Showing posts sorted by relevance for query discipline. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query discipline. Sort by date Show all posts
Handling Conflict with Your Children
Problems between children will come and go; the key is
trying to lessen the problems and make them go away faster. How does a parent resolve conflict with their
children and still come out looking positive in their child’s eyes? The following suggestions have been tried by
parents and will hopefully help you in your quest to find peace in your home.
Arguing between one another. Voices are raised and you know that if you
don’t intervene at some point, someone is going to get hurt, stop what you are
doing and stand nearby to listen. Walk
in on the argument only if you know it may lead to bloodshed. Once you are in the room, don’t ask about who
started anything; instead take one child out of the room, talk with them separately
then the next. Compare stories and then
form a judgment. After you have rendered
the necessary punishment, allow the children space apart. Put children in separate rooms with a few of
their favorite toys. Believe it or not,
but children need their personal time too.
Physical fighting between siblings. You already hear the fighting, go in and stop
it by physically separating both parties.
Once everyone is calmed down, then talk with each separately to find out
what happened and discipline accordingly.
As mentioned above, give them their personal time. Don’t use their moment of freedom as
punishment; instead, explain to them how the personal time benefits them.
Making public scenes.
Your beautiful daughter or handsome son has just decided to let the
world know how much you have angered them.
Don’t react negatively out in public that is what they want. Instead, react as calmly as possible, then
once you are home, handle it in the way you deem fit.
Stealing. You
just found out that your child has stolen something. When confronting your son or daughter, don’t
be surprised if he or she denies what was done.
Take some of their favorite things away for a time, later ask them how
does that make he or she feel? Maybe the child will confess, but then again
maybe not.
Lying. Not
sure whether he or she is lying? Assume you
already know that your children are lying and provide details as if you know
what you are talking about. For
instance, I already know you took XYZ because you left behind crumbs on the
kitchen counter. Pay attention to their
mannerisms if you know your kids well, you will know whether they are telling
the truth. If you can’t tell, accuse
them of something you know they didn’t do and watch their reaction. Compare the two reactions that will help you
learn how to tell when they are lying or being truthful.
Crying. A
child will not stop crying when you are continuously saying to them to stop it
or be quiet. However, they will begin to
tone it down if you distract them with a toy, television, food, a walk outside
or car ride. Don’t make a big deal of
any emotional situation and they will grow not to make a big deal of it
either. For instance, if your child
falls down, don’t yell and run over in panic, this will only make him or her
think that the situation is worse than it is and now you will have to spend a
longer amount of time to get him or her to calm down.
Sneaky behavior.
Children who realize they will get in trouble for negative behaviors
will do just about anything to avoid punishment, including placing blame on
someone else, hiding the broken keepsake then lying about it, trying to fix the
mishap while making matters worse, etc.
As a parent your job is to find out about the sneaky behavior and
discipline both effectively and immediately.
If it means taking privileges away, treasured gifts, cutting off their
social life for a time and other things that mean so much to them.
Playing adults against one another. You may have already experienced this, but if
you haven’t you are in for a surprise.
You tell your child “no” to something and then they go and ask another
adult who may or may not be aware of your objection and that adult says, “yes”
to your child. You tell this adult about
the conversation you had with the child and he or she downplays your objection
with “Oh I didn’t know you told him no, so what’s the big deal anyway?” Now you are upset and proceed to explain to
them why it is such a big deal. The two
of you begin to argue. You have just
been played! Set the ground rules with
your child from the beginning as well as the consequences if they should break
the rules. Then, communicate with the adults they will be in contact with about
your rules, hopefully before your child gets to them.
The favoritism accusation. If you have been accused of favoring one
child over the other, then chances are, you have. The bigger cookie, more toys, more clothes,
more money and whatever more you gave to the other. You may have done it unknowingly; however,
now you will have to watch how big you cut that piece of cake. Now if there is an age difference between the
two, then you can always explain to your youngest child that their brother or
sister is older, bigger or did well on their test or with their chores and that
when they are bigger, older, wiser, etc. they will get more too.
The famous “I hate you!” statement. This statement comes from the deepest part of
your child’s soul, don’t dismiss this statement, but the truth is that in that
moment he or she means it. You violated
him or her in the worse way when you told them “no”—I know big deal, right? But
it was something that your son or daughter really wanted to do, even if it meant
that you were saving his or her life.
Your well- meaning efforts don’t matter and the only way you will get on
their “good side” is to give in to their demands. Now why would you do that? If you choose to do this, you might as well
send your child out with the wolves. Remember there are many things children will
get over especially when you are protecting them as well as explaining your
reasons. Maybe next time if your child
demonstrates a little self-control and respect, you just might let him or her
have their way—and oh what a lesson to be learned!
To your success!
Nicholl McGuire
Blaming The Parents
It seems that nowadays that more and more people are blaming their parents for a bad childhood, and somehow that reasoning gives them a license to misbehave as adults.
Blaming your parents for your current behavior is irrational and irresponsible. One of the steps towards adulthood and self fulfillment is to understand that every person is responsible for their own actions. You are responsible for yourself.
Most people dutifully profess love towards their children and parents. The reality is that the love is only lip service to sooth the public consciousness. When in fact through many past and present irrationalities, conflicts, and demands there is no real love. Lack of respect for the others rights leads to loss of genuine love and enjoyment between parents and children. The lack of trust makes love impossible.
However with that said, we all must realize that an important step towards emotional growth is to acknowledge that no one has an actual duty to love another. Not even parents towards their children, or children towards their parents.
Genuine love occurs only voluntarily, through a mutual exchange of objectives and emotional values. Genuine love between parents and children can and does occur in those relationships in which objectives and values are exchanged and allowed to grow.
When there is no love between parents and children both are partially responsible for some problems experienced by certain adolescents and young adults. Major problems between parents and children are often the result of loss of trust and respect between them. Parents fail to treat children as human beings with individual rights. Parents often resort to force and physical violence under the euphemism of discipline, protection or control.
The cycle becomes sustaining, but can be corrected with effort. It all comes down to an act of defiance, followed by harsh discipline. What should happen is open communication to discover the cause of the defiance. Physical violence is proof of communication failure, and should be avoided.
Too often parents are blamed for their grown children’s faults and behavior. Once a person has reached the legal age they become irrevocably responsible for themselves. Blaming parents only hides or avoids self responsibility and the efforts needed to develop ones own self.
If children are never given respect, they never develop respect for their parents, for themselves or for values. Such children become the future problems as they do not value honesty with themselves or others. Always seeking to survive by usurping others, to get revenge for their upbringing while not taking responsibility for their own life.
The most valuable gift a parent can give to their children is the environment where they learn honesty, integrity, independence and the ability to use assertive effort to produce value for others. If your children are young enjoy them while you can, but respect them as fellow humans and they will grow to respect you and voluntarily love you.
If your children are grown and are still problems to them selves and society, tell them that you are not responsible for their actions, they are responsible for their actions. Give them a short explanation that they are independent human beings with individual rights and responsibilities. Tell them if you must that you apologize for their poor childhood, but the past is gone, all you have is now.
If you are an adult and you cannot talk to your parents, realize this; you are solely responsible for what you do and who you are. The past may have been less than desirable, but it is gone, over and done. You can be who you want to be!
So to sum up, treat each other as you would want to be treated, and the whole world becomes a better place.
Be Blessed
Written by Ralston Heath
Did You like what you saw? You can find more at: http://true-happiness.blogspot.com/
Blaming your parents for your current behavior is irrational and irresponsible. One of the steps towards adulthood and self fulfillment is to understand that every person is responsible for their own actions. You are responsible for yourself.
Most people dutifully profess love towards their children and parents. The reality is that the love is only lip service to sooth the public consciousness. When in fact through many past and present irrationalities, conflicts, and demands there is no real love. Lack of respect for the others rights leads to loss of genuine love and enjoyment between parents and children. The lack of trust makes love impossible.
However with that said, we all must realize that an important step towards emotional growth is to acknowledge that no one has an actual duty to love another. Not even parents towards their children, or children towards their parents.
Genuine love occurs only voluntarily, through a mutual exchange of objectives and emotional values. Genuine love between parents and children can and does occur in those relationships in which objectives and values are exchanged and allowed to grow.
When there is no love between parents and children both are partially responsible for some problems experienced by certain adolescents and young adults. Major problems between parents and children are often the result of loss of trust and respect between them. Parents fail to treat children as human beings with individual rights. Parents often resort to force and physical violence under the euphemism of discipline, protection or control.
The cycle becomes sustaining, but can be corrected with effort. It all comes down to an act of defiance, followed by harsh discipline. What should happen is open communication to discover the cause of the defiance. Physical violence is proof of communication failure, and should be avoided.
Too often parents are blamed for their grown children’s faults and behavior. Once a person has reached the legal age they become irrevocably responsible for themselves. Blaming parents only hides or avoids self responsibility and the efforts needed to develop ones own self.
If children are never given respect, they never develop respect for their parents, for themselves or for values. Such children become the future problems as they do not value honesty with themselves or others. Always seeking to survive by usurping others, to get revenge for their upbringing while not taking responsibility for their own life.
The most valuable gift a parent can give to their children is the environment where they learn honesty, integrity, independence and the ability to use assertive effort to produce value for others. If your children are young enjoy them while you can, but respect them as fellow humans and they will grow to respect you and voluntarily love you.
If your children are grown and are still problems to them selves and society, tell them that you are not responsible for their actions, they are responsible for their actions. Give them a short explanation that they are independent human beings with individual rights and responsibilities. Tell them if you must that you apologize for their poor childhood, but the past is gone, all you have is now.
If you are an adult and you cannot talk to your parents, realize this; you are solely responsible for what you do and who you are. The past may have been less than desirable, but it is gone, over and done. You can be who you want to be!
So to sum up, treat each other as you would want to be treated, and the whole world becomes a better place.
Be Blessed
Written by Ralston Heath
Did You like what you saw? You can find more at: http://true-happiness.blogspot.com/
My Thoughts on Raising Sons...
We are busy with paying the bills, making meals, cleaning house, talking to family and friends, and running from this event to the next. But do we have those bed time and dinner table discussions with our boys? Do we interview them while sharing some knowledge of our own? We didn't go through so many trials in life to keep lessons learned to ourselves. We are parents, but we are also teachers. Our responsibility to our sons is to show and tell, so that one day they can be the solution to life's problems. So where do we begin and what to do we do? Well for those who are believers in a power much greater than themselves, you pray for guidance and read this and other articles like it. As for those, who don't pray, the resources are available for you to teach your son, your choice.
One. Teach the boys why their body is special as oppose to why they should keep away from girls sexually until they are responsible young men. Remind them about STDs and pregnancy.
Two. Explain to boys the differences between girls and women. Make them aware of the menstrual cycle and hormonal changes so that they aren't shocked, confused, or even angry when a girl or woman isn't herself.
Three. Tell boys why it's not wise to make promises then not keep them. Instruct them on the power of words.
Four. Provide boys with examples of why killing, stealing, lying and doing other negative behavior only leads to unnecessary problems.
Five. Speak to boys about family history and ask how they feel about relatives without giving your personal opinions and experiences unless you can be honest without evil intentions. This will help them in future relationships with others.
Six. Share the wise words of great teachers, both saints and sinners. Ask questions to stimulate thought.
Seven. Use daily situations as teaching tools. For instance, point out a celebrity with much wealth, but provide good reason as to why we shouldn't desire their wealth. Remind the child of his giftings and why it is important for a man to create his own wealth.
Eight. Discipline children when they do wrong. Use negative behavior such as: belittling, ridiculing, and stealing to teach why it is important to respect others.
Nine. Be mindful of everything you say and do. Notice your own hypocritical ways. Make corrections and do apologize for the times you were in error. When they call you out on your wrongs, be humble and provide honest answers, “You know you are right, I shouldn't be doing that. My behavior is unacceptable. I have to work hard to change years of doing the wrong thing. Please forgive me, don't do what I do.”
Ten. Explain to boys why they should stand for personal beliefs and be consistent with their actions. Choose peace first in every situation before war.
This is a short list of the many things that we can teach our sons, but it's a start. Take advantage of those school breaks and teach them. They'll thank you later.
By Nicholl McGuire
One. Teach the boys why their body is special as oppose to why they should keep away from girls sexually until they are responsible young men. Remind them about STDs and pregnancy.
Two. Explain to boys the differences between girls and women. Make them aware of the menstrual cycle and hormonal changes so that they aren't shocked, confused, or even angry when a girl or woman isn't herself.
Three. Tell boys why it's not wise to make promises then not keep them. Instruct them on the power of words.
Four. Provide boys with examples of why killing, stealing, lying and doing other negative behavior only leads to unnecessary problems.
Five. Speak to boys about family history and ask how they feel about relatives without giving your personal opinions and experiences unless you can be honest without evil intentions. This will help them in future relationships with others.
Six. Share the wise words of great teachers, both saints and sinners. Ask questions to stimulate thought.
Seven. Use daily situations as teaching tools. For instance, point out a celebrity with much wealth, but provide good reason as to why we shouldn't desire their wealth. Remind the child of his giftings and why it is important for a man to create his own wealth.
Eight. Discipline children when they do wrong. Use negative behavior such as: belittling, ridiculing, and stealing to teach why it is important to respect others.
Nine. Be mindful of everything you say and do. Notice your own hypocritical ways. Make corrections and do apologize for the times you were in error. When they call you out on your wrongs, be humble and provide honest answers, “You know you are right, I shouldn't be doing that. My behavior is unacceptable. I have to work hard to change years of doing the wrong thing. Please forgive me, don't do what I do.”
Ten. Explain to boys why they should stand for personal beliefs and be consistent with their actions. Choose peace first in every situation before war.
This is a short list of the many things that we can teach our sons, but it's a start. Take advantage of those school breaks and teach them. They'll thank you later.
By Nicholl McGuire
Controlling Eczema On The Scalp: How To Help The Rash Subside
Scalp eczema not only has itching and dryness but there can be some swelling and even cracking of the skin in certain people.
Like other forms of eczema, there can be some scales as well as blisters and cracks. This is not easy for parents to see when a son or daughter has this problem. Plus kids have a hard time not picking at flaking skin or scratching something that is itchy.
Kids can care a lot about what others think so try to help your child be at ease and not feel uncomfortable. Let him or her know that it takes longer to heal when things are picked at and that they should do things to take their minds off of it.
Also other kids probably will only notice if they are picking and scratching at their scalp so remind them of that as well.
Use antihistamines to help them deal with the itchy sensations as those are hard to ignore and it takes tremendous self-discipline to resist the urge to scratch the areas.
There are some ways to help combat eczema, though for some people it is a chronic condition that cycles and flares up from time to time. Don't let this stop your energy in pursuing a solution to the problem, but just expect it for a while.
First of all, check the ingredients of your shampoo products as well as gels and styling items. It is best to use natural products and avoid ones with perfumes, alcohol and other ingredients that can cause allergic reactions. Try to avoid rubbing anything into the scalp that you are not sure about. Don't use hot water but make sure the water is only warm. This is a habit that isn't easy to change. There are products made with aloe vera that can be used to style the hair.
If your skin is itching, use an oil such as coconut, flax seed or almond oil. Eczema skin requires hydration and we tend
to dry our scalp out by frequent showers as well as sitting in the sun. Avoid the sun and use a spf of 25 or higher in that area. Internally eat foods that will give you foods with omega 3 oils as well as vitamins a, d and e .
Don't use anything abrasive in the scalp area and try to take off wool caps in the home and non-cotton coverings.
By: Jill Cohen
Learn more about How to Get Rid of Eczema and cure an Itchy Skin Rash using natural methods.
Like other forms of eczema, there can be some scales as well as blisters and cracks. This is not easy for parents to see when a son or daughter has this problem. Plus kids have a hard time not picking at flaking skin or scratching something that is itchy.
Kids can care a lot about what others think so try to help your child be at ease and not feel uncomfortable. Let him or her know that it takes longer to heal when things are picked at and that they should do things to take their minds off of it.
Also other kids probably will only notice if they are picking and scratching at their scalp so remind them of that as well.
Use antihistamines to help them deal with the itchy sensations as those are hard to ignore and it takes tremendous self-discipline to resist the urge to scratch the areas.
There are some ways to help combat eczema, though for some people it is a chronic condition that cycles and flares up from time to time. Don't let this stop your energy in pursuing a solution to the problem, but just expect it for a while.
First of all, check the ingredients of your shampoo products as well as gels and styling items. It is best to use natural products and avoid ones with perfumes, alcohol and other ingredients that can cause allergic reactions. Try to avoid rubbing anything into the scalp that you are not sure about. Don't use hot water but make sure the water is only warm. This is a habit that isn't easy to change. There are products made with aloe vera that can be used to style the hair.
If your skin is itching, use an oil such as coconut, flax seed or almond oil. Eczema skin requires hydration and we tend
to dry our scalp out by frequent showers as well as sitting in the sun. Avoid the sun and use a spf of 25 or higher in that area. Internally eat foods that will give you foods with omega 3 oils as well as vitamins a, d and e .
Don't use anything abrasive in the scalp area and try to take off wool caps in the home and non-cotton coverings.
By: Jill Cohen
Learn more about How to Get Rid of Eczema and cure an Itchy Skin Rash using natural methods.
You Don't Need a "Supernanny" to Be an Active Parent
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been joined by a similar nanny-to-the-rescue show called "Supernanny." These shows depict families in which the children are extremely out of control, rebellious, spoiled or otherwise quite a handful. The nannies come in for a week (from sunrise to bedtime each day), helping the family get back on track by teaching the parents effective parenting skills and modeling these skills firsthand with the children.
I have to admit to having only seen one episode of "Nanny 911," but, speaking as a parenting educator, I was impressed. The nanny sent to the rescue knew her stuff. She taught the parents to set limits, how to discipline using logical consequences and how to be firm and calm at the same time. She was good enough--and here's a huge compliment coming--to have been an Active Parenting leader. In fact, at one point, as the passive father is learning to be more involved, these words appear on the screen: "Father is becoming a more active parent."
Although I'm not a big reality TV fan in general, I think these two particular shows can be of real value to a lot of parents. They provide useful information and teach good parenting skills. Let's face it--if it works with these dysfunctional families, these skills will probably work for you, too!
And here's the good news: you don't have to be on a reality show to learn effective parenting skills. Parenting classes are available all over the country. You can watch the videos, consult with a parent educator, and share ideas with other parents just like you. To find one in your community, check with your child's school guidance counselor. Many classes are also listed on our web site.
But however you decide to improve your family life, please keep making the effort. Parenting is not the only influence on a child's life...but it's the one you can do the most about.
Author: Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D.
Dr. Popkin is a former child and family therapist in Atlanta. He founded Active Parenting Publishers in 1983 to help parents raise responsible children who are able to face life's challenges. His free, online "What's Your Parenting Style?" quiz is a popular way for parents to spot the strengths and weaknesses of their style. http://www.activeparenting.com/parents.htm
I have to admit to having only seen one episode of "Nanny 911," but, speaking as a parenting educator, I was impressed. The nanny sent to the rescue knew her stuff. She taught the parents to set limits, how to discipline using logical consequences and how to be firm and calm at the same time. She was good enough--and here's a huge compliment coming--to have been an Active Parenting leader. In fact, at one point, as the passive father is learning to be more involved, these words appear on the screen: "Father is becoming a more active parent."
Although I'm not a big reality TV fan in general, I think these two particular shows can be of real value to a lot of parents. They provide useful information and teach good parenting skills. Let's face it--if it works with these dysfunctional families, these skills will probably work for you, too!
And here's the good news: you don't have to be on a reality show to learn effective parenting skills. Parenting classes are available all over the country. You can watch the videos, consult with a parent educator, and share ideas with other parents just like you. To find one in your community, check with your child's school guidance counselor. Many classes are also listed on our web site.
But however you decide to improve your family life, please keep making the effort. Parenting is not the only influence on a child's life...but it's the one you can do the most about.
Author: Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D.
Dr. Popkin is a former child and family therapist in Atlanta. He founded Active Parenting Publishers in 1983 to help parents raise responsible children who are able to face life's challenges. His free, online "What's Your Parenting Style?" quiz is a popular way for parents to spot the strengths and weaknesses of their style. http://www.activeparenting.com/parents.htm
Parenting Tip Toddler Discipline - Fussy Eaters
Your toddler could be a fussy eater and refuse to try a new food. More or less half of all toddlers fit this attitude, so it’s no wonder that food matters are source of worries for parents. Setting up healthy patterns of eating is very important to avoid problems like eating disorders and obesity later in life. Different strategies could help your child take a wider choice of foods. It can be necessary to give a food to your toddler as many as ten different times before they want to eat it. The problem is that lots of parents get discouraged and give up before the 4th or 5th try.
Here are tips you can do to get your toddler eat their foods.
1. Make the food you serve look interesting.
Try to make foods fun by including some differently colored foods on his plate. Colorful foods like raisins, carrot sticks, apples, cheese sticks, grapes, and crackers can all be fun and healthy foods for your toddler. Let them put in their minds that eating good food is important so they will grow strong and big, and how these foods will help them play longer and run faster.
2. Be a good role model.
If you are a fussy eater then your child can be a fussy eater as well. Children learn behaviors from their parents. If you limit yourself to narrow food choices, your child can mimic your actions and behaviors. Do not limit his/her food selection to only those foods you want. Your child’s tastes are different with yours, and maybe you are just giving them foods they don’t like. Try to be a good example and consider a variety of foods in front of him/her. It could motivate him/her to do the same.
3. Prepare the meal with your child.
Your child will be more likely to eat food he has helped to make.
4. Encourage self-feeding from a young age.
If your child is actively involved in eating rather than just sitting and receiving food from you, you can encourage your child to take an interest in the food being offered.
5. Find alternative food your child will eat from each food group.
If he/she does not like milk, try giving cheese or yogurt.
6. Ensure that your expectations are attainable.
Your child is not like you and you cannot expect him/her to eat like you.
7. Serve child size food.
Your child can ask for a second round! Generally give 3 small meals each day with a snack between those meals.
Try not to worry much, and keep in mind that unless a child is sick, they’ll eat. Children are good at judging their fullness and hunger signals. Stay relaxed during meal time and offer him/her a wide selection of foods, and most of all, remember to show a good example by trying a wide selection of foods yourself. You might find out you and your toddler share a new discovered favorite food!
By: Lara Nadezda
Here are tips you can do to get your toddler eat their foods.
1. Make the food you serve look interesting.
Try to make foods fun by including some differently colored foods on his plate. Colorful foods like raisins, carrot sticks, apples, cheese sticks, grapes, and crackers can all be fun and healthy foods for your toddler. Let them put in their minds that eating good food is important so they will grow strong and big, and how these foods will help them play longer and run faster.
2. Be a good role model.
If you are a fussy eater then your child can be a fussy eater as well. Children learn behaviors from their parents. If you limit yourself to narrow food choices, your child can mimic your actions and behaviors. Do not limit his/her food selection to only those foods you want. Your child’s tastes are different with yours, and maybe you are just giving them foods they don’t like. Try to be a good example and consider a variety of foods in front of him/her. It could motivate him/her to do the same.
3. Prepare the meal with your child.
Your child will be more likely to eat food he has helped to make.
4. Encourage self-feeding from a young age.
If your child is actively involved in eating rather than just sitting and receiving food from you, you can encourage your child to take an interest in the food being offered.
5. Find alternative food your child will eat from each food group.
If he/she does not like milk, try giving cheese or yogurt.
6. Ensure that your expectations are attainable.
Your child is not like you and you cannot expect him/her to eat like you.
7. Serve child size food.
Your child can ask for a second round! Generally give 3 small meals each day with a snack between those meals.
Try not to worry much, and keep in mind that unless a child is sick, they’ll eat. Children are good at judging their fullness and hunger signals. Stay relaxed during meal time and offer him/her a wide selection of foods, and most of all, remember to show a good example by trying a wide selection of foods yourself. You might find out you and your toddler share a new discovered favorite food!
By: Lara Nadezda
How Children Benefit From Bedtime Stories
For generations, the nightly ritual of bedtime stories has been a precious tradition of parents and children. The kids look forward to it especially if both parents have been away the whole day at work. Parents, on the other hand, see it as a way to give their kids their undivided attention.
Young children, especially toddlers are so active and hyped up throughout the day that getting them to settle down and prepare for sleep can be challenging. Reading bedtime stories is an effective calming activity. While they listen to mom and dad read them a story, they slowly wind down as their excess energy gradually dissipates.
Having a clear routine is important in a child's development. It forms the basis for self-discipline among other things. Reading bedtime stories helps in establishing routines. By constantly doing this routine at the same time every night, children will know that there is a time for playing and a time for sleeping.
As they look forward to this special bonding time with his parents, they will associate it with going to bed and sleeping. This slowly makes going to bed less of a struggle as they get used to the routine.
Listening to stories improves the child's listening skills and imagination, and thus helps in the development of the child's intellect. Curiosity is heightened and encouraged as they ask questions about the story they just heard.
Lastly, the basis of open communication between parent and child is also established through this nightly routine. Parents will learn their children's interests through their questions and choice of bedtime stories. On the part of the children, they learn to express to their parents their thoughts and feelings when they make comments, feedback, or questions on the story.
Beth Dedrick has been writing articles about children for the past four years. She also likes to write about paper products, including 5x7 envelopes and when it is appropriate to use colored envelopes.
Beth Dedrick
5 Things You Will Regret About Parenting If You Don't Get it Right Now
Parents who died with many regrets are buried six feet deep. They didn't get it right while they lived no matter what nice things a pastor said about them. But you are alive and you still have time to get it right with your partner and children! Don't die with regrets, do what you can to parent children effectively and (God willing) they will thank you for your efforts later in life especially when they have their own children. Also, consider what a partner is telling you when it comes to parenting, not as disrespectful criticism, but as wise counsel.
So what might some parents being doing wrong right now?
1. Not spending enough time teaching children quality life lessons.
They can only learn but so much from television, educational devices, peers, teachers, and other relatives, but what about you? What have you shared with your children today to help them do well in school, stand up for themselves, get along with others, maintain a clean and organized atmosphere, and plan for the future?
2. Forgetting to note or record moving memories.
The action, image, or interesting thing a child says is right there and you did nothing. You didn't even bother to recreate the moment. Value it! Most likely, what moves you now will move you later in life and who knows, be a life lesson for your son or daughter during a challenging time. So have your recording device ready or jot down what you heard.
3. Saving money for education or other child-related goals.
You know there are things you want them to do and they have shared with you goals, so what financial backing are you giving them other than lip service? Don't be upset later in life when they aren't giving their all to something or forgot about dreams, you didn't pay for them! You were too busy to research, and you didn't bother to network with others. Parents and children that are above average go beyond daily responsibilities and find out what path they can put children on that will help them achieve personal goals while being productive members of society. What could you put in the Google search engine this day that will help direct you and your children?
4. Establishing healthy partnerships with extended relatives.
So many parents overlook those relatives who are not in their circles. There are second and third cousins, great aunts and uncles, and other family members who just might add value to your children's upbringing, yet you don't bother. A simple letter with a photo will get a relationship going. Attending a celebration or family reunion will build new connections. These days DNA analysis will also help bridge gaps since Ancestry.com will connect you with relatives you didn't even know you had. There is also Facebook too. So look beyond your circle, not everyone is bad in your family, in the exes, on your mom or dad's side, and others!
5. Showing love, kindness, generosity, and patience on a consistent basis.
Days will come and go some good, some bad. You will need to discipline, correct, admonish, and more in your household. However, your teachings will go a long way when you are loving, kind, and patient. You will also need to be generous especially during times when the world has treated partner and children unkind. Practice healthy ways of expressing love in your household and you will get it back sooner or later. However, walk around with an iron fist and one day, everyone will want to overthrow the king or queen. You might feel like everyone is against you now, think about what you are saying and doing to the relatives for them to want to build a coup against you.
There have been many generations blessed over the years because families put differences aside and they worked together. They made right connections and severed the toxic ones. They focused on achieving goals and did what they could to make family work. If you love your family, you will do what you can to bring peace to your home. It would be a pity to have such wisdom, but do nothing and end up on a death bed full of regrets, don't let this happen to you!
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
So what might some parents being doing wrong right now?
1. Not spending enough time teaching children quality life lessons.
They can only learn but so much from television, educational devices, peers, teachers, and other relatives, but what about you? What have you shared with your children today to help them do well in school, stand up for themselves, get along with others, maintain a clean and organized atmosphere, and plan for the future?
2. Forgetting to note or record moving memories.
The action, image, or interesting thing a child says is right there and you did nothing. You didn't even bother to recreate the moment. Value it! Most likely, what moves you now will move you later in life and who knows, be a life lesson for your son or daughter during a challenging time. So have your recording device ready or jot down what you heard.
3. Saving money for education or other child-related goals.
You know there are things you want them to do and they have shared with you goals, so what financial backing are you giving them other than lip service? Don't be upset later in life when they aren't giving their all to something or forgot about dreams, you didn't pay for them! You were too busy to research, and you didn't bother to network with others. Parents and children that are above average go beyond daily responsibilities and find out what path they can put children on that will help them achieve personal goals while being productive members of society. What could you put in the Google search engine this day that will help direct you and your children?
4. Establishing healthy partnerships with extended relatives.
So many parents overlook those relatives who are not in their circles. There are second and third cousins, great aunts and uncles, and other family members who just might add value to your children's upbringing, yet you don't bother. A simple letter with a photo will get a relationship going. Attending a celebration or family reunion will build new connections. These days DNA analysis will also help bridge gaps since Ancestry.com will connect you with relatives you didn't even know you had. There is also Facebook too. So look beyond your circle, not everyone is bad in your family, in the exes, on your mom or dad's side, and others!
5. Showing love, kindness, generosity, and patience on a consistent basis.
Days will come and go some good, some bad. You will need to discipline, correct, admonish, and more in your household. However, your teachings will go a long way when you are loving, kind, and patient. You will also need to be generous especially during times when the world has treated partner and children unkind. Practice healthy ways of expressing love in your household and you will get it back sooner or later. However, walk around with an iron fist and one day, everyone will want to overthrow the king or queen. You might feel like everyone is against you now, think about what you are saying and doing to the relatives for them to want to build a coup against you.
There have been many generations blessed over the years because families put differences aside and they worked together. They made right connections and severed the toxic ones. They focused on achieving goals and did what they could to make family work. If you love your family, you will do what you can to bring peace to your home. It would be a pity to have such wisdom, but do nothing and end up on a death bed full of regrets, don't let this happen to you!
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
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How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You. Ebook & Audio Book, DVDs, CDs, Transcripts & Reports.
Parenting Classes Are Widely Accepted Online Across The Nation. Online Classes Are Perfect For Court Mandated Requirements, Legal Obligations Or For Personal And Parenting Skills. Take The 4 Hour Online Class To Receive A Certificate Of Completion.
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Burnt Out Parents, Spouse: Recognize Warning Signs Before It's Too Late
Whether you or a partner is not his or her "normal" self for any number of reasons like: financial challenges, midlife crisis, menopause, PMS, death of a relative, divorce, too many child related responsibilities, and other issues, the signs are there, he or she is just not able to handle children and/or grandchildren at this time.
What some partners will do is ignore the writing on the wall and proceed with family events, errands, chores, projects, Sunday services, and more anyway; therefore, inviting more family stress. Then when the burnt out parent shows unbridled anger toward a child or children in front of others, he or she is scolded, abused, sent off to jail, etc.
The signs are always there before any explosive incident. At first we claim we didn't see the volcano erupting, but when we think for a moment, the warning signs were building up with a loved one. It is far more easier to create one's false perception of what could be happening to someone else while dismissing the obvious signs, but the truth is usually looking you right in the face, no need to analyze. A burnt out parent is one who explodes over the littlest of things and there are other clues as well that he or she is headed toward a melt down:
1. Often tired and never able to get any rest.
2. Yelling in the car, at home, over the phone and elsewhere about almost anything that creates the slightest inconvenience.
3. Impatient with loved ones.
4. Nervousness.
5. Rigid when touched and/or at family gatherings.
6. Rude with very young children and the elderly.
7. Offers to help others even though he or she can't afford to do it (i.e. money issues, little time, patience, etc.) then bad mouths those who needed assistance.
The over-the-top discipline with unruly children is sure to follow and it is at that point one must be watchful and helpful. Protecting children and offering to assist the burnt out mother and/or father is the best thing one can do. If need be, consult with professionals about every area of one's life to ensure he or she gets necessary help.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books. She shares spiritual insight on a variety of topics on YouTube, listen here.
What some partners will do is ignore the writing on the wall and proceed with family events, errands, chores, projects, Sunday services, and more anyway; therefore, inviting more family stress. Then when the burnt out parent shows unbridled anger toward a child or children in front of others, he or she is scolded, abused, sent off to jail, etc.
The signs are always there before any explosive incident. At first we claim we didn't see the volcano erupting, but when we think for a moment, the warning signs were building up with a loved one. It is far more easier to create one's false perception of what could be happening to someone else while dismissing the obvious signs, but the truth is usually looking you right in the face, no need to analyze. A burnt out parent is one who explodes over the littlest of things and there are other clues as well that he or she is headed toward a melt down:
1. Often tired and never able to get any rest.
2. Yelling in the car, at home, over the phone and elsewhere about almost anything that creates the slightest inconvenience.
3. Impatient with loved ones.
4. Nervousness.
5. Rigid when touched and/or at family gatherings.
6. Rude with very young children and the elderly.
7. Offers to help others even though he or she can't afford to do it (i.e. money issues, little time, patience, etc.) then bad mouths those who needed assistance.
The over-the-top discipline with unruly children is sure to follow and it is at that point one must be watchful and helpful. Protecting children and offering to assist the burnt out mother and/or father is the best thing one can do. If need be, consult with professionals about every area of one's life to ensure he or she gets necessary help.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books. She shares spiritual insight on a variety of topics on YouTube, listen here.
Be Smart This Holiday Season - Plan Things Keeping Children in Mind
Some parents aren't thinking too much about children, believe it or not, during holiday seasons. Rather they are more concerned about visiting loved ones, partying, and overall doing what they want to do. When this happens, families have disputes and babies and children are left disturbed over what they have seen and heard between angry adults. You might want to think about some things when holiday planning with children that just might keep you or someone else out of trouble this year.
1. If it isn't necessary to go visiting or staying overnight at someone's home with children, don't.
Some babies and children are challenging to discipline. When you know your child is a handful, it would make sense not to put him or her off on others. The likelihood that someone, especially an older more experienced adult will say or do something that just might rub you the wrong way is probable. Best to make sure your child and self are mentally, physically and sometimes spiritually ready for visiting relatives during the holidays.
2. Avoid the alcohol, drugs and anything else that alters one's mind when caring for children.
A sober mind is very necessary when parenting small children. When relatives and friends notice that mom or dad just isn't caring for baby and children like they should, unnecessary drama between loved ones will occur. If one is going to indulge in strong drink and other substances, do it away from children.
3. Don't entrust anyone to care for your children like you--no matter the title or how long you have known the person or couple.
Sometimes while parents are out having a good time, a trusted relative and friend is doing some things that are questionable, immoral, and downright stomach-turning with children. Don't be gullible, be watchful and never assume everyone will treat your child like you would no matter what they say.
4. Avoid the temptation to do something that you know just might come back to haunt you this holiday season.
Sometimes relatives have unfinished business to settle. The holidays just aren't the time to bring up the past. Besides, parents won't get much accomplished with whining babies and toddlers with temper tantrums hanging around. Sometimes angry parents will take their frustration out on their children in front of others. If you know that being in the presence of certain people brings out the worst in you, avoid confrontation this time of year; otherwise, you just might have to deal with some issues in the future that you aren't ready for.
5. Always keep your children's safety in mind from the toys they receive to where they play.
With so much activity going on, sometimes parents fail to exercise caution when allowing children to play in and around people and things. Just because something looks cute and harmless doesn't mean that it is. Don't put your children in a position that might cause harm to them emotionally or physically for the sake of a good laugh or some other reason. Keep them safe!
Pondering on these thoughts and properly planning in advance will potentially help you and your child in the future. Sometimes selfish behavior can cause a lifetime of upset, so be wise and do what's right in the best interest of you, your children and those around you! Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry. See her blog here.
1. If it isn't necessary to go visiting or staying overnight at someone's home with children, don't.
Some babies and children are challenging to discipline. When you know your child is a handful, it would make sense not to put him or her off on others. The likelihood that someone, especially an older more experienced adult will say or do something that just might rub you the wrong way is probable. Best to make sure your child and self are mentally, physically and sometimes spiritually ready for visiting relatives during the holidays.
2. Avoid the alcohol, drugs and anything else that alters one's mind when caring for children.
A sober mind is very necessary when parenting small children. When relatives and friends notice that mom or dad just isn't caring for baby and children like they should, unnecessary drama between loved ones will occur. If one is going to indulge in strong drink and other substances, do it away from children.
3. Don't entrust anyone to care for your children like you--no matter the title or how long you have known the person or couple.
Sometimes while parents are out having a good time, a trusted relative and friend is doing some things that are questionable, immoral, and downright stomach-turning with children. Don't be gullible, be watchful and never assume everyone will treat your child like you would no matter what they say.
4. Avoid the temptation to do something that you know just might come back to haunt you this holiday season.
Sometimes relatives have unfinished business to settle. The holidays just aren't the time to bring up the past. Besides, parents won't get much accomplished with whining babies and toddlers with temper tantrums hanging around. Sometimes angry parents will take their frustration out on their children in front of others. If you know that being in the presence of certain people brings out the worst in you, avoid confrontation this time of year; otherwise, you just might have to deal with some issues in the future that you aren't ready for.
5. Always keep your children's safety in mind from the toys they receive to where they play.
With so much activity going on, sometimes parents fail to exercise caution when allowing children to play in and around people and things. Just because something looks cute and harmless doesn't mean that it is. Don't put your children in a position that might cause harm to them emotionally or physically for the sake of a good laugh or some other reason. Keep them safe!
Pondering on these thoughts and properly planning in advance will potentially help you and your child in the future. Sometimes selfish behavior can cause a lifetime of upset, so be wise and do what's right in the best interest of you, your children and those around you! Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry. See her blog here.
Give Me Some Space Mommy, Daddy!
In a week's time, my older son had walked on his younger brother's back, hit him on his chest, pushed him, and had a tugging match with him for a toy. His younger brother had kept accurate records and he was out for blood. With arms flailing one day he gave his older brother enough slaps that he would never need a spanking for the rest of his life! Sounds like abuse? Well it was! I had to have a talk with these two knuckleheads before they put me in the hospital with a stress-related illness. I also had to evaluate what was I doing and not doing that kept the crazy behavior up.
I had been attentive. We played games during winter break, spent time talking, and doing some constructive things. We sang, prayed, and went places. The boys got new toys and great meals. So what was wrong?
When I disciplined Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, I told them what I was taking from their room. That hurt far worse than any other form of discipline. Oh they cried, fell down--acted like fools! Little by little, I did just what I said until there was nothing more than a small bin, two beds, and two dressers, and one television in their shared room. The IPhones and gaming systems were put on a shelf for a time until they earned them back. It was quite easy to rid the children's room of many of their things since we were moving anyway soon after winter break, but even if we hadn't, the room was still going to be relatively bare. Less stuff, less fuss.
Anyway, what were these boys thinking hitting each other like boxers? They were in, what appeared to be, blind rages during their outbursts. They were overwhelmed with pending change and needed an outlet. So I encouraged them to separate from one another. One would take some time alone in the backyard while the other had the room to himself. Then when the other came in the home, the other would go out. When both were in the house once again, I set one up on the computer while the other played a music instrument with ear phones on. I rotated the two little monsters like chairs. I didn't want to see my sons together in one room. The only time they had spent any real time with one another was at the dinner table. The next day I did the same as before, rotated them like playing a game of musical chairs, and the next more of the same and so on. I must say that the winter break ended quite well. Back to school, thank God!
Sometimes all it takes is space. Everyone needs a little space. "Go play in your room..." we say. Well that isn't good enough. Are you going in there too, Parent? Most likely not. So Jenny and Joan or Billy and Bobby are going to pound one another in one way or another whether verbally or physically as soon as you turn your back!
The signs of being tired of one's sibling and parents are always there with children. Sometimes we see them, other times we don't. You know when they are tired of the family, when there is constant complaining about one or all members, yelling, fighting, crying, etc. Throw in hunger, thirst, a lack of sleep, and your own tension and look out, your children will act up!
My two angels had turned into monsters practically overnight, but I could turn them back--at least somewhat. I had been praying before, during, and after the commotion, I can tell you when God has given you common sense, you have got to use it!
Sometimes we can become so busy, selfish, moody, or whatever else that is going on with us that we overlook the writing on the wall when it comes to raising sons and daughters. Children need time apart periodically just like us with spouses, bosses, parents, friends, etc. before or after we have had a major dispute. No adult interference, no sharing with a sibling, no nothing, but a simple room with not much in it but a favorite toy. Is that too much to ask, mom, dad?
Nicholl McGuire
I had been attentive. We played games during winter break, spent time talking, and doing some constructive things. We sang, prayed, and went places. The boys got new toys and great meals. So what was wrong?
When I disciplined Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, I told them what I was taking from their room. That hurt far worse than any other form of discipline. Oh they cried, fell down--acted like fools! Little by little, I did just what I said until there was nothing more than a small bin, two beds, and two dressers, and one television in their shared room. The IPhones and gaming systems were put on a shelf for a time until they earned them back. It was quite easy to rid the children's room of many of their things since we were moving anyway soon after winter break, but even if we hadn't, the room was still going to be relatively bare. Less stuff, less fuss.
Anyway, what were these boys thinking hitting each other like boxers? They were in, what appeared to be, blind rages during their outbursts. They were overwhelmed with pending change and needed an outlet. So I encouraged them to separate from one another. One would take some time alone in the backyard while the other had the room to himself. Then when the other came in the home, the other would go out. When both were in the house once again, I set one up on the computer while the other played a music instrument with ear phones on. I rotated the two little monsters like chairs. I didn't want to see my sons together in one room. The only time they had spent any real time with one another was at the dinner table. The next day I did the same as before, rotated them like playing a game of musical chairs, and the next more of the same and so on. I must say that the winter break ended quite well. Back to school, thank God!
Sometimes all it takes is space. Everyone needs a little space. "Go play in your room..." we say. Well that isn't good enough. Are you going in there too, Parent? Most likely not. So Jenny and Joan or Billy and Bobby are going to pound one another in one way or another whether verbally or physically as soon as you turn your back!
The signs of being tired of one's sibling and parents are always there with children. Sometimes we see them, other times we don't. You know when they are tired of the family, when there is constant complaining about one or all members, yelling, fighting, crying, etc. Throw in hunger, thirst, a lack of sleep, and your own tension and look out, your children will act up!
My two angels had turned into monsters practically overnight, but I could turn them back--at least somewhat. I had been praying before, during, and after the commotion, I can tell you when God has given you common sense, you have got to use it!
Sometimes we can become so busy, selfish, moody, or whatever else that is going on with us that we overlook the writing on the wall when it comes to raising sons and daughters. Children need time apart periodically just like us with spouses, bosses, parents, friends, etc. before or after we have had a major dispute. No adult interference, no sharing with a sibling, no nothing, but a simple room with not much in it but a favorite toy. Is that too much to ask, mom, dad?
Nicholl McGuire
Family and Friends Won't Always Say Nice Things About Your Children
We love our children and want was is best for them. Yet, sometimes what we think is right in what we say and do with our children isn't necessarily right in the eyes of those who have long parented children--who have been there and done that. So when you and your children are invited to a family celebration, spending far too many hours with relatives, sometimes things will be said or done that just might offend you, so be prepared.
1. Why did those kids get all that food on their plates knowing full well they aren't going to eat it all?
2. Why is there open cans of soda and water bottles half full, yet the children are going to get more?
3. Why didn't the parents clean after the children when they made that mess?
4. They shouldn't let the children run around like that. Where are their parents?
5. Did you hear what that child said to his/her mother/father, if that was me...?
6. These children nowadays just aren't being raised like we were.
7. Is anyone going to quiet that whiny baby? If the child didn't feel well, why did they bring him/her?
Some solutions to quiet some of the family criticism concerning your children would be:
1. Shorten your visit from the start. Seniors and children after awhile tire of one another. Both will compete for attention, both tend to act petty, and both can be demanding.
2. Take noisy children outdoors or in another part of the residence. Nap time might be needed. The longer they stay up, the more likely they will be disruptive.
3. Don't assume everyone likes children, so stay away from those who appear to act rude, impatient, and critical of babies and children.
4. Teach and discipline your children before they leave from home how to behave when around others. Specify the consequences if they choose to misbehave.
5. Avoid piling on food and desserts on the children's plate and share bottles and cans between children by pouring in cups or bring their cups from home to avoid accidents.
6. Keep noisy toys at home and don't forget headphones for electronic devices.
Tis the season. Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire
Oh and please show your support, I have many books available for sale. See below:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
1. Why did those kids get all that food on their plates knowing full well they aren't going to eat it all?
2. Why is there open cans of soda and water bottles half full, yet the children are going to get more?
3. Why didn't the parents clean after the children when they made that mess?
4. They shouldn't let the children run around like that. Where are their parents?
5. Did you hear what that child said to his/her mother/father, if that was me...?
6. These children nowadays just aren't being raised like we were.
7. Is anyone going to quiet that whiny baby? If the child didn't feel well, why did they bring him/her?
Some solutions to quiet some of the family criticism concerning your children would be:
1. Shorten your visit from the start. Seniors and children after awhile tire of one another. Both will compete for attention, both tend to act petty, and both can be demanding.
2. Take noisy children outdoors or in another part of the residence. Nap time might be needed. The longer they stay up, the more likely they will be disruptive.
3. Don't assume everyone likes children, so stay away from those who appear to act rude, impatient, and critical of babies and children.
4. Teach and discipline your children before they leave from home how to behave when around others. Specify the consequences if they choose to misbehave.
5. Avoid piling on food and desserts on the children's plate and share bottles and cans between children by pouring in cups or bring their cups from home to avoid accidents.
6. Keep noisy toys at home and don't forget headphones for electronic devices.
Tis the season. Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire
Oh and please show your support, I have many books available for sale. See below:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
How to Know a Person Can’t Handle Watching Children
A relative, friend, acquaintance, or stranger, may have all told you, “When you need me, just call.” Moments might have come and gone when you may have wished you took them up on their offers, but your gut feeling just wouldn’t let you. What is it about certain people when it comes to your children, you just don’t feel comfortable visiting or leaving your children in their care? They may have children of their own, they may be grandparents, or maybe even your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, but the feeling in the pit of your belly just won’t go away when you have left your children with him or her, maybe it’s time you listen.
You have read or heard the reports of men and women who “snap out” on children. The story usually starts out that a trusted relative or partner was left to care for the newborn, toddler, or elementary-aged child and when the mother returned found that her child was murdered. The angry boyfriend or post partum mother couldn’t stand to hear the child’s cries, so he or she chokes the child, breaks some bones, or throws him or her against a wall. Family members and strangers are mortified, “how could someone do such a thing?” They ask. Well, how could they not? You see, there are people in this world that can’t tolerate certain sounds and are mentally incapable of caring for themselves in some aspects of their lives let alone having to care for a child. If you mix an undiagnosed depression, add it with some alcohol, and drugs what do you get?
What about a post-partum mother who can barely stand her own children, mixed with caring for someone else’s children, with little money, living in a crowded apartment, what do you get? Some people will scream, “No excuses.” Of course, there are no excuses in situations of murder, there are only facts. The fact is not everyone can handle a screaming child who wants nothing more than a nap, bottle or some attention, but a person not use to answering the calls of a child doesn’t seem to get it.
He or she is already overloaded with other issues going on in his or her mind and it just so happens that on one particular day he or she snaps and unfortunately the child was in the line of fire. If these parents had some idea what the caretaker’s mental state was before leaving the child with him or her, they would have never did it, so how does the parent step outside of his or her own immediate needs and look for signs that say, “Don’t leave your child with him or her, they may be prone to harming them?” The following tips will help you reach your own conclusion on whether you should be reconsidering who is currently watching your child, how to avoid a potential disastrous situation, and cancel your plans on that particular day or night and watch your own child.
One. Don’t ignore your innate God-given ability to foresee danger. Some people have this kind of intuition better than others. Sometimes those around us will speak to us about matters we can’t feel or see. When you know that your own mother couldn’t handle you when you were a child and her mother was worse, what is the likelihood that grandmother, your sister or brother from the same family just might not be able to deal with the pressure? Children are not going to sit still long enough for anyone to get too much done, and when they do consider it a blessing, so if you know that this person has a pattern of being impatient with children, do yourself and him or her a favor and don’t allow your child to visit unless you can stay with him or her no matter how much they say, “I can watch my niece…I’m good with boys.”
Two. Someone makes the statement, “You trust him with your child?” This really means, “I wouldn’t let him watch my child with a ten foot pole.” Evidently this person sees something about this person that you don’t see. Take their advice seriously and don’t take any chances.
Three. Impatience is a great sign to look for when trying to determine whether you want someone to watch your child. If you were to give your child a math book or activity book to take with him or her during a visit with a relative or friend, offering to watch him or her, how would he or she react when trying to teach the child how to solve a problem?
Four. The caretaker you have in mind has a history of losing his or her temper with children so you have heard. You have seen them in action or heard about their emotional outbursts and mood swings when it comes to children. They become increasingly angry when a child sits on their furniture, touch their treasured keepsakes, turns on their television, or runs through their home.
Five. Dear old great grandmother or grandfather has been accident prone in recent years. Now if he or she can’t seem to keep something in his or her hands without dropping it to the floor, then why would you even think twice about him or her being responsible for lifting your child?
Six. Your relative or friend has older children in the home. Now as much as we would like to think that most older children will not do anything to harm a child or influence them in any way to do bad things, the reality is there are many who get a bit of enjoyment telling a child to do some things that would make any mother put her hands over her mouth in shock. If you know that this older child will be spending a great deal of time at the caretaker’s home unsupervised in the house with the little children, consider what your child will be exposed to: music videos, explicit music lyrics, overhearing telephone conversations containing bad language, seeing inappropriate content via the Internet, underage drinking, sex, drugs, etc.
Seven. A person who works from home is often preoccupied, a sports fan is spending a great deal of time in front of the television, and a hobbyist may be more concerned about his or her crafts then what is going on around him or her, if these people aren’t use to children and have been known to complain about how others deal with their children, what makes you think your children are any exception to the rule? You know how your children can be at home, you can discipline them in whatever way you want, and move things out of their way, but what precautions will this potential caretaker make and what does he or she have in their home that can keep your children busy? Most importantly, will they be able to sacrifice their time doing other than things to keep their eyes on your children?
Eight. Avoid allowing your toddler to be watched by a person who lives in an environment that is cluttered with fragile items, antiques, or other items that they treasure. Some collectors will lose their mind over the slightest dent, scratch, bump, or nick on any item. Although, he or she may really want to help you out, they may not be so understanding if your child breaks one of their priceless possessions.
The best people that are more than capable of watching children are people who have experience babysitting children. They know how to answer the many calls of a crying child. They aren’t easily frustrated when the child doesn’t become still right away. They have their own set of outlets that keep their lives balanced between working with children and doing other things that provide them with a sense of peace. They usually have a belief system or religious faith. However, some caretakers may have experience working with children but don’t have personal issues under control. The obvious characteristics of a person with a personality disorder include: being easily angered, irritated, extremely quiet, impatient, visibly nervous, unbelievably bubbly to the point that they can’t seem to focus on a task and complete it, lies often, very forgetful, cries a lot or moody, as well as other related issues.
The key to look for in one who has a mental condition are patterns of some if not all behaviors. Some people who have been prescribed medications also tend to experience side effects that they haven’t got use to, so consider their reaction to the medication as well and how that might affect your children’s safety. There is usually someone around them who knows them well and will advise you that maybe it would be best you don’t leave your children alone with him or her. There are plenty of people with undiagnosed conditions that affect them both mentally and physically like women with severe PMS disorders or menopausal symptoms. There are also men who have their issues of andropause and work related stress that may involve heavy lifting which may contribute to pains that can often leave them moody. There are elderly people who face health ailments like arthritis and dementia. A person who is in pain and often shifting from one mood to the next is just not the best candidate to watch children alone.
Consider all of these tips in this article and don’t ignore the quiet voice within, the comments people have said to or around you, your gut feeling or someone else’s or complaints from your child regarding this person or people.
Be A Parent Not A Friend
One parenting problem that is very prevalent today is the confusion between fulfilling the role of a parent and the role of a friend. It is natural to want to give you children everything, but never saying no can lead to seriously spoiled children who will not understand the ways of the world when they are out on their own.
It is your job as a parent to teach your children the facts of life—good or bad—so that they can make their own good decisions in the real world. It is simply not fair to expect children to be able to make decisions that negatively affect their lives when they are not prepared to make those decisions. You have a pretty good idea of what is best for your children, and certainly a better idea than they do. It is your responsibility as the adult to pass the love and knowledge you have experienced in your own life to your children to give them the best opportunity to lead a successful life.
The principles you instill at a young age will follow your children throughout life. When they are little you make them brush their teeth, eat their vegetables and clean their rooms, not only because you know that these things are good for them, but also because you want them to one day learn to do them without being told. There are many times in life when we have to do things we do not want to do, and by not sugarcoating this idea when your children are young, they will be more accepting of it as they grow and mature into adults.
Never saying no doesn’t build friendship with your children. It may content them in the moment, but in the long run it will only make them selfish and rude. Never using the word no gives your child a handicap that will make it harder for him or her to succeed in life. No one will want to befriend, date, hire or live with a selfish person.
Playing the role of disciplinarian may not seem like a way to bond with your children, but once they grow past the stage when you are responsible for making their decisions, friendship can grow. They will respect you for making the good decisions for them that they were not able to make on their own. Let their peers be their friends. Their peers certainly are not going to act as parents, so this all-important chore is left to you.
Parenting is a grand struggle between giving to your child and instituting discipline. The balance will be different for everyone, but it is important to keep reevaluating what needs to be done and take steps to reestablish and maintain that balance.
About the Author
Solomon Brenner is an Author, speaker and columnist on success and parenting he can be reached at Actionkarate@comcast.net or 267-939-0424
It is your job as a parent to teach your children the facts of life—good or bad—so that they can make their own good decisions in the real world. It is simply not fair to expect children to be able to make decisions that negatively affect their lives when they are not prepared to make those decisions. You have a pretty good idea of what is best for your children, and certainly a better idea than they do. It is your responsibility as the adult to pass the love and knowledge you have experienced in your own life to your children to give them the best opportunity to lead a successful life.
The principles you instill at a young age will follow your children throughout life. When they are little you make them brush their teeth, eat their vegetables and clean their rooms, not only because you know that these things are good for them, but also because you want them to one day learn to do them without being told. There are many times in life when we have to do things we do not want to do, and by not sugarcoating this idea when your children are young, they will be more accepting of it as they grow and mature into adults.
Never saying no doesn’t build friendship with your children. It may content them in the moment, but in the long run it will only make them selfish and rude. Never using the word no gives your child a handicap that will make it harder for him or her to succeed in life. No one will want to befriend, date, hire or live with a selfish person.
Playing the role of disciplinarian may not seem like a way to bond with your children, but once they grow past the stage when you are responsible for making their decisions, friendship can grow. They will respect you for making the good decisions for them that they were not able to make on their own. Let their peers be their friends. Their peers certainly are not going to act as parents, so this all-important chore is left to you.
Parenting is a grand struggle between giving to your child and instituting discipline. The balance will be different for everyone, but it is important to keep reevaluating what needs to be done and take steps to reestablish and maintain that balance.
About the Author
Solomon Brenner is an Author, speaker and columnist on success and parenting he can be reached at Actionkarate@comcast.net or 267-939-0424
How to Determine Whether Keeping the Children After a Separation or Divorce is the Best Thing to Do
You have successfully ended the relationship with the mother or father of your children. It was successful for many of you reading this article, because you no longer have to subject your children to the screaming matches, fighting, or unexplained tension in the air. Yet, having accomplished this feat there is still another battle looming and that is making the decision to fight for the children in court.
Many parents think they are exceptional in raising their children; however, thinking and actually doing are two different subject areas. If you are completely honest with yourself, you know what is best for the children. The following advice will help you confirm whether keeping the children or arranging visitation is best for you and the family.
Do you have mental problems and/or battling with substance abuse? Whether you are undergoing treatment or are quietly struggling with your demons, you need to think of how the stress of raising your children may affect you. The reality is that your burdens will not get any lighter keeping the children. If anything they will become heavy, very heavy. Reflect on how their negative behavior impacted you during the marriage and how both you and your spouse handled the children when these issues arose. Know what you can tolerate and honestly look at how you do or don't discipline your children. Read about parenting issues and seek counseling for the things you don't understand.
How would you rate your finances on a five-point scale? If managing your finances is not one of your strong suits than consider getting counseling. Raising children requires skillful budgeting if you want them to have a great future. Know how to save emergency money, funds for education, clothes and shoes, food, and shelter.
Do you have a stable employment history? If not, then now is the time to consider creating one. No judge will award children to someone who can't keep a job.
Do you plan on relocating? When you plan on keeping children, you also have to consider that you will not be moving anytime soon as well if they are already enrolled in school. Relocating is difficult for all parties involved and children don't always do well when they have to adjust to a new environment and develop new friends.
How is the school district where you live as compared to the one your former spouse lives in? Know what the educational system in your area has to offer. Low school test scores, inadequate funding for books and extracurricular activities, and rising crime are reasons not to take the children unless you plan on relocating.
Do you have a support system? Family, babysitters, childcare, after school programs, church and more are essential in helping your children become productive members in society. Without positive people around them, they will surely get themselves involved with the wrong crowd. Be certain that you can provide them with much needed love and support from the community.
Are you still holding grudges with the former spouse? If past unresolved issues between you and your mate are still affecting you presently, then you will need to find a way to be at peace. If not, your negative influence will rub off on the children resulting in friction between them and their father and mother. No matter how much you think the mother or father needs to be punished for breaking up the marriage, it gives you no right to use the children to get even.
How would people around you describe you? Teaching children requires a high degree of patience, if you know that you can fly off the handle over just waiting in line, then you may want to think strongly about taking on the daily responsibility of caring for the children. Yelling at them for not understanding their homework or punishing them because they can't seem to complete tasks you ask them to do correctly will not help their self esteem in the short term and cause greater distance between you both in the long term. If you find that everyone keeps telling you the same thing about yourself such as "you are so negative. Why must you be so bitter? Why are you so angry all the time?" Be honest with yourself, it is better for the children to visit you until you can put your emotions in check.
Are you really happy about being a parent? The truth of the matter there are many parents who never really accepted the news that they are the proud parent of a child. It bothered them the day they found out they were pregnant and it continues to bother them long after. If you find yourself complaining a lot about your children being a "problem" and they are "keeping you away from achieving your goals," then you do not want to take on the responsibility of caring for them on a regular basis. You will regret it, because you haven't come to terms with the reality that you are a parent.
When no one is looking, how do you really treat your children? Anyone can smile at those around them and brag how much they love their children, but when you are by yourself with your children you know how you can get with them. If you are calling them names, physically assaulting them (we aren't talking spankings either), yell at them often, put off feeding them for long periods of time, leave them home alone knowing you are breaking the law, and dropping them off with whoever you can whenever, then you know that you can't simply handle raising them. Don't make yourself do something you know you aren't equipped to do no matter what anyone tells you. The person who is telling you what to do is most likely unavailable to help you raise the children - do what you know is right and if you know that the other parent can do a better job then let them. Your children will be grateful that you did, rather than take them through unnecessary heartache. In the future, you just may have a greater bond with your children because you made the sacrifice.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
Many parents think they are exceptional in raising their children; however, thinking and actually doing are two different subject areas. If you are completely honest with yourself, you know what is best for the children. The following advice will help you confirm whether keeping the children or arranging visitation is best for you and the family.
Do you have mental problems and/or battling with substance abuse? Whether you are undergoing treatment or are quietly struggling with your demons, you need to think of how the stress of raising your children may affect you. The reality is that your burdens will not get any lighter keeping the children. If anything they will become heavy, very heavy. Reflect on how their negative behavior impacted you during the marriage and how both you and your spouse handled the children when these issues arose. Know what you can tolerate and honestly look at how you do or don't discipline your children. Read about parenting issues and seek counseling for the things you don't understand.
How would you rate your finances on a five-point scale? If managing your finances is not one of your strong suits than consider getting counseling. Raising children requires skillful budgeting if you want them to have a great future. Know how to save emergency money, funds for education, clothes and shoes, food, and shelter.
Do you have a stable employment history? If not, then now is the time to consider creating one. No judge will award children to someone who can't keep a job.
Do you plan on relocating? When you plan on keeping children, you also have to consider that you will not be moving anytime soon as well if they are already enrolled in school. Relocating is difficult for all parties involved and children don't always do well when they have to adjust to a new environment and develop new friends.
How is the school district where you live as compared to the one your former spouse lives in? Know what the educational system in your area has to offer. Low school test scores, inadequate funding for books and extracurricular activities, and rising crime are reasons not to take the children unless you plan on relocating.
Do you have a support system? Family, babysitters, childcare, after school programs, church and more are essential in helping your children become productive members in society. Without positive people around them, they will surely get themselves involved with the wrong crowd. Be certain that you can provide them with much needed love and support from the community.
Are you still holding grudges with the former spouse? If past unresolved issues between you and your mate are still affecting you presently, then you will need to find a way to be at peace. If not, your negative influence will rub off on the children resulting in friction between them and their father and mother. No matter how much you think the mother or father needs to be punished for breaking up the marriage, it gives you no right to use the children to get even.
How would people around you describe you? Teaching children requires a high degree of patience, if you know that you can fly off the handle over just waiting in line, then you may want to think strongly about taking on the daily responsibility of caring for the children. Yelling at them for not understanding their homework or punishing them because they can't seem to complete tasks you ask them to do correctly will not help their self esteem in the short term and cause greater distance between you both in the long term. If you find that everyone keeps telling you the same thing about yourself such as "you are so negative. Why must you be so bitter? Why are you so angry all the time?" Be honest with yourself, it is better for the children to visit you until you can put your emotions in check.
Are you really happy about being a parent? The truth of the matter there are many parents who never really accepted the news that they are the proud parent of a child. It bothered them the day they found out they were pregnant and it continues to bother them long after. If you find yourself complaining a lot about your children being a "problem" and they are "keeping you away from achieving your goals," then you do not want to take on the responsibility of caring for them on a regular basis. You will regret it, because you haven't come to terms with the reality that you are a parent.
When no one is looking, how do you really treat your children? Anyone can smile at those around them and brag how much they love their children, but when you are by yourself with your children you know how you can get with them. If you are calling them names, physically assaulting them (we aren't talking spankings either), yell at them often, put off feeding them for long periods of time, leave them home alone knowing you are breaking the law, and dropping them off with whoever you can whenever, then you know that you can't simply handle raising them. Don't make yourself do something you know you aren't equipped to do no matter what anyone tells you. The person who is telling you what to do is most likely unavailable to help you raise the children - do what you know is right and if you know that the other parent can do a better job then let them. Your children will be grateful that you did, rather than take them through unnecessary heartache. In the future, you just may have a greater bond with your children because you made the sacrifice.
For more articles by Nicholl McGuire, Click Here!
The Trouble With Parents
Like most parents, my partner and I work hard to develop our children into healthy, well adjusted people. We want them to have the skills to persue whatever objectives they choose for themselves in this world.
None of us are perfect parents and we all learn from the past. The purpose of this article is to pass on one of our experiences. It had a profound effect on the way we approach the parenting game.
A few years ago, our two children were aged two and four. Over a period of weeks one of our boys had become increasingly naughty. His behaviour was rubbing off on his brother. Mum and dad had explored the usual discipline options but nothing seemed to work.
Eventually, as my partner and I discussed the boys behaviour, we decided that there must be a trigger. If we could find it, we thought we could perhaps effect a change for the better.
We wound back the clock to the time when the behaviour change emerged, then looked at what we had all been doing at around that time.
As it turned out, the onset corresponded with a time when my job was being restructured and my partner was as worried as I about the outcome. We were both focussed on ourselves and quite naturally were exhibiting signs of stress.
The result of this pressure, was that we had very little time for our children and they were not getting the attention they needed from us.
We decided to try an experiment. We set aside all our other priorities for the weekend and spend time with boys. Nothing special, just being with them and giving them quality time.
Their behaviours changed almost instantly. And it was a change for the better.
This small experience had a profound effect on the way we approach parenting. We learned that the behaviours of our children are significantly affected by our own behaviours.
We are now a lot more careful about the amount of time we spend with our boys. When there is a behavioural change from them, we look to ourselves first then check the external influences before we choose a course of action.
Parenting is a wonderful journey, full of twists turns and surprises. I hope that by sharing this small part of our life it will help you in yours.
Brian Pratt is a 47 year old New Zealander. He owns a Plug-In Profit Site at http://www.bestrealincome.com. If you are looking for a home business be sure to check out his site. You can contact Brian at brian@bestrealincome.com
None of us are perfect parents and we all learn from the past. The purpose of this article is to pass on one of our experiences. It had a profound effect on the way we approach the parenting game.
A few years ago, our two children were aged two and four. Over a period of weeks one of our boys had become increasingly naughty. His behaviour was rubbing off on his brother. Mum and dad had explored the usual discipline options but nothing seemed to work.
Eventually, as my partner and I discussed the boys behaviour, we decided that there must be a trigger. If we could find it, we thought we could perhaps effect a change for the better.
We wound back the clock to the time when the behaviour change emerged, then looked at what we had all been doing at around that time.
As it turned out, the onset corresponded with a time when my job was being restructured and my partner was as worried as I about the outcome. We were both focussed on ourselves and quite naturally were exhibiting signs of stress.
The result of this pressure, was that we had very little time for our children and they were not getting the attention they needed from us.
We decided to try an experiment. We set aside all our other priorities for the weekend and spend time with boys. Nothing special, just being with them and giving them quality time.
Their behaviours changed almost instantly. And it was a change for the better.
This small experience had a profound effect on the way we approach parenting. We learned that the behaviours of our children are significantly affected by our own behaviours.
We are now a lot more careful about the amount of time we spend with our boys. When there is a behavioural change from them, we look to ourselves first then check the external influences before we choose a course of action.
Parenting is a wonderful journey, full of twists turns and surprises. I hope that by sharing this small part of our life it will help you in yours.
Brian Pratt is a 47 year old New Zealander. He owns a Plug-In Profit Site at http://www.bestrealincome.com. If you are looking for a home business be sure to check out his site. You can contact Brian at brian@bestrealincome.com
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