingfordummy.com, the online single parenting support resources for dummy
There are numerous ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. So to be successful as a single mother you should have a set of parenting tips for each group.
Material regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all "The Well Trained Mind" is a good choice for those who want to train their children early.
A number of websites and organizations are available to assist single mothers with parenting tips. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and single mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required information.
If you require some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. The moment you become angry and irritable, you lose your composure. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be successful always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.
Discover ways to get help from single parenting support group and resource on single mother support when you visit http://www.singleparentingfordummy.com, the online single parenting support resources for dummy
Sound Advice To Help You Save Now For Your Childs Education Using An Education IRA!
This investment retirement account (IRA) is useful to you as an investor to understand because it may be a good way for you to save for your kid’s education AND save on taxes. These plans are now called Coverdell Education Savings Accounts in honor of the late U.S. Sen. Paul Coverdell. Individuals can make annual contributions of up to $2,000 per child into an account that's exclusively for helping to pay higher education costs. The money contributed to a Coverdell account doesn't count against the $3,000 ($3,500 if 50 and older) annual total individuals may contribute to their combined personal individual IRAs.
The earnings and withdrawals from a Coverdell account are tax-free, but you can't deduct the contributions from your income tax because the account is for the benefit of the child, not the contributor. This is great for parents who are good savers and investors who want to make an annual tax-saving contribution that they can invest in the stock market toward the education of a studious and responsible child. In addition, if your child received a Coverdell ESA distribution, you now can also claim Hope Scholarship or Lifetime Learning credits. Just make sure you don't use Coverdell money to pay for the same expenses you use to claim an education credit.
The beneficiary (your child) of the education IRA must withdraw the funds by age 30 if they don’t go to college and pay taxes and penalties on it. However, the account can be transferred to a sibling or the beneficiary's child if they don’t pursue a higher academic degree or use it all.
Once you have the account open you can use the stock market to help finance your child’s education selling the stock at a high price after you have bought it at a low price using the techniques that I teach you in my course “The Blue-Collar Base Bonanza – What the insiders [definitely] don’t want you to know!”.
About the Author
Dr. Scott Brown, Ph.D., the Wallet Doctor, is a successful investor. Dr. Brown holds a Ph.D. in finance. The Wallet Doctor is sought after for investment advice and coaching. For more information visit Dr. Brown’s site at http://www.BonanzaBase.com or sign up for his investment tips at http://www.WalletDoctor.com
Child Sexual Abuse - Signs And Symptoms
Sexual abuse has affected millions of children throughout the world. Child sexual abuse is defined as: An adult using a child for sexual purposes. This can be in the form of child pornography, submitting children to look at pornography, fondling, touching, kissing, sodomy, exposing oneself to a child, rape, oral sex, intercourse, or having the child touch the adult. All children will react differently to this type of trauma. There is no one single identifiable sign or symptom that all children will have. They may have very subtle symptoms or they may have very pronounced symptoms. I have gathered a list of symptoms that children of sexual abuse are often seen to have.
Bedwetting (after being potty trained)
Waking up in the night screaming, nightmares or other sleeping problems
Showing an unusual fear of certain people, places or things
A reluctance to be with a certain person
Loss of appetite or trouble eating
Fear of the bathroom
Excessive crying
Mood changes, anger outbursts or withdrawal or fear
Becomes worried when clothing is removed
Wearing layers of clothing
Age inappropriate knowledge of sex
Imitating sexual acts with other children or toys, such as dolls
Withdrawing from activities they used to be involved in
Difficulty walking or sitting
Complains of pain with urination or bowel movement
Bleeding from the genital area or anus
Academic problems
Lowered self esteem
Symptoms of PTSD such as panic attacks
Somatic complaints
Regression of behavior
Having new words for private body parts
Excessive masturbation
These are all symptoms of child sexual abuse. One common feeling I have found in working with children and adolescents, is guilt. Children usually feel guilt over the abuse that occurred. It is important to remember that under no circumstance is a child ever responsible for what happened to them. It is crucial that “re- victimization” does not happen. Some ways a child can be re- victimized is by saying to the child:
“Uncle Joey, or Grandpa Bob would never do that to you, why are you lying?”
“It couldn’t of been that bad, or you would have told me sooner”
Child sexual abuse victims usually carry this trauma with them for the rest of their lives. Some children as they begin to get older will start using drugs, get into relationships with others who are abusive, see themselves as “damaged goods” and begin acting out sexually. Engage is self mutilation, such as cutting behaviors. Some children gain weight or don’t take care of themselves so they look “unattractive” to others.
There is hope. Finding the proper treatment for past trauma can be influential on how they cope with this as an adult. Rape crisis centers are usually available in most states. There is also a national rape crisis center. They are a full service agency that addresses prevention, education, crisis intervention, counseling and advocacy. They work with both children and adults. There is also a 24 hour hotline available at the national rape crisis center, for parents or victims of sexual abuse.
About the Author
Wendy McLellan is a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor, with more than sixteen years of experience. She has recently devoted time to the efforts of http://www.safecomputerkids.com in their goal to provide parental internet safety tools and resources to the public.
Bedwetting (after being potty trained)
Waking up in the night screaming, nightmares or other sleeping problems
Showing an unusual fear of certain people, places or things
A reluctance to be with a certain person
Loss of appetite or trouble eating
Fear of the bathroom
Excessive crying
Mood changes, anger outbursts or withdrawal or fear
Becomes worried when clothing is removed
Wearing layers of clothing
Age inappropriate knowledge of sex
Imitating sexual acts with other children or toys, such as dolls
Withdrawing from activities they used to be involved in
Difficulty walking or sitting
Complains of pain with urination or bowel movement
Bleeding from the genital area or anus
Academic problems
Lowered self esteem
Symptoms of PTSD such as panic attacks
Somatic complaints
Regression of behavior
Having new words for private body parts
Excessive masturbation
These are all symptoms of child sexual abuse. One common feeling I have found in working with children and adolescents, is guilt. Children usually feel guilt over the abuse that occurred. It is important to remember that under no circumstance is a child ever responsible for what happened to them. It is crucial that “re- victimization” does not happen. Some ways a child can be re- victimized is by saying to the child:
“Uncle Joey, or Grandpa Bob would never do that to you, why are you lying?”
“It couldn’t of been that bad, or you would have told me sooner”
Child sexual abuse victims usually carry this trauma with them for the rest of their lives. Some children as they begin to get older will start using drugs, get into relationships with others who are abusive, see themselves as “damaged goods” and begin acting out sexually. Engage is self mutilation, such as cutting behaviors. Some children gain weight or don’t take care of themselves so they look “unattractive” to others.
There is hope. Finding the proper treatment for past trauma can be influential on how they cope with this as an adult. Rape crisis centers are usually available in most states. There is also a national rape crisis center. They are a full service agency that addresses prevention, education, crisis intervention, counseling and advocacy. They work with both children and adults. There is also a 24 hour hotline available at the national rape crisis center, for parents or victims of sexual abuse.
About the Author
Wendy McLellan is a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor, with more than sixteen years of experience. She has recently devoted time to the efforts of http://www.safecomputerkids.com in their goal to provide parental internet safety tools and resources to the public.
Family Fun Activities: Why Family Entertainment Is Important For Your Family
Do you spend much time considering the issue of family entertainment? When parents compare notes and questions about parenting, the issue of entertainment rarely comes up. After all, how can family fun compare with such important issues as health, safety, values, nutrition, and education? But family fun is an important issue for parents for three reasons.
First, it is important to remember that family bonds are not born in the delivery room. Family bonds have to be forged and strengthened over time. Family fun is a great way to build family bonds by spending time together. While you cannot plan an activity specifically just to create a better relationship with your children you can improve your relationship through a family fun activity.
Second, the best way to teach your children something new or help them master a new skill is through fun. No one, and especially not kids, likes learning by listening to a boring lecture but if you can take your children to a location that allows you to teach them something about science, history, or the world then you will be increasing their knowledge based. Fun can be educational as well as entertaining. Remember, that there are all kinds of fun scientific concepts as well as world knowledge that can be learned outside of museums.
Family fun activities are also important for building those lasting memories of their childhood that children will carry into adulthood and out of your home. What stories do you want your children to be able to tell their children? What memories do you want your children to have? Happy childhood memories can help children with self esteem and overcome challenges in the future. Giving your children those happy childhood memories will help provide a solid foundation to become the people you want them to be as adults.
Spending time, energy and money focusing on family fun activities is a worthwhile activity for every parent because it helps strengthen family bonds, provides opportunities for learning, and creates lasting memories. Keep that in mind the next time you decide family entertainment is not a high priority.
About the Author
Deanna Mascle shares more Family Fun Activities and Family Entertainment Tips at http://familyfunforyou.com
Thirteen Things Adults Can Learn From Children
Children can teach adults a thing or two. If you just take a moment and observe a child's mannerisms, you will see some surprising things in their personalities that would make you wish, "Where did those days go when I was a kid?" Followed by childhood memories that made you smile. Whether it was your favorite toy, place to go, or the warm feeling you get when you smell a certain food or listen to a song, it's moments like those that you will cherish forever. Yet, what if you could learn from those moments through the children you watch interacting today? Make some adjustment to a life you may not be too happy with these days. What possibly could a child teach an adult? In this article you will find 13 things that you may want to add to your own personality and change the way you do things.
Smile even when everyone around you isn't. People can sometimes represent a mirror that you just don't want to view in public. Take a moment to look at the person walking past you; the grimace that is on their face may be reflective of the grimace that is on yours. A child's smile will make you smile back.
Say "Hi" to the people you come in contact with no matter what they look like or what mood they appear to be in. You don't have to look at someone to say, hello, although you should. However, sometimes a nice "Hi or Hello" can help the angriest person get out of an ugly mood. Children who are joyous don't care how ugly you may feel. When they are in a good mood, they want the world to know about it. So very young children will say, "Hi" and keep saying it until you say something and then they continue exercising their one or two word vocabulary "bye, bye!"
Be kind to nice people and ignore the mean ones. Sometimes children experience a negative feeling when certain people come around them and they will scream their heads off. Then when someone comes around they truly like, they will positively interact with them. When you know that you have attempted to be respectful to a mean person and they choose to grunt, swear, or ignore you, don't challenge them. Rather, look for a nice person and give them an extra dose of kindness.
Cry without shame. Sometimes the emotion is too great to keep in and children will let a tear fall in an unlikely place. When you feel as if you are busting out of your seams, take a moment out of your life and just let go. Whether you have happy or sad tears, let them go.
Laugh loud! Not only at what most people would laugh about, but even the things you find funny no matter how corny, gross, silly, etc.
Tell someone you trust about something new you had learned. For example, children will share their excitement about learning new things such as "I can say my ABCs and I know how to tie my shoe." Let someone know how proud you are of your accomplishments.
Show someone your pictures. Whether it was one you drew, photographed, or bought, show and tell never goes out of style. Even if your friends aren't impressed, so what! Do most children stop being creative because someone called their picture ugly?
Speak up when someone does or says something you don't like. Children will be direct about how they feel and sometimes demand that their needs are met. Don't always feel the need to hide how you feel. Since you have the advantage of knowing when is the right time to express how you feel about an issue, do it. Lying or sugarcoating your feelings will do more harm than good.
Protect your brother or sister. It isn't often that you will find someone who will show loyalty. In order to have a loyal relative or friend, you will have to first show that you are loyal. Like the little boy who stuck his hand out in front of his brother, when a stranger attempted to touch his little brother's hand, you may have to do the same one day for your brother or sister.
When you play...play hard. If you are going to bother to take a vacation, why not do it in style? Going out to eat? Enjoy the meal without cell phones. Going to the game? Yell, eat, drink and be merry! Attending a conference, meet and greet as many people as you can! Children know how to have a good time. Jumping, singing, dancing, yelling, playing games, you name it, they come to a party to have a good time.
It's okay to be a picky eater (sometimes.) You may not like a certain food or drink. Don't eat or drink it, because everyone else tells you it's good for you. Find something that is the equivalent to it. Children won't let anything touch their lips that they aren't sure of and you shouldn't either. "What is this stuff?"
Say, "I love you" to the people you care about. Children who are taught to say, "I love you." Will say it even when you don't deserve it. Don't let another day go by without sharing a little love with those you care about.
Always say, "Please" and "Thank you." Sometimes more than once, nice and loud so everyone around you can hear will do.
Although this article may have been a tad entertaining, the messages are serious. Do make an impact on yourself and someone you love by learning a few things from a child. Become a better you, by protecting, loving, and learning from the inner child within you.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
20 Ways You Can Lose Physical Custody of Your Children
What is really in the best interest of the children? When both parents have proven that they both can raise their children, the court will look at other things that will benefit the county the children currently reside in, find fault over small things to reach a decision, solely go with what the mediator has written in his or her report or it just depends on what kind of personal experience they have had (don't believe that all judges look at a case fairly and without prejudice.) Don't underestimate judges, many still make decisions based on Christian principles. You might want to brush up on the 10 Commandments before you submit your court paperwork.
The following points you may want to consider before you speak with your attorney and then prepare to ask he or she how do any of the following issues impact your case. People with a similar issue have made the following mistakes prior to getting their divorces granted:
Tell your ex and others, that may know your ex, about the new man/woman you are seeing. Parade around town with him or her months after filing for the divorce.
Become pregnant within a year after your divorce.
Relocate without the children even if it is temporary.
Take the children to another state without telling your former spouse.
Talk to his/her in-laws about your relationship.
Tell mutual friends about your intentions.
Forget to record phone calls or videotape moments that could damage the ex's opportunity to have the children.
Show up in court without an attorney.
Listen to bad advice, particularly from people who have not gone through what you went through.
No financial or mental support from church, family or friends.
No significant money saved in a savings account, stocks, mutual funds, CDs, or IRAs.
Children are not involved in any activities while in your care.
You are not involved in any nonprofit, civic or charitable organizations.
No driver's license.
Become unemployed.
Acquire new incidents on your police record.
Drink publicly.
Do drugs.
Have friends who participate in illegal activities.
Write or sign anything that could be used against you in court.
Be irresponsible such as miss doctor's appointments, take the children to dangerous places, have too many caretakers, etc.
Note: Although the following is not on the list it is just as important, choosing not to report instances of stalking, physical and/or mental abuse by your ex that could help your case. Also, making false accusations against your mate and later being found out. Lastly, establishing credit, abusing finances, taking money from your children's trust fund or savings account, etc. all in their names.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
The following points you may want to consider before you speak with your attorney and then prepare to ask he or she how do any of the following issues impact your case. People with a similar issue have made the following mistakes prior to getting their divorces granted:
Tell your ex and others, that may know your ex, about the new man/woman you are seeing. Parade around town with him or her months after filing for the divorce.
Become pregnant within a year after your divorce.
Relocate without the children even if it is temporary.
Take the children to another state without telling your former spouse.
Talk to his/her in-laws about your relationship.
Tell mutual friends about your intentions.
Forget to record phone calls or videotape moments that could damage the ex's opportunity to have the children.
Show up in court without an attorney.
Listen to bad advice, particularly from people who have not gone through what you went through.
No financial or mental support from church, family or friends.
No significant money saved in a savings account, stocks, mutual funds, CDs, or IRAs.
Children are not involved in any activities while in your care.
You are not involved in any nonprofit, civic or charitable organizations.
No driver's license.
Become unemployed.
Acquire new incidents on your police record.
Drink publicly.
Do drugs.
Have friends who participate in illegal activities.
Write or sign anything that could be used against you in court.
Be irresponsible such as miss doctor's appointments, take the children to dangerous places, have too many caretakers, etc.
Note: Although the following is not on the list it is just as important, choosing not to report instances of stalking, physical and/or mental abuse by your ex that could help your case. Also, making false accusations against your mate and later being found out. Lastly, establishing credit, abusing finances, taking money from your children's trust fund or savings account, etc. all in their names.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
Why Parents Secretly Favor One Child Over Another
Parents began favoring one child over another the day when the not-so favored child decided to go against the rules not once, not twice, but as many times as they could to get what they wanted, make a statement, or show parents when their wrong in their judgments. Controlling adults who become parents don't take to kindly to this behavior and will punish the child, at times, severely. The hardheaded, stubborn, strong-willed, defiant and many other words used to describe this challenging child was why secretly, parents gave up on the battles with him or her and began to favor the easy-going, obedient, and respectful child.
This is a sad truth! As much as parents say they love all their children the same, the reality is they don't. They love their children differently based on the personality that they have noticed within each of their children. John will receive tough love because he challenges authority and David will receive a gentler love because he doesn't put up a challenge. As both children become older, tasks are given to them and they are expected to follow instructions and make mom and dad proud. However, the child who prefers to question authority before he completes his task is met with a frown from defeated parents who have grown weary of John's "smart mouth, mess ups" etc. So he makes a decision not to even do the task - "Why bother, my parents don't expect me to do it right anyway?" However, the favored child completes the task and doesn't let the parents' attitude or his sibling's objections affect what needs to be done. Moments like these are repeated over time, with parents asking that the room be cleaned to taking out the trash and parents all the while are judging who is more responsible and ultimately who will win the prize once they are older whether it be college paid for, a trust fund, property left to them, their grandchildren (from the favored sibling) gifts and a host of other rewards. The favored child gets an increase of "brownie points," while the other child is labeled irresponsible and reminded about the past and all the times he or she failed at assigned tasks and didn't follow parent's orders. Could it have been the un-favored child just needed a little more instruction, attention or maybe a simple smile from mom or dad that said, "I have faith in you"?
Now that the children are adults, parents are observing each adult child's behavior closely, because they know the kind of adults their children have become will reflect on whether the parents enabled their successes or failures in life. The favored child has shown a consistent lifestyle with little, if any, fluctuation in it. He or she doesn't seem to waver too far from mom or dad (oftentimes they live in the same state), they seem to be around to help them in whatever way they can -sometimes without being asked. They aren't frivolous with their finances and seem to have stable relationships with everyone around them. Yet, the not so favored child is not coming around the parents often. In fact, they may have moved out of the state, against his or her parent's wishes. He or she may not have many stable relationships and enjoys spending money at times more than what the parents would have done when they were his or her age. The parents see their adult child as irresponsible in their eyes. Is the adult child really irresponsible or just different and the parents don't like it because they can't control them? The answer to this question lies with the person going through a similar experience. Even though the parents can remember times when they made similar mistakes, they usually won't admit them, because they want their children to do "as their told" and would like to appear in the best light possible.
The favored child is sold on the parent's self-righteous behavior and will continue to make his or herself "look good" in their parents' eyes or face scrutiny (which they don't want to do, because they or their children's children might miss out on some promised reward for being "the good child." ) The least favored child, who has this history of going against parent's wishes, has added more reasons to their parents' list of why they can't be trusted or favored. Whatever the reason, the parents are attempting to justify their unfair practices. Parents believe that irresponsibility is the ultimate reason why the favored child gets what he or she receives and the others don't. When in reality, the parent chose to not like one child over the other, because they used every negative experience as a means not to grow closer together, but further apart. What happened to the concept of looking at the glass half full instead of empty when it comes to raising children?
Why don't parents, utilize the least favored child's defiance, disobedience, and other negative behaviors to understand what needs to be done to steer them in a positive direction and work to achieve the results that will make them productive members of society. Embrace the challenges--embrace the child! In the end, whether parenting is criticized or not by the children, at least parents will know that they really did do the best they could and now it is up to their child to continue to be the best they can. Parents need to remember to watch playing favorites, because they will never know when the favored child will ultimately be the one who lets you down, while the un-favored child maybe the one in your corner.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
This is a sad truth! As much as parents say they love all their children the same, the reality is they don't. They love their children differently based on the personality that they have noticed within each of their children. John will receive tough love because he challenges authority and David will receive a gentler love because he doesn't put up a challenge. As both children become older, tasks are given to them and they are expected to follow instructions and make mom and dad proud. However, the child who prefers to question authority before he completes his task is met with a frown from defeated parents who have grown weary of John's "smart mouth, mess ups" etc. So he makes a decision not to even do the task - "Why bother, my parents don't expect me to do it right anyway?" However, the favored child completes the task and doesn't let the parents' attitude or his sibling's objections affect what needs to be done. Moments like these are repeated over time, with parents asking that the room be cleaned to taking out the trash and parents all the while are judging who is more responsible and ultimately who will win the prize once they are older whether it be college paid for, a trust fund, property left to them, their grandchildren (from the favored sibling) gifts and a host of other rewards. The favored child gets an increase of "brownie points," while the other child is labeled irresponsible and reminded about the past and all the times he or she failed at assigned tasks and didn't follow parent's orders. Could it have been the un-favored child just needed a little more instruction, attention or maybe a simple smile from mom or dad that said, "I have faith in you"?
Now that the children are adults, parents are observing each adult child's behavior closely, because they know the kind of adults their children have become will reflect on whether the parents enabled their successes or failures in life. The favored child has shown a consistent lifestyle with little, if any, fluctuation in it. He or she doesn't seem to waver too far from mom or dad (oftentimes they live in the same state), they seem to be around to help them in whatever way they can -sometimes without being asked. They aren't frivolous with their finances and seem to have stable relationships with everyone around them. Yet, the not so favored child is not coming around the parents often. In fact, they may have moved out of the state, against his or her parent's wishes. He or she may not have many stable relationships and enjoys spending money at times more than what the parents would have done when they were his or her age. The parents see their adult child as irresponsible in their eyes. Is the adult child really irresponsible or just different and the parents don't like it because they can't control them? The answer to this question lies with the person going through a similar experience. Even though the parents can remember times when they made similar mistakes, they usually won't admit them, because they want their children to do "as their told" and would like to appear in the best light possible.
The favored child is sold on the parent's self-righteous behavior and will continue to make his or herself "look good" in their parents' eyes or face scrutiny (which they don't want to do, because they or their children's children might miss out on some promised reward for being "the good child." ) The least favored child, who has this history of going against parent's wishes, has added more reasons to their parents' list of why they can't be trusted or favored. Whatever the reason, the parents are attempting to justify their unfair practices. Parents believe that irresponsibility is the ultimate reason why the favored child gets what he or she receives and the others don't. When in reality, the parent chose to not like one child over the other, because they used every negative experience as a means not to grow closer together, but further apart. What happened to the concept of looking at the glass half full instead of empty when it comes to raising children?
Why don't parents, utilize the least favored child's defiance, disobedience, and other negative behaviors to understand what needs to be done to steer them in a positive direction and work to achieve the results that will make them productive members of society. Embrace the challenges--embrace the child! In the end, whether parenting is criticized or not by the children, at least parents will know that they really did do the best they could and now it is up to their child to continue to be the best they can. Parents need to remember to watch playing favorites, because they will never know when the favored child will ultimately be the one who lets you down, while the un-favored child maybe the one in your corner.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
7 Tips on Keeping Your Child Safe from Touching Games
"Boys will be boys," so some, who like to excuse offensive behavior, will say. But being a boy doesn't excuse assault, harassment, and sexual advances toward girls. However, we hear the stories in the media of boys who felt that it was okay to touch girls and at times were severely punished because of it. So what happens when it is your child? Your daughter comes to you and tells you, "Mom (Dad) there was a boy at school who put his hands on my breast and touched my backside." How would you handle it?
I had been that nine year old in a new school where boys didn't see it as nothing more than a game to touch a girl's private parts. They would target something they wanted to feel and tell their friends. Then they would hit the unlucky girl and take off running. Later, they would tell their friends whether the girl was okay with it or not. I was the one who fought back. Word traveled fast that I was mean. "Don't touch her," I would hear them say. "She is mean." That's right at nine years old my mother taught me if a boy touched you inappropriately you fight and you tell your teacher and if she didn't do anything about it, my mother was going up to my school. However, some parents didn't teach their children. I would see some of these girls deliberately sticking their breasts out or behinds playing a game of "catch me if you can!" I remember feeling sick to my stomach and a fear at times going to school, because I knew that if too many boys circled me I was doomed, but I told myself I would fight as best I could. Thank God I never got caught in the circle, but I couldn't feel sorry for the ones who did get caught, because I saw them laughing and smiling while taunting and teasing the boys before it happened. Their parents hadn't taught them any better. By the time we reached high school these same girls were pregnant before they reached 18 and by the time we all reached 25 they had already 4 or more children. I also would have to mention that there was either a mother's boyfriend or no dad in these girl's households.
So here I was at nine years old living in a strict household and never being exposed to soft porn behavior until I went to school. So I hear, things haven't changed since the eighties, they have only gotten worse. Now I have an eight and nine year old and they have told me stories about girls who are trying to kiss them. They have seen and heard stories of both girls and boys playing games that would make your jaws drop! So I asked them "Where was your teacher? Where was your daycare provider, did you tell someone?" They would answer, "She was busy." or "I told her and she said okay." So it was then that I thought, "What should parents be doing to prepare their children for the 'if you show me yours, I will show you mine' games?" So the following is what I have come up with based on personal experience as a girl, a woman, and a mom with sons.
First, as soon as your child tells you something strange has happened to them and they are obviously looking uncomfortable or maybe they don't come right out and tell you, but ask questions such as "What is sex?" You need not act offended, angry or behave like an attorney. This is when your child needs you to listen to them like a friend, noticed I said like a friend, I didn't say be his or her friend. You need to ask follow up questions slowly. "Well how did it make you feel when you saw the boy (or girl) acting like that?" Then listen to how your child responds. Next, lead in with a story of your own that made you feel uncomfortable before you tell them what they ought to say or do. Explain to them how the situation was handled by your mom and dad and how you felt about it. Your child may not want you to do anything about what they have shared with you for fear or embarrassment. So you will want to make them feel at ease about what they have shared with you while assuring them that you don't want them to get in trouble or lose friends, then thank them for sharing. Also, reward them for telling the truth, but behind their backs you get down to the bottom of this mess. What is really going on at the school playgrounds, in the coat room, back of the class, dark hallway, the bedroom of the childcare provider, back yard or behind the couch?
Next, you need to take a serious look at their surroundings as listed previously. Are there places at the school or daycare that make you feel uncomfortable as a parent? Are too many children hanging out in the tunnels on the playground far too long? What about the big oak tree or under the sliding board? Some home daycare providers have far too many places for children to act mischievous. They can also have way too many cable channels that they are turning through to get to your child's favorite children's show and so your child could be exposed to shows by accident or on purpose. He or she may see something in between channel changes that they shouldn't be seeing (of course you may be guilty of this yourself.) Music videos and teen movies tend to have way too much kissing, touching, and sexual dancing. A little girl will want to emulate the women she sees moving and gyrating. They are tall, pretty, wear beautiful clothes and jewelry. Why wouldn't they want to be like them? When you see your daughter imitating their dance moves, praise should be the last thing that any parent should be doing, but if you do a quick search on YouTube.com you will see many parents doing just that. Then they wonder why their little angel is pregnant, abused, misused and the like by age 14, 15, 16. Boys will be boys so they say, but that is no excuse and girls will be girls, but teasing boys is not what any girl should be doing.
Third, know who your children admire. Many little girls and boys have a great deal of respect for older children. So when you entrust your child into the hands of an older child, be prepared for them to no longer want to act their age; instead, they will want to act like the big girl or big boy they know. When your young child is cared for by an older child who grew up way too fast themselves, you are putting your child at risk for acting in ways that are inappropriate. Then you will want to discipline them for behavior you could have prevented yourself.
Oftentimes children will not want to get anyone in trouble for fear they may lose friends, so if you notice your child isn't as talkative when you bring up certain subjects, doesn't want to hug you like they once did, and other signs they are withdrawing from you, you will want to find out what is causing this change in their behavior. Start a conversation with them and if they seem unresponsive, looking away, or responding to your questions with short answers, you know they have something to hide.
Fourth, at some point, you will want to take some time away from work and start reacquainting yourself with your child. Just like couples need time together to enhance their relationships, parents need to learn how to take some time away from work and spend it with their children. The weekend doesn't always provide enough time to find out what is really going on in their lives as well as enhance the parental bond. You will be surprised at what you will find out. I learned a lot when I sat down each day with my children in their environment (not my bedroom or office space I wanted them to feel comfortable) read a book or watched a movie with them, and took them to places. I will tell you that if you read the Bible with them, you will find some subjects that will stimulate conversations about violence, adultery, how men treat women, etc. I was fascinated at how much knowledge they already had about these issues in life. One of my sons at eight years old told me, one day while reading the Bible, he thought a man having more than one wife was wrong. I didn't tell him whether it was right or wrong he figured it out on his own and I agreed with him. Both sons thought that men fighting and killing one another was also wrong. Yet, when they have told me stories about what their friends have said their friends acted as if it was okay. Children pay attention more to what adults do than what they say. Now for some parents the Bible may not be something you would like to use, to each their own, but there are plenty of books out there that are age appropriate and discuss sensitive subject matter. Don't underestimate your children, because most likely they already know plenty and whether we want to face the truth or not, it may have already been your child, your neighbor's child or my child in the coat room, under the slide, or behind the oak tree.
Fifth, interview your child's teachers and daycare providers who are so busy that they are "unaware that this had happened" maybe they need a second set of eyes, rearrange the classroom, get a light bulb in the dark hallway or do something else to ensure that the children are not able to get away with playing these "touch" games. I remember times as a child when playground staff had been so busy socializing with one another that they didn't bother to pay attention to the two children holding hands or the long line of girls waiting to kiss a handsome boy.
Sixth, when an offense happens to your child make a stink about it! Document what happened as told to you by your child, make copies, meet with the administration, and if necessary file charges with the police. That's right file charges. There are parents who say they will handle the matter with their child and they don't and little sassy Sandy and fresh little Frank are still going around school thinking about who they can bother next. The key is to put a stop to this kind of behavior immediately and the only way you can do that is by sounding a loud alarm by embarrassing some folks, or as one mother told me, "Put the business out in the street!"
Lastly, when it is all said and done, you may have to transfer your child to a new school depending on how bad, how frequent, and how the administration chooses to handle or not handle the matter. Let's face it, some schools are simply better than others, and why should you have to keep your child in a school that is not doing the best it can to ensure your child is being educated about reading, writing and arithmetic rather than the birds and the bees on a daily basis.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
I had been that nine year old in a new school where boys didn't see it as nothing more than a game to touch a girl's private parts. They would target something they wanted to feel and tell their friends. Then they would hit the unlucky girl and take off running. Later, they would tell their friends whether the girl was okay with it or not. I was the one who fought back. Word traveled fast that I was mean. "Don't touch her," I would hear them say. "She is mean." That's right at nine years old my mother taught me if a boy touched you inappropriately you fight and you tell your teacher and if she didn't do anything about it, my mother was going up to my school. However, some parents didn't teach their children. I would see some of these girls deliberately sticking their breasts out or behinds playing a game of "catch me if you can!" I remember feeling sick to my stomach and a fear at times going to school, because I knew that if too many boys circled me I was doomed, but I told myself I would fight as best I could. Thank God I never got caught in the circle, but I couldn't feel sorry for the ones who did get caught, because I saw them laughing and smiling while taunting and teasing the boys before it happened. Their parents hadn't taught them any better. By the time we reached high school these same girls were pregnant before they reached 18 and by the time we all reached 25 they had already 4 or more children. I also would have to mention that there was either a mother's boyfriend or no dad in these girl's households.
So here I was at nine years old living in a strict household and never being exposed to soft porn behavior until I went to school. So I hear, things haven't changed since the eighties, they have only gotten worse. Now I have an eight and nine year old and they have told me stories about girls who are trying to kiss them. They have seen and heard stories of both girls and boys playing games that would make your jaws drop! So I asked them "Where was your teacher? Where was your daycare provider, did you tell someone?" They would answer, "She was busy." or "I told her and she said okay." So it was then that I thought, "What should parents be doing to prepare their children for the 'if you show me yours, I will show you mine' games?" So the following is what I have come up with based on personal experience as a girl, a woman, and a mom with sons.
First, as soon as your child tells you something strange has happened to them and they are obviously looking uncomfortable or maybe they don't come right out and tell you, but ask questions such as "What is sex?" You need not act offended, angry or behave like an attorney. This is when your child needs you to listen to them like a friend, noticed I said like a friend, I didn't say be his or her friend. You need to ask follow up questions slowly. "Well how did it make you feel when you saw the boy (or girl) acting like that?" Then listen to how your child responds. Next, lead in with a story of your own that made you feel uncomfortable before you tell them what they ought to say or do. Explain to them how the situation was handled by your mom and dad and how you felt about it. Your child may not want you to do anything about what they have shared with you for fear or embarrassment. So you will want to make them feel at ease about what they have shared with you while assuring them that you don't want them to get in trouble or lose friends, then thank them for sharing. Also, reward them for telling the truth, but behind their backs you get down to the bottom of this mess. What is really going on at the school playgrounds, in the coat room, back of the class, dark hallway, the bedroom of the childcare provider, back yard or behind the couch?
Next, you need to take a serious look at their surroundings as listed previously. Are there places at the school or daycare that make you feel uncomfortable as a parent? Are too many children hanging out in the tunnels on the playground far too long? What about the big oak tree or under the sliding board? Some home daycare providers have far too many places for children to act mischievous. They can also have way too many cable channels that they are turning through to get to your child's favorite children's show and so your child could be exposed to shows by accident or on purpose. He or she may see something in between channel changes that they shouldn't be seeing (of course you may be guilty of this yourself.) Music videos and teen movies tend to have way too much kissing, touching, and sexual dancing. A little girl will want to emulate the women she sees moving and gyrating. They are tall, pretty, wear beautiful clothes and jewelry. Why wouldn't they want to be like them? When you see your daughter imitating their dance moves, praise should be the last thing that any parent should be doing, but if you do a quick search on YouTube.com you will see many parents doing just that. Then they wonder why their little angel is pregnant, abused, misused and the like by age 14, 15, 16. Boys will be boys so they say, but that is no excuse and girls will be girls, but teasing boys is not what any girl should be doing.
Third, know who your children admire. Many little girls and boys have a great deal of respect for older children. So when you entrust your child into the hands of an older child, be prepared for them to no longer want to act their age; instead, they will want to act like the big girl or big boy they know. When your young child is cared for by an older child who grew up way too fast themselves, you are putting your child at risk for acting in ways that are inappropriate. Then you will want to discipline them for behavior you could have prevented yourself.
Oftentimes children will not want to get anyone in trouble for fear they may lose friends, so if you notice your child isn't as talkative when you bring up certain subjects, doesn't want to hug you like they once did, and other signs they are withdrawing from you, you will want to find out what is causing this change in their behavior. Start a conversation with them and if they seem unresponsive, looking away, or responding to your questions with short answers, you know they have something to hide.
Fourth, at some point, you will want to take some time away from work and start reacquainting yourself with your child. Just like couples need time together to enhance their relationships, parents need to learn how to take some time away from work and spend it with their children. The weekend doesn't always provide enough time to find out what is really going on in their lives as well as enhance the parental bond. You will be surprised at what you will find out. I learned a lot when I sat down each day with my children in their environment (not my bedroom or office space I wanted them to feel comfortable) read a book or watched a movie with them, and took them to places. I will tell you that if you read the Bible with them, you will find some subjects that will stimulate conversations about violence, adultery, how men treat women, etc. I was fascinated at how much knowledge they already had about these issues in life. One of my sons at eight years old told me, one day while reading the Bible, he thought a man having more than one wife was wrong. I didn't tell him whether it was right or wrong he figured it out on his own and I agreed with him. Both sons thought that men fighting and killing one another was also wrong. Yet, when they have told me stories about what their friends have said their friends acted as if it was okay. Children pay attention more to what adults do than what they say. Now for some parents the Bible may not be something you would like to use, to each their own, but there are plenty of books out there that are age appropriate and discuss sensitive subject matter. Don't underestimate your children, because most likely they already know plenty and whether we want to face the truth or not, it may have already been your child, your neighbor's child or my child in the coat room, under the slide, or behind the oak tree.
Fifth, interview your child's teachers and daycare providers who are so busy that they are "unaware that this had happened" maybe they need a second set of eyes, rearrange the classroom, get a light bulb in the dark hallway or do something else to ensure that the children are not able to get away with playing these "touch" games. I remember times as a child when playground staff had been so busy socializing with one another that they didn't bother to pay attention to the two children holding hands or the long line of girls waiting to kiss a handsome boy.
Sixth, when an offense happens to your child make a stink about it! Document what happened as told to you by your child, make copies, meet with the administration, and if necessary file charges with the police. That's right file charges. There are parents who say they will handle the matter with their child and they don't and little sassy Sandy and fresh little Frank are still going around school thinking about who they can bother next. The key is to put a stop to this kind of behavior immediately and the only way you can do that is by sounding a loud alarm by embarrassing some folks, or as one mother told me, "Put the business out in the street!"
Lastly, when it is all said and done, you may have to transfer your child to a new school depending on how bad, how frequent, and how the administration chooses to handle or not handle the matter. Let's face it, some schools are simply better than others, and why should you have to keep your child in a school that is not doing the best it can to ensure your child is being educated about reading, writing and arithmetic rather than the birds and the bees on a daily basis.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
Birth Certificates, Wills & Insurance Documents
Oftentimes parents fail to think about the future, they believe that they will stay in one location most of their children's lives, but as we all know relationships grow sour, unemployment occurs, death and many other life tragedies, so what happens to all of your keepsakes in the process? They are usually thrown away, misplaced, destroyed, etc. However, one company decided to make it easy for everyone to find their documents and most of all keep them in a safe place--online! Don't put this off, consider getting all your documents together and storing them online. For more information, just click the following banner 
Why Do We Want Children
Why do we want children? To answer this question from a deep spiritual level and not from some careless place of opinions influenced by the world around us, we want them, in fact some of us need them, because they are our legacy. Think about that for a moment.
Legacy is defined as something left to a person by will, inheritance or request. It is also defined as something that has come from an ancestor or predecessor or the past, according to the Webster’s New Ideal Dictionary. Now apply that definition to why we want children? We desire to have them because in everything we do to contribute to this world materially, it just isn’t enough for some people, to die and not leave a human life.
How awesome is this concept! It doesn’t matter to those who desire children to see them in the store crying out loud for a bottle, screaming to play with a toy in aisle four or running away from mom in a dangerous parking lot. People who truly love children and want to give back to a supernatural power that gave them life understand the significance. Of course, there are those individuals who want children for selfish reasons such as using them to accomplish dreams that they chose not to pursue, didn’t qualify for or simply failed at, a tax write-off, or to abuse or misuse because of some deep mental illness. Whatever the reason, children are meant to be here on planet earth to pick up where we left off. All are born and pre-programmed with a divine plan and it is up to parents to find out what their talents are and direct them on how to best utilize them to make the world a better place. However, when parents ignore their responsibilities by involving themselves with so much activity outside of raising their children, they fail them from the start. There are those exceptions; however, when children are given everything and still miss out on their divine calling. Once that has occurred, a parent can only focus on the fact that he or she did the best that they could. Parents should make themselves available to provide wisdom and support, when necessary, to get his or her adult child back on track.
As for those people who don’t and will never have children, there are so many ways that they can be a part of the legacy. They can assist another who has children by offering to care for them, provide for children whose parents can’t raise them, and support them by counseling or educating them. The sky is the limit! There is no commandment anywhere that states, “Thou must have children.” It doesn’t matter how one interprets the Bible or any other book, this is not a requirement and if it were, wouldn’t everyone be able to have children from their own bodies?
Children are our legacy -- an inheritance to this world. They are more powerful than money, real estate, businesses and cars. When children are carefully studied, anyone can see something within their self that is flawed and needs to be changed. Why do you think we get nervous around talkative children?
Children are a reminder of our innocence when we were young and provide us the answers on how to achieve that inner joy we once had. Why do you think we easily fall in love with a child’s laughter? They are our beginning and end, a glimpse of the history of our ancestors to arouse our own curiosity and a conclusion of what we could have been and seen if we would have been a little more adventurous.
Legacy is defined as something left to a person by will, inheritance or request. It is also defined as something that has come from an ancestor or predecessor or the past, according to the Webster’s New Ideal Dictionary. Now apply that definition to why we want children? We desire to have them because in everything we do to contribute to this world materially, it just isn’t enough for some people, to die and not leave a human life.
How awesome is this concept! It doesn’t matter to those who desire children to see them in the store crying out loud for a bottle, screaming to play with a toy in aisle four or running away from mom in a dangerous parking lot. People who truly love children and want to give back to a supernatural power that gave them life understand the significance. Of course, there are those individuals who want children for selfish reasons such as using them to accomplish dreams that they chose not to pursue, didn’t qualify for or simply failed at, a tax write-off, or to abuse or misuse because of some deep mental illness. Whatever the reason, children are meant to be here on planet earth to pick up where we left off. All are born and pre-programmed with a divine plan and it is up to parents to find out what their talents are and direct them on how to best utilize them to make the world a better place. However, when parents ignore their responsibilities by involving themselves with so much activity outside of raising their children, they fail them from the start. There are those exceptions; however, when children are given everything and still miss out on their divine calling. Once that has occurred, a parent can only focus on the fact that he or she did the best that they could. Parents should make themselves available to provide wisdom and support, when necessary, to get his or her adult child back on track.
As for those people who don’t and will never have children, there are so many ways that they can be a part of the legacy. They can assist another who has children by offering to care for them, provide for children whose parents can’t raise them, and support them by counseling or educating them. The sky is the limit! There is no commandment anywhere that states, “Thou must have children.” It doesn’t matter how one interprets the Bible or any other book, this is not a requirement and if it were, wouldn’t everyone be able to have children from their own bodies?
Children are our legacy -- an inheritance to this world. They are more powerful than money, real estate, businesses and cars. When children are carefully studied, anyone can see something within their self that is flawed and needs to be changed. Why do you think we get nervous around talkative children?
Children are a reminder of our innocence when we were young and provide us the answers on how to achieve that inner joy we once had. Why do you think we easily fall in love with a child’s laughter? They are our beginning and end, a glimpse of the history of our ancestors to arouse our own curiosity and a conclusion of what we could have been and seen if we would have been a little more adventurous.
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