Sex Education For Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers

Talking to toddlers and pre-schoolers about sex can be very challenging for many parents. Sex education for young children is a natural responsibility for parents.

At some point, toddlers and pre-schoolers usually get curious about their own bodies. It's best to let them explore and ask questions at their own pace. Parents can benefit from being honest and frank with children at these early ages. For instance, when a child becomes curious and asks about a body part, giving the proper body part name, rather than a "nickname" like some parents are inclined to try, or perhaps trying to avoid even addressing the questions. This may send a message of dishonesty or mistrust to the child once they get a bit older and realize mom or dad cannot seem to call it the proper body part name.

Also parents can benefit from taking any conversation about sexual awareness seriously, without joking or shame or embarrassment. It is the nature of children to be curious, and denying them this curiosity may affect the parent-child relationship and bond. As an example, many dads have never been able to even refer to female body parts with their daughters without some level of embarrassment or discomfort. Most times, this awkwardness started when their children were babies, and can affect the relationship for years.

Some children may ask a lot of questions. Especially in the most healthy parent-child relationships, a child may feel comfortable firing many questions at mom or dad. They may compare their genitals to a parent's and ask questions about that. Many kids want to know where babies come from at early ages, as well. For parents that may not feel comfortable answering all of these queries directly, perhaps an indirect approach may work, like getting one of the many books written for toddlers and pre-schoolers on awareness of their bodies to help share information.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers can begin to understand the concept of "private" body parts. This is helpful as once they begin to explore themselves, they may also want to begin to explore with playmates. Curious exploration with others is also natural for children, and is mostly harmless. Children at these young ages can learn boundaries and be taught to set limits with issues about their bodies.

Masturbation is also natural at this age. This can be very shocking to many parents. Toddlers and pre-schoolers may even do this in public and at the most inappropriate times, as they are still exploring and unaware of the inappropriateness. Again, parents can benefit from not reacting to a child's self-stimulation by joking, acting embarrassed or shameful. There will be many teaching moments to help children learn that these are private activities.

Dealing with these difficult conversations at early ages is vital for parents. As children get older, the questions about sex just get deeper and more complex. Parents should want children to depend on them (rather than friends) for information about sex. In trying to encourage healthy communication and a close parent-child relationship, parents can begin to earn trust and respect when their children are young. By forging this bond when children are at the toddler and pre-school age, parents can look forward to more trust from their child and a closer relationship when he or she gets older and into middle school and high school.

More information is available on healthy communication with toddlers and pre-schoolers.

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For more information on understanding the complex nature of who a child is, how his or her brain develops and processes information, and to practice new and easy-to-learn healthy parenting tools, please visit: Responsible-Kids.net

Marty Wolner (BA, CPE, ICF, PACA) is a Certified Parenting Educator for the Institute for Professional and Educational Development, and New Paradigm Training Institute in Ft. Washington, PA and the Institute for Family Professionals in Philadelphia, PA, and the parent of two teenagers.

When Teens Start Dating - Tips For Parents

Many parents have fears when their teens start dating. These fears are often based on the fact that their teens are becoming adults, and parents worry about having less control or influence over them.

It's not that parents are control-freaks or always want to be in charge. It's simply hard to let go and trust that when teens start dating they will do so responsibly and avoid the well-known pitfalls.

Here are some tips to help you through this time, particularly if it's a scary one for you.

There's no substitute for communication, so work on having a positive, friendly, open relationship. Strangle fear thoughts at birth, as these will 'communicate' to your teens - and when teens start dating there's nothing that puts them off more than fearful parents!

Believe it or not, although your teens may think you are an old fuddy-duddy, you know more about dating than them. They may think they know it all, but since their information is gathered from the media, deep down they're not really sure of themselves. They know that what they read and see on 'teen programs' is not the real world. It's fantasy, meant for entertainment, not for education.

So they'll appreciate a little advice from a friendly quarter. If you've worked on your relationship with them, that 'quarter' will be you. And remember you don't always influence others by speech alone. Actions speak louder than words, and if you role-model a positive relationship with your partner, your teens are more likely to be influenced by that.

Some parents think that when their teens start dating, the parent's job is done. Of course it's not. Ongoing support and advice are necessary. Keep emphasizing the respect aspect of dating: your teens should treat their dates with respect, and should expect the same treatment in return.

Problems and hitches will arise. The best thing any teen could wish for is a non-prying helper who can give comfort, support and advice. Let that be you!

If all goes well, the time will come when your teen wants to bring his or her date home. Most parents - and dare I say it, mothers - want to scrutinize every aspect of their teenager's new friend. When teens start dating they are obviously nervous about meeting each other's parents and family, so try to control the critical eye and be welcoming and supportive. That way the visitor will become more relaxed, so you'll get a much clearer picture!

Never embarrass the young couple by laying down the law about dating. If you have been communicating openly, that will have been covered in private between you and your teens. Remember, your role now is to let go, but be there as a 'guardian angel' figure.

If you take an instant dislike to the newcomer, examine your feelings very carefully. What your teens look for in a relationship may be totally different from your wishes, and you may have to respect their judgment. If the other person has faults, trust that your kids will have the ability to help, or end the relationship if it's not working.

Obviously parents do not want to see an abusive or unhealthy relationship when their teens start dating, and if you see clear signs of this, then talk about it - but tactfully and supportively.

There's no denying it can be hard for parents when teens start dating, but you can relax and know that all will be well if you:

model the type of relationship you want them to have
work on clear communication.

Frank McGinty is an author and a teacher specializing in Personal & Social Development. Together with his wife, Grace, he also runs a 'Family Life' website, catering for a wide variety of family interests and concerns. For their f.ree report on 'Raising Assertive Children' visit >
http://www.Family-Life-Plus.com

New Baby and Meddling Mother-in-Law

The following is a letter written to a clinical psychologist along with her response. Enjoy!


Dear Dr. J

I've been married for about two years. When I first met my in-laws, I really liked them. Joe's mother seemed really interested in me and supportive of me too! Three months ago, we had our son, Brian. It's been pure hell since the baby was born. My mother lives in another state, so I asked Joe's mother if she would like to come and stay to help me with the baby. She came and just took over! Every time I tried to bathe Brian or feed him (thank god I breast fed and she couldn't take over on that too!), she told me how to do it and how I was doing everything wrong!

I tried to talk to Joe about it, but he loves his mom and always defends her when I try to tell him how I feel. At the end of one week after the baby was born, she left, but I just can't stand her now! She calls all the time and wonders about the baby, but she's still butting her nose in and trying to be the authority on MY baby!

We have always had Joe's parents and my parents up for a week each in the summer time. I do not want Joe's parents to visit this year! I just dread having my mother-in-law here criticizing me all the time. Joe says he understands, but has put his foot down about not having his parents visit. He wants me to accept things as they are and not make a big deal about it. I will be a nervous wreck having to bite my tongue all the time.

Joe doesn't know this, but I've started to screen phone calls. When it's his mother, I just don't answer. Help!

Mary

Dear Mary

This is a pretty common problem, but a painful one. It is very important for you to get a handle on this conflict with your mother-in-law asap! You say you liked your mother-in-law before and that you felt her attention to you was supportive and positive. This is good because, underneath this conflict, you have good feelings about your in-laws. You don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater on this.

It's not that you want no contact with them, you just don't
want your mother-in-law trying to be the mother. Sometimes it seems easier to be rather black and white about something like this, but the answer is slightly more grey than that. It will
require ongoing boundary setting with your mother-in-law around her role as a grandmother. And, for that, you must get your husband on board.

Sit down with Joe at a time when you are not upset. You can use my response as an opener if you like. The main point is that you and Joe need to be on the same page with this. Otherwise, he will feel caught in the middle between you and his mother, and this is not good! You will end up feeling alone and you may get more and more angry and agitated and try to set rigid and punitive boundaries with your in-laws. This would be a big mistake. Your son can only benefit from his contact with his grandparents. He needs these relationships with extended family. So, you must put his needs before your own on this. And, if you don't get this resolved, it will also have a negative impact on your marriage.

The goal in the talk with Joe is to develop a plan where BOTH of you talk to his mother. In fact, it might be better for Joe to take the lead since it is his mother. He needs to support
you on this, but he also needs to consider the feelings of his parents. Just be sure you and Joe talk it out and know what your agenda is and then talk to his parents, maybe when they come to visit.

My suggestion is to wait and see how they interact when they arrive. Sometimes grandparents can be overbearing when a new baby has arrived, and tend to back off later. If it's still a problem, be sure to tell them how much you enjoy having them in Brian's life and what good grandparents they are. Then ask for the behavior changes you would like.

Avoid making accusatory and blaming statements. It might sound something like this, "We realize you and dad have a lot more parenting experience than we do, and we would like to
be able to ask you for advice. But we would like to take the lead with Brian. We have thought a lot about how we want to raise him, and we have our own ideas about parenting. If we need to, can we then ask you for advice? We may want to do some things differently than you did, and most things will probably be the same. But if you wait for us to ask, we won't feel that you are trying to tell us what to do." Use your own words, but be direct and make sure they understand your boundaries.

Dr. J

Jennifer J. Sowle, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Licensed Marriage and FamilyTherapist. She is also an AASECT Certified Sex Educator and Sex Therapist. Dr. Sowle has a private practice in Northern Michigan.

Dr. Sowle’s website, http://here-to-listen.com, explores psychological issues like: Depression, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Eating Disorders. She also gives information on relationships, such as conflict resolution, managing family finances, communication techniques, divorce, parenting, and sexuality. She helps in talking to your children about sex and sexual abuse and also addresses stress, anger management, and gay and lesbian issues. Regular features are “Ask Dr. J” and “Can This Relationship Be Saved?”

10 Cheap Family Activities For Every Parent

If you're looking for family activities to do with your children, and don't want them to cost a fortune, then why not consider some of these exciting things you can do.

1. Just spending time with your children playing board games, or dressing up, or reading with them, will be very rewarding. Perhaps you don't get the chance to spend as much time with your children as you'd like to, so why not do something they like doing?

2. Going for walks can be great exercise for all the family, as well as fun and educational. Why not go to the countryside and see what wildlife you can see, or find out more about the area where you live, or put on your wellies and go out in the rain, and jump in some puddles or find some mud to play in!

3. Maybe your children love going to the park, so why not take them more often? You could take a football or a frisby, as well as playing on the slide and swings. Letting your children run around with others their age is a great way for them to make new friends, and also to let off steam.

4. Your children might benefit from going to museums and art galleries, especially if they're studying something specific in history or art at school. You could help them learn more about a certain period of time, or artist, and help them with their schoolwork at the same time. You might enjoy visiting a museum or gallery you haven't been to in a while too.

5. Are your children too young to appreciate your favourite sports? Why not see if they'd like to go to a football or rugby match, or maybe they've been inspired by watching tennis or motor racing on TV.

6. Does your gym have children's classes? Remember that if you don't take your health seriously, and watch what you eat, you can't be surprised if you're children are unhealthy. Instead of watching TV, or spending time on the computer, why not suggest going for a bike ride, or swimming?

7. Getting your children interested in cooking from an early age, can promote healthy eating, and ensure that they understand the importance of eating good quality fresh produce, and get their five portions of fruit and vegetables a day. If you eat a lot of fast food, or unhealthy snacks, your children are likely to want to as well.

8. Don't forget to encourage your children to spend time with their friends. Maybe your children could invite a couple of friends round for tea, or to play. Why not see if you can become friendly with their parents, and they might repay the favour?

9. An afternoon doing arts and crafts is a great way to spend time with your children. Why not encourage them to be creative and artistic? Perhaps they'll enjoy colouring pictures, or making collages, or following instructions to make a model, or create something useful and practical.

10. Gardening can be fun for all the family, so if you've got green fingers, why not let your children help you with your gardening ideas and plans? They could have their own area of the garden, or plant pots, and grow their own seeds, and see how they do.

Now you know what sort of things you can doe with your children, and that they don't have to be expensive, what other family activities can you think of?

By M James

Discover a wide range of Family Activities you can do with your children, and amazing seasonal Gardening Ideas to make the most of your garden. If you're a parent, then you'll love Candis magazine. Find out more at Candis.co.uk today, and subscribe online. You'll be glad you did.

Raising a Disabled Child

As a teenager in the late 60's I couldn't have imagined my life as anything other than being a housewife and mother, a June Cleaver look-a-like. Maybe a "little" job that was cute and didn't require much work or brain power on my part. But that was not to be. Ultimately, I became the parent of a mentally challenged child.

My son was born with a heart defect that required surgery. A tissue graft in his heart failed and blocked blood to his lungs. He went through renal failure as a result. As a believer in a higher purpose, when my son was so near death after the second heart surgery, I swore an oath to take care of him despite my limited understanding that the "normal" child was gone and not sure what would be left.

During my son's crisis a black minister from Louisiana with a daughter facing a similar crisis, whispered these words of comfort "God gives no more than you can handle." When times have been difficult, that phrase has been my rock. I can handle whatever the trial, because God gives no more than I can handle.

My son's father couldn't "deal" with the residual health and learning disability issues and left a few years later. I was left with a special needs child and the courts back in the late 70's did nothing to protect his future needs.

The situation sounds grim, but we managed. I had to for my son and his sister's sake. As the saying goes, "failing was not an option". When I began my journey as a single parent I had a $7.00 an hour job in a flower shop and an order for child support that seldom came. We managed because I had no choice. Meanwhile, I became a better person for the struggle. A hobby a few years later became a livelihood and now makes an income six times that beginning salary.

My son and I still live together after all these years. I own my own house, I have a new car, and I have a career as a writer. My son and I travel together, go to movies and both our lives are filled with outside activities for each of us. I am a firm believer, you make your life what it is. I decided a long time ago to have a happy life despite the challenges thrown my way. Over the years I have faced my son's health crisis', job lay-offs and my daughter's diagnosis of being bi-polar. Despite it all I chose to be happy. I am a successful person on so many levels.

My crowning achievement is my son. He functions academically as a 8 or 9 year old. But as an adult, socially he is charming, personable and friendly. He is everything a parent could want in a son. He takes his job seriously. He is a hard working young man who still opens doors and isn't afraid to scrub the toilet while I do laundry.

Not everyone would consider my situation a blessing but I do. The struggles have been rewarded time and time again. I stood at my son's bedside and made a promise. That promise of "I'll endure whatever hardship" has turned out to be "heaped with blessings". My life is not what I expected, but it is richer than I could have ever imaged. Having a disabled child is not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a more rewarding life filled with unconditional love and great joy.

Charlotte Hoaks is a successful technical writer in the Houston area. She and her son are members of the Association of Retarded Citizens (ARC) a support organization for the disabled. Charlotte uses her skills as a writer to share information and inspire others to be more pro-active with assistance for the disabled. The disabled are the "silent" minority. They only have a voice when others advocate for them.