10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with the Ex

Face Your Foe: 10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with th...: Tired of arguing with your ex?  Isn’t that the reason why you both couldn’t make it in your relationship anyway?  Why not, make up in your ...

Are They Truly Important?

Television can wait.

The computer can go into sleep mode.

Your laundry can sit there.

The phone can go into voicemail.

They are your children. 

You can only put them off for so long before they grow up and say,

"Remember when..."

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry

Say Goodbye to Dad

Books by Nicholl McGuire

Unhappy Being a Parent? 10 Ways to Be at Peace with Parenting

You have often wished that you could do your life over again without the children.  The stress, money, tears, and fears of parenting have been a bit overwhelming in recent years and if you could take flight, you would.  How did it come to this?  Why do you resent it so much?  What will you have to do to be at peace with parenting, so that you can fulfill your destiny?  It is time to evaluate yourself, put the following tips in action, and later reap your rewards, are you ready for change?

Acceptance.  Now that you are a parent, you will have to accept this role for yourself.  It isn’t what you planned, but it happened.  If this is something you vehemently don’t want, then make the arrangements with the children’s father, mother, other family or an adoption agency to have them take the children off your hands.  If this suggestion seems a bit harsh, then getting rid of your children isn’t what you really want, but advice on how to parent is what you really need. 

Overcoming Bitterness/ Resentment.  If you find yourself complaining a great deal about being a parent, this is a clear sign you are still carrying bitterness and/or resentment about your role.  It is time to examine why you feel this way and what will it take to remove these feelings once and for all.

Making time for you.  Maybe you are bitter and resentful, because you are thinking of the personal time you once had before the family came, the dreams you planned, and the friends you use to have, etc.  Find out what you could do now that would put you at ease and help you reclaim who you are from time to time without compromising your role as mom or dad.

Understanding your role as a parent & understanding your children.  Make the time to educate yourself on what it means to be a parent.  Begin to read books about parenting.  Utilizing other’s ideas may help you raise your children without the burden of coming up with some unique plan.

Creating/communicating with your support system.  If you don’t have a support system, then create one.  Talk with the mothers who are walking their children at the park, speak with the grandmother watching her grandson who lives on your street or the nearby daycare provider.  These people may be a blessing to you when you are feeling overwhelmed.  Call or email a fellow parent who wouldn’t mind joining you in a vent session about the latest craziest thing your wild child did.

Employment/starting a business.  When one is not happy with work, some how that has a way of affecting how you interact with your family.  You may want to reconsider whether your current job is bringing in the kind of money that can fulfill your family’s needs.  You may be feeling guilty about being away from your family for long hours, consider starting a home business.

Saving & spending money.  The way you feel about money may also add to your resentment of being a parent.  As we all know it costs to raise children.  With a better budget, you may feel at peace about your spending and saving habits.  Research ways to help you develop spending and saving plans.

Planning for the future.  Do you want your children to resent having their own children in the future?  Be an example and show them love.  Prepare them for the future by raising them to be strong, civil human beings respectful of authority and caring of others.

Building a strong foundation with your mate.  There are many spouses who are having a hard time adjusting to their role of parent.  It makes it even harder to transition, when their mate is not supportive.  You may want to meet with your spouse to discuss how he or she is making you feel.  You may be overwhelmed with duties regarding the children and household responsibilities, ask your spouse for assistance.

Have a faith.  When you believe in a power higher than yourself; it helps with the feelings of loneliness.  Know that there is someone out there greater than you who cares.  Seek the all-powerful One for wisdom, peace, and patience about your situation.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.

5 of the Most Challenging Times in Parenting

When you spend much time with other parents you discover that many have similar stresses when it comes to raising children.  There are five things that repeatedly came up in conversation when I talked with other parents who felt like they were at their wits end about children at times like myself. 

1)  Chronic crying

"What is it now?"  You go through the long list in your head of what might be the problem and you still can't figure it out.  Once the crying starts it seems like it is endless.  You anticipate the day they "grow out of it" the whining, screaming, etc.  But as they get older, those periodic reminders show up and you remember why you will not have another baby again!

2)  Accidents or on purpose stuff

Sure, they never meant to do it, but sometimes they do.  Children have accidents that can make you start fantasizing about going to the moon.  But when they do things on purpose with a coy look--uh oh, better call on the other parent, "Come get your son...daughter!"

3)  Sibling rivalry

The children started out as friends, but now are the worst of enemies!  Another shove, bite, kick, or scream from pain, "Enough already!" And if that isn't bad your partner is ineffective and sometimes an aid to the household drama (sigh).

4)  Pushy people

These are the type that don't consider your feelings, time or energy when they ask to see you and your children or want you to tote them to yet another event that the baby and/or kids will be a challenge to settle down.

5) Lack of money

You might know the feeling when your baby or child needs something and you can't meet their needs or have to delay them.  Pride gets in the way of asking someone for help, a difficult former or current partner doesn't want to cough up the money for any number of reasons, and once again you end up stuck with a cheap item or service.

We all have our highs and lows when it comes to children and this is all the more reason to think deeply, act carefully, and don't take any chances having other children or attempting to parent someone else's children when you have a hard enough time with the ones that are already here.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog, reach out if you would like to advertise on this site or make a blog entry contribution linking back to a web page.

Odd Things You Might Experience During Pregnancy

With each pregnancy, a woman experiences something different.  Her first pregnancy is definitely not like the one she will have in the future, nor will her spouse react the same way he did with every pregnancy. Many things happen during this very exciting and at times difficult period in their lives.

There are many things that occur with most pregnant women that once the baby is born are forgotten.  A first-time pregnant mom may feel left out of the loop, because when she asks, “Did you ever feel this way…”  The veteran may say, “No.”  Meanwhile, everyone around her will say, “Yes, you did.  Remember when…”

Doctors, family and friends may not have experienced or heard of your symptoms, but it doesn’t mean that you are weird.  Remember there is someone in this world that may have experienced the same symptom, just never bothered to mention it.  The following information will help you feel more at ease with some of the strangest things that may happen during your pregnancy experience.

“What’s that smell?” 

Even though no one else around you smells what you smell it doesn’t mean that those scents don’t exist at least not to you.  You may have a craving for peanut butter and suddenly smell it or a sudden interest in a hamburger and there is no fast food restaurant near you.  Strange, but it happens.  The least your mate or relative could do is ease your craving by getting it for you, rather discussing what you do or don’t smell.

“I saw what appeared before my eyes to look like bugs with flashes of silver.”   

This may happen to you.  Don’t be alarmed it may be a sign of something insignificant, but then again something very serious.  It could mean that you are weary or that you may have a fever.  It is best to buy a pregnancy medical book and make a call to your doctor if you experience anything that affects your eyesight.

“Everything around me seems to be so noisy lately.”

Pregnancy tends to make women more emotional then normal.  Hormones contribute to the mood swings, noise sensitivity, and so much more.  It is better to avoid noisy places and other sounds that may have once had no effect on you, now annoy you.

“I have been having dreams about my pregnancy.”

Those of you who may be interested in dream interpretation may find the interpretation of a pregnancy dream, according to dreammoods.com to put you at ease.  Here is a portion of the interpretation, “Women in the first trimester of their pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams (may) consist of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.”

“I think I have turned psychic since being pregnant, I just think of things and they often come to past.”

You can take a mini-quiz to find out if you are indeed psychic or always have been it’s just their abilities may be heightened since the pregnancy.  Check around the web and include keywords related to pregnancy and psychic abilities.

“My mate seems to be gaining weight and is sick often.”

This might occur with a mate who is nervous about the pregnancy.  He may also feel the need to stay close to you and baby-- offer protection; therefore, he isn't as active as he once was.

“My mate doesn’t come around me as much, nor does he give me much affection.  At times he is just as irritable as me, if not more.”

He may have his own share of concerns such as: money challenges, life changes, etc.  Some men will discuss what bothers them when asked while others will stay mum, because they don't want to upset their expectant partners.

“Everything people have been saying to me lately has been annoying to me.”

With hormonal changes also comes a lack of wanting to be around people with some pregnant people.  It can be quite a challenge for some moms to maintain a conversation or receive affection when a baby is moving within them along with uncomfortable symptoms related to their pregnancies.

“I watch television shows now that I wasn’t interested in before I was pregnant.”

Depending on one's mood during pregnancy you will find yourself taking up interests you may not have considered before.  Preferences in movies, places to visit and even exercise might change.  Embrace the new interests just so long as they don't harm you or baby.

“I laugh way more than I did before pregnancy.”

 Being pregnant for some women is a happy time particularly if they always wanted to be pregnant.  Also, hormones may be playing a part.  Better to be content than weepy.  If the emotional swings become too much for you to handle, share your behavior with your doctor.

“I am so forgetful.”

Bodily changes will affect the mind.  Many pregnant women complain about this and unfortunately work performance is affected at times.  Write more notes to remind you of key events.  Set alarms if necessary and reach out for assistance from others to keep you on task.

“I hate the way people smell around me.”

Once again related to hormones and if the smells are overwhelming, try a diffuser or other air fresheners to offset the offensive odors.

“Everything seems like it hurts mentally and physically.” 

Past issues have a way of showing up during pregnancy.  Loved ones or friends behaving rudely and having to take on way too much responsibility while being pregnant will affect your mind, body and spirit.  Re-evaluate what you are doing and let go of some people, places and things that are negatively impacting you.  If you care about your baby, you will protect him or her from the stress.  Delegate responsibilities whenever possible and learn to say, "No" to needy individuals.

“I stay up late.”

It happens.  You will have to train yourself to go to bed on time.  Notice your routines before bed, could they be keeping you awake?  Consider this, your baby might want to stay up late when he or she arrives too. 

“I eat a lot.”

A baby growing inside of you will need as much nutrients as you consume.  If you were a healthy eater before then you just might find yourself eating more.  But if not, it is still okay; however, keep in mind just because you are with child you don't have to eat a lot.  Babies are content just so long as they are being fed.  There is nothing wrong with eating for one, the baby still receives necessary nutrients in order to grow.  Stay consistent with meals, eat less but more frequent.  So rather than eat three meals a day, break them down into five and eat your heavier meals during the day rather than at night. Choose healthy meals, not junk food.  Learn more about gestational diabetes.

“I don’t eat enough.”

If you feel you don't, then consider additional meals.  Discuss with doctor.

“I am more particular about the way I look, my house looks and everyone around me looks.  I feel like I am cleaning and organizing often.”

This happens as it gets closer to the delivery date for some moms.  It is quite natural for a mother to want to prepare for the baby's arrival.  So if you are finding yourself wanting to get much done, enlist the help of those around you.  Don't lift anything heavy and stay off of things like step stools to avoid a fall. 

PLEASE NOTE: 

This blog entry was not prepared by a medical professional.  Therefore, you should make an appointment with your doctor to access your condition.  The article is only written to inform others’ about some pregnancy experiences that may be similar to your own.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog.