After kids are born, sometimes things just don't change with some dads.
The good-for-nothing fathers are incognito. You don't know you have a lazy father/partner or ineffective dad around you until you spend some time with him. He isn't stubborn, controlling, or miserable, he just doesn't like to do too much of anything. For example, in the Bible 2 Samuel 13:21, King David heard about his son Amnon raping his daughter and was furious about it, but he didn't punish him. Too busy, too tired, too whatever to handle major issues, just imagine what his daughter thought of her father.
Ineffective fathers see the issues in the family or in the household and will promise to assist, or pretend they don't know, but rarely follow through on what they claim they will do to remedy situations. If a son or daughter can't trust that issues will be handled by the men in their lives, then it isn't any wonder that throughout life they have a hard time trusting others. When the kids are hungry, Ineffective Dad permits them to binge on junk food, rather than getting up off his behind, going to the kitchen and fixing his children a healthy meal. He doesn't like to repair anything neither does he bother to get someone more knowledgeable to handle broken things around the home even when they are an inconvenience to his partner and children. Further, he is even too miserly to spend money to get important responsibilities done.
The lazy father isn't big on cleaning and will leave something on the floor rather than bend over and pick it up. Most often, family members will call his attention to his slothful ways but he doesn't do much but defend himself usually making some reference to something he did weeks or even years ago that showed he was helpful. Laundry piles up, stains remain on walls, garbage climbs new heights, the bathroom smells, the pets are ignored, etc., and Lazy Dad doesn't care. So when children grow older and don't want to visit Dad in his crowded, stinky, and unsightly home, he shouldn't wonder.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad
