5 Tips To Coping In The First Weeks With Your Newborn

When having a new baby, you really do not realise how much work it is until they arrive. It can feel overwhelming when you need to catch up on your sleep, rest, do housework, fix food for yourself as well as trying to keep up with the demands of a newborn.

This article gives you tips on how to cope.

Accept the realities - first it is important to accept the position you are in. You may be miserable without your sleep or having to put someone constantly before yourself, but this stage passes quickly - more so than it feels at first. Try to focus on enjoying the time and don't worry about routines. Just go with the flow and things will adjust quickly.

Rely On Others - When there is a new arrival in the family, family should be there to help you out and make sure things are easier. If your family offer to clean for you or cook for you - accept it. It will be a much needed break. If they don't offer, don't be afraid to ask and try to rely on people at this time. Also try to keep in touch with friends so that you have people to talk to if you are feeling a little overwhelmed.

Cut Corners or Accept Mess - Try not to let it stress you that you haven't vacuumed in over a week or the house is a little messy. Let it go, your baby is more important and tidiness isn't. It can be tough but it is OK to have a messy house and you shouldn't like you have to keep up appearances with your home. If it bothers you too much, try and get family to help out.

Get Out Of The House - One of the best things I did when I had my son was to go out on a walk everyday. I put him in a sling and went for a walk. This helped his colic and helped me calm down when I felt like a bad mother or unable to cope. Getting out of the house will make you feel like you have taken a much needed breather.

You Can't Spoil A Baby - Despite what many people might try to tell you, it is impossible to spoil a baby. Responding to your newborn's every need is important and not something to stress over. Go with your own natural instincts and trust yourself. YOU know best.

Being a new parent is stressful but relying on others, accepting mess and trying to focus on what is important will get you through it.

By Marie Crawford

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When Moving Away With the Kids Becomes a Divorce Issue

One of the biggest hindrances in a collaborative divorce often comes when one party requests to move away from the residential state. In a move away there is typically a compelling reason for the move, such as a job, a new spouse, or to be closer to family.

Take for example a true scenario of Joe and his family. In Joe's situation, his ex-wife requested she be allowed to move to another state to be closer to her family. Joe was feeling guilty, he was feeling overwhelmed, and he was feeling this might help them all get over the breakup of the family. In hindsight, this was perhaps one of the biggest mistakes that Joe ever made.

Joe was trying to give his children a sense of belonging, and to give his ex-wife the support system I knew she craved. Instead this all worked against him, and became a logistical nightmare. His ex moved from his home state of New Jersey to Massachusetts. Her family was there and this was supposed to be good for everyone involved. At first when Joe had his visitation with his children, he would travel the four or so hours to his ex's new home, and he would stay there with their children. He felt that keeping some sense of routine might work best for the children. His ex would stay with family or friends on those weekends, and eventually she had a boyfriend and would stay with him. This is where things spiraled out of control.

Although Joe admitted the original agreement was less than traditional, it worked for his family. However, once a new significant other was introduced into the picture, there were other factors to consider. This arrangement no longer worked and Joe was left to scramble for other plans. Joe now had to make the long drive up to see his children and then find forced activities to do with them, instead of the family all being comfortable in an environment that felt like home to them. Likewise, during overnight visits, Joe was faced with the question of where to stay, and added costs, etc. As all parties currently going through a divorce know, money is always an issue.

According to the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) if one parent takes the children into another state and with intent to set up home resides there for a minimum of six months, then residence is established there. The UCCJEA requires that all further actions be heard in the new state of residence.

The moral of the story is it is impossible to predict what issues will come up later in a divorce. For this reason it is critical parents maintain a level playing ground to work out their indifferences.

Ron Lasorsa is a father that decided to take action after an adversarial divorce. He offers online divorce support for child custody through inspiration, information, and services on his "Divorce Cures" website to reduce the emotional and financial impact divorce has on children. Get a free "Divorce & Custody Resource Handbook," when you sign up for his newsletter at http://www.DivorceCures.com.

Divorce Cures is an online divorce support for child custody resources that provides inspiration, information, and divorce services to reduce the emotional and financial impact divorce has on children.

Divorce Support for Child Custody

Back to School Sleep Tips

During summer months, we have a way of letting bedtimes sneak later and later. It has much to do with the fact that the daylight hours are longer, thus interfering with the release of Melatonin (our 'sleepy hormone'). That, and the fact that we feel the need to get out there and enjoy every bit of the warm weather and sunshine we possibly can. We all find ourselves up later than usual, and this can spell trouble when September rolls around.

As the summer comes to an end you look back fondly at all the trips to the beach, the back yard barbecues, and the after dinner walks to the ice cream store but you also realize that with summer's end comes the need to get your children back on some sort of a sleep schedule.

So what should you do?

• First, don't wait until the night before school starts to try to lay down the new/old law and have everybody in bed by 8:00. The excitement of a new school year, along with a couple of months of late bedtimes will make this a difficult place to start.

• At least two weeks before school starts, you should slowly start moving bedtime back to an appropriate time. If your child has been going to bed somewhere around 8:30-9:00pm for the past couple months, start by bringing bedtime earlier by 15 minutes every 4 nights. This way, by the time school begins, your child's body has adjusted to going to bed at an earlier time.

• I suggest that pre-school and school aged children through to adolescents, should be going to bed between 7:00 and 8:00 pm. If you constantly need to wake your child in the morning, then he/she is going to bed too late. Putting your child to bed at the same time every night will teach their bodies to sleep the needed amount of night time hours, so they can wake feeling naturally refreshed. No need for alarm clocks if you child is going to bed early enough!

• Get the kids involved! This can include toddlers, and all the way up to teens. For the little ones make a chart of the bedtime routine and go over it with them before bedtime. Some good examples of bedtime routine activities include: a bath, getting pyjamas on, a glass of warm milk or a light snack (nothing sugary or caffeinated), stories, happy thoughts about their day and so on. The purpose of the routine is to act as a system of cues for your child's body and brain; it lets them know that the time for sleep is near. It should be in the same order every night and move in a step-by-step fashion. For young children, offering a sticker or a happy face beside each step of the routine (on the chart) can keep it moving in a efficient and positive way.

• Setting a timer can be a fun, and effective way to keep the bedtime routine on track. You can make it a goal to get everyone ready and in bed by the time the timer goes off. That way it's not really YOUR fault that they have to get ready for bed, it's the timer's decision! If they co-operate you can include a small reward at the end, such as a sticker, or a collection of stickers that add up to a bigger reward. A good length for a bedtime routine is about half an hour to 45 minutes.

• As a child reaches puberty the increase and changes in hormones levels, usually turns your once early-to-bed-child into a night owl. It's very natural and normal for teens to feel the need to stay up late and sleep longer into the morning. Unfortunately, this is not the way the adult world works, so they do need to conform and get up early in the morning with the rest of the family.

• You can help your teen by encouraging her to write out a bedtime routine that can help her make the transition into night time easier. For teens, a bath or shower can be a good way to unwind and a glass of warm milk or camomile tea might help with the release of Melatonin. Additionally, some quiet time in their room listening to music or reading can be a good way to relax, followed by sleep. Again, 30 minutes is an appropriate length for a bedtime routine and trying to get to bed at the same time every night will make it easier and more of a habit to wake up at the same time in the morning.

• Watching TV or playing video games right before bed has been linked to an increase in the amount of time it takes children to fall asleep, so those activities should be stopped at least an hour before bedtime.

One last tip: make sure your child's room is dark enough at bedtime. This will help with the transition both at night and in the morning. The early rising sun can provoke all of us to wake too early so purchase some black out blinds or hang a blanket over windows to help keep out the sun.

If you would like some printable bedtime routine charts or other "kid friendly" facts about sleep, check out http://www.sleepforkids.org

Sleep Well!

Dana Obleman
Creator of The Sleep Sense Program
http://www.sleepsense.net

About the Author: Dana Obleman launched her successful private practice as a Sleep Coach in 2003, and since then has helped thousands of parents solve their child's sleep problems. Dana offers individual consultations with parents (in person or via telephone), group seminars, and is the creator of "The Sleep Sense Program", a best-selling "do-it-yourself" guide for tired parents. Dana has made numerous television appearances, has been featured in national and local newspapers, spoken at multiple parenting trade shows and baby conventions, and co-hosted a popular parenting radio program. She was also recently invited to present a lecture on solving infant and toddler sleep problems to a convention of family doctors at one of the country's largest medical schools.

She currently lives on the West Coast with her husband and three young children.

The Faces of Motherhood

Mother, Mommie, Moma, Mom, Mamie, Madea. Whatever the choice, this time the dictionary just cannot do justice to the role. For most of us, from the day we find out that inside of us a seed, a life has been planted and given to our care, a bond begins that is simply indescribable.

As we run the course and watch our bellies grow, without an actual awareness our heart strings become more and more taunt for that little kick, or the flutter of movement that we can now claim as ours. Throwing up, swollen feet, backaches, wow, what a way to start a race. Oh too soon comes the pain which in that moment you feel is as worst as pain can be, then out comes our rite to be called a mother, aka "our little bundle of joy"...we'll see!

For the next months, and into years motherhood brings a salad of emotions. Fear acting as croutons, instinct as the cream de la cream of lettuces, with the contents of our salad of motherhood being fatigue, confusion, experiments, and tears. Now since most salads are just not as good without dressing, we dress ourselves in love. Not the love you have for your man, or your moma. This one is much different, much deeper, so much more attached to your soul. At times it is actually scary because you feel as if there is nothing that can come to change what is between you and your baby.

Giving time, time. We move through the days of teething, diarrhea, fevers, falling, walking, and talking until our little one begins to grow into their own. They suddenly have a way of doing "them." What "they" want, and being who they are, your warnings and your "no" is tested to the limits and we begin to blame it on their fathers side of the family or the kids at daycare, anything, anyone but our babies.

Years begin to fly by and on the first day of kindergarten your heart breaks as they go walking inside, just so independent, waving and smiling; tears begin to fall from your eyes that you can't really explain, the first time of many more to come, but its love.

As life would have it time passes, and days and nights come and go and you begin to see your baby growing like a weed. The next thing you know high school is kicking down the door and boys or girls are ringing the phone off the hook, hormones are raging and necks roll with attitude. Suddenly your advice sounds like a foreign language to them and all of a sudden they seem to think you appeared on the scene just recently and with absolutely no experience or knowledge of what, when or how things work in life.

Your days and nights begin to be filled with wondering if you have said the right things, done the right things. Do they really know how much you love them?

Sooner or later they become young women and young men that make choices, some good, and some bad. Some days you lend your opinion and they take it, others they seem to turn a deaf ear. You find yourself back in the days of when they first started to try to walk and you would let them go, your hands and arms posed around their little world of uncertainty, and they would wobble back and forth and you wobbled back and forth with them to try to keep them from falling. Even back then sometimes they fell, and if they did it hurt you and them, sometimes they took steps with great success and you cheered them on proudly.

Mistakes are made, incidents happen, lies are told (and yes, your child has lied to you too). Motherhood brings such a gambit of emotion that it's hard to define them all. Love for a child that creates hopes and dreams that are sometimes dashed and discounted as if you are a total stranger, yet love forges on.

Nights when they stay out longer than they are suppose to without calling and your mind takes you on a trip through hell, your stomach in knots you walk the floor and pray Gods protection, and its love that drives you. In they come finally and they just can't seem to understand why you're so upset, "I'm fine, moma, stop worrying so much" and off to bed they go, or at least that's what they try to do, in my house things went down a little different. Voices came from the dark asking where in the hell you've been, or just when you thought you made it safely in without her hearing you, if you were lucky, the thrown shoe would miss you, yet it's love that drives her.

Young adulthood and adulthood are real special places where you begin to find out who your children really are. Your lives bring changes in your conversations and you realize that they are not just your children; they are people with their own minds and lives. Motherhood now means loving them enough to let them go, let them be who they are, what they are, right where they are whether you like it or not. You do it out of love.

I would just like to take a moment and acknowledge the mothers who may have lost a child, you are warriors! Despite your hurt you march on, living, and loving. You epitomize motherhood; your love can not be stopped not even in loss. The faces of motherhood are many; they give, give, and give out of love, out of need, out of want. They take, take, take when they think they can give no more, they take love to the next level, and the next level.

Motherhood is a gift, a privilege given by God, a task that requires what no book can teach, Dr. Spock can give all the advice he wants and nothing, nothing can or will prepare you for the journey of motherhood. As sistas walk out motherhood we all need, and require a word of support, encouragement and advice to make it through, your road may help another mother make a decision or see things a little different. Share your words, your failures, and your triumphs at Sista's Common Sense Corner, http://www.sistascommonsensecorner.com.

Simple Summer Fun For Children

As a mom, you want your kids to stay active during the summer months. You definitely don't want them moping around the house, staring at the TV or playing video games. Here are some great outdoor games for kids that are sure to keep them active and busy all season long.

Remember when you were a kid and spent most of the summer playing outside with your brothers and sisters and the rest of the neighborhood. Remember the simple games you played? Most likely your kids will enjoy those summer activities as well.

Bring on the Water - Summer is hot, no doubt about it. But instead of letting the kids sit inside the air conditioning all day, bring out the water play. Fill up some balloons with water and let them have at it. You can also buy some inexpensive water guns and keep them stocked by leaving a plastic pitcher or two outside. Just remind kids never to throw water balloons or aim at someone's head or face.

You can also have races using balloons. Take a filled water balloon and have two players line up side by side. Place the water below between their heads and have them race to the finish line without bursting the balloon.

Old-Fashioned Fun Another fun outdoor children's game is hopscotch. You can get a quick refresher course on the rules by checking online. Use sidewalk chalk to make the hopscotch board on your driveway or sidewalk and have the kids get hopping.

Another popular outdoor game for kids is capture the flag. Play is simple. Divide the kids into two teams and give each team a different colored cloth to use as a home base. Set the bases at opposite ends of the yard. Set up two areas for jails or outs. As the kids try to capture the flag and get tagged, they are "out" and get sent to jail. If a player reaches the out base without being tagged, she can free all the other kids. The point of the game is to capture or steal the other team's flag without being tagged.

Egg and Spoon Races - Note - use raw eggs for this one. Give each child an egg and spoon. Create a race course, ideally with some obstacles like cones or balls that the kids need to dodge around. The kids will need to go all the way to the finish line and return again - without breaking the egg.

Hey - you knew there were plenty of great outdoor games for children that will keep them busy in the fresh air and away from the TV. Get them started and you will soon be excited to discover all the other fun summer activities kids will come up with on their own.

Andrea Stein is the founder of GirlMogul.com an online community for encouraging successful tween girls. Go to GirlMogul.com for your free book Girls Can Change the World and and find out about our free Girl Power Club for Tweens.