When the Children Want a Sleep Over or to Sleep Over Friend’s House

I saw the words “sleepover” on the invite.  I didn’t have any alarm bells about the invitation until I thought about the many stories of children experiencing their firsts at someone else’s house and it wasn’t all positive.

“Sleepover, hmm”--I was thinking.  My son had that hopeful look in his eye--the one where a child is all-too-excited about something that he hasn’t bothered to think much about other than, “It will be fun.”

Photo by thr3 eyes on Unsplash

I felt a battle ahead if I flat out said, “No.”  I proceeded to call the number on the invite, it was late.  I changed my mind; I didn’t need a sales pitch on how “fun, safe, great…” the people and the home will be.  Instead, I thought, “Why not put the research skills that I have to assist businesses to good use?  Thorough background investigations are made when it comes to borrowing money, why not check this person out who thought it wise to invite a bunch of kids to her home?”  Later, we can have that discussion that falsely makes us feel like we “know” one another.  At that time, the friendly, free-spirited mother, who has boldly opened her home up to the public, can share whatever she decides with me that will put me at ease while I’ll pretend like I didn’t do any background check, Google search about the neighborhood and other pertinent information about all who live there.

“Sleepover,” those thoughts of yesteryear danced through my mind.  The misbehaving children who liked to irritate others, the experimental ones who liked to do everything that adults do, the abusive ones who enjoyed pinching, punching, pulling…  The stress some young people experience in an environment that is supposed to be fun.  All the while an annoyed and/or sensitive child, who doesn’t want to be viewed as the “snitch, tattle-tale,” will have to grin and bear it all.   Those hours will be long staying in a house possibly up all night doing God knows what since parents will want to go to bed at some point.

Alcohol not locked up, pet living in house, young adult male hanging around children other than parents--sketchy past…the insecurities were growing and my son’s hope was dwindling.  “After careful consideration with dad, we regret to inform you that the answer is ‘No’ to the sleepover, but ‘Yes’ to the party at the public venue.”  Yep, that’s how it played out in my head.  When I did speak to my child who looked up at me with that eager look, I didn’t falter, the answer was still, “No” and “here’s why…”  He didn’t want to hear what we had to say.  He took off down the hall visibly upset, closed his bedroom door, and got into his bed with tears in his eyes.  Dad tried to talk to him, he wasn’t hearing it.  I didn’t bother, I thought about how this child has done his share of things that upset me not that long ago and others.  He still has some growing up to do. 

Although he didn’t handle the news well the night before, he still got to go to the party, but the sleepover?  Meeting the family didn’t convince dad and I was firm with my decisions regardless, so still no to the sleepover.

Oh well, this child who usually gets his way--not this time.  Sure, it may not be that serious to some parents, but we are responsible for our children and if something would have happened…Well at least we don’t have that worry.   

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.