Baby Anticipation...Some Things to Put in Perspective

For those who are thinking about having a baby and those who are watching the calendar ever so closely until it's time for delivery, you just might want to go down the checklist of your mind on what your needs are, your partner's, and of course the baby's.  Things might look a bit different since the last time you thought about certain things related to having a baby.

You have heard and witnessed how things change in relationships, on the job, and in other ways once babies are here.  As much as one would like to think things won't change much, they will greatly sooner or later.  So let's go down a mental checklist of how you might be feeling and what more you need to be doing before baby is arrives.

1.  If you aren't a parent yet, then don't rush it.  Sure, the pressure will be on if you are with someone who really wants a baby, but you know what is happening in your life right now and if the idea of having a baby is really grating on your nerves (or your partner's), don't agree to bring one into the world half-heartedly.  Protect yourself or you will be surprised one day whether you or your lover is ready or not!

2.  If you are already pregnant and awaiting the arrival, take it easy.  There is nothing to worry about because even if you messed up badly (bad selection in a mate, became ill due to not following doctor's orders, got into an accident, hurt yourself, baby issues...) and you felt the world was coming to an end, there will always be someone somewhere willing to help clean your mistakes up.  Reach out for help whatever the issue.  The worse thing you can do is keep secrets and wish later you hadn't.

3.  There will be those who will be supportive of whatever you do and others who won't.  Whatever your actions or inactions, you have to know who is friend and who is foe in your circle.  Keep those who stand by you close and others who are against you distant.  Don't reveal so much about your baby related thoughts especially when you aren't completely confident within.

4.  Don't make yourself love someone who doesn't love, respect and appreciate you.  Sometimes the dynamics of relationships change drastically when babies show up.  You might feel unloved, devalued, and more, when this happens, think strongly about living with a partner.  It will be stressful enough caring for a child (middle of the night wake up routines, money challenges, relatives and friends wanting to visit, job wanting you to come back soon...), so the last thing you need is an immature partner causing you additional stress.

5. Are the finances in order?  If not, re-evaluate you and your spending habits.  Your money is not your own exclusively.  You and your partner will have to set aside funds for those unexpected baby needs (like those hospital pictures for starters).  You will also want to research anything you didn't get during your baby shower (that is if you had one or are planning to have one) things like: maternity leave, health insurance for you and the baby, local childcare, diaper prices, lowest formula prices, clothing, cribs, baby changing tables, garbage pails, dressers, clothing, etc.

6.  Family and friends will want to know what is going on with baby plans or your baby's arrival.  Sometimes they can be pushy about things like:  wanting private information regarding baby thoughts, wanting to see the baby, helping you, getting your partner to be more engaging, etc.  Be prepared for the odd things some loved ones say and do.  Keep those you simply don't like or get along with distant if you don't want to have a major falling out with them.

7.  Be sure that you are in the know when it comes to the hospital procedures related to pregnancy, what is expected on the day of delivery, and more.  If you have yet to take any classes or read any books about pregnancy and baby milestones, start educating yourself.  There is always something new to learn.

Having a baby or planning to have one is a life-changing experience and you will want to do your best to think positively, but also anticipate the disappointments as well.  Sometimes things don't go as planned.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

You Aren't Alone: Ten Things Every Parent Experiences When It Comes to Their Children

Don't let those "been there done that" parental types throw you off! They may have forgotten what it was like when they had children, so they would love to make you think that "I never had the problem..." but the truth is they did have that problem, it's just that they were so angry when it happened they lost their minds! So here is a list of ten things that any parent who is honest will admit, "Yes, we had the same problem!" If they didn't have it during their child's toddler years they had to deal with it during the tween or teen years! Take a look...

1. Temper Tantrums when you take something away. Temper Tantrums because they wanted to go somewhere else other than back at home again. Temper Tantrums because they don't like what you cooked. Temper Tantrums because they need a nap!

2. Talking back. Whether loud so you can hear or under their breath, it's all the same thing!

3. Lying. Whether a little one or a big one, they all lie about something.

4. Tattle-telling. He say she say and he did and she did, but never the complete story on what "I did..."

5. Incomplete or inaccurate story-telling. They tell a story in such a way to your partner so that he or she becomes furious with you or so that you won't become angry at them.

6. Broken toys, broken dishware, broken picture frames, broken whatever...sh*t happens!

7. Lost things. "I don't know where my toy is mommy? I don't know what I did with my..." They will forget where they last left something.

8. Everything that they shouldn't hear or say they want to say or hear it!

9. They love everyone but you, because you are the enforcer! They love you when you do everything for them! "Your the greatest...I love you!"

10. There will come a time that you will either think about spanking them or actually do it! Don't beat yourself up about it!

Child Sexual Abuse - Signs And Symptoms

Sexual abuse has affected millions of children throughout the world. Child sexual abuse is defined as: An adult using a child for sexual purposes. This can be in the form of child pornography, submitting children to look at pornography, fondling, touching, kissing, sodomy, exposing oneself to a child, rape, oral sex, intercourse, or having the child touch the adult. All children will react differently to this type of trauma. There is no one single identifiable sign or symptom that all children will have. They may have very subtle symptoms or they may have very pronounced symptoms. I have gathered a list of symptoms that children of sexual abuse are often seen to have.

Bedwetting (after being potty trained)

Waking up in the night screaming, nightmares or other sleeping problems

Showing an unusual fear of certain people, places or things

A reluctance to be with a certain person

Loss of appetite or trouble eating

Fear of the bathroom

Excessive crying

Mood changes, anger outbursts or withdrawal or fear

Becomes worried when clothing is removed

Wearing layers of clothing

Age inappropriate knowledge of sex

Imitating sexual acts with other children or toys, such as dolls

Withdrawing from activities they used to be involved in

Difficulty walking or sitting

Complains of pain with urination or bowel movement

Bleeding from the genital area or anus

Academic problems

Lowered self esteem

Symptoms of PTSD such as panic attacks

Somatic complaints

Regression of behavior

Having new words for private body parts

Excessive masturbation

These are all symptoms of child sexual abuse. One common feeling I have found in working with children and adolescents, is guilt. Children usually feel guilt over the abuse that occurred. It is important to remember that under no circumstance is a child ever responsible for what happened to them. It is crucial that “re- victimization” does not happen. Some ways a child can be re- victimized is by saying to the child:

“Uncle Joey, or Grandpa Bob would never do that to you, why are you lying?”

“It couldn’t of been that bad, or you would have told me sooner”

Child sexual abuse victims usually carry this trauma with them for the rest of their lives. Some children as they begin to get older will start using drugs, get into relationships with others who are abusive, see themselves as “damaged goods” and begin acting out sexually. Engage is self mutilation, such as cutting behaviors. Some children gain weight or don’t take care of themselves so they look “unattractive” to others.

There is hope. Finding the proper treatment for past trauma can be influential on how they cope with this as an adult. Rape crisis centers are usually available in most states. There is also a national rape crisis center. They are a full service agency that addresses prevention, education, crisis intervention, counseling and advocacy. They work with both children and adults. There is also a 24 hour hotline available at the national rape crisis center, for parents or victims of sexual abuse.

About the Author
Wendy McLellan is a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor, with more than sixteen years of experience. She has recently devoted time to the efforts of http://www.safecomputerkids.com in their goal to provide parental internet safety tools and resources to the public.

Family Fun Activities: Why Family Entertainment Is Important For Your Family

Do you spend much time considering the issue of family entertainment? When parents compare notes and questions about parenting, the issue of entertainment rarely comes up. After all, how can family fun compare with such important issues as health, safety, values, nutrition, and education? But family fun is an important issue for parents for three reasons.

First, it is important to remember that family bonds are not born in the delivery room. Family bonds have to be forged and strengthened over time. Family fun is a great way to build family bonds by spending time together. While you cannot plan an activity specifically just to create a better relationship with your children you can improve your relationship through a family fun activity.

Second, the best way to teach your children something new or help them master a new skill is through fun. No one, and especially not kids, likes learning by listening to a boring lecture but if you can take your children to a location that allows you to teach them something about science, history, or the world then you will be increasing their knowledge based. Fun can be educational as well as entertaining. Remember, that there are all kinds of fun scientific concepts as well as world knowledge that can be learned outside of museums.

Family fun activities are also important for building those lasting memories of their childhood that children will carry into adulthood and out of your home. What stories do you want your children to be able to tell their children? What memories do you want your children to have? Happy childhood memories can help children with self esteem and overcome challenges in the future. Giving your children those happy childhood memories will help provide a solid foundation to become the people you want them to be as adults.

Spending time, energy and money focusing on family fun activities is a worthwhile activity for every parent because it helps strengthen family bonds, provides opportunities for learning, and creates lasting memories. Keep that in mind the next time you decide family entertainment is not a high priority.

About the Author
Deanna Mascle shares more Family Fun Activities and Family Entertainment Tips at http://familyfunforyou.com

7 Tips on Keeping Your Child Safe from Touching Games

"Boys will be boys," so some, who like to excuse offensive behavior, will say. But being a boy doesn't excuse assault, harassment, and sexual advances toward girls. However, we hear the stories in the media of boys who felt that it was okay to touch girls and at times were severely punished because of it. So what happens when it is your child? Your daughter comes to you and tells you, "Mom (Dad) there was a boy at school who put his hands on my breast and touched my backside." How would you handle it?

I had been that nine year old in a new school where boys didn't see it as nothing more than a game to touch a girl's private parts. They would target something they wanted to feel and tell their friends. Then they would hit the unlucky girl and take off running. Later, they would tell their friends whether the girl was okay with it or not. I was the one who fought back. Word traveled fast that I was mean. "Don't touch her," I would hear them say. "She is mean." That's right at nine years old my mother taught me if a boy touched you inappropriately you fight and you tell your teacher and if she didn't do anything about it, my mother was going up to my school. However, some parents didn't teach their children. I would see some of these girls deliberately sticking their breasts out or behinds playing a game of "catch me if you can!" I remember feeling sick to my stomach and a fear at times going to school, because I knew that if too many boys circled me I was doomed, but I told myself I would fight as best I could. Thank God I never got caught in the circle, but I couldn't feel sorry for the ones who did get caught, because I saw them laughing and smiling while taunting and teasing the boys before it happened. Their parents hadn't taught them any better. By the time we reached high school these same girls were pregnant before they reached 18 and by the time we all reached 25 they had already 4 or more children. I also would have to mention that there was either a mother's boyfriend or no dad in these girl's households.

So here I was at nine years old living in a strict household and never being exposed to soft porn behavior until I went to school. So I hear, things haven't changed since the eighties, they have only gotten worse. Now I have an eight and nine year old and they have told me stories about girls who are trying to kiss them. They have seen and heard stories of both girls and boys playing games that would make your jaws drop! So I asked them "Where was your teacher? Where was your daycare provider, did you tell someone?" They would answer, "She was busy." or "I told her and she said okay." So it was then that I thought, "What should parents be doing to prepare their children for the 'if you show me yours, I will show you mine' games?" So the following is what I have come up with based on personal experience as a girl, a woman, and a mom with sons.

First, as soon as your child tells you something strange has happened to them and they are obviously looking uncomfortable or maybe they don't come right out and tell you, but ask questions such as "What is sex?" You need not act offended, angry or behave like an attorney. This is when your child needs you to listen to them like a friend, noticed I said like a friend, I didn't say be his or her friend. You need to ask follow up questions slowly. "Well how did it make you feel when you saw the boy (or girl) acting like that?" Then listen to how your child responds. Next, lead in with a story of your own that made you feel uncomfortable before you tell them what they ought to say or do. Explain to them how the situation was handled by your mom and dad and how you felt about it. Your child may not want you to do anything about what they have shared with you for fear or embarrassment. So you will want to make them feel at ease about what they have shared with you while assuring them that you don't want them to get in trouble or lose friends, then thank them for sharing. Also, reward them for telling the truth, but behind their backs you get down to the bottom of this mess. What is really going on at the school playgrounds, in the coat room, back of the class, dark hallway, the bedroom of the childcare provider, back yard or behind the couch?

Next, you need to take a serious look at their surroundings as listed previously. Are there places at the school or daycare that make you feel uncomfortable as a parent? Are too many children hanging out in the tunnels on the playground far too long? What about the big oak tree or under the sliding board? Some home daycare providers have far too many places for children to act mischievous. They can also have way too many cable channels that they are turning through to get to your child's favorite children's show and so your child could be exposed to shows by accident or on purpose. He or she may see something in between channel changes that they shouldn't be seeing (of course you may be guilty of this yourself.) Music videos and teen movies tend to have way too much kissing, touching, and sexual dancing. A little girl will want to emulate the women she sees moving and gyrating. They are tall, pretty, wear beautiful clothes and jewelry. Why wouldn't they want to be like them? When you see your daughter imitating their dance moves, praise should be the last thing that any parent should be doing, but if you do a quick search on YouTube.com you will see many parents doing just that. Then they wonder why their little angel is pregnant, abused, misused and the like by age 14, 15, 16. Boys will be boys so they say, but that is no excuse and girls will be girls, but teasing boys is not what any girl should be doing.

Third, know who your children admire. Many little girls and boys have a great deal of respect for older children. So when you entrust your child into the hands of an older child, be prepared for them to no longer want to act their age; instead, they will want to act like the big girl or big boy they know. When your young child is cared for by an older child who grew up way too fast themselves, you are putting your child at risk for acting in ways that are inappropriate. Then you will want to discipline them for behavior you could have prevented yourself.

Oftentimes children will not want to get anyone in trouble for fear they may lose friends, so if you notice your child isn't as talkative when you bring up certain subjects, doesn't want to hug you like they once did, and other signs they are withdrawing from you, you will want to find out what is causing this change in their behavior. Start a conversation with them and if they seem unresponsive, looking away, or responding to your questions with short answers, you know they have something to hide.

Fourth, at some point, you will want to take some time away from work and start reacquainting yourself with your child. Just like couples need time together to enhance their relationships, parents need to learn how to take some time away from work and spend it with their children. The weekend doesn't always provide enough time to find out what is really going on in their lives as well as enhance the parental bond. You will be surprised at what you will find out. I learned a lot when I sat down each day with my children in their environment (not my bedroom or office space I wanted them to feel comfortable) read a book or watched a movie with them, and took them to places. I will tell you that if you read the Bible with them, you will find some subjects that will stimulate conversations about violence, adultery, how men treat women, etc. I was fascinated at how much knowledge they already had about these issues in life. One of my sons at eight years old told me, one day while reading the Bible, he thought a man having more than one wife was wrong. I didn't tell him whether it was right or wrong he figured it out on his own and I agreed with him. Both sons thought that men fighting and killing one another was also wrong. Yet, when they have told me stories about what their friends have said their friends acted as if it was okay. Children pay attention more to what adults do than what they say. Now for some parents the Bible may not be something you would like to use, to each their own, but there are plenty of books out there that are age appropriate and discuss sensitive subject matter. Don't underestimate your children, because most likely they already know plenty and whether we want to face the truth or not, it may have already been your child, your neighbor's child or my child in the coat room, under the slide, or behind the oak tree.

Fifth, interview your child's teachers and daycare providers who are so busy that they are "unaware that this had happened" maybe they need a second set of eyes, rearrange the classroom, get a light bulb in the dark hallway or do something else to ensure that the children are not able to get away with playing these "touch" games. I remember times as a child when playground staff had been so busy socializing with one another that they didn't bother to pay attention to the two children holding hands or the long line of girls waiting to kiss a handsome boy.

Sixth, when an offense happens to your child make a stink about it! Document what happened as told to you by your child, make copies, meet with the administration, and if necessary file charges with the police. That's right file charges. There are parents who say they will handle the matter with their child and they don't and little sassy Sandy and fresh little Frank are still going around school thinking about who they can bother next. The key is to put a stop to this kind of behavior immediately and the only way you can do that is by sounding a loud alarm by embarrassing some folks, or as one mother told me, "Put the business out in the street!"

Lastly, when it is all said and done, you may have to transfer your child to a new school depending on how bad, how frequent, and how the administration chooses to handle or not handle the matter. Let's face it, some schools are simply better than others, and why should you have to keep your child in a school that is not doing the best it can to ensure your child is being educated about reading, writing and arithmetic rather than the birds and the bees on a daily basis.

For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!

Things You Will Absolutely Need Before The Baby Comes Home

This list was created for the mother and father who simply can't afford to buy all the fancy things that are available in stores for babies. Their budget is limited and they are only concerned with the necessities. Since many new parent checklists are long and costly, consider the one following this article. It is short and inexpensive, then later when you have more money you can splurge on the luxuries.

When you are deciding exactly how much to buy, think in terms of days of the week and how often you think you might need to change the baby's t-shirts, diapers, blankets, etc. A baby when first brought home will sometimes be changed as much as 8-10 times a day, using about three to four wipes between changes, and feed every two hours. During those feedings he or she may vomit which will require changing burping blankets and possibly clothes. Also, you will have to determine how often you will be taking the baby outdoors and overnight stays with family, then approximate how many outfits you will need. Consider adding an extra outfit in the diaper bag in case of accidents. If you will be primarily at home with baby, then you will want to buy body suits, side snap shirts, pull over shirts and/or gowns first. You won't need every style of baby t-shirts that are in the store. The most popular are the baby body suits. Be sure to have at least one outfit for the baby in the hospital for photos and homecoming.

1. Car Seat with a Sun Shader & Stroller with a place to carry bags
2. Homecoming Outfit
3. Burping & Swaddle Blankets
4. Stage One bottles & Bottle Warmer (If breast feeding, pump, bottles and breast milk storage bags.)
5. Diapers & (large) Diaper Bag
6. Baby Wipes & Wipes Warmer
7. Baby Body Suits & Socks
8. Caps & Booties
9. Bassinet or Crib (you don't need to have both, some babies never connect with the bassinet.)
10. Bassinet or Crib Sheets
11. Netting for Bassinet or Crib (only if you have another child, pet or problems with insects or rodents.)
12. Changing table with vinyl pad (easy to wipe off messes)
13. A three or four drawer dresser
14. Diaper pail with refill bags
15. Baby Carrier
16. Body Wash
17. Shampoo
18. Lotion
19. Cotton Swabs and/or Cotton Balls
20. Petroleum Jelly
21. Baby Mittens (baby's nails grow quickly and at times he/she will scratch face.)
22. Nail Clippers
23. Brush & Comb
24. Digital Theromometer
25. Humidifier
26. Bath towels and washcloths
27. Swing
28. Bouncer/Rocker
29. Travel Mirror
30. Bottle Brush
31. Dishwasher Caddy
32. Pacifier
33. Camera
34. Thank You Notes
35. Rocking Chair

NOTE: Although not listed, an infant positioner is a good investment if you need peace of mind that the baby may roll over on to his or her stomach or roll off the bed or couch.

The list above is basic. As he or she grows older, then you can get the High Chair, Play Yard, Baby Gym, Jumper, books, dvds, cds, bath toys, etc. when their neck and back enable them to sit upright. Save the money for what you feel your baby and you will need as situations arise. There are plenty of things most parents don't need, but if someone wants to splurge on your behalf, by all means accept their gifts with gratitude, even if you don't need it. You can always sell the items later at a flea market or online auction. Hope this list helps you prioritize your baby's needs, save money for now and direct it to other things such as lots and lots of formula, diapers and wipes!!

Why Do We Want Children

Why do we want children? To answer this question from a deep spiritual level and not from some careless place of opinions influenced by the world around us, we want them, in fact some of us need them, because they are our legacy. Think about that for a moment.

Legacy is defined as something left to a person by will, inheritance or request. It is also defined as something that has come from an ancestor or predecessor or the past, according to the Webster’s New Ideal Dictionary. Now apply that definition to why we want children? We desire to have them because in everything we do to contribute to this world materially, it just isn’t enough for some people, to die and not leave a human life.

How awesome is this concept! It doesn’t matter to those who desire children to see them in the store crying out loud for a bottle, screaming to play with a toy in aisle four or running away from mom in a dangerous parking lot. People who truly love children and want to give back to a supernatural power that gave them life understand the significance. Of course, there are those individuals who want children for selfish reasons such as using them to accomplish dreams that they chose not to pursue, didn’t qualify for or simply failed at, a tax write-off, or to abuse or misuse because of some deep mental illness. Whatever the reason, children are meant to be here on planet earth to pick up where we left off. All are born and pre-programmed with a divine plan and it is up to parents to find out what their talents are and direct them on how to best utilize them to make the world a better place. However, when parents ignore their responsibilities by involving themselves with so much activity outside of raising their children, they fail them from the start. There are those exceptions; however, when children are given everything and still miss out on their divine calling. Once that has occurred, a parent can only focus on the fact that he or she did the best that they could. Parents should make themselves available to provide wisdom and support, when necessary, to get his or her adult child back on track.

As for those people who don’t and will never have children, there are so many ways that they can be a part of the legacy. They can assist another who has children by offering to care for them, provide for children whose parents can’t raise them, and support them by counseling or educating them. The sky is the limit! There is no commandment anywhere that states, “Thou must have children.” It doesn’t matter how one interprets the Bible or any other book, this is not a requirement and if it were, wouldn’t everyone be able to have children from their own bodies?

Children are our legacy -- an inheritance to this world. They are more powerful than money, real estate, businesses and cars. When children are carefully studied, anyone can see something within their self that is flawed and needs to be changed. Why do you think we get nervous around talkative children?

Children are a reminder of our innocence when we were young and provide us the answers on how to achieve that inner joy we once had. Why do you think we easily fall in love with a child’s laughter? They are our beginning and end, a glimpse of the history of our ancestors to arouse our own curiosity and a conclusion of what we could have been and seen if we would have been a little more adventurous.