It's All In the Family: Parents: Are You Turning Siblings Against One Ano...

It's All In the Family: Parents: Are You Turning Siblings Against One Ano...: Motherhood blog based on book entitled, When Mothers Cry by self-published author Nicholl McGuire. Parenting, relationship, women issues discussed.

Children Jealousy - Dealing With it Can Save Hurt, Pain, and Family Problems

When children jealousy arises, it takes on many forms. One child might act out his jealousy by focusing his resentment against his mother, another might become sullen and dependent, or he or she might act out aggressively. 

Knowing how to deal with a child jealousy can save a lot of hurt, pain, and family problems. If a child attacks another sibling out of jealousy the parent's first impulse is to act shocked and to shame or punish the child. This doesn't work well for two reasons. 

First, he (or she) may fear his (or her) parents love the other child more then him (or her). Younger children don't understand that parents can be angry with them and still love them. Childhood jealousy does more harm to a child's self worth and inner spirit when it is suppressed. 

When a parent shames a child, the jealousy is suppressed and turns inward. Shaming a child is never good. But there is a great opportunity to build self-esteem and teach lessons if the parent handles the children jealousy in a positive way. It's perfectly fine to tell a child the behavior is unacceptable, but one must also reinforce that as a parent you understand their feelings of children jealousy and that their feelings are ok. 

 As a parent, you must also show them you love them, and accept them and care for them just as much as his or her siblings. It is this knowledge that will dispel the jealousy they feel and stop the aggression between children when they feel jealous of each other. 

Children jealousy can sometimes show up in a way that doesn't look like jealousy at all. The parent may even think the sibling adores his or her sibling. This can happen with newborns a lot. For example, let's say Mary is constantly showering the baby with attention, or always speaks about the baby; she may see kids riding a tricycle and say "Baby likes tricycle" or sees other kids playing and says "Baby wants to play" It all seems innocent, but in part it's likely jealousy being played out as an obsessive attention focused on the newborn. 

 It is fine when a child shows love for the baby, but this doesn't mean that jealousy isn't there. Being overly attentive or preoccupied of the baby is just another way of coping with the stresses. It is a mixture of both love affection and jealousy, which often is the root of such behavior. The goal is to bring out the affection, and subdue the jealousy. 

For the child who becomes sullen, try talking with him or her to help them overcome child jealousy. Let them know you understand their feelings, you understand the need for attention and your lack of attention with a newborn has no affect on how much you love them. 

 A child who becomes introspective needs affection, reassurance, and attention. If any child continues to display children jealousy for a newborn or sibling and doesn't seem to be coping with the feeling children jealousy can evoke, consider hiring a child psychologist or specialist to help guide your child, and you through the difficult times that jealousy can produce. 

George Monroe is co-author of the book Overcoming Jealousy -- http://www.relationshipjealousy.com/learn-more. George has always had a passion to help people with jealousy in all it's forms. You can read more articles on jealousy, trust, insecurity and children jealousy at http://www.relationshipjealousy.com/children-jealousy.