Give Me Some Space Mommy, Daddy!

In a week's time, my older son had walked on his younger brother's back, hit him on his chest, pushed him, and had a tugging match with him for a toy.  His younger brother had kept accurate records and he was out for blood.  With arms flailing one day he gave his older brother enough slaps that he would never need a spanking for the rest of his life!  Sounds like abuse?  Well it was!  I had to have a talk with these two knuckleheads before they put me in the hospital with a stress-related illness.  I also had to evaluate what was I doing and not doing that kept the crazy behavior up.

I had been attentive.  We played games during winter break, spent time talking, and doing some constructive things.  We sang, prayed, and went places.  The boys got new toys and great meals.  So what was wrong?

When I disciplined Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, I told them what I was taking from their room.  That hurt far worse than any other form of discipline.  Oh they cried, fell down--acted like fools!  Little by little, I did just what I said until there was nothing more than a small bin, two beds, and two dressers, and one television in their shared room.  The IPhones and gaming systems were put on a shelf for a time until they earned them back.  It was quite easy to rid the children's room of many of their things since we were moving anyway soon after winter break, but even if we hadn't, the room was still going to be relatively bare.  Less stuff, less fuss.

Anyway, what were these boys thinking hitting each other like boxers?  They were in, what appeared to be, blind rages during their outbursts.  They were overwhelmed with pending change and needed an outlet.  So I encouraged them to separate from one another.  One would take some time alone in the backyard while the other had the room to himself.  Then when the other came in the home, the other would go out.  When both were in the house once again, I set one up on the computer while the other played a music instrument with ear phones on.  I rotated the two little monsters like chairs.  I didn't want to see my sons together in one room.  The only time they had spent any real time with one another was at the dinner table.  The next day I did the same as before, rotated them like playing a game of musical chairs, and the next more of the same and so on.  I must say that the winter break ended quite well.  Back to school, thank God!

Sometimes all it takes is space.  Everyone needs a little space.  "Go play in your room..." we say.  Well that isn't good enough.  Are you going in there too, Parent?  Most likely not.  So Jenny and Joan or Billy and Bobby are going to pound one another in one way or another whether verbally or physically as soon as you turn your back! 

The signs of being tired of one's sibling and parents are always there with children.  Sometimes we see them, other times we don't.  You know when they are tired of the family, when there is constant complaining about one or all members, yelling, fighting, crying, etc.  Throw in hunger, thirst, a lack of sleep, and your own tension and look out, your children will act up!

My two angels had turned into monsters practically overnight, but I could turn them back--at least somewhat.  I had been praying before, during, and after the commotion, I can tell you when God has given you common sense, you have got to use it! 

Sometimes we can become so busy, selfish, moody, or whatever else that is going on with us that we overlook the writing on the wall when it comes to raising sons and daughters.  Children need time apart periodically just like us with spouses, bosses, parents, friends, etc. before or after we have had a major dispute.  No adult interference, no sharing with a sibling, no nothing, but a simple room with not much in it but a favorite toy.  Is that too much to ask, mom, dad?

Nicholl McGuire

How to Tell Your Spouse You Need Time Away from the Children

You may be the parent who is always doing for the children while your partner is working, while he or she is away on business, and anything else he or she is doing. You organize and clean the household, you run errands, and you do other things to keep the house operating smoothly. However, lately you have been feeling burdened by the demands and all you want is an outlet -- a place to go and things to do that have nothing to do with children.

Well I have some suggestions based on things I have actually did before I had another nervous breakdown (That's right I had a nervous breakdown as a result of all of the stress managing the children and my business woes.)

First, meet with your partner being sure to specifically express how you feel. Second, communicate what you desire to do. General conversation just won't do. Someone who is logical wants the bottom line. "What do you want from me?" He or she will be thinking. What you will need to do is ask, not tell them what you need. "I was thinking would you be willing to ask your parents to assist with the children while I go out of town to XYZ?" You will then explain what you will be doing and why you must leave at said time. Will your selfish partner object at first? Yes. This is when you move into the next step. Third, reiterate why the needed free time is important to you and how long you will be gone. Lastly, be sure that you will protect your trip or anything else you desire to do. What I mean by that is you don't want him or her to sabotage your efforts in getting away. So buy the travel insurance, be sure you are dropping the children off rather than waiting on him or her, and make sure that you have the money to do what you want BEFORE you announce your trip. He or she will most likely make a stink about how you were already planning and you didn't care about what he or she thought, but for your own peace of mind, you do what you must!

I personally believe that the reason why so many parents end up committing suicide or murdering their children, co-workers etc. Is because selfish people never bothered to read the signs. They were too busy asking, "Well could you stay longer for me? Work later for me? Postpone return going to school for me? Watch the children just one more week for me? Buy this for me? Your answer should be, "No, no, no!"

Stand up for your mental health, because if you don't, no one else will!
Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com

Save Yourself Some Stress: Don't Take The Children

As mothers we get so wrapped up into our children that sometimes when we have the opportunity to go some where without them, we take them anyway. We need to stop that! Those little blessings of freedom to be alone are heaven sent! I know sometimes we are thinking that we should give our mate some time alone too especially those of us who are stay-at-home mothers, but the truth is he finds the time for himself. Whether he sits in the car alone during his lunchbreak, drives around town or shops alone without you and the children in tote, he makes sure he gets the time he needs to be alone; therefore, that is what we should do too!

I have the children's schedule on the fridge, I have leftovers placed in plain view in the fridge and everything is organized so that he can find it --which means if I need to leave I can. So as I write, I am thinking about the store I wanted to go in but I couldn't take the children into it because the stroller was too big and I am thinking about the restaurant I haven't visited in awhile and I am also thinking about going to the movies, the department store and the shoe store...you get my point! So I'm going to take advantage of my free time as soon as I can get it! Start making out your plan ladies and remember don't take the children!