Hello, lately I have been all over the Internet searching for the best places to buy everything from Sony ps 3 games to pajamas for the children, and the following is what I came up with...
Magic Kids & Company www.magickidsusa.com
If you aren't particular about names, although there are some bran name items, and are more interested in price and selection, then go to this site. What you will find is both boys and girls clothes from all categories from newborn to 8 years of age. I have paid as little as $2 for a quality sleeper for my baby and as much as $10 for a jump suit for my bigger boys. Now that is a steal! Also, if you are one of those folks who love flea markets (also known as swap meets) then may I suggest you start your own weekend business by purchasing a lot of clothes in advance and selling them to market-goers?
Amazon.com
Those gaming systems and video games to go along with them are too expensive in brick and mortar stores and the corny games (dare I say it) are what is on sale. Forget about them! Amazon has hundreds of private sellers like you and I selling new and pre-owned games, you might as well check for your titles there before anywhere else!
Walmart.com
Now you are just shopping the entire site for your goods --- no way! Go straight to the clearance rack online. Type in "clearance" and you will find a host of items on the clearance rack in all categories. Now let's say you don't see anything worthwhile on Monday, because most of the items were out of stock from the weekend, don't worry wait a day or two and come back, you just might get lucky!
Upromise.com
Now Upromise has a database that includes many of the on and offline retailers that you may be familiar. If you have an account with them, you might as well use it so that your children gain some money in their college savings account for what you bought.
Etoys.com
I was surprised! But I really liked there selection for toys and the prices were reasonable. They are also listed in Upromise as well as the other stores mentioned so as I said before you might as well gain some money back on your purchase.
Now stores I was very disappointed in this year were as follows:
Toys R Us because I noticed online that many of the toys I wanted I had to pay shipping, so they didn't make any money off of me this year. You either have free shipping or you don't!
Sears wasn't happy with their price on clothing and the selction of toys were not unique enough for my taste. Go to the brick and mortar store and you might do better on the clearance rack in the back!
JcPenny same thing as I said about Sears.
Target had a great selection of toys, many I hadn't seen offline, but $20 plus for many. I don't think so, not for a baby or a toddler who will just look at it and on to something else!
Gap had some very nice clothes for the young men, but was it just me...I don't know but I wasn't impressed with some of the styles and could we say free shipping?
Old Navy good for the teens and young adults not good for the little ones. They grow entirely too fast to pay more than $10 on anything!
Burlington Coat Factory's sister site for Babies what's it called again? Not happy with the older children's line of clothing, but for a newborn you might be pleasantly surprised.
Kmart you would do better going inside their brick and mortar store. I wasn't impressed with the price of the toys or the clothes online. You would do far better with children's clothes dealing with private sellers and wholesale companies.
Kb Toys saves their best toys and prices for their retail stores, so don't bother shopping online. I saw a significant price difference between what I saw on the Internet and in the store fliers, so if you can shop their brick and mortar store.
Just remember if you do any shopping online check using Upromise first and also consider Paypal for their buy now pay later system -- definitely useful for those items you simply forgot to buy for others!
Written by Nicholl McGuire http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label touching games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label touching games. Show all posts
Sound Advice To Help You Save Now For Your Childs Education Using An Education IRA!
This investment retirement account (IRA) is useful to you as an investor to understand because it may be a good way for you to save for your kid’s education AND save on taxes. These plans are now called Coverdell Education Savings Accounts in honor of the late U.S. Sen. Paul Coverdell. Individuals can make annual contributions of up to $2,000 per child into an account that's exclusively for helping to pay higher education costs. The money contributed to a Coverdell account doesn't count against the $3,000 ($3,500 if 50 and older) annual total individuals may contribute to their combined personal individual IRAs.
The earnings and withdrawals from a Coverdell account are tax-free, but you can't deduct the contributions from your income tax because the account is for the benefit of the child, not the contributor. This is great for parents who are good savers and investors who want to make an annual tax-saving contribution that they can invest in the stock market toward the education of a studious and responsible child. In addition, if your child received a Coverdell ESA distribution, you now can also claim Hope Scholarship or Lifetime Learning credits. Just make sure you don't use Coverdell money to pay for the same expenses you use to claim an education credit.
The beneficiary (your child) of the education IRA must withdraw the funds by age 30 if they don’t go to college and pay taxes and penalties on it. However, the account can be transferred to a sibling or the beneficiary's child if they don’t pursue a higher academic degree or use it all.
Once you have the account open you can use the stock market to help finance your child’s education selling the stock at a high price after you have bought it at a low price using the techniques that I teach you in my course “The Blue-Collar Base Bonanza – What the insiders [definitely] don’t want you to know!”.
About the Author
Dr. Scott Brown, Ph.D., the Wallet Doctor, is a successful investor. Dr. Brown holds a Ph.D. in finance. The Wallet Doctor is sought after for investment advice and coaching. For more information visit Dr. Brown’s site at http://www.BonanzaBase.com or sign up for his investment tips at http://www.WalletDoctor.com
20 Ways You Can Lose Physical Custody of Your Children
What is really in the best interest of the children? When both parents have proven that they both can raise their children, the court will look at other things that will benefit the county the children currently reside in, find fault over small things to reach a decision, solely go with what the mediator has written in his or her report or it just depends on what kind of personal experience they have had (don't believe that all judges look at a case fairly and without prejudice.) Don't underestimate judges, many still make decisions based on Christian principles. You might want to brush up on the 10 Commandments before you submit your court paperwork.
The following points you may want to consider before you speak with your attorney and then prepare to ask he or she how do any of the following issues impact your case. People with a similar issue have made the following mistakes prior to getting their divorces granted:
Tell your ex and others, that may know your ex, about the new man/woman you are seeing. Parade around town with him or her months after filing for the divorce.
Become pregnant within a year after your divorce.
Relocate without the children even if it is temporary.
Take the children to another state without telling your former spouse.
Talk to his/her in-laws about your relationship.
Tell mutual friends about your intentions.
Forget to record phone calls or videotape moments that could damage the ex's opportunity to have the children.
Show up in court without an attorney.
Listen to bad advice, particularly from people who have not gone through what you went through.
No financial or mental support from church, family or friends.
No significant money saved in a savings account, stocks, mutual funds, CDs, or IRAs.
Children are not involved in any activities while in your care.
You are not involved in any nonprofit, civic or charitable organizations.
No driver's license.
Become unemployed.
Acquire new incidents on your police record.
Drink publicly.
Do drugs.
Have friends who participate in illegal activities.
Write or sign anything that could be used against you in court.
Be irresponsible such as miss doctor's appointments, take the children to dangerous places, have too many caretakers, etc.
Note: Although the following is not on the list it is just as important, choosing not to report instances of stalking, physical and/or mental abuse by your ex that could help your case. Also, making false accusations against your mate and later being found out. Lastly, establishing credit, abusing finances, taking money from your children's trust fund or savings account, etc. all in their names.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
The following points you may want to consider before you speak with your attorney and then prepare to ask he or she how do any of the following issues impact your case. People with a similar issue have made the following mistakes prior to getting their divorces granted:
Tell your ex and others, that may know your ex, about the new man/woman you are seeing. Parade around town with him or her months after filing for the divorce.
Become pregnant within a year after your divorce.
Relocate without the children even if it is temporary.
Take the children to another state without telling your former spouse.
Talk to his/her in-laws about your relationship.
Tell mutual friends about your intentions.
Forget to record phone calls or videotape moments that could damage the ex's opportunity to have the children.
Show up in court without an attorney.
Listen to bad advice, particularly from people who have not gone through what you went through.
No financial or mental support from church, family or friends.
No significant money saved in a savings account, stocks, mutual funds, CDs, or IRAs.
Children are not involved in any activities while in your care.
You are not involved in any nonprofit, civic or charitable organizations.
No driver's license.
Become unemployed.
Acquire new incidents on your police record.
Drink publicly.
Do drugs.
Have friends who participate in illegal activities.
Write or sign anything that could be used against you in court.
Be irresponsible such as miss doctor's appointments, take the children to dangerous places, have too many caretakers, etc.
Note: Although the following is not on the list it is just as important, choosing not to report instances of stalking, physical and/or mental abuse by your ex that could help your case. Also, making false accusations against your mate and later being found out. Lastly, establishing credit, abusing finances, taking money from your children's trust fund or savings account, etc. all in their names.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire,Click Here!
Why Parents Secretly Favor One Child Over Another
Parents began favoring one child over another the day when the not-so favored child decided to go against the rules not once, not twice, but as many times as they could to get what they wanted, make a statement, or show parents when their wrong in their judgments. Controlling adults who become parents don't take to kindly to this behavior and will punish the child, at times, severely. The hardheaded, stubborn, strong-willed, defiant and many other words used to describe this challenging child was why secretly, parents gave up on the battles with him or her and began to favor the easy-going, obedient, and respectful child.
This is a sad truth! As much as parents say they love all their children the same, the reality is they don't. They love their children differently based on the personality that they have noticed within each of their children. John will receive tough love because he challenges authority and David will receive a gentler love because he doesn't put up a challenge. As both children become older, tasks are given to them and they are expected to follow instructions and make mom and dad proud. However, the child who prefers to question authority before he completes his task is met with a frown from defeated parents who have grown weary of John's "smart mouth, mess ups" etc. So he makes a decision not to even do the task - "Why bother, my parents don't expect me to do it right anyway?" However, the favored child completes the task and doesn't let the parents' attitude or his sibling's objections affect what needs to be done. Moments like these are repeated over time, with parents asking that the room be cleaned to taking out the trash and parents all the while are judging who is more responsible and ultimately who will win the prize once they are older whether it be college paid for, a trust fund, property left to them, their grandchildren (from the favored sibling) gifts and a host of other rewards. The favored child gets an increase of "brownie points," while the other child is labeled irresponsible and reminded about the past and all the times he or she failed at assigned tasks and didn't follow parent's orders. Could it have been the un-favored child just needed a little more instruction, attention or maybe a simple smile from mom or dad that said, "I have faith in you"?
Now that the children are adults, parents are observing each adult child's behavior closely, because they know the kind of adults their children have become will reflect on whether the parents enabled their successes or failures in life. The favored child has shown a consistent lifestyle with little, if any, fluctuation in it. He or she doesn't seem to waver too far from mom or dad (oftentimes they live in the same state), they seem to be around to help them in whatever way they can -sometimes without being asked. They aren't frivolous with their finances and seem to have stable relationships with everyone around them. Yet, the not so favored child is not coming around the parents often. In fact, they may have moved out of the state, against his or her parent's wishes. He or she may not have many stable relationships and enjoys spending money at times more than what the parents would have done when they were his or her age. The parents see their adult child as irresponsible in their eyes. Is the adult child really irresponsible or just different and the parents don't like it because they can't control them? The answer to this question lies with the person going through a similar experience. Even though the parents can remember times when they made similar mistakes, they usually won't admit them, because they want their children to do "as their told" and would like to appear in the best light possible.
The favored child is sold on the parent's self-righteous behavior and will continue to make his or herself "look good" in their parents' eyes or face scrutiny (which they don't want to do, because they or their children's children might miss out on some promised reward for being "the good child." ) The least favored child, who has this history of going against parent's wishes, has added more reasons to their parents' list of why they can't be trusted or favored. Whatever the reason, the parents are attempting to justify their unfair practices. Parents believe that irresponsibility is the ultimate reason why the favored child gets what he or she receives and the others don't. When in reality, the parent chose to not like one child over the other, because they used every negative experience as a means not to grow closer together, but further apart. What happened to the concept of looking at the glass half full instead of empty when it comes to raising children?
Why don't parents, utilize the least favored child's defiance, disobedience, and other negative behaviors to understand what needs to be done to steer them in a positive direction and work to achieve the results that will make them productive members of society. Embrace the challenges--embrace the child! In the end, whether parenting is criticized or not by the children, at least parents will know that they really did do the best they could and now it is up to their child to continue to be the best they can. Parents need to remember to watch playing favorites, because they will never know when the favored child will ultimately be the one who lets you down, while the un-favored child maybe the one in your corner.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
This is a sad truth! As much as parents say they love all their children the same, the reality is they don't. They love their children differently based on the personality that they have noticed within each of their children. John will receive tough love because he challenges authority and David will receive a gentler love because he doesn't put up a challenge. As both children become older, tasks are given to them and they are expected to follow instructions and make mom and dad proud. However, the child who prefers to question authority before he completes his task is met with a frown from defeated parents who have grown weary of John's "smart mouth, mess ups" etc. So he makes a decision not to even do the task - "Why bother, my parents don't expect me to do it right anyway?" However, the favored child completes the task and doesn't let the parents' attitude or his sibling's objections affect what needs to be done. Moments like these are repeated over time, with parents asking that the room be cleaned to taking out the trash and parents all the while are judging who is more responsible and ultimately who will win the prize once they are older whether it be college paid for, a trust fund, property left to them, their grandchildren (from the favored sibling) gifts and a host of other rewards. The favored child gets an increase of "brownie points," while the other child is labeled irresponsible and reminded about the past and all the times he or she failed at assigned tasks and didn't follow parent's orders. Could it have been the un-favored child just needed a little more instruction, attention or maybe a simple smile from mom or dad that said, "I have faith in you"?
Now that the children are adults, parents are observing each adult child's behavior closely, because they know the kind of adults their children have become will reflect on whether the parents enabled their successes or failures in life. The favored child has shown a consistent lifestyle with little, if any, fluctuation in it. He or she doesn't seem to waver too far from mom or dad (oftentimes they live in the same state), they seem to be around to help them in whatever way they can -sometimes without being asked. They aren't frivolous with their finances and seem to have stable relationships with everyone around them. Yet, the not so favored child is not coming around the parents often. In fact, they may have moved out of the state, against his or her parent's wishes. He or she may not have many stable relationships and enjoys spending money at times more than what the parents would have done when they were his or her age. The parents see their adult child as irresponsible in their eyes. Is the adult child really irresponsible or just different and the parents don't like it because they can't control them? The answer to this question lies with the person going through a similar experience. Even though the parents can remember times when they made similar mistakes, they usually won't admit them, because they want their children to do "as their told" and would like to appear in the best light possible.
The favored child is sold on the parent's self-righteous behavior and will continue to make his or herself "look good" in their parents' eyes or face scrutiny (which they don't want to do, because they or their children's children might miss out on some promised reward for being "the good child." ) The least favored child, who has this history of going against parent's wishes, has added more reasons to their parents' list of why they can't be trusted or favored. Whatever the reason, the parents are attempting to justify their unfair practices. Parents believe that irresponsibility is the ultimate reason why the favored child gets what he or she receives and the others don't. When in reality, the parent chose to not like one child over the other, because they used every negative experience as a means not to grow closer together, but further apart. What happened to the concept of looking at the glass half full instead of empty when it comes to raising children?
Why don't parents, utilize the least favored child's defiance, disobedience, and other negative behaviors to understand what needs to be done to steer them in a positive direction and work to achieve the results that will make them productive members of society. Embrace the challenges--embrace the child! In the end, whether parenting is criticized or not by the children, at least parents will know that they really did do the best they could and now it is up to their child to continue to be the best they can. Parents need to remember to watch playing favorites, because they will never know when the favored child will ultimately be the one who lets you down, while the un-favored child maybe the one in your corner.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
7 Tips on Keeping Your Child Safe from Touching Games
"Boys will be boys," so some, who like to excuse offensive behavior, will say. But being a boy doesn't excuse assault, harassment, and sexual advances toward girls. However, we hear the stories in the media of boys who felt that it was okay to touch girls and at times were severely punished because of it. So what happens when it is your child? Your daughter comes to you and tells you, "Mom (Dad) there was a boy at school who put his hands on my breast and touched my backside." How would you handle it?
I had been that nine year old in a new school where boys didn't see it as nothing more than a game to touch a girl's private parts. They would target something they wanted to feel and tell their friends. Then they would hit the unlucky girl and take off running. Later, they would tell their friends whether the girl was okay with it or not. I was the one who fought back. Word traveled fast that I was mean. "Don't touch her," I would hear them say. "She is mean." That's right at nine years old my mother taught me if a boy touched you inappropriately you fight and you tell your teacher and if she didn't do anything about it, my mother was going up to my school. However, some parents didn't teach their children. I would see some of these girls deliberately sticking their breasts out or behinds playing a game of "catch me if you can!" I remember feeling sick to my stomach and a fear at times going to school, because I knew that if too many boys circled me I was doomed, but I told myself I would fight as best I could. Thank God I never got caught in the circle, but I couldn't feel sorry for the ones who did get caught, because I saw them laughing and smiling while taunting and teasing the boys before it happened. Their parents hadn't taught them any better. By the time we reached high school these same girls were pregnant before they reached 18 and by the time we all reached 25 they had already 4 or more children. I also would have to mention that there was either a mother's boyfriend or no dad in these girl's households.
So here I was at nine years old living in a strict household and never being exposed to soft porn behavior until I went to school. So I hear, things haven't changed since the eighties, they have only gotten worse. Now I have an eight and nine year old and they have told me stories about girls who are trying to kiss them. They have seen and heard stories of both girls and boys playing games that would make your jaws drop! So I asked them "Where was your teacher? Where was your daycare provider, did you tell someone?" They would answer, "She was busy." or "I told her and she said okay." So it was then that I thought, "What should parents be doing to prepare their children for the 'if you show me yours, I will show you mine' games?" So the following is what I have come up with based on personal experience as a girl, a woman, and a mom with sons.
First, as soon as your child tells you something strange has happened to them and they are obviously looking uncomfortable or maybe they don't come right out and tell you, but ask questions such as "What is sex?" You need not act offended, angry or behave like an attorney. This is when your child needs you to listen to them like a friend, noticed I said like a friend, I didn't say be his or her friend. You need to ask follow up questions slowly. "Well how did it make you feel when you saw the boy (or girl) acting like that?" Then listen to how your child responds. Next, lead in with a story of your own that made you feel uncomfortable before you tell them what they ought to say or do. Explain to them how the situation was handled by your mom and dad and how you felt about it. Your child may not want you to do anything about what they have shared with you for fear or embarrassment. So you will want to make them feel at ease about what they have shared with you while assuring them that you don't want them to get in trouble or lose friends, then thank them for sharing. Also, reward them for telling the truth, but behind their backs you get down to the bottom of this mess. What is really going on at the school playgrounds, in the coat room, back of the class, dark hallway, the bedroom of the childcare provider, back yard or behind the couch?
Next, you need to take a serious look at their surroundings as listed previously. Are there places at the school or daycare that make you feel uncomfortable as a parent? Are too many children hanging out in the tunnels on the playground far too long? What about the big oak tree or under the sliding board? Some home daycare providers have far too many places for children to act mischievous. They can also have way too many cable channels that they are turning through to get to your child's favorite children's show and so your child could be exposed to shows by accident or on purpose. He or she may see something in between channel changes that they shouldn't be seeing (of course you may be guilty of this yourself.) Music videos and teen movies tend to have way too much kissing, touching, and sexual dancing. A little girl will want to emulate the women she sees moving and gyrating. They are tall, pretty, wear beautiful clothes and jewelry. Why wouldn't they want to be like them? When you see your daughter imitating their dance moves, praise should be the last thing that any parent should be doing, but if you do a quick search on YouTube.com you will see many parents doing just that. Then they wonder why their little angel is pregnant, abused, misused and the like by age 14, 15, 16. Boys will be boys so they say, but that is no excuse and girls will be girls, but teasing boys is not what any girl should be doing.
Third, know who your children admire. Many little girls and boys have a great deal of respect for older children. So when you entrust your child into the hands of an older child, be prepared for them to no longer want to act their age; instead, they will want to act like the big girl or big boy they know. When your young child is cared for by an older child who grew up way too fast themselves, you are putting your child at risk for acting in ways that are inappropriate. Then you will want to discipline them for behavior you could have prevented yourself.
Oftentimes children will not want to get anyone in trouble for fear they may lose friends, so if you notice your child isn't as talkative when you bring up certain subjects, doesn't want to hug you like they once did, and other signs they are withdrawing from you, you will want to find out what is causing this change in their behavior. Start a conversation with them and if they seem unresponsive, looking away, or responding to your questions with short answers, you know they have something to hide.
Fourth, at some point, you will want to take some time away from work and start reacquainting yourself with your child. Just like couples need time together to enhance their relationships, parents need to learn how to take some time away from work and spend it with their children. The weekend doesn't always provide enough time to find out what is really going on in their lives as well as enhance the parental bond. You will be surprised at what you will find out. I learned a lot when I sat down each day with my children in their environment (not my bedroom or office space I wanted them to feel comfortable) read a book or watched a movie with them, and took them to places. I will tell you that if you read the Bible with them, you will find some subjects that will stimulate conversations about violence, adultery, how men treat women, etc. I was fascinated at how much knowledge they already had about these issues in life. One of my sons at eight years old told me, one day while reading the Bible, he thought a man having more than one wife was wrong. I didn't tell him whether it was right or wrong he figured it out on his own and I agreed with him. Both sons thought that men fighting and killing one another was also wrong. Yet, when they have told me stories about what their friends have said their friends acted as if it was okay. Children pay attention more to what adults do than what they say. Now for some parents the Bible may not be something you would like to use, to each their own, but there are plenty of books out there that are age appropriate and discuss sensitive subject matter. Don't underestimate your children, because most likely they already know plenty and whether we want to face the truth or not, it may have already been your child, your neighbor's child or my child in the coat room, under the slide, or behind the oak tree.
Fifth, interview your child's teachers and daycare providers who are so busy that they are "unaware that this had happened" maybe they need a second set of eyes, rearrange the classroom, get a light bulb in the dark hallway or do something else to ensure that the children are not able to get away with playing these "touch" games. I remember times as a child when playground staff had been so busy socializing with one another that they didn't bother to pay attention to the two children holding hands or the long line of girls waiting to kiss a handsome boy.
Sixth, when an offense happens to your child make a stink about it! Document what happened as told to you by your child, make copies, meet with the administration, and if necessary file charges with the police. That's right file charges. There are parents who say they will handle the matter with their child and they don't and little sassy Sandy and fresh little Frank are still going around school thinking about who they can bother next. The key is to put a stop to this kind of behavior immediately and the only way you can do that is by sounding a loud alarm by embarrassing some folks, or as one mother told me, "Put the business out in the street!"
Lastly, when it is all said and done, you may have to transfer your child to a new school depending on how bad, how frequent, and how the administration chooses to handle or not handle the matter. Let's face it, some schools are simply better than others, and why should you have to keep your child in a school that is not doing the best it can to ensure your child is being educated about reading, writing and arithmetic rather than the birds and the bees on a daily basis.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
I had been that nine year old in a new school where boys didn't see it as nothing more than a game to touch a girl's private parts. They would target something they wanted to feel and tell their friends. Then they would hit the unlucky girl and take off running. Later, they would tell their friends whether the girl was okay with it or not. I was the one who fought back. Word traveled fast that I was mean. "Don't touch her," I would hear them say. "She is mean." That's right at nine years old my mother taught me if a boy touched you inappropriately you fight and you tell your teacher and if she didn't do anything about it, my mother was going up to my school. However, some parents didn't teach their children. I would see some of these girls deliberately sticking their breasts out or behinds playing a game of "catch me if you can!" I remember feeling sick to my stomach and a fear at times going to school, because I knew that if too many boys circled me I was doomed, but I told myself I would fight as best I could. Thank God I never got caught in the circle, but I couldn't feel sorry for the ones who did get caught, because I saw them laughing and smiling while taunting and teasing the boys before it happened. Their parents hadn't taught them any better. By the time we reached high school these same girls were pregnant before they reached 18 and by the time we all reached 25 they had already 4 or more children. I also would have to mention that there was either a mother's boyfriend or no dad in these girl's households.
So here I was at nine years old living in a strict household and never being exposed to soft porn behavior until I went to school. So I hear, things haven't changed since the eighties, they have only gotten worse. Now I have an eight and nine year old and they have told me stories about girls who are trying to kiss them. They have seen and heard stories of both girls and boys playing games that would make your jaws drop! So I asked them "Where was your teacher? Where was your daycare provider, did you tell someone?" They would answer, "She was busy." or "I told her and she said okay." So it was then that I thought, "What should parents be doing to prepare their children for the 'if you show me yours, I will show you mine' games?" So the following is what I have come up with based on personal experience as a girl, a woman, and a mom with sons.
First, as soon as your child tells you something strange has happened to them and they are obviously looking uncomfortable or maybe they don't come right out and tell you, but ask questions such as "What is sex?" You need not act offended, angry or behave like an attorney. This is when your child needs you to listen to them like a friend, noticed I said like a friend, I didn't say be his or her friend. You need to ask follow up questions slowly. "Well how did it make you feel when you saw the boy (or girl) acting like that?" Then listen to how your child responds. Next, lead in with a story of your own that made you feel uncomfortable before you tell them what they ought to say or do. Explain to them how the situation was handled by your mom and dad and how you felt about it. Your child may not want you to do anything about what they have shared with you for fear or embarrassment. So you will want to make them feel at ease about what they have shared with you while assuring them that you don't want them to get in trouble or lose friends, then thank them for sharing. Also, reward them for telling the truth, but behind their backs you get down to the bottom of this mess. What is really going on at the school playgrounds, in the coat room, back of the class, dark hallway, the bedroom of the childcare provider, back yard or behind the couch?
Next, you need to take a serious look at their surroundings as listed previously. Are there places at the school or daycare that make you feel uncomfortable as a parent? Are too many children hanging out in the tunnels on the playground far too long? What about the big oak tree or under the sliding board? Some home daycare providers have far too many places for children to act mischievous. They can also have way too many cable channels that they are turning through to get to your child's favorite children's show and so your child could be exposed to shows by accident or on purpose. He or she may see something in between channel changes that they shouldn't be seeing (of course you may be guilty of this yourself.) Music videos and teen movies tend to have way too much kissing, touching, and sexual dancing. A little girl will want to emulate the women she sees moving and gyrating. They are tall, pretty, wear beautiful clothes and jewelry. Why wouldn't they want to be like them? When you see your daughter imitating their dance moves, praise should be the last thing that any parent should be doing, but if you do a quick search on YouTube.com you will see many parents doing just that. Then they wonder why their little angel is pregnant, abused, misused and the like by age 14, 15, 16. Boys will be boys so they say, but that is no excuse and girls will be girls, but teasing boys is not what any girl should be doing.
Third, know who your children admire. Many little girls and boys have a great deal of respect for older children. So when you entrust your child into the hands of an older child, be prepared for them to no longer want to act their age; instead, they will want to act like the big girl or big boy they know. When your young child is cared for by an older child who grew up way too fast themselves, you are putting your child at risk for acting in ways that are inappropriate. Then you will want to discipline them for behavior you could have prevented yourself.
Oftentimes children will not want to get anyone in trouble for fear they may lose friends, so if you notice your child isn't as talkative when you bring up certain subjects, doesn't want to hug you like they once did, and other signs they are withdrawing from you, you will want to find out what is causing this change in their behavior. Start a conversation with them and if they seem unresponsive, looking away, or responding to your questions with short answers, you know they have something to hide.
Fourth, at some point, you will want to take some time away from work and start reacquainting yourself with your child. Just like couples need time together to enhance their relationships, parents need to learn how to take some time away from work and spend it with their children. The weekend doesn't always provide enough time to find out what is really going on in their lives as well as enhance the parental bond. You will be surprised at what you will find out. I learned a lot when I sat down each day with my children in their environment (not my bedroom or office space I wanted them to feel comfortable) read a book or watched a movie with them, and took them to places. I will tell you that if you read the Bible with them, you will find some subjects that will stimulate conversations about violence, adultery, how men treat women, etc. I was fascinated at how much knowledge they already had about these issues in life. One of my sons at eight years old told me, one day while reading the Bible, he thought a man having more than one wife was wrong. I didn't tell him whether it was right or wrong he figured it out on his own and I agreed with him. Both sons thought that men fighting and killing one another was also wrong. Yet, when they have told me stories about what their friends have said their friends acted as if it was okay. Children pay attention more to what adults do than what they say. Now for some parents the Bible may not be something you would like to use, to each their own, but there are plenty of books out there that are age appropriate and discuss sensitive subject matter. Don't underestimate your children, because most likely they already know plenty and whether we want to face the truth or not, it may have already been your child, your neighbor's child or my child in the coat room, under the slide, or behind the oak tree.
Fifth, interview your child's teachers and daycare providers who are so busy that they are "unaware that this had happened" maybe they need a second set of eyes, rearrange the classroom, get a light bulb in the dark hallway or do something else to ensure that the children are not able to get away with playing these "touch" games. I remember times as a child when playground staff had been so busy socializing with one another that they didn't bother to pay attention to the two children holding hands or the long line of girls waiting to kiss a handsome boy.
Sixth, when an offense happens to your child make a stink about it! Document what happened as told to you by your child, make copies, meet with the administration, and if necessary file charges with the police. That's right file charges. There are parents who say they will handle the matter with their child and they don't and little sassy Sandy and fresh little Frank are still going around school thinking about who they can bother next. The key is to put a stop to this kind of behavior immediately and the only way you can do that is by sounding a loud alarm by embarrassing some folks, or as one mother told me, "Put the business out in the street!"
Lastly, when it is all said and done, you may have to transfer your child to a new school depending on how bad, how frequent, and how the administration chooses to handle or not handle the matter. Let's face it, some schools are simply better than others, and why should you have to keep your child in a school that is not doing the best it can to ensure your child is being educated about reading, writing and arithmetic rather than the birds and the bees on a daily basis.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Custom Search