What is a Tween? And Why You Should Be Concerned About Them
One of the hardest jobs you'll ever have is that of parent. You may not realize this now, if you don't have children, or if your children are infants, or if they're still under your wing where you can protect and nurture them. But the day will come when your child will walk out your door and leave you at home, wringing your hands, wondering if they will take all that you've taught them into that scary and quite often dangerous world of Tweens. It's always been our perception that teens are the most difficult to handle, that the teenage years are the hardest. But there is a new reality facing parents today and that is the Tween years. These are the years when they're growing out of their babyhood but have not reached Teen status yet. And parents, these are the truly important years.
These Tween years are the precursors of what is to come - the dreaded Teen years. These are the years where we absolutely have to lay the foundation for their future. This is the time to really begin the dialogue on sex, drugs and rock and roll. Ok, so we'll forget about the sex for the most part in this article and the rock and roll of another era seems to have been overtaken by some violent and graphic lyrics of rap, so we'll address that in a future article. For now, let's concentrate on drugs and addiction. The Tween years are when kids start hearing and learning about drugs. Notice I didn't say they start learning about addiction. No, they hear about drugs and depending on who they hear this information from, they may think that doing drugs is cool and that everybody is doing them. Unfortunately they may not be too far off the mark with that reasoning. But these same kids who are curious about drugs do not know the truly down side to doing drugs and that is Addiction with a capital A. For if our children were to really know exactly what addiction is, I doubt that they'd be so eager to start down this path. This is why it's critical for parents to first educate themselves, and then to educate their children. The famous slogan, "Just Say No" initiated by then First Lady, Nancy Reagan, has lost a lot of its impact over time and is only the beginning of what should be a serious, open, and honest discussion about drugs between parent and child. A better slogan to teach your children would be "Just Say Know." Know what drugs can do to you, Know what addiction is, Know how addiction affects not only your life but the lives of your family and friends. Know that you can say No to drugs. Education will be our salvation and we must all be educated on this important subject. We have to reach kids while they're still on the vine or in the tree, so to speak. We can't wait until that tomato ripens or the apple falls from the tree because then it's too late. Kids in the 5th and 6th grades are now acutely aware of drugs. Their innocence is being stripped away from them at younger and younger ages. The time for discussion about drugs and addiction is now!! Don't be a "Not in my family" parent. Just because your child has always been a delight and has not given you any trouble does not mean that trouble might not be looming on the horizon. The Addiction Monster is out there and he's waiting to grab your child and you'll find yourself in the fight of your life, trying to spare your child from his deadly grip.
Start speaking to your Tweens about drugs NOW. There is not a moment to waste. Parents of Tweens, don your suit of armor and grab your tools because, as Bette Davis famously said, "It's gonna be a bumpy ride."
Sheryl Letzgus McGinnis is the author of the book "I Am Your Disease (The Many Faces of Addiction)" published by Outskirts Press. You can read about, and purchase the book at Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as the author's website - http://www.iamyourdisease.com. Sheryl's two latest books are Slaying the Addiction Monster - An All-Inclusive Look into Drug Addiction in America Today and The Addiction Monster and the Square Cat. Both of these books will be available online at Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as the author's website in October of 2008. The Addiction Monster and the Square Cat is a wonderfully educational book for kids ages 10 and up and is told by the sassy but lovable family cat. It packs a powerful punch and speaks to kids in their own language.
I am a retired medical transcriptionist and radio DJ who also did voiceovers for TV. Married, with one living son, having lost my youngest son Scott, who was a paramedic and an RN to the disease of addiction. Happily married for 42 years to Jack, retired 8th grade science teacher. My oldest son Dale is a graduate student in Environmental Sciences and has his own band, New Gravity.
We live in Palm Bay, Florida. I am originally from Brisbane, Queensland, Australia and am a citizen of both Australia and the US. We are owned by one dog and four cats!
Parenting Teens: How To Connect With Your Teen (or Tween) And Guide Them - Even When You’re Screamin’ Busy!
What I’m about to help you understand about parenting teens has been one of the best ways to make the most of those fleeting moments with our teens. It’s how to recognize and capitalize on the opportunities to instill those things you know they need in order to grow into responsible adults.
We all battle with busy schedules … running here and there … a million things to do … work, gym, meetings, laundry, phone calls, pick up this, drop off that. Even our kids get over-scheduled with school, sports, social outings, projects, etc. It feels like we need to be everywhere and do everything all at one time. How can we make time for the one things that is probably our biggest priority – our children – without losing the pace that we must run to make life happen?
The answer is to make the most of what I call “Teaching Moments” with your kids.
A teaching moment is just that … a moment … or two … where you find yourself in the perfect situation with your child to say something that will deeply impact them because the lesson is “organic” or “occurs naturally.” Keep reading as I’ll explain both later in this article.
So take, for example, the other night, when I walked out of my son’s baseball practice and smelled marijuana. Most of us parents would do one of two things at that point:
1. Ignore it
Brush it off for any number of reasons (not enough time right then to discuss, the child is too young, it’s too deep of a subject for where we are, etc.)
2. Make the most of the teaching moment
Take a few moments – maybe 5 minutes - and ask our child if (s)he smells it too … and there creates the perfect opportunity for a teaching moment because it is unfolding as you both experience it together.
This space for a teaching moment is incredibly powerful because the lesson isn’t another dreaded lecture coming from you, or another family meeting or planned happening. In other words, it comes up organically!
I recognized a possibly teaching moment immediately that night my son and I smelled marijuana! I knew this was the perfect teaching environment to slip in a little lesson about drugs, to see where they’re at with their knowledge or experience with drugs, and to ask and answer questions about drugs.
These “organic” teaching moments provide a richer learning experience that they can relate to because they’re feeling and experiencing it. These moments have more potential to open up a free flow of back and forth discussion and questions. What could be better!
My son and I had to walk from the baseball field to the car ANYWAY – what’s different is something happened in the environment and I capitalized on the moment to talk about it all the way to the car! We had to walk to the car regardless. But now he learned a little something about drugs from me in the meantime or was able to say what was on his mind with fewer barriers to entry to the topic.
A teenager is less likely to think of what you say to him or her at this time (your lesson) as another lecture or demand because you didn’t cause it. You both just happened to be somewhere and something came up; or something happened. You’ve got to look for these moments because they create the perfect, non-threatening environment where you can more easily and naturally talk about marijuana (or whatever).
What you say will be more effective because you did not force the issue and you’re both on a sort of level playing field where you’re experiencing something together. In this environment, what you say or ask will be more welcomed because the exchange of conversation between you is merely observing an event, what someone else said or did, or other happening that could spur any number of subjects to talk about – and teaching moments.
These are ideal connecting and teaching moments because the conversations and lessons tale place in the very moment they happen. The key is to talk or ask a question or two right then and there – as something is happening.
A teaching moment could come up at any time … on the way to the store with the kids in the car, when the news is on, when you’re walking to and from places with your kids, waiting for their doctor or dentist appointment with them, etc. You just have to be on the lookout for these moments and then not waste them!
Don’t worry that there may be times when you’re lesson doesn’t go through. Just keep trying! Since these moments do not originate from you, they are less threatening. Eventually, some or all of your teaching moments will make a dent.
Try this because believe me, it works. If it doesn’t at first, try it at another time. I can almost guarantee you that at one time or another, your child will let go and jump in with you. And then you can do your job as a parent and guide them into the adult you want them to grow into – one teaching moment at a time.
By: Paul L Hagen
To learn more, go to www.itsabouttime.com
Disrespectful and Rebellious Teens
Back talk when your teenager rudely tells you that you are a tyrant or an idiot has to be one of the hardest things for parents to deal with. Respect for parents is highly valued in every culture. Ways of showing respect differ from family to family. Some require prompt obedience without any protest; others are more relaxed. But disrespectful behavior is a tough challenge regardless of the specific form it takes.
We have found that children that have Defiance Disorder are very confrontational and need to have life their own way. It is a trait that some teens experience through their puberty years. Defiant teens, disrespectful teens, angry teens and rebellious teens can affect the entire family.
You will find yourself wondering what you ever did to deserve the way your child is treating you. It is very sad, yet very real. Please know that many families are experiencing this feeling of destruction within their home. Many wonder "why" and unfortunately each child is different with a variety of issues they are dealing with. Once a child is placed into proper treatment, the healing process can begin.
Their bodies and ideas are often equally awkward and unfinished but their struggle to master both is fascinating. Negotiating their transition from childhood to adulthood means that we are all making adjustments. As is always the case, this stage of my children's development is making me continue my own growth in the ways I manage human relationships.
To get to self-direction, there are a few universal explanations for every one of the situations that follow.
First, our children need to understand and agree and the consequence for breaking it. Only when they come to agree with our rules, through their own internal dialogue, will they become self-directed.
Second, sometimes parenting strategy leads some problems. Are you over-controlling or over-protective? Either trait can elicit an externally directed response, as your children react to an unhealthy situation.
Third, remember for all these parenting challenges how important it is for you as parents, to model the right behavior. If you're expecting your children to act one way and you act another, then the system falls down.
Parents of teenagers describe the teen years as a time of change, fear, rebellion, moodiness, disrespect, and frustration. But they also say it can be a time of fun, growth, adventure, sharing, understanding, and learning. Research shows that one of the best things you can do for your teen is simply to be there for them. An effective way to work with defiant teens is through anger and stress management classes. If you have a local therapist, ask them if they offer these classes. Most will have them along with support groups and other beneficial classes.
If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School or in time, you will find the ways to overcome your phobia. If you have trouble, talk to a professional who can give you additional insights on your situation. Just log on the following websites: free to go:
http://www.abundantlifeacademy.com
http://www.troubledteenministries.com/
http://www.restoretroubledteens.com/ Abundant life academy, It is a school for troubled teens that have a great deal of academic potential and a good heart, yet they are currently off track, lost, and wandering in the desert (selfish, ungrateful, disrespect and lazy) in need of immediate infusion of God's precious Spirit and a restored relationship with Jesus Christ (selfless, thankful, and motivated to excel). Restore Troubled Teens are worked for teens based on teens suicide, teens violence, adolescence, etc.
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