Make the Time for Your Children Even if It Hurts

In the past you use to read books to your children, take them to various events, and allow them to have fun in the kitchen with you, but what happened? You stopped. You grew weary of breaking up fights, became exhausted with everything else you had to do for them, and much, much more! You really want to make the time for them, but every time you get ready to, you pull back. Why?

I thought about this question myself during the first few days of winter break. I hadn't forgotten about the past accidents I had to clean up, because I let them paint or the flour that spilled on the countertop. But I fought my negative thinking and one day I just awoke with a plan. I made myself get involved with them at least for a few hours. There would be no video game playing, no television watching, and no talking on the phone. We would connect daily even if it meant I had to gather all four boys around the table and just fire questions at them for a half an hour. It worked! I committed to this daily during all but three days of winter break.

What started out as a few minutes of time assisting the children with projects I planned for them with some input from them, ended up being hours of activities. Some of which kept them so busy that you would have never known there were four boys in the house. I was happy and relieved. I really wanted to spend time with them, but I hadn't quite figured out in the beginning "the what" and "when."

Sometimes we spend too much time planning and not enough time doing. When you notice that you aren't doing much (like surfing the net and watching YouTube video after YouTube video,) shut the computer down. Walk over to your son or daughter and just ask them about their day. Think about something you haven't done with them in awhile then start getting your clothes on, grab a coat, put on your shoes and meet them at the door.

Life is too short, busy is just another excuse. Make the time for your children even if it hurts.

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7

Advantages of Single Parent Families

Single parents often worry that their children will somehow be damaged from living in a single parent family. While a single parent family may not be the ideal situation for raising children, many two-parent families are also less than desirable. Kids can actually benefit from living in a single parent family.

Results of studies have indicated that a home filled with conflict is the least desirable home environment for children. When the child's prior two-parent household included frequent fighting and discord between the adults, the child can benefit from living in a one-parent home provided that the conflict is stopped. A parent who is no longer devoting time to warring with a partner may have more energy to give to the kids. Children observe adult relationships and usually apply what they have learned to their own relationships as adults. By residing with only one parent, the child may actually have a chance to observe healthier adult relationships.

Children learn valuable lessons from dealing with hard times and having different lifestyle from many of their peers Your family may not represent the stereotypical American family, but there can still be lots of love and fun in your home.

A single parent may actually have more time for the kids that a married parent would have. Since there is no longer a spouse around at mealtime, meals don't have to be as substantial and can be structured around kid-friendly ingredients. If your former partner was not very involved with housework, you may have more time since you now have one less person to care for. Financial worries may actually be fewer. Yes, you have less income, but you also have total control over the expenditures that you may not have had while with your partner.

The opportunity to spend time in two separate homes can be a good experience for your children. They will see different approaches to life and hopefully, take the best of both homes to use in establishing their own households as adults.

Often, a child with parents who live apart will gain a stepparent or two. Your child's extended family will then be even larger, giving her more chances to develop meaningful relationships with caring adults. Your kids may even get exposure to new ideas or experiences that could ultimately lead to a career or hobby for your child.

Kids who live with only one parent tend to develop independence faster than their peers. Since the parent will probably have a job and other many other duties on their plate, the kids may have to learn to do things for themselves such as preparing a simple meal or participating in household chores. Kids with stay-at-home parents or two parents in the home may not have as many opportunities to take part in the day-to-day responsibilities of running a household. The kids also learn that they need to be ready to take care of themselves, since they, too, could end up on their own or in a single parenting situation someday.

A favorite benefit of many kids from single parent families is that they often get two or more celebrations for each holiday. They may get two sets of gifts at Christmas, often getting more stuff than they would have if the parents were together. Two Easter baskets, valentine's gifts, etc., are also enjoyed by many of these children.

Two-parent homes can often provide many advantages. However, single parent homes can offer many opportunities for self-growth for children along with other benefits. You can commiserate with your kids about their ?different? lifestyle from their peers, but be sure to stress the advantages of their situation, too, along with offering lots of love. Your family can be a successful as a single parent family!
Get your free single parenting ebook and other single parent info at The Single Parent Spot Co-parenting with someone who is mentally ill or a substance abuser? Visit Co-parenting Nightmare http://www.coparentingnightmare.com/

How to Tell Your Spouse You Need Time Away from the Children

You may be the parent who is always doing for the children while your partner is working, while he or she is away on business, and anything else he or she is doing. You organize and clean the household, you run errands, and you do other things to keep the house operating smoothly. However, lately you have been feeling burdened by the demands and all you want is an outlet -- a place to go and things to do that have nothing to do with children.

Well I have some suggestions based on things I have actually did before I had another nervous breakdown (That's right I had a nervous breakdown as a result of all of the stress managing the children and my business woes.)

First, meet with your partner being sure to specifically express how you feel. Second, communicate what you desire to do. General conversation just won't do. Someone who is logical wants the bottom line. "What do you want from me?" He or she will be thinking. What you will need to do is ask, not tell them what you need. "I was thinking would you be willing to ask your parents to assist with the children while I go out of town to XYZ?" You will then explain what you will be doing and why you must leave at said time. Will your selfish partner object at first? Yes. This is when you move into the next step. Third, reiterate why the needed free time is important to you and how long you will be gone. Lastly, be sure that you will protect your trip or anything else you desire to do. What I mean by that is you don't want him or her to sabotage your efforts in getting away. So buy the travel insurance, be sure you are dropping the children off rather than waiting on him or her, and make sure that you have the money to do what you want BEFORE you announce your trip. He or she will most likely make a stink about how you were already planning and you didn't care about what he or she thought, but for your own peace of mind, you do what you must!

I personally believe that the reason why so many parents end up committing suicide or murdering their children, co-workers etc. Is because selfish people never bothered to read the signs. They were too busy asking, "Well could you stay longer for me? Work later for me? Postpone return going to school for me? Watch the children just one more week for me? Buy this for me? Your answer should be, "No, no, no!"

Stand up for your mental health, because if you don't, no one else will!
Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com

Children: What to Do With Them When You Have Had It Up to Here!

If you are seeking tips on how to gain some peace and quiet from the children for awhile then I can tell you some of the interesting things I did with my first two sons.

If you are a couple that needs time together, time to take those in your family up on their offers to watch your children. Let them know at least two weeks in advance on what you need from them, save a little cash to give them for helping out, and plan a local getaway or just stay in the bed all weekend with your partner!

If you are a single mother, you may consider taking a personal day from work while the kids are in daycare. This needed time will recharge you if you feel overworked, underpaid, and stressed. You can also use this time to interview for that coveted job you have been eyeballing for weeks now!

If you are a single dad, you may consider using a date or two to help you with the children. Although you may disagree, this is a good test to see if this is definitely the person you want in your family's life. How will she act under pressure? Your children will be more than happy to inform you. Meanwhile, you can catch a movie or do some shopping without the children in tote. (Be sure she has been in your life for at least six months or more and that she is perfectly comfortable being alone with your children. Also, you may want to pre-warn the other parent too about her helping you out with the children every now and then.)

If you are a grandmother (watching your grandchildren), it doesn't hurt to tell your children you have had enough of the grandchildren staying with you. Call your children up as soon as you feel like you can't take another day with them, make arrangements to either drop them off or they come by. Don't make any plans at the time to see them again until you can get yourself together.

Some more things you can do to gain the free time you need include:

Putting the children in separate rooms with their favorite toys while you complete tasks around the house.

Allow children to color or work with fun drawing tools at the table that won't damage furniture.

Ask a high school student to come over afterschool for a few hours to assist with the children.

Invite a friend over to help you manage the care of the children.

Call a social service agency to find out what programs are in the area for children such as after school programs, childcare, summer camps, etc.

Attend church, PTA meetings and other places parents hang out to find out how they are coping with being with their children so often.

I hope these tips help!

Nicholl McGuire is a Freelance Writer, Author & Poet. Her latest book is When Mothers Cry at Amazon.com

A Parental Sacrifice: when One Lives Their Life Through Their Children
What happens when a mother lives her life through her children? Poem invites you to witness her journey.
Read More