It seems that nowadays that more and more people are blaming their parents for a bad childhood, and somehow that reasoning gives them a license to misbehave as adults.
Blaming your parents for your current behavior is irrational and irresponsible. One of the steps towards adulthood and self fulfillment is to understand that every person is responsible for their own actions. You are responsible for yourself.
Most people dutifully profess love towards their children and parents. The reality is that the love is only lip service to sooth the public consciousness. When in fact through many past and present irrationalities, conflicts, and demands there is no real love. Lack of respect for the others rights leads to loss of genuine love and enjoyment between parents and children. The lack of trust makes love impossible.
However with that said, we all must realize that an important step towards emotional growth is to acknowledge that no one has an actual duty to love another. Not even parents towards their children, or children towards their parents.
Genuine love occurs only voluntarily, through a mutual exchange of objectives and emotional values. Genuine love between parents and children can and does occur in those relationships in which objectives and values are exchanged and allowed to grow.
When there is no love between parents and children both are partially responsible for some problems experienced by certain adolescents and young adults. Major problems between parents and children are often the result of loss of trust and respect between them. Parents fail to treat children as human beings with individual rights. Parents often resort to force and physical violence under the euphemism of discipline, protection or control.
The cycle becomes sustaining, but can be corrected with effort. It all comes down to an act of defiance, followed by harsh discipline. What should happen is open communication to discover the cause of the defiance. Physical violence is proof of communication failure, and should be avoided.
Too often parents are blamed for their grown children’s faults and behavior. Once a person has reached the legal age they become irrevocably responsible for themselves. Blaming parents only hides or avoids self responsibility and the efforts needed to develop ones own self.
If children are never given respect, they never develop respect for their parents, for themselves or for values. Such children become the future problems as they do not value honesty with themselves or others. Always seeking to survive by usurping others, to get revenge for their upbringing while not taking responsibility for their own life.
The most valuable gift a parent can give to their children is the environment where they learn honesty, integrity, independence and the ability to use assertive effort to produce value for others. If your children are young enjoy them while you can, but respect them as fellow humans and they will grow to respect you and voluntarily love you.
If your children are grown and are still problems to them selves and society, tell them that you are not responsible for their actions, they are responsible for their actions. Give them a short explanation that they are independent human beings with individual rights and responsibilities. Tell them if you must that you apologize for their poor childhood, but the past is gone, all you have is now.
If you are an adult and you cannot talk to your parents, realize this; you are solely responsible for what you do and who you are. The past may have been less than desirable, but it is gone, over and done. You can be who you want to be!
So to sum up, treat each other as you would want to be treated, and the whole world becomes a better place.
Be Blessed
Written by Ralston Heath
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