Whether you are a new mother or a veteran mother, there are those moms in this world that are unfortunately competitive, vulgar, prideful, and miserable. Negative moms with little positive to say. If you want to stay above water and be a beacon of light for your spouse and children, you will distance yourself away from them. Busybodies have wrecked havoc on families. Temperamental people keep atmospheres tense. Liars can't be trusted. You know these people and whether covertly or overtly they are systematically influencing you.
I thought of a toxic relative who had a terrible relationship with her daughter. This woman was close to another relative and spent much time talking with her about her woes. In time, I watched how the negative woman's influence changed the loved one. She too was starting to complain about her daughters. She too was saying mean and hurtful things during conversations with her kin. Sometimes we underestimate the power of negative people and conversations and before long our family and friends take notice. The husband complained of his wife's cursing after she would talk to the relative. Her adult children recognized that hours on the phone with her gossiping relative was making her difficult to listen to. Relationships were changing and the mother was too involved with outside influences to recognize the difference.
So as much as you are tempted to reconnect or maintain a toxic tie to someone negative just because that one holds a title like "best friend," especially with this upcoming school year ahead, think twice--people like this are trouble! The school year is already long enough and when pessimistic people are attached to you, it only becomes longer!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry now available at Barnes and Noble online. She also owns and manages this blog.
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Are They Truly Important?
Television can wait.
The computer can go into sleep mode.
Your laundry can sit there.
The phone can go into voicemail.
They are your children.
You can only put them off for so long before they grow up and say,
"Remember when..."
Books by Nicholl McGuire
Unhappy Being a Parent? 10 Ways to Be at Peace with Parenting
You have often wished that you could do your life over again
without the children. The stress, money,
tears, and fears of parenting have been a bit overwhelming in recent years and
if you could take flight, you would. How
did it come to this? Why do you resent
it so much? What will you have to do to
be at peace with parenting, so that you can fulfill your destiny? It is time to evaluate yourself, put the
following tips in action, and later reap your rewards, are you ready for
change?
Acceptance. Now that
you are a parent, you will have to accept this role for yourself. It isn’t what you planned, but it
happened. If this is something you
vehemently don’t want, then make the arrangements with the children’s father,
mother, other family or an adoption agency to have them take the children off
your hands. If this suggestion seems a
bit harsh, then getting rid of your children isn’t what you really want, but
advice on how to parent is what you really need.
Overcoming Bitterness/ Resentment. If you find yourself complaining a great deal
about being a parent, this is a clear sign you are still carrying bitterness
and/or resentment about your role. It is
time to examine why you feel this way and what will it take to remove these
feelings once and for all.
Making time for you.
Maybe you are bitter and resentful, because you are thinking of the
personal time you once had before the family came, the dreams you planned, and
the friends you use to have, etc. Find
out what you could do now that would put you at ease and help you reclaim who
you are from time to time without compromising your role as mom or dad.
Understanding your role as a parent & understanding your
children. Make the time to educate
yourself on what it means to be a parent.
Begin to read books about parenting.
Utilizing other’s ideas may help you raise your children without the
burden of coming up with some unique plan.
Creating/communicating with your support system. If you don’t have a support system, then
create one. Talk with the mothers who
are walking their children at the park, speak with the grandmother watching her
grandson who lives on your street or the nearby daycare provider. These people may be a blessing to you when
you are feeling overwhelmed. Call or
email a fellow parent who wouldn’t mind joining you in a vent session about the
latest craziest thing your wild child did.
Employment/starting a
business. When one is not happy with
work, some how that has a way of affecting how you interact with your family. You may want to reconsider
whether your current job is bringing in the kind of money that can fulfill your
family’s needs. You may be feeling
guilty about being away from your family for long hours, consider starting a
home business.
Saving & spending money.
The way you feel about money may also add to your resentment of being a
parent. As we all know it costs to raise
children. With a better budget, you may
feel at peace about your spending and saving habits. Research ways to help you develop spending
and saving plans.
Planning for the future.
Do you want your children to resent having their own children in the
future? Be an example and show them
love. Prepare them for the future by
raising them to be strong, civil human beings respectful of authority and
caring of others.
Building a strong foundation with your mate. There are many spouses who are having a hard
time adjusting to their role of parent.
It makes it even harder to transition, when their mate is not
supportive. You may want to meet with
your spouse to discuss how he or she is making you feel. You may be overwhelmed with duties regarding
the children and household responsibilities, ask your spouse for assistance.
Have a faith. When
you believe in a power higher than yourself; it helps with the feelings of
loneliness. Know that there is someone
out there greater than you who cares.
Seek the all-powerful One for wisdom, peace, and patience about your
situation.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.
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