Caution - Keep Away from Toxic Influences

Whether you are a new mother or a veteran mother, there are those moms in this world that are unfortunately competitive, vulgar, prideful, and miserable.  Negative moms with little positive to say.  If you want to stay above water and be a beacon of light for your spouse and children, you will distance yourself away from them.  Busybodies have wrecked havoc on families.  Temperamental people keep atmospheres tense.  Liars can't be trusted.  You know these people and whether covertly or overtly they are systematically influencing you.

I thought of a toxic relative who had a terrible relationship with her daughter.  This woman was close to another relative and spent much time talking with her about her woes.  In time, I watched how the negative woman's influence changed the loved one.  She too was starting to complain about her daughters.  She too was saying mean and hurtful things during conversations with her kin.  Sometimes we underestimate the power of negative people and conversations and before long our family and friends take notice.  The husband complained of his wife's cursing after she would talk to the relative.  Her adult children recognized that hours on the phone with her gossiping relative was making her difficult to listen to.  Relationships were changing and the mother was too involved with outside influences to recognize the difference.

So as much as you are tempted to reconnect or maintain a toxic tie to someone negative just because that one holds a title like "best friend," especially with this upcoming school year ahead, think twice--people like this are trouble!  The school year is already long enough and when pessimistic people are attached to you, it only becomes longer! 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry now available at Barnes and Noble online.  She also owns and manages this blog.

14 Things Needed for Successful Family

This is a short-list of the most essential things needed to insure that you have a quality life with your family.  There will be those highs and lows and sometimes they are brought on because we don't bother to think about our personal and family needs.  Check out the resources and improve especially if you are a new parent.

1)  Be Open to Taking Quality Parenting Advice

Parenting Advice

Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting

10 Bad Parenting Habits | HowStuffWorks

Traits of a Good Parent - Father


2)  Patience

20 Good Character Traits That Will Help ... - A Fine Parent

How to Be a More Patient Parent | Tips on Parenting Patience


3)  Money Management

10 Easy Tips to Help Manage Your Money - The Dough Roller

Money Management for the Family: Some Truly Timeless Tips


4)  Employment

CareerBuilder - Official Site

Indeed.com - Official Site

Simply Hired - Official Site

ZipRecruiter - Official Site

Snagajob - Official Site

Monster.com - Official Site


5)  Flexibility

13 Benefits of Flexible Parenting - One Time Through

Flexible Parenting Lessens Kids’ Anxiety, Depression ...


6)  Health Check-Up/Mental Stability

Quiz: How Healthy Are You? | The Dr. Oz Show

The 10 Personality Disorders | Psychology Today

Types of Doctors | MD-Health.com

10 Stress-Related Health Problems That You Can Fix

6 Inherited Health Conditions | Parenting


7)  Time with Spouse

7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them - WebMD

50 Date Ideas for Couples - Lifehack


8)  Time with Children

Fun things to do with kids | FamilyDaysOut.com

20 Activities To Do with Your Family This Weekend - Parents


9)  Support System

Build a Personal Support System - Life skills

Support Systems – www.loveisrespect.org


10)  Education

General Educational Development Test (GED®)

Going Back to College - Frequently Asked Questions

Trade Schools Guide | Find a College or Vocational School

7 Tips for Choosing the Best School for Your Child - TIME

Choosing a School . Going to School . Education | PBS Parents

Choosing a school for kids in grades K-12 - Bankrate.com

How to Choose the Best High School for Your Child | High ...


11)  Bigger Place to Stay

How to Buy a House: 9 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow

How to Buy a House - 6 Must-Dos Before Buying A Home

How to Buy a House -- A guide for first-time home buyers


12)  Reliable Transportation

Buying a Family Car | DMV.org

How to Buy a New Car - Consumer Reports

10 Steps To Buying A New Car - Kelley Blue Book


13)  Insurance (all kinds)

HealthCare.gov - Official Site

Compare Cheap Life Insurance Quotes | MoneySuperMarket

Insurance Quotes and Comparison - Car, Life, Home & Health


14)  Faith

Search out your denomination and find out what services you can attend locally to elevate you spiritually.  As the struggles of life increase, you will find yourself wanting something more than what appeases your flesh.  Take out the Holy Word and read it.


BONUS:

You will definitely need to know how to manage your time.

15 Time-Management Tips - Pregnancy, Birth, Babies, Parenting

10 Time Management Tips For Parents | Planning With Kids

Having a Family Will Change How You See Everything

You may have been at this "family thing" for awhile now or just getting started, and gradually some lightbulbs are clicking off about many issues related to family.  My awakening to the significance of having a family of my own began back in 1999 when I realized after my pregnancy announcement, how much people suddenly were more interested in my life.  The phone calls increased, a baby shower was being planned at the time, and relatives and friends started asking questions about my future, the father, and sharing advice about things we had never talked about before like parenting.

I will be the first to admit I have been forever changed since having my own family which increased from three to six members over the years then throw in extended relatives and in-laws and remarriages.  I don't even see the childhood family I grew up with in the same way I once did and neither did I go along with the programming either.  As my family grew in size over 10 plus years, so did my eye balls!  I started noticing everything that was wrong and right about things like: the way our society treats families, parenting practices, employment issues, relationship, entertainment, food, shelter, traditions, morals, spirituality, etc. 

Everything was up for speculation externally and internally more-so once my family came along.  I wanted to sincerely know whether what I had been fed over the years by all from family doctors to media was indeed factual.  I started thinking more about childhood, because I had four children who were relying on me to share honest, accurate and fair information with them that could help with learning more about themselves.  I yielded on some questionable knowledge given to me over decades and put it through a filter I created after I saw lie after lie show up during my personal, spiritual journey that my Lord moved me to go on before children got here.  I told myself, "Wait a minute, do I really want them to emulate my upbringing?  Do I want them to mirror my school experience?  Should I be ushering them in a direction just because it is familiar to me?"  The jury was out in my mind about these things, but when the verdict came in, "Guilty."  No, I couldn't give them a model of everyone and everything that had been present in my life and call it "good."  There were plenty of wrongs and these children deserved a chance at a better life, better start and more.  Isn't that what decent relatives and ancestors wanted for our generation?

Having family does impact your personal views as much as you would like to fight with the changes within.  We have to face the fact that our perceptions are not always grounded truth and we are just not as sweet, kind, and loving as we would like to think.  Children show us our true selves and sometimes all we can do is swallow our proud and work on being better to ourselves and those around us.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Unexpected Emotions, Family Trials - It's All Good

Nothing could have prepared me for the many emotions that come with being a parent.  Sudden tears, worries, stress, and more.  I didn't anticipate the many financial, career, and location sacrifices I would have had to make.  No one told me about those times when you ponder divorcing a partner just because he or she acts more concerned about everyone else, but you.  Oh yes, there are challenges and if someone says anything different, pardon my harsh words, but he or she doesn't know what the hell they are talking about!

God and I became good friends before, during and after children came along.  I was a fool to think that many years prior I could have children one day without the need of God.  Have you ever had a difficult pregnancy, held a sick child in your hands, or see kids almost get hit by cars?  If you didn't have a faith, you sure got one!  Spiritual people are your best friends when you know your child is going through much.  They are saying things like, "I am praying for your family...I bind Satan's evil schemes...I know God is watching over your family...He told me to tell you this..."

As much as it all seems so common, routine, and unexciting about family at times, it is still a beautiful experience.  You and a partner were chosen to bring life into this world such a great achievement!  Your children will potentially be there for you (if you did right by them) when you are struggling with illnesses.  They may have your back when your loved ones and friends turn their backs on you.  Don't sleep on your intermediate loved ones!  You gave up much for partner and children, you may not have liked them or their ways, and there may have been moments where you felt you were losing your mind, yet you still have a capacity to love, so embrace it!  Those warm, fuzzy feelings, those acts of kindness, and those wonderful scenes that make you think, "What is wrong with me?"  Oh, the joy of love! 

No one could have prepared you for the love that you have inside for your family.  The cheers, sweet memories, funny stuff, and more.  You didn't anticipate those good times when you cried happy tears because you got blessed as a result of having children, relocated to a bigger and better place, and made a satisfying career change.  No one told me about those times when you ponder staying with a partner because you love him or her too much to let this special person go and you don't want to upset your children because you love them too.  Oh yes, there are easy-going days and if someone says anything different, pardon my harsh words, then there is a hell on earth and beyond for him or her.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic and other books.  

Be Prepared: Babies Will Fuss, Cry & Sleep When Bombarded with All the Celebrating

Prepare for the highs and lows of your baby this holiday season.  With so many eyes, hands, and noise, poor baby is going to fuss and cry.  Throw in a few people who might be ill or recovering from an illness and your baby just might catch something too. 

Think about your baby's day in advance.  How much will you need to carry along with you to a family event?  How long will you be staying?  What does your baby typically drink/eat?  Who will be permitted to handle your baby?  Who will watch your newborn when you can't?  How many children approximately will be present?  The more activity you bring your son or daughter into, the more you will need to consider.

New parents make mistakes when they bring babies into public gatherings without planning properly.  Think about how warm the environment is going to be, the space, whether you will be able to change baby comfortably, and whether you need to bring baby's highchair and play yard.  It would make sense to dress baby in layers and then proceed to shed those layers off depending on the temperature of the atmosphere.  You would also want to bring whatever is necessary so that both you and baby are comfortable unless you plan on holding your baby the whole time.  Babies don't like to be passed around after awhile.  Their little bodies begin to ache and skin can get irritated from all the kisses and rubbing on their skin.  They also will begin to sneeze from various perfumes, food smells, and dust particles from people walking near them.

If you should bring your baby to any public event, do remember to do the following (some of these tips can be applied to your older children as well if you have any):

1.  Swaddle baby when tired and fussy.  Be sure you are in a quiet place when trying to get him/her to nap.

2.  Don't sit in drafty areas or where many people are walking by your baby.

3.  Don't leave your newborn or child unattended anywhere assuming that people are paying attention to him or her.

4.  Watch how much your baby is eating or not eating.

5.  Change diapers like you would at home and try not to put diaper changes off.  Be careful who you select to change your baby's diapers.  Not all people (including certain family members) are clean, trustworthy, know what they are doing, or do well with babies and children.

6.  Bring play yard, toys and high chair when you know a place is ill-equipped.

7.  Take along change of clothes, food, utensils, bottles, wipes, medicines, and anything else you know is a must-have when traveling with baby/children.

Print these tips out to help you remember to prepare your son or daughter's items the night before.  Most partners will frown on how much one might be carrying to a family's home, but you may not have to bring as much stuff if you keep the visit short.