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Don't Coddle Your Teen - So What About that Attitude!

They will eye roll, deep sigh, answer you with "...that tone," and do other things that will annoy you, but stay cool Mom and Dad!  This too shall pass.  Just think parents, they will have to deal with your menopause and andropause one day, if not already (sigh).  Anyway, what is it that we might be doing to coddle these moody teens and how can we avoid hurting them in the process.

1.  We promise to buy them whatever they ask for.

Whether you have the money now or later, is it really necessary to say one thing and then later do another?  The teen is watching and no wonder they don't believe you will do anything that you say.  

2.  We don't talk to them about getting a job and making money now rather than later.

As long as you are cheering on the sidelines when they run, bounce, or throw a ball for free, then why should they work?  There is only so much time after school and on weekends.  What are they doing this summer?

3.  We assume that we will be paying for college.

As if there are no other alternatives? Why encourage debt that you know you have no intention of helping them pay off balances.  Notice I said, pay off, not carry balances.  If you can't afford college, say so.  Now redirect them toward more practical choices.  They will thank you later when they see their friends are swimming in debt, can't own a house, have children, and don't know if they will have enough money next month to pay for groceries.

4.  We believe that they will be alright even when the signs are saying otherwise.

Every parent wants to believe that their children will be a success in life.  But the truth is, how much time, money and energy are you investing in that mind, body and soul of your teen?  You see something isn't right, you get professional help.

5.  We enlist the help of others to aid in spoiling them.

Just because you have child-free relatives doesn't mean they are willing to help.  Not all grandparents enjoy having children around often.  So is it worth getting the good, bad, and ugly on board to spoil your child?  It all might come back to haunt you later.

6.  We let them stay in rooms for hours without speaking to them and then complain about them not speaking much or acting interested in the family.

Make up your mind on what you want to do.  There is a season for everything.  Remember those times when you couldn't wait until they grew up and stopped following you around the house?  Well those times are here, enjoy them. 

7.  We are not willing to compromise on the things that are important to them.

They have their lives, we have ours.  If the teen likes something that isn't harmful and may not be something you like, why discourage him or her?  Who knows, that just might be the calling on their life you asked God about. 

Guide your teen, don't control him or her.  A lesson we are all learning.  God bless you for reading.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

Baby Anticipation...Some Things to Put in Perspective

For those who are thinking about having a baby and those who are watching the calendar ever so closely until it's time for delivery, you just might want to go down the checklist of your mind on what your needs are, your partner's, and of course the baby's.  Things might look a bit different since the last time you thought about certain things related to having a baby.

You have heard and witnessed how things change in relationships, on the job, and in other ways once babies are here.  As much as one would like to think things won't change much, they will greatly sooner or later.  So let's go down a mental checklist of how you might be feeling and what more you need to be doing before baby is arrives.

1.  If you aren't a parent yet, then don't rush it.  Sure, the pressure will be on if you are with someone who really wants a baby, but you know what is happening in your life right now and if the idea of having a baby is really grating on your nerves (or your partner's), don't agree to bring one into the world half-heartedly.  Protect yourself or you will be surprised one day whether you or your lover is ready or not!

2.  If you are already pregnant and awaiting the arrival, take it easy.  There is nothing to worry about because even if you messed up badly (bad selection in a mate, became ill due to not following doctor's orders, got into an accident, hurt yourself, baby issues...) and you felt the world was coming to an end, there will always be someone somewhere willing to help clean your mistakes up.  Reach out for help whatever the issue.  The worse thing you can do is keep secrets and wish later you hadn't.

3.  There will be those who will be supportive of whatever you do and others who won't.  Whatever your actions or inactions, you have to know who is friend and who is foe in your circle.  Keep those who stand by you close and others who are against you distant.  Don't reveal so much about your baby related thoughts especially when you aren't completely confident within.

4.  Don't make yourself love someone who doesn't love, respect and appreciate you.  Sometimes the dynamics of relationships change drastically when babies show up.  You might feel unloved, devalued, and more, when this happens, think strongly about living with a partner.  It will be stressful enough caring for a child (middle of the night wake up routines, money challenges, relatives and friends wanting to visit, job wanting you to come back soon...), so the last thing you need is an immature partner causing you additional stress.

5. Are the finances in order?  If not, re-evaluate you and your spending habits.  Your money is not your own exclusively.  You and your partner will have to set aside funds for those unexpected baby needs (like those hospital pictures for starters).  You will also want to research anything you didn't get during your baby shower (that is if you had one or are planning to have one) things like: maternity leave, health insurance for you and the baby, local childcare, diaper prices, lowest formula prices, clothing, cribs, baby changing tables, garbage pails, dressers, clothing, etc.

6.  Family and friends will want to know what is going on with baby plans or your baby's arrival.  Sometimes they can be pushy about things like:  wanting private information regarding baby thoughts, wanting to see the baby, helping you, getting your partner to be more engaging, etc.  Be prepared for the odd things some loved ones say and do.  Keep those you simply don't like or get along with distant if you don't want to have a major falling out with them.

7.  Be sure that you are in the know when it comes to the hospital procedures related to pregnancy, what is expected on the day of delivery, and more.  If you have yet to take any classes or read any books about pregnancy and baby milestones, start educating yourself.  There is always something new to learn.

Having a baby or planning to have one is a life-changing experience and you will want to do your best to think positively, but also anticipate the disappointments as well.  Sometimes things don't go as planned.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

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