Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Spiritual Message about Wayward, Selfish Mothers and Rebellious Daughters
Check out Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire - an eye-opening book on dysfunctional parenting.
What I Don't Like About Being a Parent Sometimes
Sometimes as parents we have to say the kind of things that others are too fearful of saying. But the truth is, there are many things I like about being a parent just like any other parent like: being able to teach, love, care, and do other things that assist my children and make me a better person.
As for the things I don't like:
1. Feeling more like a maid, a babysitter, a teacher, and a friend, but not much of a mom at times. But then again, aren't we everything to our families anyway (lol).
2. Watching money leave my bank account as quick as I get it to pay for yet another thing related to children.
3. Having to put off buying things for myself more times than I care to mention. I recall years going by of wearing clothes from my 20s because I couldn't afford to buy a new wardrobe. Now I am back in that season again when the weight is increasing and things are getting tighter (sigh).
4. I noticed that people seem to care about you more because you are a mother, those "dear children...sweet kids..." If the children weren't around that phone wouldn't ring as much and the generous giving wouldn't be unheard of--this was so true prior to having children.
5. I feel pressure to overachieve at whatever I do from organizing to working a job, because of the children. Yet, there is no appreciation, just more requests for more things. I have to keep reminding them to say, "Thank you."
6. Invites to activities, fliers from school, and catalogs in the mail child-related always asking for money/donations/volunteering. Just teach my kids! I have enough to do and my money can't cover everything, so don't put my children up to asking me!
7. I seriously wouldn't deal with certain family members and in-laws or acknowledge a single holiday (including birthdays) if it wasn't for my children--can't wait until they get older--FREEDOM!
8. Constantly reminding children to clean up, put up, shut up, get up, hold your head up...you know the rest while dad sighs. "Look, I was fine until we pro-created, so get over it," my eyes warn. "Better yet, you come over here and help with the children, thanks," my feet do my talking for me.
That's it, I'm done. If you feel frustrated about being a parent sometimes, by all means, please share. I don't know your family or your friends and besides, they wouldn't care because they are most likely having their share of issues too. But what keeps many of us from speaking out loud or talking with a counselor, because there is always that one mom who has lost a child warning, "You best appreciate what you have because you never know one day you might lose a child." So true. But we are entitled to express times of frustration so that we aren't the ones on television one day walking with our hands behind our backs in handcuffs.
Hats off to all the moms who are at home with children during school breaks! May God be with you and I!
Nicholl McGuire, Author of When Mothers Cry
As for the things I don't like:
1. Feeling more like a maid, a babysitter, a teacher, and a friend, but not much of a mom at times. But then again, aren't we everything to our families anyway (lol).
2. Watching money leave my bank account as quick as I get it to pay for yet another thing related to children.
3. Having to put off buying things for myself more times than I care to mention. I recall years going by of wearing clothes from my 20s because I couldn't afford to buy a new wardrobe. Now I am back in that season again when the weight is increasing and things are getting tighter (sigh).
4. I noticed that people seem to care about you more because you are a mother, those "dear children...sweet kids..." If the children weren't around that phone wouldn't ring as much and the generous giving wouldn't be unheard of--this was so true prior to having children.
5. I feel pressure to overachieve at whatever I do from organizing to working a job, because of the children. Yet, there is no appreciation, just more requests for more things. I have to keep reminding them to say, "Thank you."
6. Invites to activities, fliers from school, and catalogs in the mail child-related always asking for money/donations/volunteering. Just teach my kids! I have enough to do and my money can't cover everything, so don't put my children up to asking me!
7. I seriously wouldn't deal with certain family members and in-laws or acknowledge a single holiday (including birthdays) if it wasn't for my children--can't wait until they get older--FREEDOM!
8. Constantly reminding children to clean up, put up, shut up, get up, hold your head up...you know the rest while dad sighs. "Look, I was fine until we pro-created, so get over it," my eyes warn. "Better yet, you come over here and help with the children, thanks," my feet do my talking for me.
That's it, I'm done. If you feel frustrated about being a parent sometimes, by all means, please share. I don't know your family or your friends and besides, they wouldn't care because they are most likely having their share of issues too. But what keeps many of us from speaking out loud or talking with a counselor, because there is always that one mom who has lost a child warning, "You best appreciate what you have because you never know one day you might lose a child." So true. But we are entitled to express times of frustration so that we aren't the ones on television one day walking with our hands behind our backs in handcuffs.
Hats off to all the moms who are at home with children during school breaks! May God be with you and I!
Nicholl McGuire, Author of When Mothers Cry
Stressed Out Mothers?
Nicholl
Mother Love
Scientific studies conclude something mothers everywhere have always intuitively known – that the unique love they have for their offspring is vitally important to their development. A mother’s love and nurturing even directly impacts the biological development of the child's brain and central nervous system. In effect, mother and child are “hard-wired” for mutual love. The brain is like a template designed to await molding by its early environment. One researcher even wrote that hugs and kisses during the early critical periods assist in making neurons grow and connect properly with other neurons.
Throughout childhood, warm human love and touch generate an internal release of addicting and pleasurable opiates. Even teenagers (who may act as if they don't need the parents at all) must receive ongoing neural synchrony – love – from the parents. The brain and heart appear literally designed for love, with happiness and even health depending on it.
The pituitary hormone, oxytocin, is present during all loving acts but most especially at birth where it serves to stimulate uterine contractions, and during nursing for the milk ejection reflex. It, along with the nursing hormone, prolactin, help create that intense feeling of love shared by mother and child. Endorphins are physiological chemicals that are also released in both the mother and child during loving contact. They create a feel-good high for both and thus play a critical role in encouraging affection and dependency.
When bonding fails, it is theorized that the absence of these pleasure chemicals can leave a void, making such children especially susceptible to drugs that can also release such pleasure chemicals. The stress hormone cortisol is also released when touch and love are lacking. Sensory deprivation in mother-absent children – a form of stress that stimulates the release of cortisol – can increase susceptibility to abnormalities such as depression, violence, substance abuse, and even impaired immune response.
The most natural way mothers deal with newborns in the majority of the world is with an in-arms approach. In more primitive cultures where mothers are barely allowed a break from work to give birth, babies are swaddled to the body creating constant contact and reassurance. This bathes tissues in love hormones and encourages development of healthy neural connections, particularly as the synaptic connections in the cortex develop for the first two years of life.
There is also heart-to-heart, quite literally, between mother and child. Heart muscle cells not only contract, but also communicate with one another. Isolating one cell from the heart in a petri dish causes it to lose its rhythm and begin to fibrillate until it dies. Putting two cells in proximity to one another causes them to synchronize and beat in unison. There is an unseen and as yet unmeasured communication between living cells. The beating of the mother's heart and her breathing pattern coordinate in a critical way with the infant's internal rhythms. This is part of what is known as a synchronizing hormonal flow that occurs between mother and child (directly from breast milk and also from loving contact and even from proximity and thought) that help to regulate vital rhythms in the child. Mothers instinctively place their babies to their left breast, keeping their two hearts close. The mother's developed heart actually stimulates the newborn heart activating a dialogue between the two hearts and minds. Mother and child are more appropriately considered as one, rather than two separate entities as they bond while the child is being held and nursed.
These interesting links that science is revealing between mother and child are another proof that all life is holistic and intimately interconnected. The ideal holistic model is that which nature presents and it is clear that mother and child are meant to be intimate. Children cannot simply be cast off to be fed, clothed and housed as if that were enough. Society needs to take note of this important biology as more and more pressure is put on modern families and mothers to treat newborns as just another duty to schedule into the appointment book or to have serviced by a third party. By giving love the respect it deserves and making it the starting point of life, the odds are much greater that love will then blossom in children and be carried through to their children…and, who knows, perhaps continue on to the world at large. We could use a lot of that.
Dr. Wysong: A former veterinary clinician and surgeon, college instructor in human anatomy, physiology and the origin of life, inventor of numerous medical, surgical, nutritional, athletic and fitness products and devices, research director for the present company by his name and founder of the philanthropic Wysong Institute.http://www.wysong.net. Also check out http://www.cerealwysong.com.
Throughout childhood, warm human love and touch generate an internal release of addicting and pleasurable opiates. Even teenagers (who may act as if they don't need the parents at all) must receive ongoing neural synchrony – love – from the parents. The brain and heart appear literally designed for love, with happiness and even health depending on it.
The pituitary hormone, oxytocin, is present during all loving acts but most especially at birth where it serves to stimulate uterine contractions, and during nursing for the milk ejection reflex. It, along with the nursing hormone, prolactin, help create that intense feeling of love shared by mother and child. Endorphins are physiological chemicals that are also released in both the mother and child during loving contact. They create a feel-good high for both and thus play a critical role in encouraging affection and dependency.
When bonding fails, it is theorized that the absence of these pleasure chemicals can leave a void, making such children especially susceptible to drugs that can also release such pleasure chemicals. The stress hormone cortisol is also released when touch and love are lacking. Sensory deprivation in mother-absent children – a form of stress that stimulates the release of cortisol – can increase susceptibility to abnormalities such as depression, violence, substance abuse, and even impaired immune response.
The most natural way mothers deal with newborns in the majority of the world is with an in-arms approach. In more primitive cultures where mothers are barely allowed a break from work to give birth, babies are swaddled to the body creating constant contact and reassurance. This bathes tissues in love hormones and encourages development of healthy neural connections, particularly as the synaptic connections in the cortex develop for the first two years of life.
There is also heart-to-heart, quite literally, between mother and child. Heart muscle cells not only contract, but also communicate with one another. Isolating one cell from the heart in a petri dish causes it to lose its rhythm and begin to fibrillate until it dies. Putting two cells in proximity to one another causes them to synchronize and beat in unison. There is an unseen and as yet unmeasured communication between living cells. The beating of the mother's heart and her breathing pattern coordinate in a critical way with the infant's internal rhythms. This is part of what is known as a synchronizing hormonal flow that occurs between mother and child (directly from breast milk and also from loving contact and even from proximity and thought) that help to regulate vital rhythms in the child. Mothers instinctively place their babies to their left breast, keeping their two hearts close. The mother's developed heart actually stimulates the newborn heart activating a dialogue between the two hearts and minds. Mother and child are more appropriately considered as one, rather than two separate entities as they bond while the child is being held and nursed.
These interesting links that science is revealing between mother and child are another proof that all life is holistic and intimately interconnected. The ideal holistic model is that which nature presents and it is clear that mother and child are meant to be intimate. Children cannot simply be cast off to be fed, clothed and housed as if that were enough. Society needs to take note of this important biology as more and more pressure is put on modern families and mothers to treat newborns as just another duty to schedule into the appointment book or to have serviced by a third party. By giving love the respect it deserves and making it the starting point of life, the odds are much greater that love will then blossom in children and be carried through to their children…and, who knows, perhaps continue on to the world at large. We could use a lot of that.
Dr. Wysong: A former veterinary clinician and surgeon, college instructor in human anatomy, physiology and the origin of life, inventor of numerous medical, surgical, nutritional, athletic and fitness products and devices, research director for the present company by his name and founder of the philanthropic Wysong Institute.http://www.wysong.net. Also check out http://www.cerealwysong.com.
The Faces of Motherhood
Mother, Mommie, Moma, Mom, Mamie, Madea. Whatever the choice, this time the dictionary just cannot do justice to the role. For most of us, from the day we find out that inside of us a seed, a life has been planted and given to our care, a bond begins that is simply indescribable.
As we run the course and watch our bellies grow, without an actual awareness our heart strings become more and more taunt for that little kick, or the flutter of movement that we can now claim as ours. Throwing up, swollen feet, backaches, wow, what a way to start a race. Oh too soon comes the pain which in that moment you feel is as worst as pain can be, then out comes our rite to be called a mother, aka "our little bundle of joy"...we'll see!
For the next months, and into years motherhood brings a salad of emotions. Fear acting as croutons, instinct as the cream de la cream of lettuces, with the contents of our salad of motherhood being fatigue, confusion, experiments, and tears. Now since most salads are just not as good without dressing, we dress ourselves in love. Not the love you have for your man, or your moma. This one is much different, much deeper, so much more attached to your soul. At times it is actually scary because you feel as if there is nothing that can come to change what is between you and your baby.
Giving time, time. We move through the days of teething, diarrhea, fevers, falling, walking, and talking until our little one begins to grow into their own. They suddenly have a way of doing "them." What "they" want, and being who they are, your warnings and your "no" is tested to the limits and we begin to blame it on their fathers side of the family or the kids at daycare, anything, anyone but our babies.
Years begin to fly by and on the first day of kindergarten your heart breaks as they go walking inside, just so independent, waving and smiling; tears begin to fall from your eyes that you can't really explain, the first time of many more to come, but its love.
As life would have it time passes, and days and nights come and go and you begin to see your baby growing like a weed. The next thing you know high school is kicking down the door and boys or girls are ringing the phone off the hook, hormones are raging and necks roll with attitude. Suddenly your advice sounds like a foreign language to them and all of a sudden they seem to think you appeared on the scene just recently and with absolutely no experience or knowledge of what, when or how things work in life.
Your days and nights begin to be filled with wondering if you have said the right things, done the right things. Do they really know how much you love them?
Sooner or later they become young women and young men that make choices, some good, and some bad. Some days you lend your opinion and they take it, others they seem to turn a deaf ear. You find yourself back in the days of when they first started to try to walk and you would let them go, your hands and arms posed around their little world of uncertainty, and they would wobble back and forth and you wobbled back and forth with them to try to keep them from falling. Even back then sometimes they fell, and if they did it hurt you and them, sometimes they took steps with great success and you cheered them on proudly.
Mistakes are made, incidents happen, lies are told (and yes, your child has lied to you too). Motherhood brings such a gambit of emotion that it's hard to define them all. Love for a child that creates hopes and dreams that are sometimes dashed and discounted as if you are a total stranger, yet love forges on.
Nights when they stay out longer than they are suppose to without calling and your mind takes you on a trip through hell, your stomach in knots you walk the floor and pray Gods protection, and its love that drives you. In they come finally and they just can't seem to understand why you're so upset, "I'm fine, moma, stop worrying so much" and off to bed they go, or at least that's what they try to do, in my house things went down a little different. Voices came from the dark asking where in the hell you've been, or just when you thought you made it safely in without her hearing you, if you were lucky, the thrown shoe would miss you, yet it's love that drives her.
Young adulthood and adulthood are real special places where you begin to find out who your children really are. Your lives bring changes in your conversations and you realize that they are not just your children; they are people with their own minds and lives. Motherhood now means loving them enough to let them go, let them be who they are, what they are, right where they are whether you like it or not. You do it out of love.
I would just like to take a moment and acknowledge the mothers who may have lost a child, you are warriors! Despite your hurt you march on, living, and loving. You epitomize motherhood; your love can not be stopped not even in loss. The faces of motherhood are many; they give, give, and give out of love, out of need, out of want. They take, take, take when they think they can give no more, they take love to the next level, and the next level.
Motherhood is a gift, a privilege given by God, a task that requires what no book can teach, Dr. Spock can give all the advice he wants and nothing, nothing can or will prepare you for the journey of motherhood. As sistas walk out motherhood we all need, and require a word of support, encouragement and advice to make it through, your road may help another mother make a decision or see things a little different. Share your words, your failures, and your triumphs at Sista's Common Sense Corner, http://www.sistascommonsensecorner.com.
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