A relative, friend, acquaintance, or stranger, may have all told you, “When you need me, just call.” Moments might have come and gone when you may have wished you took them up on their offers, but your gut feeling just wouldn’t let you. What is it about certain people when it comes to your children, you just don’t feel comfortable visiting or leaving your children in their care? They may have children of their own, they may be grandparents, or maybe even your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, but the feeling in the pit of your belly just won’t go away when you have left your children with him or her, maybe it’s time you listen.
You have read or heard the reports of men and women who “snap out” on children. The story usually starts out that a trusted relative or partner was left to care for the newborn, toddler, or elementary-aged child and when the mother returned found that her child was murdered. The angry boyfriend or post partum mother couldn’t stand to hear the child’s cries, so he or she chokes the child, breaks some bones, or throws him or her against a wall. Family members and strangers are mortified, “how could someone do such a thing?” They ask. Well, how could they not? You see, there are people in this world that can’t tolerate certain sounds and are mentally incapable of caring for themselves in some aspects of their lives let alone having to care for a child. If you mix an undiagnosed depression, add it with some alcohol, and drugs what do you get?
What about a post-partum mother who can barely stand her own children, mixed with caring for someone else’s children, with little money, living in a crowded apartment, what do you get? Some people will scream, “No excuses.” Of course, there are no excuses in situations of murder, there are only facts. The fact is not everyone can handle a screaming child who wants nothing more than a nap, bottle or some attention, but a person not use to answering the calls of a child doesn’t seem to get it.
He or she is already overloaded with other issues going on in his or her mind and it just so happens that on one particular day he or she snaps and unfortunately the child was in the line of fire. If these parents had some idea what the caretaker’s mental state was before leaving the child with him or her, they would have never did it, so how does the parent step outside of his or her own immediate needs and look for signs that say, “Don’t leave your child with him or her, they may be prone to harming them?” The following tips will help you reach your own conclusion on whether you should be reconsidering who is currently watching your child, how to avoid a potential disastrous situation, and cancel your plans on that particular day or night and watch your own child.
One. Don’t ignore your innate God-given ability to foresee danger. Some people have this kind of intuition better than others. Sometimes those around us will speak to us about matters we can’t feel or see. When you know that your own mother couldn’t handle you when you were a child and her mother was worse, what is the likelihood that grandmother, your sister or brother from the same family just might not be able to deal with the pressure? Children are not going to sit still long enough for anyone to get too much done, and when they do consider it a blessing, so if you know that this person has a pattern of being impatient with children, do yourself and him or her a favor and don’t allow your child to visit unless you can stay with him or her no matter how much they say, “I can watch my niece…I’m good with boys.”
Two. Someone makes the statement, “You trust him with your child?” This really means, “I wouldn’t let him watch my child with a ten foot pole.” Evidently this person sees something about this person that you don’t see. Take their advice seriously and don’t take any chances.
Three. Impatience is a great sign to look for when trying to determine whether you want someone to watch your child. If you were to give your child a math book or activity book to take with him or her during a visit with a relative or friend, offering to watch him or her, how would he or she react when trying to teach the child how to solve a problem?
Four. The caretaker you have in mind has a history of losing his or her temper with children so you have heard. You have seen them in action or heard about their emotional outbursts and mood swings when it comes to children. They become increasingly angry when a child sits on their furniture, touch their treasured keepsakes, turns on their television, or runs through their home.
Five. Dear old great grandmother or grandfather has been accident prone in recent years. Now if he or she can’t seem to keep something in his or her hands without dropping it to the floor, then why would you even think twice about him or her being responsible for lifting your child?
Six. Your relative or friend has older children in the home. Now as much as we would like to think that most older children will not do anything to harm a child or influence them in any way to do bad things, the reality is there are many who get a bit of enjoyment telling a child to do some things that would make any mother put her hands over her mouth in shock. If you know that this older child will be spending a great deal of time at the caretaker’s home unsupervised in the house with the little children, consider what your child will be exposed to: music videos, explicit music lyrics, overhearing telephone conversations containing bad language, seeing inappropriate content via the Internet, underage drinking, sex, drugs, etc.
Seven. A person who works from home is often preoccupied, a sports fan is spending a great deal of time in front of the television, and a hobbyist may be more concerned about his or her crafts then what is going on around him or her, if these people aren’t use to children and have been known to complain about how others deal with their children, what makes you think your children are any exception to the rule? You know how your children can be at home, you can discipline them in whatever way you want, and move things out of their way, but what precautions will this potential caretaker make and what does he or she have in their home that can keep your children busy? Most importantly, will they be able to sacrifice their time doing other than things to keep their eyes on your children?
Eight. Avoid allowing your toddler to be watched by a person who lives in an environment that is cluttered with fragile items, antiques, or other items that they treasure. Some collectors will lose their mind over the slightest dent, scratch, bump, or nick on any item. Although, he or she may really want to help you out, they may not be so understanding if your child breaks one of their priceless possessions.
The best people that are more than capable of watching children are people who have experience babysitting children. They know how to answer the many calls of a crying child. They aren’t easily frustrated when the child doesn’t become still right away. They have their own set of outlets that keep their lives balanced between working with children and doing other things that provide them with a sense of peace. They usually have a belief system or religious faith. However, some caretakers may have experience working with children but don’t have personal issues under control. The obvious characteristics of a person with a personality disorder include: being easily angered, irritated, extremely quiet, impatient, visibly nervous, unbelievably bubbly to the point that they can’t seem to focus on a task and complete it, lies often, very forgetful, cries a lot or moody, as well as other related issues.
The key to look for in one who has a mental condition are patterns of some if not all behaviors. Some people who have been prescribed medications also tend to experience side effects that they haven’t got use to, so consider their reaction to the medication as well and how that might affect your children’s safety. There is usually someone around them who knows them well and will advise you that maybe it would be best you don’t leave your children alone with him or her. There are plenty of people with undiagnosed conditions that affect them both mentally and physically like women with severe PMS disorders or menopausal symptoms. There are also men who have their issues of andropause and work related stress that may involve heavy lifting which may contribute to pains that can often leave them moody. There are elderly people who face health ailments like arthritis and dementia. A person who is in pain and often shifting from one mood to the next is just not the best candidate to watch children alone.
Consider all of these tips in this article and don’t ignore the quiet voice within, the comments people have said to or around you, your gut feeling or someone else’s or complaints from your child regarding this person or people.
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