5 of the Most Challenging Times in Parenting

When you spend much time with other parents you discover that many have similar stresses when it comes to raising children.  There are five things that repeatedly came up in conversation when I talked with other parents who felt like they were at their wits end about children at times like myself. 

1)  Chronic crying

"What is it now?"  You go through the long list in your head of what might be the problem and you still can't figure it out.  Once the crying starts it seems like it is endless.  You anticipate the day they "grow out of it" the whining, screaming, etc.  But as they get older, those periodic reminders show up and you remember why you will not have another baby again!

2)  Accidents or on purpose stuff

Sure, they never meant to do it, but sometimes they do.  Children have accidents that can make you start fantasizing about going to the moon.  But when they do things on purpose with a coy look--uh oh, better call on the other parent, "Come get your son...daughter!"

3)  Sibling rivalry

The children started out as friends, but now are the worst of enemies!  Another shove, bite, kick, or scream from pain, "Enough already!" And if that isn't bad your partner is ineffective and sometimes an aid to the household drama (sigh).

4)  Pushy people

These are the type that don't consider your feelings, time or energy when they ask to see you and your children or want you to tote them to yet another event that the baby and/or kids will be a challenge to settle down.

5) Lack of money

You might know the feeling when your baby or child needs something and you can't meet their needs or have to delay them.  Pride gets in the way of asking someone for help, a difficult former or current partner doesn't want to cough up the money for any number of reasons, and once again you end up stuck with a cheap item or service.

We all have our highs and lows when it comes to children and this is all the more reason to think deeply, act carefully, and don't take any chances having other children or attempting to parent someone else's children when you have a hard enough time with the ones that are already here.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog, reach out if you would like to advertise on this site or make a blog entry contribution linking back to a web page.

Odd Things You Might Experience During Pregnancy

With each pregnancy, a woman experiences something different.  Her first pregnancy is definitely not like the one she will have in the future, nor will her spouse react the same way he did with every pregnancy. Many things happen during this very exciting and at times difficult period in their lives.

There are many things that occur with most pregnant women that once the baby is born are forgotten.  A first-time pregnant mom may feel left out of the loop, because when she asks, “Did you ever feel this way…”  The veteran may say, “No.”  Meanwhile, everyone around her will say, “Yes, you did.  Remember when…”

Doctors, family and friends may not have experienced or heard of your symptoms, but it doesn’t mean that you are weird.  Remember there is someone in this world that may have experienced the same symptom, just never bothered to mention it.  The following information will help you feel more at ease with some of the strangest things that may happen during your pregnancy experience.

“What’s that smell?” 

Even though no one else around you smells what you smell it doesn’t mean that those scents don’t exist at least not to you.  You may have a craving for peanut butter and suddenly smell it or a sudden interest in a hamburger and there is no fast food restaurant near you.  Strange, but it happens.  The least your mate or relative could do is ease your craving by getting it for you, rather discussing what you do or don’t smell.

“I saw what appeared before my eyes to look like bugs with flashes of silver.”   

This may happen to you.  Don’t be alarmed it may be a sign of something insignificant, but then again something very serious.  It could mean that you are weary or that you may have a fever.  It is best to buy a pregnancy medical book and make a call to your doctor if you experience anything that affects your eyesight.

“Everything around me seems to be so noisy lately.”

Pregnancy tends to make women more emotional then normal.  Hormones contribute to the mood swings, noise sensitivity, and so much more.  It is better to avoid noisy places and other sounds that may have once had no effect on you, now annoy you.

“I have been having dreams about my pregnancy.”

Those of you who may be interested in dream interpretation may find the interpretation of a pregnancy dream, according to dreammoods.com to put you at ease.  Here is a portion of the interpretation, “Women in the first trimester of their pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams (may) consist of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.”

“I think I have turned psychic since being pregnant, I just think of things and they often come to past.”

You can take a mini-quiz to find out if you are indeed psychic or always have been it’s just their abilities may be heightened since the pregnancy.  Check around the web and include keywords related to pregnancy and psychic abilities.

“My mate seems to be gaining weight and is sick often.”

This might occur with a mate who is nervous about the pregnancy.  He may also feel the need to stay close to you and baby-- offer protection; therefore, he isn't as active as he once was.

“My mate doesn’t come around me as much, nor does he give me much affection.  At times he is just as irritable as me, if not more.”

He may have his own share of concerns such as: money challenges, life changes, etc.  Some men will discuss what bothers them when asked while others will stay mum, because they don't want to upset their expectant partners.

“Everything people have been saying to me lately has been annoying to me.”

With hormonal changes also comes a lack of wanting to be around people with some pregnant people.  It can be quite a challenge for some moms to maintain a conversation or receive affection when a baby is moving within them along with uncomfortable symptoms related to their pregnancies.

“I watch television shows now that I wasn’t interested in before I was pregnant.”

Depending on one's mood during pregnancy you will find yourself taking up interests you may not have considered before.  Preferences in movies, places to visit and even exercise might change.  Embrace the new interests just so long as they don't harm you or baby.

“I laugh way more than I did before pregnancy.”

 Being pregnant for some women is a happy time particularly if they always wanted to be pregnant.  Also, hormones may be playing a part.  Better to be content than weepy.  If the emotional swings become too much for you to handle, share your behavior with your doctor.

“I am so forgetful.”

Bodily changes will affect the mind.  Many pregnant women complain about this and unfortunately work performance is affected at times.  Write more notes to remind you of key events.  Set alarms if necessary and reach out for assistance from others to keep you on task.

“I hate the way people smell around me.”

Once again related to hormones and if the smells are overwhelming, try a diffuser or other air fresheners to offset the offensive odors.

“Everything seems like it hurts mentally and physically.” 

Past issues have a way of showing up during pregnancy.  Loved ones or friends behaving rudely and having to take on way too much responsibility while being pregnant will affect your mind, body and spirit.  Re-evaluate what you are doing and let go of some people, places and things that are negatively impacting you.  If you care about your baby, you will protect him or her from the stress.  Delegate responsibilities whenever possible and learn to say, "No" to needy individuals.

“I stay up late.”

It happens.  You will have to train yourself to go to bed on time.  Notice your routines before bed, could they be keeping you awake?  Consider this, your baby might want to stay up late when he or she arrives too. 

“I eat a lot.”

A baby growing inside of you will need as much nutrients as you consume.  If you were a healthy eater before then you just might find yourself eating more.  But if not, it is still okay; however, keep in mind just because you are with child you don't have to eat a lot.  Babies are content just so long as they are being fed.  There is nothing wrong with eating for one, the baby still receives necessary nutrients in order to grow.  Stay consistent with meals, eat less but more frequent.  So rather than eat three meals a day, break them down into five and eat your heavier meals during the day rather than at night. Choose healthy meals, not junk food.  Learn more about gestational diabetes.

“I don’t eat enough.”

If you feel you don't, then consider additional meals.  Discuss with doctor.

“I am more particular about the way I look, my house looks and everyone around me looks.  I feel like I am cleaning and organizing often.”

This happens as it gets closer to the delivery date for some moms.  It is quite natural for a mother to want to prepare for the baby's arrival.  So if you are finding yourself wanting to get much done, enlist the help of those around you.  Don't lift anything heavy and stay off of things like step stools to avoid a fall. 

PLEASE NOTE: 

This blog entry was not prepared by a medical professional.  Therefore, you should make an appointment with your doctor to access your condition.  The article is only written to inform others’ about some pregnancy experiences that may be similar to your own.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog.

Handling Conflict with Your Children

Problems between children will come and go; the key is trying to lessen the problems and make them go away faster.  How does a parent resolve conflict with their children and still come out looking positive in their child’s eyes?  The following suggestions have been tried by parents and will hopefully help you in your quest to find peace in your home.

Arguing between one another.  Voices are raised and you know that if you don’t intervene at some point, someone is going to get hurt, stop what you are doing and stand nearby to listen.  Walk in on the argument only if you know it may lead to bloodshed.  Once you are in the room, don’t ask about who started anything; instead take one child out of the room, talk with them separately then the next.  Compare stories and then form a judgment.  After you have rendered the necessary punishment, allow the children space apart.  Put children in separate rooms with a few of their favorite toys.  Believe it or not, but children need their personal time too.

Physical fighting between siblings.  You already hear the fighting, go in and stop it by physically separating both parties.  Once everyone is calmed down, then talk with each separately to find out what happened and discipline accordingly.  As mentioned above, give them their personal time.  Don’t use their moment of freedom as punishment; instead, explain to them how the personal time benefits them. 

Making public scenes.  Your beautiful daughter or handsome son has just decided to let the world know how much you have angered them.  Don’t react negatively out in public that is what they want.  Instead, react as calmly as possible, then once you are home, handle it in the way you deem fit.

Stealing.  You just found out that your child has stolen something.  When confronting your son or daughter, don’t be surprised if he or she denies what was done.  Take some of their favorite things away for a time, later ask them how does that make he or she feel? Maybe the child will confess, but then again maybe not. 

Lying.  Not sure whether he or she is lying?  Assume you already know that your children are lying and provide details as if you know what you are talking about.  For instance, I already know you took XYZ because you left behind crumbs on the kitchen counter.  Pay attention to their mannerisms if you know your kids well, you will know whether they are telling the truth.  If you can’t tell, accuse them of something you know they didn’t do and watch their reaction.  Compare the two reactions that will help you learn how to tell when they are lying or being truthful.

Crying.  A child will not stop crying when you are continuously saying to them to stop it or be quiet.  However, they will begin to tone it down if you distract them with a toy, television, food, a walk outside or car ride.  Don’t make a big deal of any emotional situation and they will grow not to make a big deal of it either.  For instance, if your child falls down, don’t yell and run over in panic, this will only make him or her think that the situation is worse than it is and now you will have to spend a longer amount of time to get him or her to calm down.

Sneaky behavior.  Children who realize they will get in trouble for negative behaviors will do just about anything to avoid punishment, including placing blame on someone else, hiding the broken keepsake then lying about it, trying to fix the mishap while making matters worse, etc.  As a parent your job is to find out about the sneaky behavior and discipline both effectively and immediately.  If it means taking privileges away, treasured gifts, cutting off their social life for a time and other things that mean so much to them. 

Playing adults against one another.  You may have already experienced this, but if you haven’t you are in for a surprise.  You tell your child “no” to something and then they go and ask another adult who may or may not be aware of your objection and that adult says, “yes” to your child.  You tell this adult about the conversation you had with the child and he or she downplays your objection with “Oh I didn’t know you told him no, so what’s the big deal anyway?”  Now you are upset and proceed to explain to them why it is such a big deal.  The two of you begin to argue.  You have just been played!  Set the ground rules with your child from the beginning as well as the consequences if they should break the rules. Then, communicate with the adults they will be in contact with about your rules, hopefully before your child gets to them. 

The favoritism accusation.   If you have been accused of favoring one child over the other, then chances are, you have.  The bigger cookie, more toys, more clothes, more money and whatever more you gave to the other.  You may have done it unknowingly; however, now you will have to watch how big you cut that piece of cake.  Now if there is an age difference between the two, then you can always explain to your youngest child that their brother or sister is older, bigger or did well on their test or with their chores and that when they are bigger, older, wiser, etc. they will get more too.

The famous “I hate you!” statement.  This statement comes from the deepest part of your child’s soul, don’t dismiss this statement, but the truth is that in that moment he or she means it.  You violated him or her in the worse way when you told them “no”—I know big deal, right? But it was something that your son or daughter really wanted to do, even if it meant that you were saving his or her life.  Your well- meaning efforts don’t matter and the only way you will get on their “good side” is to give in to their demands.  Now why would you do that?  If you choose to do this, you might as well send your child out with the wolves.  Remember there are many things children will get over especially when you are protecting them as well as explaining your reasons.  Maybe next time if your child demonstrates a little self-control and respect, you just might let him or her have their way—and oh what a lesson to be learned!

To your success!

Nicholl McGuire

A former physician reveals how to avoid surprise medical bills

How To Handle Children During A Separation

How To Handle Children During A Separation: Motherhood blog based on book entitled, When Mothers Cry by self-published author Nicholl McGuire. Parenting, relationship, women issues discussed.