Remote learning is challenging enough for children so why make it worse without a plan or consequences when children fall short. Working from home doesn't go over too well with many workers because they simply don't know what to do with their children.
For well-over a decade, I worked virtual gigs with young children in the home. At one point, there were all the following family members under one roof: Needy Newborn, Curious George in diapers, a hyperactive "Wannabe Superstar" elementary school student, one "Don't Bother Me" child headed to middle school with a speech disability and a father well if you have been in someone's life for a really long time, well you know (sigh). Meanwhile Dad was working sometimes over 10 hours five days a week. I had no choice but to run a tight ship.
I will be the first to admit, with right hand raised, yes, I was and still am strict at times and not the least bit ashamed of it. As sure as God is my guide, without Him, I or those children would have surely been on the evening news!
This year (2020) the new challenge, like most parents with school-aged children, was remote learning with two of the youngest children (the other two are grown and out the door--lol thank God!) You would think easy breezy because the children are now 12 and one just turned 14 not that long ago. Well at times, it hasn't been easy.
When I decided to be at home on a regular basis, rather than chase dollars for over eight to ten hours a day away from home like I had been doing, I noticed why they felt like they could be disrespectful at times, covid 19 had forced them to grow up a bit faster than I had expected. They were at home since March, until the school district could figure out some things. Then when their dad had announced that they would not be attending classes in-person for the new school year, there were attitudes--big time!
There dad is in a high risk category as explained in media about those more likely to come down with the illness, so with him making that decision, they would be doing their share of objecting. I realized the seriousness of what everyone was saying, so I stepped in. I made the sacrifice to be at home rather than send them off to school only for them to be sent back home.
The covid cases even to date are steadily climbing in our school district. So yes not too long ago, some classes went from in-person to virtual yet again. I wouldn't be surprised if malicious children, who were forced to attend school but didn't want to, was doing their share of germ spreading just because (sigh). Sorry school, I can't afford anymore doctor bills or to be sick--been there done that already with coworkers--we all said back in January we had colds or flus, hmm. As for their grades, that spiral downward last year, well why not be home, it turns out while everyone was working, the younger ones didn't think it was important to work on their grades last school year. So they were surprised when they didn't see me all dressed up and ready to drive off to work--lol. Their expressions should have been on a TikTok!
Two of the four sons are the ones who enjoy their personal screen time a little too much. It was difficult at first to get them on a schedule since the teachers quite frankly didn't know what they were doing initially when covid was gaining momentum back in the spring 2020. They were struggling with balancing their own family responsibilities and working from home since they weren't use to it. Now things are a bit better. However, I still have to check in frequently with the newbie middle schooler and the newbie high schooler, even though their rooms are not that far from my home office space. Sometimes our personalities do indeed clash! Here are some of the things I have done so that most of the time we do not have issues in my household concerning completing schoolwork.
Alarms are set daily on school nights. We know better that most children just miraculously get up especially when they are busted looking at cell phones under covers the night before. "Hand it over..." says Mom. "Okay, I'll put it away." says son. "I'll be back to check and if that phone is off it's charger, you will be getting an old school clock with a loud alarm, capice?" I already did it before, I will surely do it again.
Bedtime schedules are enforced. Same time to bed most nights for the children--no exceptions on school nights. When they decide they don't want to do as they are told, guess what? The gaming consoles are removed until all school work is done the following day. They come to my room and request their items only after they have completed their school work the following day. If they take their sweet ole time getting to bed, they lose their gaming console again. This continues to happen until good ole fashioned common sense kicks in which recently it did. What child wants to lose their favorite gaming device more times than none? Write a note or set a reminder Parent that tells you to follow up at least 30 minutes before bed time to ensure they are "working on it" says one child when getting to bed. My reply, "Work a little faster!"
Class break times are observed. They are for completing school work, eating food, drinking a beverage, or retrieving a snack not gaming consoles or sitting on cell phones playing games, watching movies... You know what happens even with us adults, you lose track of time. So they know that the break time is best used for essential tasks not "Do as I wish without rules." They will have plenty of that time when they are paying bills under their own roofs--wonder how that philosophy will work when they have to report to work one day soon? They might as well learn young--lol.
Chores are expected to be done and the same consequences apply, say goodbye to your gaming time if not done. They have been given money and gifted far more than most children, so the allowance is done and over with as this year comes to an end. There are two birthdays in December and my income has reduced so they know better than to ask for more--we had that discussion already.
The chores are simple household responsibilities that all family members participate in. The boys have two days a week for their deep cleaning chores and the rest of the week is just light maintenance such as: take the trash out, clean off the countertops in the bathroom, kitchen and table after dishes are put away and placed in dishwasher (one child does morning and lunch and the other evening), meal preparation (once a week per child), vacuuming, disinfecting light switches, door handles and knobs, and mopping floors.
Responsibilities are rotated at times and sometimes they are doing nothing because the adults have already completed most tasks. "Doing nothing" doesn't happen often. Outdoor tasks are considered the deep cleaning chores and they are also rotated like: sweeping the garage, entrance ways, cleaning outside doors or patio windows, etc.
A little afternoon, evening and night R&R is earned. Notice how much free time a child really has when you think of it? After the work is done, then the play begins, not the other way around.
It might all sound so harsh in writing, but it really isn't when they are shown why it is very necessary for all family members to take part in maintaining the household not just the woman! It comes naturally to be clean and organized for boys and young men when they see parents take value in where they live.
My older sons, who are now on their own, report back that they understand why I was particular about them learning things about life from organizing your dwelling to paying your bills. My requests have been reasonable. This is why these two young men are doing quite well out here in the real world. We not only had schedules for them, but we also went over what they wanted to do after high school. We prayed, planned and executed on those plans sometimes not without consequences.
Remote learning had continued to occur long after the school bell rang with my eldest and the same holds true with the youngest sons. My class was and still is "Life Lessons." Sometimes our family meetings were four hours long complete with videos, worksheets, and practical, real life experiences by taking them out and about and pointing out some things and participating.
If we call ourselves parents and we want what's best for our children, they can't be parented on autopilot. Someone has got to get in the cockpit and navigate that plane, so it might as well be you, Parent!
Fly smart, fly safe! God bless.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy the Christian's Critic and When Mothers Cry.
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