It seems that nowadays that more and more people are blaming their parents for a bad childhood, and somehow that reasoning gives them a license to misbehave as adults.
Blaming your parents for your current behavior is irrational and irresponsible. One of the steps towards adulthood and self fulfillment is to understand that every person is responsible for their own actions. You are responsible for yourself.
Most people dutifully profess love towards their children and parents. The reality is that the love is only lip service to sooth the public consciousness. When in fact through many past and present irrationalities, conflicts, and demands there is no real love. Lack of respect for the others rights leads to loss of genuine love and enjoyment between parents and children. The lack of trust makes love impossible.
However with that said, we all must realize that an important step towards emotional growth is to acknowledge that no one has an actual duty to love another. Not even parents towards their children, or children towards their parents.
Genuine love occurs only voluntarily, through a mutual exchange of objectives and emotional values. Genuine love between parents and children can and does occur in those relationships in which objectives and values are exchanged and allowed to grow.
When there is no love between parents and children both are partially responsible for some problems experienced by certain adolescents and young adults. Major problems between parents and children are often the result of loss of trust and respect between them. Parents fail to treat children as human beings with individual rights. Parents often resort to force and physical violence under the euphemism of discipline, protection or control.
The cycle becomes sustaining, but can be corrected with effort. It all comes down to an act of defiance, followed by harsh discipline. What should happen is open communication to discover the cause of the defiance. Physical violence is proof of communication failure, and should be avoided.
Too often parents are blamed for their grown children’s faults and behavior. Once a person has reached the legal age they become irrevocably responsible for themselves. Blaming parents only hides or avoids self responsibility and the efforts needed to develop ones own self.
If children are never given respect, they never develop respect for their parents, for themselves or for values. Such children become the future problems as they do not value honesty with themselves or others. Always seeking to survive by usurping others, to get revenge for their upbringing while not taking responsibility for their own life.
The most valuable gift a parent can give to their children is the environment where they learn honesty, integrity, independence and the ability to use assertive effort to produce value for others. If your children are young enjoy them while you can, but respect them as fellow humans and they will grow to respect you and voluntarily love you.
If your children are grown and are still problems to them selves and society, tell them that you are not responsible for their actions, they are responsible for their actions. Give them a short explanation that they are independent human beings with individual rights and responsibilities. Tell them if you must that you apologize for their poor childhood, but the past is gone, all you have is now.
If you are an adult and you cannot talk to your parents, realize this; you are solely responsible for what you do and who you are. The past may have been less than desirable, but it is gone, over and done. You can be who you want to be!
So to sum up, treat each other as you would want to be treated, and the whole world becomes a better place.
Be Blessed
Written by Ralston Heath
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Six Signs to Watch Out for when Your Child is with Older Children
How do you know your young child is being negatively influenced by older children? Article explains.
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How do you know your young child is being negatively influenced by older children? Article explains.
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Dads Are (Harried) Parents, Too!
My husband thought he was immune to the apparent "Lost-Mind-Syndrome" that had afflicted me during our childrens' toddler years. What, you haven't heard of "Lost-Mind-Syndrome"? Okay, so maybe it's nothing more than being scatter-brained from having ten thousand things to do each and every day! But read on to see that even the most practical-minded man is no match for the beleaguered mind-weariness of parenting!
I think it was during our toddler invasion years (we had three at home) when I realized that losing one's mind--particularly a portion of the memory feature--was an unavoidable by-product of parenting. Why didn't the baby books warn that lost car keys, lost eye glasses, lost bottles and pacifiers--things that turn routine days into triathlons--would become par for the course? There is probably a specialized branch of the government mothers should work for. Who else can conduct a frantic search for vital home security items in less than a minute--and still make it to the pediatrician's office on time?
My husband has hinted that "lost-mind-syndrome" (or, LMS, as we affectionately call it) after parenthood can only happen if one is prone to it in the first place. In other words, that I was really just plain nuts and parenting was bringing it out. Ha! Little did he know that his day would come!
I admit that I had been displaying grave signs of the malady: There was the time we were traveling with two friends when we had to stop so Mike (my husband) could check the engine. Climbing back into the driver’s seat he complained that he'd gotten some antifreeze on his bare arm. Instantly a wayward maternal instinct leapt up in me like an alarm and I blurted, “Don’t lick your arm!” To peals of laughter from the backseat, my husband thanked me profusely for reminding him not to lick his arm since, of course, he was in a terrible habit of doing so.
Another time we were visiting friends and I spotted a pretty lamp, which our hostess explained was a "touch-lamp," the kind you simply have to touch to turn on. They were NEW at the time, and, impressed, I gushed, “Oh, so it’s good for blind people!” For the split-second the thought was in my head until I spoke it aloud, it actually had made sense. Acute LMS in action.
Fortunately lots of parents display symptoms of the syndrome, so I never feel alone. For instance, at the supermarket you can always spot the harried parents at the checkout: they are the ones rocking the shopping cart back and forth. No matter that baby is home—they don’t even know they’re doing it.
Or the 19 mothers in the department store who turn their heads simultaneously when a young child cries "Mommy!" The brain affected by LMS always thinks, "that could be my child!" So what if we left the kids home with Dad? Reality has nothing to do with it. Yup, and friends tell me I am not the only one who has offered a visitor a nicely warmed bottle of milk instead of the tea they were expecting. And I've actually seen other people begin to chop meat into teensy, tiny little pieces--for their spouse.
Often, when bottles or Binky's were missing, my husband would shake his head. "Didn't we just buy a few?" he'd say. I could answer that yes, we had, without even thinking about it--we were ALWAYS just buying a few.
One evening I had just finished bathing our two older kids. As I walked past the den Mike spotted me and asked, worried, “Is the (baby) gate on the stairs closed? Make sure it’s closed!” I saw that Matthew, our youngest at 16 months, was safe for the moment, but I checked the gate anyway. It was closed.
When I passed Mike again shortly afterwards, he fretted, “Did you leave the bathroom door open? Matthew could be getting into the bathroom!” He was worried that I had left water in the tub, and that Matt might be at risk. I had not left water in the tub and stopped in my tracks, suprised to see Mike getting even more indignant. I hadn't even answered the question when he demanded, “Where is Matthew, anyway? WHERE IS HE?!”
I gazed at my husband, shaking my head softly. In a gentle voice I broke the news to him: ”Honey, you’re feeding him.” I felt sorry for the guy as he looked down at Matthew on his lap, sucking quietly from a bottle, and it hit him: He, too, had lost his mind!
Ah, isn’t marriage and parenting great? Give the dad in your house an extra big hug this Father's Day. He deserves it!
Linore Rose Burkard writes Inspirational Romance as well as articles on Regency Life, Homeschooling, and Self-Improvement. She publishes a monthly eZine "Upon My Word!" which you can receive for FREE by signing up at http://www.LinoreRoseBurkard.com Ms. Burkard was raised in NYC and now lives in Ohio with her husband and five children.
I think it was during our toddler invasion years (we had three at home) when I realized that losing one's mind--particularly a portion of the memory feature--was an unavoidable by-product of parenting. Why didn't the baby books warn that lost car keys, lost eye glasses, lost bottles and pacifiers--things that turn routine days into triathlons--would become par for the course? There is probably a specialized branch of the government mothers should work for. Who else can conduct a frantic search for vital home security items in less than a minute--and still make it to the pediatrician's office on time?
My husband has hinted that "lost-mind-syndrome" (or, LMS, as we affectionately call it) after parenthood can only happen if one is prone to it in the first place. In other words, that I was really just plain nuts and parenting was bringing it out. Ha! Little did he know that his day would come!
I admit that I had been displaying grave signs of the malady: There was the time we were traveling with two friends when we had to stop so Mike (my husband) could check the engine. Climbing back into the driver’s seat he complained that he'd gotten some antifreeze on his bare arm. Instantly a wayward maternal instinct leapt up in me like an alarm and I blurted, “Don’t lick your arm!” To peals of laughter from the backseat, my husband thanked me profusely for reminding him not to lick his arm since, of course, he was in a terrible habit of doing so.
Another time we were visiting friends and I spotted a pretty lamp, which our hostess explained was a "touch-lamp," the kind you simply have to touch to turn on. They were NEW at the time, and, impressed, I gushed, “Oh, so it’s good for blind people!” For the split-second the thought was in my head until I spoke it aloud, it actually had made sense. Acute LMS in action.
Fortunately lots of parents display symptoms of the syndrome, so I never feel alone. For instance, at the supermarket you can always spot the harried parents at the checkout: they are the ones rocking the shopping cart back and forth. No matter that baby is home—they don’t even know they’re doing it.
Or the 19 mothers in the department store who turn their heads simultaneously when a young child cries "Mommy!" The brain affected by LMS always thinks, "that could be my child!" So what if we left the kids home with Dad? Reality has nothing to do with it. Yup, and friends tell me I am not the only one who has offered a visitor a nicely warmed bottle of milk instead of the tea they were expecting. And I've actually seen other people begin to chop meat into teensy, tiny little pieces--for their spouse.
Often, when bottles or Binky's were missing, my husband would shake his head. "Didn't we just buy a few?" he'd say. I could answer that yes, we had, without even thinking about it--we were ALWAYS just buying a few.
One evening I had just finished bathing our two older kids. As I walked past the den Mike spotted me and asked, worried, “Is the (baby) gate on the stairs closed? Make sure it’s closed!” I saw that Matthew, our youngest at 16 months, was safe for the moment, but I checked the gate anyway. It was closed.
When I passed Mike again shortly afterwards, he fretted, “Did you leave the bathroom door open? Matthew could be getting into the bathroom!” He was worried that I had left water in the tub, and that Matt might be at risk. I had not left water in the tub and stopped in my tracks, suprised to see Mike getting even more indignant. I hadn't even answered the question when he demanded, “Where is Matthew, anyway? WHERE IS HE?!”
I gazed at my husband, shaking my head softly. In a gentle voice I broke the news to him: ”Honey, you’re feeding him.” I felt sorry for the guy as he looked down at Matthew on his lap, sucking quietly from a bottle, and it hit him: He, too, had lost his mind!
Ah, isn’t marriage and parenting great? Give the dad in your house an extra big hug this Father's Day. He deserves it!
Linore Rose Burkard writes Inspirational Romance as well as articles on Regency Life, Homeschooling, and Self-Improvement. She publishes a monthly eZine "Upon My Word!" which you can receive for FREE by signing up at http://www.LinoreRoseBurkard.com Ms. Burkard was raised in NYC and now lives in Ohio with her husband and five children.
The Trouble With Parents
Like most parents, my partner and I work hard to develop our children into healthy, well adjusted people. We want them to have the skills to persue whatever objectives they choose for themselves in this world.
None of us are perfect parents and we all learn from the past. The purpose of this article is to pass on one of our experiences. It had a profound effect on the way we approach the parenting game.
A few years ago, our two children were aged two and four. Over a period of weeks one of our boys had become increasingly naughty. His behaviour was rubbing off on his brother. Mum and dad had explored the usual discipline options but nothing seemed to work.
Eventually, as my partner and I discussed the boys behaviour, we decided that there must be a trigger. If we could find it, we thought we could perhaps effect a change for the better.
We wound back the clock to the time when the behaviour change emerged, then looked at what we had all been doing at around that time.
As it turned out, the onset corresponded with a time when my job was being restructured and my partner was as worried as I about the outcome. We were both focussed on ourselves and quite naturally were exhibiting signs of stress.
The result of this pressure, was that we had very little time for our children and they were not getting the attention they needed from us.
We decided to try an experiment. We set aside all our other priorities for the weekend and spend time with boys. Nothing special, just being with them and giving them quality time.
Their behaviours changed almost instantly. And it was a change for the better.
This small experience had a profound effect on the way we approach parenting. We learned that the behaviours of our children are significantly affected by our own behaviours.
We are now a lot more careful about the amount of time we spend with our boys. When there is a behavioural change from them, we look to ourselves first then check the external influences before we choose a course of action.
Parenting is a wonderful journey, full of twists turns and surprises. I hope that by sharing this small part of our life it will help you in yours.
Brian Pratt is a 47 year old New Zealander. He owns a Plug-In Profit Site at http://www.bestrealincome.com. If you are looking for a home business be sure to check out his site. You can contact Brian at brian@bestrealincome.com
None of us are perfect parents and we all learn from the past. The purpose of this article is to pass on one of our experiences. It had a profound effect on the way we approach the parenting game.
A few years ago, our two children were aged two and four. Over a period of weeks one of our boys had become increasingly naughty. His behaviour was rubbing off on his brother. Mum and dad had explored the usual discipline options but nothing seemed to work.
Eventually, as my partner and I discussed the boys behaviour, we decided that there must be a trigger. If we could find it, we thought we could perhaps effect a change for the better.
We wound back the clock to the time when the behaviour change emerged, then looked at what we had all been doing at around that time.
As it turned out, the onset corresponded with a time when my job was being restructured and my partner was as worried as I about the outcome. We were both focussed on ourselves and quite naturally were exhibiting signs of stress.
The result of this pressure, was that we had very little time for our children and they were not getting the attention they needed from us.
We decided to try an experiment. We set aside all our other priorities for the weekend and spend time with boys. Nothing special, just being with them and giving them quality time.
Their behaviours changed almost instantly. And it was a change for the better.
This small experience had a profound effect on the way we approach parenting. We learned that the behaviours of our children are significantly affected by our own behaviours.
We are now a lot more careful about the amount of time we spend with our boys. When there is a behavioural change from them, we look to ourselves first then check the external influences before we choose a course of action.
Parenting is a wonderful journey, full of twists turns and surprises. I hope that by sharing this small part of our life it will help you in yours.
Brian Pratt is a 47 year old New Zealander. He owns a Plug-In Profit Site at http://www.bestrealincome.com. If you are looking for a home business be sure to check out his site. You can contact Brian at brian@bestrealincome.com
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