Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
The Parenting Struggle is Real But You're Not Alone
Raising children isn't easy and anyone who says that it is, they aren't doing as much as they should for their children. When we think of all that goes into parenting boys and girls, it is overwhelming. From their basic needs being met to their wants, we are cautioning, encouraging, saving, hoping, praying and more. Good parents want what is best for children which includes saying "No" sometimes.
When I put together the following audios and videos, I thought about a parent struggling like I once was trying to figure out what was most important in a child's life besides toys. I also had to discover how to parent them effectively based on their personalities, interests, and bodily strength. As they grew up, I didn't want them to remain in a time where they were stagnant. I knew that they were curious about a lot of things and wanted to do more than just sit in a room and play. So I sat down and had meetings with them talking about all sorts of things and asking them questions about their likes, dislikes, fears, worries, and other thoughts.
1. How are you today? Are you happy, sad, or mad?
2. What did your teacher talk to you about ____________________________(fill in the blank with child's interest, ongoing problem, etc.)
3. What was the best part of your day? (Provide examples).
4. What would you like to eat? (List some options).
5. What don't you like to eat? (Mention things you already know, but there maybe some new ones).
6. What fun thing did you do at ______________________________(fill in the blank with the relative's title, name of friend...)?
7. Did you go to _________________________ (fill in the blank with the place visited)?
8. That sounds like fun. What did you see? What did you hear? What did you smell?
9. Would you like to come with me and help out with_____________________? If you help, _____________ (fill in the blank with a good thing they will receive, get to do...)
10. Why did you ___________________________ (fill in the blank with the negative thing they did, express how you feel about it). You will not be able to__________________(fill in the blank with te consequence of their action).
NOTE: When they do something great they are praised with a smile and warm hug. "Great job! I knew you could do it. Wonderful! That is so nice, let me give you______________. Keep up the good work."
What I did above for years helped them emotionally. They were eager to help out and wanted to learn more. Now that they are a tween and teen, the struggle is real, but I keep pressing forward. I don't care about their negative attitude about doing chores or why they feel they shouldn't have to do A, B,C. The discussion is limited, things need to get done. When they're not I remove cords from electronics and other privileges are revoked until I get results. One son had to look at an almost empty room for almost 48 hours after disputing about what he didn't want to do. He did what he was asked then told what to do, but there wasn't much left of his room afterward.
The little boys seen in some of my videos have grown up in front of cameras and are now embracing all that comes with being a teen and tween. They have been great inspirations and I have learned much about being a parent with every challenge they have presented before me. I sincerely hope that the advice and challenges I share on the recordings will help you in your quest to be the best parent you can be! There are also some visuals that might inspire as well, enjoy! God bless :)
Walking on Egg Shells When It Comes to Parenting Your Children the Right Way
Walking on Egg Shells When It Comes to Parenting Your Children the Right Way: Motherhood blog based on book entitled, When Mothers Cry by self-published author Nicholl McGuire. Parenting, relationship, women issues discussed.
Handling Conflict with Your Children
Problems between children will come and go; the key is
trying to lessen the problems and make them go away faster. How does a parent resolve conflict with their
children and still come out looking positive in their child’s eyes? The following suggestions have been tried by
parents and will hopefully help you in your quest to find peace in your home.
Arguing between one another. Voices are raised and you know that if you
don’t intervene at some point, someone is going to get hurt, stop what you are
doing and stand nearby to listen. Walk
in on the argument only if you know it may lead to bloodshed. Once you are in the room, don’t ask about who
started anything; instead take one child out of the room, talk with them separately
then the next. Compare stories and then
form a judgment. After you have rendered
the necessary punishment, allow the children space apart. Put children in separate rooms with a few of
their favorite toys. Believe it or not,
but children need their personal time too.
Physical fighting between siblings. You already hear the fighting, go in and stop
it by physically separating both parties.
Once everyone is calmed down, then talk with each separately to find out
what happened and discipline accordingly.
As mentioned above, give them their personal time. Don’t use their moment of freedom as
punishment; instead, explain to them how the personal time benefits them.
Making public scenes.
Your beautiful daughter or handsome son has just decided to let the
world know how much you have angered them.
Don’t react negatively out in public that is what they want. Instead, react as calmly as possible, then
once you are home, handle it in the way you deem fit.
Stealing. You
just found out that your child has stolen something. When confronting your son or daughter, don’t
be surprised if he or she denies what was done.
Take some of their favorite things away for a time, later ask them how
does that make he or she feel? Maybe the child will confess, but then again
maybe not.
Lying. Not
sure whether he or she is lying? Assume you
already know that your children are lying and provide details as if you know
what you are talking about. For
instance, I already know you took XYZ because you left behind crumbs on the
kitchen counter. Pay attention to their
mannerisms if you know your kids well, you will know whether they are telling
the truth. If you can’t tell, accuse
them of something you know they didn’t do and watch their reaction. Compare the two reactions that will help you
learn how to tell when they are lying or being truthful.
Crying. A
child will not stop crying when you are continuously saying to them to stop it
or be quiet. However, they will begin to
tone it down if you distract them with a toy, television, food, a walk outside
or car ride. Don’t make a big deal of
any emotional situation and they will grow not to make a big deal of it
either. For instance, if your child
falls down, don’t yell and run over in panic, this will only make him or her
think that the situation is worse than it is and now you will have to spend a
longer amount of time to get him or her to calm down.
Sneaky behavior.
Children who realize they will get in trouble for negative behaviors
will do just about anything to avoid punishment, including placing blame on
someone else, hiding the broken keepsake then lying about it, trying to fix the
mishap while making matters worse, etc.
As a parent your job is to find out about the sneaky behavior and
discipline both effectively and immediately.
If it means taking privileges away, treasured gifts, cutting off their
social life for a time and other things that mean so much to them.
Playing adults against one another. You may have already experienced this, but if
you haven’t you are in for a surprise.
You tell your child “no” to something and then they go and ask another
adult who may or may not be aware of your objection and that adult says, “yes”
to your child. You tell this adult about
the conversation you had with the child and he or she downplays your objection
with “Oh I didn’t know you told him no, so what’s the big deal anyway?” Now you are upset and proceed to explain to
them why it is such a big deal. The two
of you begin to argue. You have just
been played! Set the ground rules with
your child from the beginning as well as the consequences if they should break
the rules. Then, communicate with the adults they will be in contact with about
your rules, hopefully before your child gets to them.
The favoritism accusation. If you have been accused of favoring one
child over the other, then chances are, you have. The bigger cookie, more toys, more clothes,
more money and whatever more you gave to the other. You may have done it unknowingly; however,
now you will have to watch how big you cut that piece of cake. Now if there is an age difference between the
two, then you can always explain to your youngest child that their brother or
sister is older, bigger or did well on their test or with their chores and that
when they are bigger, older, wiser, etc. they will get more too.
The famous “I hate you!” statement. This statement comes from the deepest part of
your child’s soul, don’t dismiss this statement, but the truth is that in that
moment he or she means it. You violated
him or her in the worse way when you told them “no”—I know big deal, right? But
it was something that your son or daughter really wanted to do, even if it meant
that you were saving his or her life.
Your well- meaning efforts don’t matter and the only way you will get on
their “good side” is to give in to their demands. Now why would you do that? If you choose to do this, you might as well
send your child out with the wolves. Remember there are many things children will
get over especially when you are protecting them as well as explaining your
reasons. Maybe next time if your child
demonstrates a little self-control and respect, you just might let him or her
have their way—and oh what a lesson to be learned!
To your success!
Nicholl McGuire
When Life Throws You a (Parenting) Curve Ball
I have heard my share of negative stories from parents about their children. They talked as if they weren't responsible for anything concerning their children's behaviors. Broken relationships, dysfunctional parenting, and lots of blame. "I just don't know why my daughter acts like that...I can't believe my son did such a thing...My kids are just like their no-good daddy...I can't stand my children's mother!"
Life threw these parents unexpected curve balls and rather than work to catch them, they dropped their balls giving the devil an easy run to home base. As effective parents we fight for what is right concerning our children, we go after those dropped balls and work to get that devil out! Ineffective parents don't care and most often look for excuses to get out of playing the game.
When one lays down with another and procreates he or she doesn't think too deeply prior to the love-making just how much his or her life might be affected if one becomes pregnant. Before long, a newborn is being held in the arms of parents he or she trusts wholeheartedly that his or her emotional and physical needs might be met. Yet, sometimes things happen, unexpected things that leave us heartbroken and stressed to the point that we feel like we are going to snap! We don't anticipate family illnesses, job losses, major expenses, disabilities, depression, break-ups, death, or much else. All we choose to see is what we deem is beautiful, sweet, nice, and doesn't inconvenience us too much--oh that sweet little baby. Then here comes yet another trial to throw us out of those blissful times that never seem to last as long as those troubling ones.
Parenting isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be too difficult. Sometimes we manufacture our own challenges and downfalls simply by not being present, pro-active, and daring when it comes to raising children. For instance, we receive a phone call about our children misbehaving at school and the issues need our immediate attention. The bad news breaks our routine of having an ordinarily peaceful lunch at work. It is at that moment the voice on the other end of the phone is waiting to see what we might do. Leave a job, discipline the child in-person or via phone, or hurriedly excuse ourselves from the call, remain at work and wish the problem away.
Before children, we were primarily concerned about ourselves and when things suddenly happened we dealt with them without thinking too much. But isn't it interesting how much we ponder once we have children and whether what they say or do is worth acting upon, "How much is it going to cost to fix, and what more might I have to do if I should say yes to something I am not completely convinced about?" We carefully manage situations, talk with others (or vent) about our parental concerns, and other times we wonder, "Now why would the Creator of the universe pick me to be a parent?"
Nicholl
Life threw these parents unexpected curve balls and rather than work to catch them, they dropped their balls giving the devil an easy run to home base. As effective parents we fight for what is right concerning our children, we go after those dropped balls and work to get that devil out! Ineffective parents don't care and most often look for excuses to get out of playing the game.
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| http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com |
Parenting isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be too difficult. Sometimes we manufacture our own challenges and downfalls simply by not being present, pro-active, and daring when it comes to raising children. For instance, we receive a phone call about our children misbehaving at school and the issues need our immediate attention. The bad news breaks our routine of having an ordinarily peaceful lunch at work. It is at that moment the voice on the other end of the phone is waiting to see what we might do. Leave a job, discipline the child in-person or via phone, or hurriedly excuse ourselves from the call, remain at work and wish the problem away.
Before children, we were primarily concerned about ourselves and when things suddenly happened we dealt with them without thinking too much. But isn't it interesting how much we ponder once we have children and whether what they say or do is worth acting upon, "How much is it going to cost to fix, and what more might I have to do if I should say yes to something I am not completely convinced about?" We carefully manage situations, talk with others (or vent) about our parental concerns, and other times we wonder, "Now why would the Creator of the universe pick me to be a parent?"
Nicholl
We Know There is Something Wrong But We Keep on Living Anyway
You hoped your child didn't end up acting just like the part of you, you simply don't like. That one a parent never understood, was often impatient with and couldn't wait for him/her to grow up and get away.
They said, "You're crazy!" and now your child is experiencing the same.
You know deep within there are some things that aren't right within, but they aren't so dysfunctional that you can't go about your daily living. However, your child might be quite a different story.
At first, we don't want to believe that our children have "issues." We want them to reason, play, behave, and do all the things that "normal" children do. But when they behave bizarrely the reminder shows up, "My child is different..." We know, but we just don't like to face the facts and we definitely don't want others pointing out our children's weaknesses either!
To think of an awesome and perfect God that many believers speak of and associate Him to our child's suffering provides mixed emotions on the existence of a righteous being. We question how and why when we are still trying to cope with what went wrong. We talk ourselves in either believing or not in a perfect God with an imperfect creation. We make excuses for our hardships. We gravitate to others with similar woes. We hope, pray, visit doctors, read books, obtain prescription medicines, herbal remedies, or do nothing.
And so the fact still remains, something is wrong, but we keep on living anyway.
Nicholl McGuire
They said, "You're crazy!" and now your child is experiencing the same.
You know deep within there are some things that aren't right within, but they aren't so dysfunctional that you can't go about your daily living. However, your child might be quite a different story.
At first, we don't want to believe that our children have "issues." We want them to reason, play, behave, and do all the things that "normal" children do. But when they behave bizarrely the reminder shows up, "My child is different..." We know, but we just don't like to face the facts and we definitely don't want others pointing out our children's weaknesses either!
To think of an awesome and perfect God that many believers speak of and associate Him to our child's suffering provides mixed emotions on the existence of a righteous being. We question how and why when we are still trying to cope with what went wrong. We talk ourselves in either believing or not in a perfect God with an imperfect creation. We make excuses for our hardships. We gravitate to others with similar woes. We hope, pray, visit doctors, read books, obtain prescription medicines, herbal remedies, or do nothing.
And so the fact still remains, something is wrong, but we keep on living anyway.
Nicholl McGuire
When the Children are Away...
You may be one of the blessed who have a strong support system around you that you can rely on for things like: babysitting, gifts for children, special event attendance, party planning, etc. but there are many parents that don't have those circles. For many reasons, parents are usually taking turns watching, care-taking, and supporting children. One is busily working while the other is tending to children. One is in need of a break while the other is driving children to one appointment after the next. But when the opportunity comes that children are away, what are you doing?
When children are away, here are some ideas to keep you and your partner close rather than apart:
1. Discuss plans on what to do when children return. Re-work anything you both may or may not be doing to bring peace to the home.
2. Take some time to do the things you really wanted to do in and around your residence. Whether tasks are big or small, take advantage of that 1 to 24 hours that children are away and get as much done as possible.
3. Maybe you don't have anything individually that must be tended to, then why not have that date night you have been talking about?
4. Breathe. There is nothing wrong with doing nothing while children are away.
5. Pray. Chances are you haven't spent any quality time with the Lord in a long time. Drag those prayers out. Read the Bible or fellowship with Christian friends.
6. Lastly, enjoy yourself by tending to personal needs (without a partner) from pampering yourself to shopping. Sometimes time together isn't what you need, but some space away from it all.
Although moments away from children don't come often, when they do come, embrace them and appreciate those who help you gain that much needed quality time!
Nicholl McGuire
When children are away, here are some ideas to keep you and your partner close rather than apart:
1. Discuss plans on what to do when children return. Re-work anything you both may or may not be doing to bring peace to the home.
2. Take some time to do the things you really wanted to do in and around your residence. Whether tasks are big or small, take advantage of that 1 to 24 hours that children are away and get as much done as possible.
3. Maybe you don't have anything individually that must be tended to, then why not have that date night you have been talking about?
4. Breathe. There is nothing wrong with doing nothing while children are away.
5. Pray. Chances are you haven't spent any quality time with the Lord in a long time. Drag those prayers out. Read the Bible or fellowship with Christian friends.
6. Lastly, enjoy yourself by tending to personal needs (without a partner) from pampering yourself to shopping. Sometimes time together isn't what you need, but some space away from it all.
Although moments away from children don't come often, when they do come, embrace them and appreciate those who help you gain that much needed quality time!
Nicholl McGuire
Charting Your Child's Progress Doesn't Stop
When you are a new parent, you are provided with various tips and free calendars to help with charting your baby's progress You watch his or her reach milestones and you are pleased with each accomplishment. But tracking your child's progress really doesn't stop after baby and toddler years. From the school testing him or her on skills to relatives watching your child's manners, he or she is still growing and developing right in front of your eyes and these achievements are worth noting.
You can stay one step ahead by video taping the things that he or she does. We aren't talking about the typical, "Hi...say your name, what are you doing?" kind of videos. But those where you are watching the child create, imagine, interview, build, and engage with others and use equipment. These detailed videos go a long way. If something should occur in the future where you might need those images, your child's actions or in-actions in the videos will tell not just his or her story but yours as well.
Consider this, a couple divorces and there are some issues that arise about the child's environment, well-being, etc. If each visit is documented, it will be hard to prove that the child is in a bad atmosphere, has nothing to play with and isn't well fed, or in clean clothes. Show off the child's environment, what they do, how they feel etc. let the video do the talking without you prompting the child to say this or do that.
When it comes to education, it is always good to show your child's progress at home. There are numerous games that will help parent's track quizzes and tests after a game is played. You can also sit down and journal what your child is saying about his or her day and compare some of what he or she says to what the teacher says during the parent child conference.
It is always fun to discover more about your child. Time goes by so quickly, before you know it, he or she will be videotaping their own children's progress.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
You can stay one step ahead by video taping the things that he or she does. We aren't talking about the typical, "Hi...say your name, what are you doing?" kind of videos. But those where you are watching the child create, imagine, interview, build, and engage with others and use equipment. These detailed videos go a long way. If something should occur in the future where you might need those images, your child's actions or in-actions in the videos will tell not just his or her story but yours as well.
Consider this, a couple divorces and there are some issues that arise about the child's environment, well-being, etc. If each visit is documented, it will be hard to prove that the child is in a bad atmosphere, has nothing to play with and isn't well fed, or in clean clothes. Show off the child's environment, what they do, how they feel etc. let the video do the talking without you prompting the child to say this or do that.
When it comes to education, it is always good to show your child's progress at home. There are numerous games that will help parent's track quizzes and tests after a game is played. You can also sit down and journal what your child is saying about his or her day and compare some of what he or she says to what the teacher says during the parent child conference.
It is always fun to discover more about your child. Time goes by so quickly, before you know it, he or she will be videotaping their own children's progress.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
What is the Most Important Thing You Need to Know About Parenting Children?
They aren't yours to keep. You train them, you enlist the help of others, and then you send them on their way. If you can do this without being controlling, manipulative and abusive, then consider yourself a decent parent once the child becomes a man or woman. Hopefully, they will thank you one day for your service.
Nicholl McGuire
Nicholl McGuire
Parenting Tips - 10 Important Things You Don't Want to Do in Front of Children
When parenting children, some couples simply don't think about the consequences of their negative actions and reactions they do especially in front of children.
Offensive and immoral behaviors come back to haunt parents through their children now and later in life. Remember the things you were exposed to when you were a child. Do you recall how you felt? Most parents, who sincerely love their children, object to repeating the cycle of inappropriate and/or abusive behavior they experienced during childhood.
Part of knowing how to be a good parent is being mindful of the type of influence you are making on your child. If one isn't paying close attention to bad behavior, sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light. A teacher, another parent or child, counselor, police officer, relative, lawyer, or someone else will point out the "bad parent" or "bad child" and the only one who will be blamed is the parent for not teaching his or her child right from wrong.
Some things that a parent should avoid doing in front of children are as follows.
1. Abuse any substances from food to illegal drugs.
There should be no explanation here, but some parents need to know that what they do might be emulated one day by their curious children. So if they see dad piling on plates of food, they are going to do it. If they see parents doing drugs, they are going to want to try some one day.
2. Lie.
Children who listen to adults tell stories that they know are untrue will reason it is okay to make up a few of their own when asked about something. "Why tell the truth? Mom and dad lie," a child reasons.
3. Steal.
If mom and dad steals things from a job like: notepads, pens, paper, time, etc. a child notices. If a parent doesn't want to pay for anything when they buy it, then the child assumes that he or she shouldn't have to either. It doesn't matter whether the item is small, meaningless, or "no big deal," the point is a parent stole and a child will do things like: learn not to trust his or her parent over time, reason it is okay, teach others to steal, and get caught and go to jail in the future.
4. Bad-mouth the child's mother/father and other relatives.
The more negative a child hears from parents, the more likely he or she is not going to like the other parent so much. In the future, a son or daughter might also treat relatives the parents don't like badly as a result. Keep in mind, children can be bad actors. So if mom or dad is pretending to like someone, the child won't necessarily go along with the act.
5. Encourage negative behaviors in others.
Children watch everything parents do, so if they see a parent encouraging their older siblings and other relatives to behave badly, they are going to repeat the pattern at some point or tell others to do what they have learned.
6. Show off any weapons.
Once a child knows that there is a weapon in the house that can potentially wound or kill another, they will be curious about the item(s). The television and Internet have so much information about things like guns, switchblades, and more, so the idea that dad or mom has one in the next room excites a child.
7. Have sex with parent or someone else.
Children who have seen their parents or someone else in the home have sex, can be emotionally and physically troubled by these things. They might not do well in school, may avoid socializing with peers, or may treat future partners badly. A child with mixed emotions about adult behaviors
tends to grow up with a lot of emotional challenges to overcome.
8. Watch, read, play, or listen to adult entertainment and conversation i.e.) games, movies, radio programs, etc.
As mentioned before, many emotional issues that children experience come from being around adults who don't know or don't want to shield children from their world. There is far too much going on with adults--much of which is dysfunctional. A child is not mature enough to handle adult issues. They will experience everything from nightmares to long-term physical illness as a result of being exposed to adult entertainment and conversation. They will also share what they know with others which will result in much trouble for the adults.
9. Disrespect or fight others.
If a child sees a parent often arguing and fighting with a parent, he or she will become nervous, scared, or even worried about whether the family will remain intact. This is a lot for children to have to deal with and eventually school work suffers and personality issues arise as a result.
10. Use any tool or equipment in ways that are unsafe.
Children who see adults use things in ways that are not intended will copy what they see. Sometimes incorrect use of tools and equipment result in fires, lost limbs, severe wounds, and worse death. If you do use a dangerous tool around the child, explain what it does and why it is unsafe for children to use. Mention consequences if your son or daughter touches it.
These ten tips are just the start of many lessons in life you will want to teach yourself when it comes to parenting. Although the tips are what parents shouldn't do in front of the children, many of these things they shouldn't do behind their backs either.
Parents who want the best for their children, do avoid doing the things previously mentioned in front of their children. Many desire that their sons and daughters live happily, remain innocent for as long as they can, and teach them how to focus on things that really matter to them.
Nicholl McGuire is an author, blogger for this site, and mother of four sons. See more of her work on YouTube, click here.
Offensive and immoral behaviors come back to haunt parents through their children now and later in life. Remember the things you were exposed to when you were a child. Do you recall how you felt? Most parents, who sincerely love their children, object to repeating the cycle of inappropriate and/or abusive behavior they experienced during childhood.
Part of knowing how to be a good parent is being mindful of the type of influence you are making on your child. If one isn't paying close attention to bad behavior, sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light. A teacher, another parent or child, counselor, police officer, relative, lawyer, or someone else will point out the "bad parent" or "bad child" and the only one who will be blamed is the parent for not teaching his or her child right from wrong.
Some things that a parent should avoid doing in front of children are as follows.
1. Abuse any substances from food to illegal drugs.
There should be no explanation here, but some parents need to know that what they do might be emulated one day by their curious children. So if they see dad piling on plates of food, they are going to do it. If they see parents doing drugs, they are going to want to try some one day.
2. Lie.
Children who listen to adults tell stories that they know are untrue will reason it is okay to make up a few of their own when asked about something. "Why tell the truth? Mom and dad lie," a child reasons.
3. Steal.
If mom and dad steals things from a job like: notepads, pens, paper, time, etc. a child notices. If a parent doesn't want to pay for anything when they buy it, then the child assumes that he or she shouldn't have to either. It doesn't matter whether the item is small, meaningless, or "no big deal," the point is a parent stole and a child will do things like: learn not to trust his or her parent over time, reason it is okay, teach others to steal, and get caught and go to jail in the future.
4. Bad-mouth the child's mother/father and other relatives.
The more negative a child hears from parents, the more likely he or she is not going to like the other parent so much. In the future, a son or daughter might also treat relatives the parents don't like badly as a result. Keep in mind, children can be bad actors. So if mom or dad is pretending to like someone, the child won't necessarily go along with the act.
5. Encourage negative behaviors in others.
Children watch everything parents do, so if they see a parent encouraging their older siblings and other relatives to behave badly, they are going to repeat the pattern at some point or tell others to do what they have learned.
6. Show off any weapons.
Once a child knows that there is a weapon in the house that can potentially wound or kill another, they will be curious about the item(s). The television and Internet have so much information about things like guns, switchblades, and more, so the idea that dad or mom has one in the next room excites a child.
7. Have sex with parent or someone else.
Children who have seen their parents or someone else in the home have sex, can be emotionally and physically troubled by these things. They might not do well in school, may avoid socializing with peers, or may treat future partners badly. A child with mixed emotions about adult behaviors
tends to grow up with a lot of emotional challenges to overcome.
8. Watch, read, play, or listen to adult entertainment and conversation i.e.) games, movies, radio programs, etc.
As mentioned before, many emotional issues that children experience come from being around adults who don't know or don't want to shield children from their world. There is far too much going on with adults--much of which is dysfunctional. A child is not mature enough to handle adult issues. They will experience everything from nightmares to long-term physical illness as a result of being exposed to adult entertainment and conversation. They will also share what they know with others which will result in much trouble for the adults.
9. Disrespect or fight others.
If a child sees a parent often arguing and fighting with a parent, he or she will become nervous, scared, or even worried about whether the family will remain intact. This is a lot for children to have to deal with and eventually school work suffers and personality issues arise as a result.
10. Use any tool or equipment in ways that are unsafe.
Children who see adults use things in ways that are not intended will copy what they see. Sometimes incorrect use of tools and equipment result in fires, lost limbs, severe wounds, and worse death. If you do use a dangerous tool around the child, explain what it does and why it is unsafe for children to use. Mention consequences if your son or daughter touches it.
These ten tips are just the start of many lessons in life you will want to teach yourself when it comes to parenting. Although the tips are what parents shouldn't do in front of the children, many of these things they shouldn't do behind their backs either.
Parents who want the best for their children, do avoid doing the things previously mentioned in front of their children. Many desire that their sons and daughters live happily, remain innocent for as long as they can, and teach them how to focus on things that really matter to them.
Nicholl McGuire is an author, blogger for this site, and mother of four sons. See more of her work on YouTube, click here.
Parenting Blues: 7 Things to Expect that You Might Not Want to Share About Your Children
Sometimes things we talk about concerning our children have a way of coming back to haunt us later. Whether you boast a little too much about your child or you tell every awful thing he or she has ever done, what we fail to realize is that children are a reflection of who we are and how we parent.
There are personal issues that will come up during the raising of one's children that is better left unsaid, especially if you are still learning and growing when it comes to parenting. In addition, if you know you are the type that is easily offended when it comes to being told some negative things about your children, it is also best not to share too much about them.
1. How much a child looks like, acts like, and does other things like the other parent.
When you know you don't have the best relationship with the father (mother) or you have some personal issues concerning him/her that you have yet to forgive him/her for, it's best to keep those comments to yourself that are negative and tend to compare father and son and mother and daughter. People have a way of piggybacking off of what you say and then bringing it up in a harmless way later. "Sure, looks like his dad...I know you must be proud, I really do hope he turns out to be better than his dad." or "Remember when you said his mother was sneaky? Well, you know I notice that your daughter is acting just like her, you are right!"
2. The evil or embarrassing things they do in school, daycare, at home, church, etc.
What parent doesn't have a story about a son or daughter that has left his or her face red and palms sweaty? But it happens, and should everyone need to know about the incident including the Internet? One day someone in the family is going to bring that story up to your child and he or she just might rebel because it was shared. "Your mom told me when you lied about...I hope you don't think you can tell me one and get away with it!" Keep in mind, the self-righteous, jealous types love spreading negative stories about the offspring of those they hate.
3. Personal hang-ups about things like: height, acne, making friends, talking, etc.
The more family and friends know about your child's weaknesses, the more likely they might come up with people they know or they may be approached by these so-called well-meaning people. "Honey, I bought this acne cream for you. Your mom told me that people tease you at school...I remember when I had problems..." or "Dear, you really out to wear this girdle, your mom told me you are trying to lose weight, don't want the fat wiggling." Sometimes children feel like parents can't be trusted with sensitive information so they will close up.
4. An illness that could possibly spread.
Whether the illness was treated years ago or a day ago, you tell someone, who already has a compulsive disorder or two, about your child's illness, he or she just might act strange around your son or daughter. Better off leaving your child with someone who is understanding and has had a similar issue. Sometimes people will keep bringing the past up and sharing it with others as if it is a present issue which only shames the poor child. "Your mom shared that you had ring worm, okay don't sit here...keep your head away from this pillow...I mean I know that happened awhile ago and you're better, but just in case."
5. Consistent poor grades and other school issues like fighting.
It won't be long before someone in your circle is going to start questioning, "Why is Johnny always getting into trouble? What are you and your husband teaching him?" In time, you will start treating your partner and child as if they are the sole cause as to your unhappiness because of those whispers in your ears from family. The poor grades and other school issues might come back up later when relatives are thinking about who they might want to help and who they would avoid in the family.
6. Selection of friends.
Is it really necessary to talk about a son or daughter's friends to family and friends? Just imagine hearing this from a relative if you were a child, "Your dad told me that you have been hanging around the wrong crowd, well if you bring any mess to my home and cause problems for my children, I will give you a spanking you will never forget!"
7. Personal interests.
Since children can be very private and you don't know sometimes what to say or not to say about the things they like, it is best just to check with them first. Consider this, "So I heard you like that new toy--I wouldn't buy it, cost too much! My son told me about it--such a waste! Aren't you a bit old to be playing with that anyway?" Once again, adults who don't like you or your child will use what they know to hurt you.
Keep in mind, before you tell a relative everything that is going on with you and your child, think about the future. Take the time to think how might a relative or friend use the information. As much as we love the people in our lives, we also need to know when to keep some things about our sons and daughters to ourselves.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, get your copy here.
There are personal issues that will come up during the raising of one's children that is better left unsaid, especially if you are still learning and growing when it comes to parenting. In addition, if you know you are the type that is easily offended when it comes to being told some negative things about your children, it is also best not to share too much about them.
1. How much a child looks like, acts like, and does other things like the other parent.
When you know you don't have the best relationship with the father (mother) or you have some personal issues concerning him/her that you have yet to forgive him/her for, it's best to keep those comments to yourself that are negative and tend to compare father and son and mother and daughter. People have a way of piggybacking off of what you say and then bringing it up in a harmless way later. "Sure, looks like his dad...I know you must be proud, I really do hope he turns out to be better than his dad." or "Remember when you said his mother was sneaky? Well, you know I notice that your daughter is acting just like her, you are right!"
2. The evil or embarrassing things they do in school, daycare, at home, church, etc.
What parent doesn't have a story about a son or daughter that has left his or her face red and palms sweaty? But it happens, and should everyone need to know about the incident including the Internet? One day someone in the family is going to bring that story up to your child and he or she just might rebel because it was shared. "Your mom told me when you lied about...I hope you don't think you can tell me one and get away with it!" Keep in mind, the self-righteous, jealous types love spreading negative stories about the offspring of those they hate.
3. Personal hang-ups about things like: height, acne, making friends, talking, etc.
The more family and friends know about your child's weaknesses, the more likely they might come up with people they know or they may be approached by these so-called well-meaning people. "Honey, I bought this acne cream for you. Your mom told me that people tease you at school...I remember when I had problems..." or "Dear, you really out to wear this girdle, your mom told me you are trying to lose weight, don't want the fat wiggling." Sometimes children feel like parents can't be trusted with sensitive information so they will close up.
4. An illness that could possibly spread.
Whether the illness was treated years ago or a day ago, you tell someone, who already has a compulsive disorder or two, about your child's illness, he or she just might act strange around your son or daughter. Better off leaving your child with someone who is understanding and has had a similar issue. Sometimes people will keep bringing the past up and sharing it with others as if it is a present issue which only shames the poor child. "Your mom shared that you had ring worm, okay don't sit here...keep your head away from this pillow...I mean I know that happened awhile ago and you're better, but just in case."
5. Consistent poor grades and other school issues like fighting.
It won't be long before someone in your circle is going to start questioning, "Why is Johnny always getting into trouble? What are you and your husband teaching him?" In time, you will start treating your partner and child as if they are the sole cause as to your unhappiness because of those whispers in your ears from family. The poor grades and other school issues might come back up later when relatives are thinking about who they might want to help and who they would avoid in the family.
6. Selection of friends.
Is it really necessary to talk about a son or daughter's friends to family and friends? Just imagine hearing this from a relative if you were a child, "Your dad told me that you have been hanging around the wrong crowd, well if you bring any mess to my home and cause problems for my children, I will give you a spanking you will never forget!"
7. Personal interests.
Since children can be very private and you don't know sometimes what to say or not to say about the things they like, it is best just to check with them first. Consider this, "So I heard you like that new toy--I wouldn't buy it, cost too much! My son told me about it--such a waste! Aren't you a bit old to be playing with that anyway?" Once again, adults who don't like you or your child will use what they know to hurt you.
Keep in mind, before you tell a relative everything that is going on with you and your child, think about the future. Take the time to think how might a relative or friend use the information. As much as we love the people in our lives, we also need to know when to keep some things about our sons and daughters to ourselves.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, get your copy here.
Dads Are (Harried) Parents, Too!
My husband thought he was immune to the apparent "Lost-Mind-Syndrome" that had afflicted me during our childrens' toddler years. What, you haven't heard of "Lost-Mind-Syndrome"? Okay, so maybe it's nothing more than being scatter-brained from having ten thousand things to do each and every day! But read on to see that even the most practical-minded man is no match for the beleaguered mind-weariness of parenting!
I think it was during our toddler invasion years (we had three at home) when I realized that losing one's mind--particularly a portion of the memory feature--was an unavoidable by-product of parenting. Why didn't the baby books warn that lost car keys, lost eye glasses, lost bottles and pacifiers--things that turn routine days into triathlons--would become par for the course? There is probably a specialized branch of the government mothers should work for. Who else can conduct a frantic search for vital home security items in less than a minute--and still make it to the pediatrician's office on time?
My husband has hinted that "lost-mind-syndrome" (or, LMS, as we affectionately call it) after parenthood can only happen if one is prone to it in the first place. In other words, that I was really just plain nuts and parenting was bringing it out. Ha! Little did he know that his day would come!
I admit that I had been displaying grave signs of the malady: There was the time we were traveling with two friends when we had to stop so Mike (my husband) could check the engine. Climbing back into the driver’s seat he complained that he'd gotten some antifreeze on his bare arm. Instantly a wayward maternal instinct leapt up in me like an alarm and I blurted, “Don’t lick your arm!” To peals of laughter from the backseat, my husband thanked me profusely for reminding him not to lick his arm since, of course, he was in a terrible habit of doing so.
Another time we were visiting friends and I spotted a pretty lamp, which our hostess explained was a "touch-lamp," the kind you simply have to touch to turn on. They were NEW at the time, and, impressed, I gushed, “Oh, so it’s good for blind people!” For the split-second the thought was in my head until I spoke it aloud, it actually had made sense. Acute LMS in action.
Fortunately lots of parents display symptoms of the syndrome, so I never feel alone. For instance, at the supermarket you can always spot the harried parents at the checkout: they are the ones rocking the shopping cart back and forth. No matter that baby is home—they don’t even know they’re doing it.
Or the 19 mothers in the department store who turn their heads simultaneously when a young child cries "Mommy!" The brain affected by LMS always thinks, "that could be my child!" So what if we left the kids home with Dad? Reality has nothing to do with it. Yup, and friends tell me I am not the only one who has offered a visitor a nicely warmed bottle of milk instead of the tea they were expecting. And I've actually seen other people begin to chop meat into teensy, tiny little pieces--for their spouse.
Often, when bottles or Binky's were missing, my husband would shake his head. "Didn't we just buy a few?" he'd say. I could answer that yes, we had, without even thinking about it--we were ALWAYS just buying a few.
One evening I had just finished bathing our two older kids. As I walked past the den Mike spotted me and asked, worried, “Is the (baby) gate on the stairs closed? Make sure it’s closed!” I saw that Matthew, our youngest at 16 months, was safe for the moment, but I checked the gate anyway. It was closed.
When I passed Mike again shortly afterwards, he fretted, “Did you leave the bathroom door open? Matthew could be getting into the bathroom!” He was worried that I had left water in the tub, and that Matt might be at risk. I had not left water in the tub and stopped in my tracks, suprised to see Mike getting even more indignant. I hadn't even answered the question when he demanded, “Where is Matthew, anyway? WHERE IS HE?!”
I gazed at my husband, shaking my head softly. In a gentle voice I broke the news to him: ”Honey, you’re feeding him.” I felt sorry for the guy as he looked down at Matthew on his lap, sucking quietly from a bottle, and it hit him: He, too, had lost his mind!
Ah, isn’t marriage and parenting great? Give the dad in your house an extra big hug this Father's Day. He deserves it!
Linore Rose Burkard writes Inspirational Romance as well as articles on Regency Life, Homeschooling, and Self-Improvement. She publishes a monthly eZine "Upon My Word!" which you can receive for FREE by signing up at http://www.LinoreRoseBurkard.com Ms. Burkard was raised in NYC and now lives in Ohio with her husband and five children.
I think it was during our toddler invasion years (we had three at home) when I realized that losing one's mind--particularly a portion of the memory feature--was an unavoidable by-product of parenting. Why didn't the baby books warn that lost car keys, lost eye glasses, lost bottles and pacifiers--things that turn routine days into triathlons--would become par for the course? There is probably a specialized branch of the government mothers should work for. Who else can conduct a frantic search for vital home security items in less than a minute--and still make it to the pediatrician's office on time?
My husband has hinted that "lost-mind-syndrome" (or, LMS, as we affectionately call it) after parenthood can only happen if one is prone to it in the first place. In other words, that I was really just plain nuts and parenting was bringing it out. Ha! Little did he know that his day would come!
I admit that I had been displaying grave signs of the malady: There was the time we were traveling with two friends when we had to stop so Mike (my husband) could check the engine. Climbing back into the driver’s seat he complained that he'd gotten some antifreeze on his bare arm. Instantly a wayward maternal instinct leapt up in me like an alarm and I blurted, “Don’t lick your arm!” To peals of laughter from the backseat, my husband thanked me profusely for reminding him not to lick his arm since, of course, he was in a terrible habit of doing so.
Another time we were visiting friends and I spotted a pretty lamp, which our hostess explained was a "touch-lamp," the kind you simply have to touch to turn on. They were NEW at the time, and, impressed, I gushed, “Oh, so it’s good for blind people!” For the split-second the thought was in my head until I spoke it aloud, it actually had made sense. Acute LMS in action.
Fortunately lots of parents display symptoms of the syndrome, so I never feel alone. For instance, at the supermarket you can always spot the harried parents at the checkout: they are the ones rocking the shopping cart back and forth. No matter that baby is home—they don’t even know they’re doing it.
Or the 19 mothers in the department store who turn their heads simultaneously when a young child cries "Mommy!" The brain affected by LMS always thinks, "that could be my child!" So what if we left the kids home with Dad? Reality has nothing to do with it. Yup, and friends tell me I am not the only one who has offered a visitor a nicely warmed bottle of milk instead of the tea they were expecting. And I've actually seen other people begin to chop meat into teensy, tiny little pieces--for their spouse.
Often, when bottles or Binky's were missing, my husband would shake his head. "Didn't we just buy a few?" he'd say. I could answer that yes, we had, without even thinking about it--we were ALWAYS just buying a few.
One evening I had just finished bathing our two older kids. As I walked past the den Mike spotted me and asked, worried, “Is the (baby) gate on the stairs closed? Make sure it’s closed!” I saw that Matthew, our youngest at 16 months, was safe for the moment, but I checked the gate anyway. It was closed.
When I passed Mike again shortly afterwards, he fretted, “Did you leave the bathroom door open? Matthew could be getting into the bathroom!” He was worried that I had left water in the tub, and that Matt might be at risk. I had not left water in the tub and stopped in my tracks, suprised to see Mike getting even more indignant. I hadn't even answered the question when he demanded, “Where is Matthew, anyway? WHERE IS HE?!”
I gazed at my husband, shaking my head softly. In a gentle voice I broke the news to him: ”Honey, you’re feeding him.” I felt sorry for the guy as he looked down at Matthew on his lap, sucking quietly from a bottle, and it hit him: He, too, had lost his mind!
Ah, isn’t marriage and parenting great? Give the dad in your house an extra big hug this Father's Day. He deserves it!
Linore Rose Burkard writes Inspirational Romance as well as articles on Regency Life, Homeschooling, and Self-Improvement. She publishes a monthly eZine "Upon My Word!" which you can receive for FREE by signing up at http://www.LinoreRoseBurkard.com Ms. Burkard was raised in NYC and now lives in Ohio with her husband and five children.
Be A Parent Not A Friend
One parenting problem that is very prevalent today is the confusion between fulfilling the role of a parent and the role of a friend. It is natural to want to give you children everything, but never saying no can lead to seriously spoiled children who will not understand the ways of the world when they are out on their own.
It is your job as a parent to teach your children the facts of life—good or bad—so that they can make their own good decisions in the real world. It is simply not fair to expect children to be able to make decisions that negatively affect their lives when they are not prepared to make those decisions. You have a pretty good idea of what is best for your children, and certainly a better idea than they do. It is your responsibility as the adult to pass the love and knowledge you have experienced in your own life to your children to give them the best opportunity to lead a successful life.
The principles you instill at a young age will follow your children throughout life. When they are little you make them brush their teeth, eat their vegetables and clean their rooms, not only because you know that these things are good for them, but also because you want them to one day learn to do them without being told. There are many times in life when we have to do things we do not want to do, and by not sugarcoating this idea when your children are young, they will be more accepting of it as they grow and mature into adults.
Never saying no doesn’t build friendship with your children. It may content them in the moment, but in the long run it will only make them selfish and rude. Never using the word no gives your child a handicap that will make it harder for him or her to succeed in life. No one will want to befriend, date, hire or live with a selfish person.
Playing the role of disciplinarian may not seem like a way to bond with your children, but once they grow past the stage when you are responsible for making their decisions, friendship can grow. They will respect you for making the good decisions for them that they were not able to make on their own. Let their peers be their friends. Their peers certainly are not going to act as parents, so this all-important chore is left to you.
Parenting is a grand struggle between giving to your child and instituting discipline. The balance will be different for everyone, but it is important to keep reevaluating what needs to be done and take steps to reestablish and maintain that balance.
About the Author
Solomon Brenner is an Author, speaker and columnist on success and parenting he can be reached at Actionkarate@comcast.net or 267-939-0424
It is your job as a parent to teach your children the facts of life—good or bad—so that they can make their own good decisions in the real world. It is simply not fair to expect children to be able to make decisions that negatively affect their lives when they are not prepared to make those decisions. You have a pretty good idea of what is best for your children, and certainly a better idea than they do. It is your responsibility as the adult to pass the love and knowledge you have experienced in your own life to your children to give them the best opportunity to lead a successful life.
The principles you instill at a young age will follow your children throughout life. When they are little you make them brush their teeth, eat their vegetables and clean their rooms, not only because you know that these things are good for them, but also because you want them to one day learn to do them without being told. There are many times in life when we have to do things we do not want to do, and by not sugarcoating this idea when your children are young, they will be more accepting of it as they grow and mature into adults.
Never saying no doesn’t build friendship with your children. It may content them in the moment, but in the long run it will only make them selfish and rude. Never using the word no gives your child a handicap that will make it harder for him or her to succeed in life. No one will want to befriend, date, hire or live with a selfish person.
Playing the role of disciplinarian may not seem like a way to bond with your children, but once they grow past the stage when you are responsible for making their decisions, friendship can grow. They will respect you for making the good decisions for them that they were not able to make on their own. Let their peers be their friends. Their peers certainly are not going to act as parents, so this all-important chore is left to you.
Parenting is a grand struggle between giving to your child and instituting discipline. The balance will be different for everyone, but it is important to keep reevaluating what needs to be done and take steps to reestablish and maintain that balance.
About the Author
Solomon Brenner is an Author, speaker and columnist on success and parenting he can be reached at Actionkarate@comcast.net or 267-939-0424
Where to Look for the Perfect Parenting Resource
All parents need a good parenting resource of their own. Since parenting is such a tough occupation a parenting resource can help make things easier for any parent. How and where can a parent find a relevant parenting resource? There is no one sure and perfect parenting resource for everyone. A parent may have to determine for himself/herself which parenting resource is helpful and applicable. There are however specific areas where one can get a parenting resource. You can get your parenting resource from the following:
The Book and Video Haven
Any place where they sell or lend a vast selection of books and videos may be a parenting resource. You can go around looking for a bestseller parenting resource or something created by experts in the field of parenting and psychology to get a good parenting resource. Surprisingly, an experiential parenting resource account or even fictional stories of parenting may be useful parenting resource for the discriminating parent.
Comprehensive Sites and Links
Not surprisingly, the internet can have every kind of parenting resource imaginable. You have the option of checking out sites that will provide you with a comprehensive parenting resource section or one that will provide you with specific parenting resource information. You can also check link or .net sites if you want to have a brief overview of some other sites that may be good places for a parenting resource.
Message Boards and Others
You may prefer a parenting resource that’s highly practical and that comes from people who have actually experienced parenting. You can use parents’ forums and message boards as your parenting resource. In this kind of parenting resource you can swap stories and practical tips and information. A lot of parents may warm up to this kind of parenting resource because it is conversational, light and a fun way to go about talking about parenting.
Formal Classes and Support Groups
A clear and structured parenting resource may come from such formal areas as parenting courses and support groups. This type of
parenting resource will surely offer highly professional pieces of information. There is no doubt that if you enroll in a parenting resource class, you will get a load of theories and actual practice accounts from trained professionals in the field of parenting. Support groups can also offer parenting resource that may be both categorized as formal expert quality and personally supportive and uplifting in nature.
People You Know
A practical parenting resource source would be people you actually know. Your own parents, family, friends and colleagues may each be a parenting resource. Ask these live, actual parenting resource people what they can share based on what they know and their experience. This may be the cheapest and best parenting resource you can ever have.
However and wherever you choose to get your parenting resource make sure that your parenting resource is applicable to you and your family. Remember, not all families are the same.
Veronica Fisher
The Book and Video Haven
Any place where they sell or lend a vast selection of books and videos may be a parenting resource. You can go around looking for a bestseller parenting resource or something created by experts in the field of parenting and psychology to get a good parenting resource. Surprisingly, an experiential parenting resource account or even fictional stories of parenting may be useful parenting resource for the discriminating parent.
Comprehensive Sites and Links
Not surprisingly, the internet can have every kind of parenting resource imaginable. You have the option of checking out sites that will provide you with a comprehensive parenting resource section or one that will provide you with specific parenting resource information. You can also check link or .net sites if you want to have a brief overview of some other sites that may be good places for a parenting resource.
Message Boards and Others
You may prefer a parenting resource that’s highly practical and that comes from people who have actually experienced parenting. You can use parents’ forums and message boards as your parenting resource. In this kind of parenting resource you can swap stories and practical tips and information. A lot of parents may warm up to this kind of parenting resource because it is conversational, light and a fun way to go about talking about parenting.
Formal Classes and Support Groups
A clear and structured parenting resource may come from such formal areas as parenting courses and support groups. This type of
parenting resource will surely offer highly professional pieces of information. There is no doubt that if you enroll in a parenting resource class, you will get a load of theories and actual practice accounts from trained professionals in the field of parenting. Support groups can also offer parenting resource that may be both categorized as formal expert quality and personally supportive and uplifting in nature.
People You Know
A practical parenting resource source would be people you actually know. Your own parents, family, friends and colleagues may each be a parenting resource. Ask these live, actual parenting resource people what they can share based on what they know and their experience. This may be the cheapest and best parenting resource you can ever have.
However and wherever you choose to get your parenting resource make sure that your parenting resource is applicable to you and your family. Remember, not all families are the same.
Veronica Fisher
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