Good and Bad Childhoods

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Warning Signs Of Child Abuse

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Warning Signs Of Child Abuse: In the USA, over 900,000 children are victims of abuse & neglect every year. Child abuse is so common, yet shocking . Whether the abuse ...

The Past Hidden Truth - family history, secrets, ancestry

Caution - Keep Away from Toxic Influences

Whether you are a new mother or a veteran mother, there are those moms in this world that are unfortunately competitive, vulgar, prideful, and miserable.  Negative moms with little positive to say.  If you want to stay above water and be a beacon of light for your spouse and children, you will distance yourself away from them.  Busybodies have wrecked havoc on families.  Temperamental people keep atmospheres tense.  Liars can't be trusted.  You know these people and whether covertly or overtly they are systematically influencing you.

I thought of a toxic relative who had a terrible relationship with her daughter.  This woman was close to another relative and spent much time talking with her about her woes.  In time, I watched how the negative woman's influence changed the loved one.  She too was starting to complain about her daughters.  She too was saying mean and hurtful things during conversations with her kin.  Sometimes we underestimate the power of negative people and conversations and before long our family and friends take notice.  The husband complained of his wife's cursing after she would talk to the relative.  Her adult children recognized that hours on the phone with her gossiping relative was making her difficult to listen to.  Relationships were changing and the mother was too involved with outside influences to recognize the difference.

So as much as you are tempted to reconnect or maintain a toxic tie to someone negative just because that one holds a title like "best friend," especially with this upcoming school year ahead, think twice--people like this are trouble!  The school year is already long enough and when pessimistic people are attached to you, it only becomes longer! 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry now available at Barnes and Noble online.  She also owns and manages this blog.

10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with the Ex

Face Your Foe: 10 Tips on Having an Amicable Relationship with th...: Tired of arguing with your ex?  Isn’t that the reason why you both couldn’t make it in your relationship anyway?  Why not, make up in your ...

Are They Truly Important?

Television can wait.
The computer can go into sleep mode.
Your laundry can sit there.
The phone can go into voicemail.

They are your children. 



You can only put them off for so long before they grow up and say,
"Remember when..."


Books by Nicholl McGuire

Unhappy Being a Parent? 10 Ways to Be at Peace with Parenting

You have often wished that you could do your life over again without the children.  The stress, money, tears, and fears of parenting have been a bit overwhelming in recent years and if you could take flight, you would.  How did it come to this?  Why do you resent it so much?  What will you have to do to be at peace with parenting, so that you can fulfill your destiny?  It is time to evaluate yourself, put the following tips in action, and later reap your rewards, are you ready for change?

Acceptance.  Now that you are a parent, you will have to accept this role for yourself.  It isn’t what you planned, but it happened.  If this is something you vehemently don’t want, then make the arrangements with the children’s father, mother, other family or an adoption agency to have them take the children off your hands.  If this suggestion seems a bit harsh, then getting rid of your children isn’t what you really want, but advice on how to parent is what you really need. 

Overcoming Bitterness/ Resentment.  If you find yourself complaining a great deal about being a parent, this is a clear sign you are still carrying bitterness and/or resentment about your role.  It is time to examine why you feel this way and what will it take to remove these feelings once and for all.

Making time for you.  Maybe you are bitter and resentful, because you are thinking of the personal time you once had before the family came, the dreams you planned, and the friends you use to have, etc.  Find out what you could do now that would put you at ease and help you reclaim who you are from time to time without compromising your role as mom or dad.

Understanding your role as a parent & understanding your children.  Make the time to educate yourself on what it means to be a parent.  Begin to read books about parenting.  Utilizing other’s ideas may help you raise your children without the burden of coming up with some unique plan.

Creating/communicating with your support system.  If you don’t have a support system, then create one.  Talk with the mothers who are walking their children at the park, speak with the grandmother watching her grandson who lives on your street or the nearby daycare provider.  These people may be a blessing to you when you are feeling overwhelmed.  Call or email a fellow parent who wouldn’t mind joining you in a vent session about the latest craziest thing your wild child did.

Employment/starting a business.  When one is not happy with work, some how that has a way of affecting how you interact with your family.  You may want to reconsider whether your current job is bringing in the kind of money that can fulfill your family’s needs.  You may be feeling guilty about being away from your family for long hours, consider starting a home business.

Saving & spending money.  The way you feel about money may also add to your resentment of being a parent.  As we all know it costs to raise children.  With a better budget, you may feel at peace about your spending and saving habits.  Research ways to help you develop spending and saving plans.

Planning for the future.  Do you want your children to resent having their own children in the future?  Be an example and show them love.  Prepare them for the future by raising them to be strong, civil human beings respectful of authority and caring of others.

Building a strong foundation with your mate.  There are many spouses who are having a hard time adjusting to their role of parent.  It makes it even harder to transition, when their mate is not supportive.  You may want to meet with your spouse to discuss how he or she is making you feel.  You may be overwhelmed with duties regarding the children and household responsibilities, ask your spouse for assistance.


Have a faith.  When you believe in a power higher than yourself; it helps with the feelings of loneliness.  Know that there is someone out there greater than you who cares.  Seek the all-powerful One for wisdom, peace, and patience about your situation.

5 of the Most Challenging Times in Parenting

When you spend much time with other parents you discover that many have similar stresses when it comes to raising children.  There are five things that repeatedly came up in conversation when I talked with other parents who felt like they were at their wits end about children at times like myself. 

1)  Chronic crying

"What is it now?"  You go through the long list in your head of what might be the problem and you still can't figure it out.  Once the crying starts it seems like it is endless.  You anticipate the day they "grow out of it" the whining, screaming, etc.  But as they get older, those periodic reminders show up and you remember why you will not have another baby again!

2)  Accidents or on purpose stuff

Sure, they never meant to do it, but sometimes they do.  Children have accidents that can make you start fantasizing about going to the moon.  But when they do things on purpose with a coy look--uh oh, better call on the other parent, "Come get your son...daughter!"

3)  Sibling rivalry

The children started out as friends, but now are the worst of enemies!  Another shove, bite, kick, or scream from pain, "Enough already!" And if that isn't bad your partner is ineffective and sometimes an aid to the household drama (sigh).

4)  Pushy people

These are the type that don't consider your feelings, time or energy when they ask to see you and your children or want you to tote them to yet another event that the baby and/or kids will be a challenge to settle down.

5) Lack of money

You might know the feeling when your baby or child needs something and you can't meet their needs or have to delay them.  Pride gets in the way of asking someone for help, a difficult former or current partner doesn't want to cough up the money for any number of reasons, and once again you end up stuck with a cheap item or service.

We all have our highs and lows when it comes to children and this is all the more reason to think deeply, act carefully, and don't take any chances having other children or attempting to parent someone else's children when you have a hard enough time with the ones that are already here.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog, reach out if you would like to advertise on this site or make a blog entry contribution linking back to a web page.

Odd Things You Might Experience During Pregnancy

With each pregnancy, a woman experiences something different.  Her first pregnancy is definitely not like the one she will have in the future, nor will her spouse react the same way he did with every pregnancy. Many things happen during this very exciting and at times difficult period in their lives.

There are many things that occur with most pregnant women that once the baby is born are forgotten.  A first-time pregnant mom may feel left out of the loop, because when she asks, “Did you ever feel this way…”  The veteran may say, “No.”  Meanwhile, everyone around her will say, “Yes, you did.  Remember when…”

Doctors, family and friends may not have experienced or heard of your symptoms, but it doesn’t mean that you are weird.  Remember there is someone in this world that may have experienced the same symptom, just never bothered to mention it.  The following information will help you feel more at ease with some of the strangest things that may happen during your pregnancy experience.

“What’s that smell?” 

Even though no one else around you smells what you smell it doesn’t mean that those scents don’t exist at least not to you.  You may have a craving for peanut butter and suddenly smell it or a sudden interest in a hamburger and there is no fast food restaurant near you.  Strange, but it happens.  The least your mate or relative could do is ease your craving by getting it for you, rather discussing what you do or don’t smell.

“I saw what appeared before my eyes to look like bugs with flashes of silver.”   

This may happen to you.  Don’t be alarmed it may be a sign of something insignificant, but then again something very serious.  It could mean that you are weary or that you may have a fever.  It is best to buy a pregnancy medical book and make a call to your doctor if you experience anything that affects your eyesight.

“Everything around me seems to be so noisy lately.”

Pregnancy tends to make women more emotional then normal.  Hormones contribute to the mood swings, noise sensitivity, and so much more.  It is better to avoid noisy places and other sounds that may have once had no effect on you, now annoy you.

“I have been having dreams about my pregnancy.”

Those of you who may be interested in dream interpretation may find the interpretation of a pregnancy dream, according to dreammoods.com to put you at ease.  Here is a portion of the interpretation, “Women in the first trimester of their pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams (may) consist of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.”

“I think I have turned psychic since being pregnant, I just think of things and they often come to past.”

You can take a mini-quiz to find out if you are indeed psychic or always have been it’s just their abilities may be heightened since the pregnancy.  Check around the web and include keywords related to pregnancy and psychic abilities.

“My mate seems to be gaining weight and is sick often.”

This might occur with a mate who is nervous about the pregnancy.  He may also feel the need to stay close to you and baby-- offer protection; therefore, he isn't as active as he once was.

“My mate doesn’t come around me as much, nor does he give me much affection.  At times he is just as irritable as me, if not more.”

He may have his own share of concerns such as: money challenges, life changes, etc.  Some men will discuss what bothers them when asked while others will stay mum, because they don't want to upset their expectant partners.

“Everything people have been saying to me lately has been annoying to me.”

With hormonal changes also comes a lack of wanting to be around people with some pregnant people.  It can be quite a challenge for some moms to maintain a conversation or receive affection when a baby is moving within them along with uncomfortable symptoms related to their pregnancies.

“I watch television shows now that I wasn’t interested in before I was pregnant.”

Depending on one's mood during pregnancy you will find yourself taking up interests you may not have considered before.  Preferences in movies, places to visit and even exercise might change.  Embrace the new interests just so long as they don't harm you or baby.

“I laugh way more than I did before pregnancy.”

 Being pregnant for some women is a happy time particularly if they always wanted to be pregnant.  Also, hormones may be playing a part.  Better to be content than weepy.  If the emotional swings become too much for you to handle, share your behavior with your doctor.

“I am so forgetful.”

Bodily changes will affect the mind.  Many pregnant women complain about this and unfortunately work performance is affected at times.  Write more notes to remind you of key events.  Set alarms if necessary and reach out for assistance from others to keep you on task.

“I hate the way people smell around me.”

Once again related to hormones and if the smells are overwhelming, try a diffuser or other air fresheners to offset the offensive odors.

“Everything seems like it hurts mentally and physically.” 

Past issues have a way of showing up during pregnancy.  Loved ones or friends behaving rudely and having to take on way too much responsibility while being pregnant will affect your mind, body and spirit.  Re-evaluate what you are doing and let go of some people, places and things that are negatively impacting you.  If you care about your baby, you will protect him or her from the stress.  Delegate responsibilities whenever possible and learn to say, "No" to needy individuals.

“I stay up late.”

It happens.  You will have to train yourself to go to bed on time.  Notice your routines before bed, could they be keeping you awake?  Consider this, your baby might want to stay up late when he or she arrives too. 

“I eat a lot.”

A baby growing inside of you will need as much nutrients as you consume.  If you were a healthy eater before then you just might find yourself eating more.  But if not, it is still okay; however, keep in mind just because you are with child you don't have to eat a lot.  Babies are content just so long as they are being fed.  There is nothing wrong with eating for one, the baby still receives necessary nutrients in order to grow.  Stay consistent with meals, eat less but more frequent.  So rather than eat three meals a day, break them down into five and eat your heavier meals during the day rather than at night. Choose healthy meals, not junk food.  Learn more about gestational diabetes.

“I don’t eat enough.”

If you feel you don't, then consider additional meals.  Discuss with doctor.

“I am more particular about the way I look, my house looks and everyone around me looks.  I feel like I am cleaning and organizing often.”

This happens as it gets closer to the delivery date for some moms.  It is quite natural for a mother to want to prepare for the baby's arrival.  So if you are finding yourself wanting to get much done, enlist the help of those around you.  Don't lift anything heavy and stay off of things like step stools to avoid a fall. 

PLEASE NOTE: 

This blog entry was not prepared by a medical professional.  Therefore, you should make an appointment with your doctor to access your condition.  The article is only written to inform others’ about some pregnancy experiences that may be similar to your own.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and maintains this blog.

Handling Conflict with Your Children

Problems between children will come and go; the key is trying to lessen the problems and make them go away faster.  How does a parent resolve conflict with their children and still come out looking positive in their child’s eyes?  The following suggestions have been tried by parents and will hopefully help you in your quest to find peace in your home.

Arguing between one another.  Voices are raised and you know that if you don’t intervene at some point, someone is going to get hurt, stop what you are doing and stand nearby to listen.  Walk in on the argument only if you know it may lead to bloodshed.  Once you are in the room, don’t ask about who started anything; instead take one child out of the room, talk with them separately then the next.  Compare stories and then form a judgment.  After you have rendered the necessary punishment, allow the children space apart.  Put children in separate rooms with a few of their favorite toys.  Believe it or not, but children need their personal time too.

Physical fighting between siblings.  You already hear the fighting, go in and stop it by physically separating both parties.  Once everyone is calmed down, then talk with each separately to find out what happened and discipline accordingly.  As mentioned above, give them their personal time.  Don’t use their moment of freedom as punishment; instead, explain to them how the personal time benefits them. 

Making public scenes.  Your beautiful daughter or handsome son has just decided to let the world know how much you have angered them.  Don’t react negatively out in public that is what they want.  Instead, react as calmly as possible, then once you are home, handle it in the way you deem fit.

Stealing.  You just found out that your child has stolen something.  When confronting your son or daughter, don’t be surprised if he or she denies what was done.  Take some of their favorite things away for a time, later ask them how does that make he or she feel? Maybe the child will confess, but then again maybe not. 

Lying.  Not sure whether he or she is lying?  Assume you already know that your children are lying and provide details as if you know what you are talking about.  For instance, I already know you took XYZ because you left behind crumbs on the kitchen counter.  Pay attention to their mannerisms if you know your kids well, you will know whether they are telling the truth.  If you can’t tell, accuse them of something you know they didn’t do and watch their reaction.  Compare the two reactions that will help you learn how to tell when they are lying or being truthful.

Crying.  A child will not stop crying when you are continuously saying to them to stop it or be quiet.  However, they will begin to tone it down if you distract them with a toy, television, food, a walk outside or car ride.  Don’t make a big deal of any emotional situation and they will grow not to make a big deal of it either.  For instance, if your child falls down, don’t yell and run over in panic, this will only make him or her think that the situation is worse than it is and now you will have to spend a longer amount of time to get him or her to calm down.

Sneaky behavior.  Children who realize they will get in trouble for negative behaviors will do just about anything to avoid punishment, including placing blame on someone else, hiding the broken keepsake then lying about it, trying to fix the mishap while making matters worse, etc.  As a parent your job is to find out about the sneaky behavior and discipline both effectively and immediately.  If it means taking privileges away, treasured gifts, cutting off their social life for a time and other things that mean so much to them. 

Playing adults against one another.  You may have already experienced this, but if you haven’t you are in for a surprise.  You tell your child “no” to something and then they go and ask another adult who may or may not be aware of your objection and that adult says, “yes” to your child.  You tell this adult about the conversation you had with the child and he or she downplays your objection with “Oh I didn’t know you told him no, so what’s the big deal anyway?”  Now you are upset and proceed to explain to them why it is such a big deal.  The two of you begin to argue.  You have just been played!  Set the ground rules with your child from the beginning as well as the consequences if they should break the rules. Then, communicate with the adults they will be in contact with about your rules, hopefully before your child gets to them. 

The favoritism accusation.   If you have been accused of favoring one child over the other, then chances are, you have.  The bigger cookie, more toys, more clothes, more money and whatever more you gave to the other.  You may have done it unknowingly; however, now you will have to watch how big you cut that piece of cake.  Now if there is an age difference between the two, then you can always explain to your youngest child that their brother or sister is older, bigger or did well on their test or with their chores and that when they are bigger, older, wiser, etc. they will get more too.


The famous “I hate you!” statement.  This statement comes from the deepest part of your child’s soul, don’t dismiss this statement, but the truth is that in that moment he or she means it.  You violated him or her in the worse way when you told them “no”—I know big deal, right? But it was something that your son or daughter really wanted to do, even if it meant that you were saving his or her life.  Your well- meaning efforts don’t matter and the only way you will get on their “good side” is to give in to their demands.  Now why would you do that?  If you choose to do this, you might as well send your child out with the wolves.  Remember there are many things children will get over especially when you are protecting them as well as explaining your reasons.  Maybe next time if your child demonstrates a little self-control and respect, you just might let him or her have their way—and oh what a lesson to be learned!

To your success!


Nicholl McGuire

How To Handle Children During A Separation

How To Handle Children During A Separation: Motherhood blog based on book entitled, When Mothers Cry by self-published author Nicholl McGuire. Parenting, relationship, women issues discussed.

One of the Most Popular Mothers of All Time


Do your children know this mother?
It would be wise to share what you know about her and the Son of God.

Named After His Father, Grandfather, Great Grandfather


Does he have to act like them too?

Allow children to have their own identities.

When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

Teach Children to Love Sibling Before He or She Arrives

 
The more you talk, the more likely your child will value the baby to come.
 
by Nicholl McGuire
 
 

Is Toothbrush Cleaning Truly Necessary?

Ah, the human mouth. Never has there existed a worse den of bacteria, dirt, and infection. Bites from people are more likely to result in gangrene than any other animal bite. This happens because of a lot of bacteria is our mouths. When you think about the bathrooms we keep our toothbrushes in, there are numerous bacteria in them as well. According to yazdanidental.com, cleaning your toothbrush whether for a toddler or adult is vital. The process of having a clean toothbrush extends beyond rinsing it right after a brush. Sanitizing your toothbrush with a commercial product is one option, but it doesn’t kill all the germs in the bristles of the brush. Sterilizing in boiling water, on the other hand, kills everything on the brush, making it perfectly clean. The big question here is this: do you honestly need to sanitize or sterilize your brush?

Bacteria Grow in Scary Places

According to authorities like the ADA, there are no commercially marketed products that can actually sterilize your toothbrush. It isn’t even necessary to do so, as long as you take good care of it each time you brush. In fact, it isn’t a proven fact that the bacteria that grow on toothbrush bristles can have a harmful effect on humans exposed to them.

As a rule of thumb, remember that bacteria prefer to breathe and reproduce in the dark, moist spaces. If you have a toothbrush container or cover, consider getting rid of it. Get yourself a holder instead, so that it dries in the air and is open to the environment. It is a good idea to keep each brush standing on its own – you don’t want it to touch the bristles of other people’s brushes.

Rinse Your Brush in Warm Water

What do you do when you are done brushing your teeth? Most people would only give the brush a quick rinse, rinse their mouths, and leave. However, this isn’t nearly as useful as a proper rinse in warm water, which can clean out leftover food and toothpaste in the bristles of the brush.
Alternatively, you can sanitize your brush by soaking it in mouthwash for about 15 minutes. It doesn’t change the harm done by the toothbrush, because the bacteria don’t affect your mouth anyway, but it is a good precaution to take. Remember not to leave your brush in the mouthwash for too long. Don’t, under any circumstances, reuse that mouthwash.

Don’t Clean it in Weird Ways

Some people have rather strange ideas about how to clean their brushes. They use extreme methods like putting their brush in the dishwasher or the microwave to clean it out. This is an awful idea. Additional bacteria in your dishwasher could actively harm your mouth because of this, not to mention the chemicals in soapy water. If you buy an UV cleaner for your brush, refrain from using it too often. All these methods could physically damage your brush and reduce its effectiveness. The easiest way is to rinse thoroughly with warm water and let it dry in the air.

Toddler Care 101 – Keeping Healthy Teeth

As the parent of a growing child, there are many questions you have about toddler care. These include oral hygiene questions, like when you need to visit the dentist for the first time, whether or not a toddler needs to floss, and whether they need braces now as opposed to later in their lives. Unless you are a dentist specializing in oral hygiene, like the folks over at brace-your-smile.com, it gets pretty difficult to determine the level of care your kid needs. The primary goal of any parent is evidently the prevention of dental cavities, but the how is the part that might escape you.

When Do Children Have to Start Brushing Their Teeth?

Immediately. The basis of great teeth is having the care begin the moment your baby gets their first tooth. You might think that these teeth don’t develop till a few months after birth. In reality, your child had teeth six months into your pregnancy (twenty of them, to be exact). While you can’t see them, they are there, just out of sight, but fully developed.

When your child hits the age of two, start to teach them how to spit while they are brushing their teeth. Before spitting, this exercise needs to be done without water to rinse their mouths. You might think that water makes it simpler to swish the toothpaste around and spit it. But the truth is that it makes it easier to swallow toothpaste while swishing it in their mouths. This could lead to toxicity problems in children that young.

Set Special Drinking Times and Methods

If you have a baby, you’ll be feeding them when you want to. Keep a routine and assign special times for drinking fluids during the day. These times ensure that your child’s fragile teeth aren’t always grinding against each other through a bottle. If your baby is older than six months old, switch them over to a sippy cup, as it can be less damaging than a bottle. Straws are your best bet, although they can pose a choking hazard to the more inquisitive children. By the time they hit one years-old, they will be able to use a standard toddler cup on their own.

When Do You Take Them to the Dentist?

You don’t have to visit the dentist right away with your child. You can wait till their first birthday to do this. A dentist will give you some incredibly useful advice about what the correct ways to brush and floss your child’s teeth are as they continue to grow. A good dentist will also check your baby's mouth, teeth, and jaw for deformities and issues, so that they can be remedied before they get out of hand.

Not all dentists are good at taking care of dental issues common in children. The best dentist to visit is a pediatric dentist, someone who specializes in child care. This dentist will give you advice that can be used for years to assist in the development of healthy teeth and gums.


Family Historian Shares Experiences about Collecting Family History Data in Helpful Guide

Your children need to know.  You need to know.  Family history.
 
Private, controlling and stubborn matriarchs and patriarchs of families work very hard at maintaining power and control over family stories whether compelling or not. Only a select few, usually the eyewitnesses who were present at the time a life-changing event occurred, really know the full account. However, the big mouth, exaggerator, liar, and know-it-all type will talk over those relatives who challenge his or her story-telling with, “I don’t recall seeing it that way. I know that’s a lie because I was there. Who do you think you are saying that about…you know you are wrong! Why do you keep so many secrets?”
 
Available on Smashwords, Kobo, Books-a-Million...
 
The controller of information will discredit truth by bad-mouthing family members who exposed his or her lies, manipulations or exaggerations. They might say things such as: “You can’t trust her, did you know…? I wouldn’t think too much about what was said that relative doesn't have a good track record, so what does he know? Those old fools wouldn’t remember anything; they were too young back then. You know our kin is old and forgetful, what would they know?”

Don’t underestimate anyone in the family even if documents might not be totally accurate or stories a bit strange, ask yourself, "Is what he or she saying backing up most of the family stories I heard about? Do the documents he or she has given me hold up any facts?"

I took the liberty of interviewing many relatives and cross referenced what they told me with historical facts via government records, and I checked with others who knew the individuals who were telling parallel family stories. What I found was surprising those who wanted very much to be the gatekeepers of information were critical of those who knew more than them. The jealousy of relatives, who were self-proclaimed family historians with little or no significant ancestor records, was so thick you could cut it with a knife! When family truth came out, they tried almost anything to put it back in the box. Negative statements were made about my material from a single person which I have changed actual comments slightly and added others, “Don’t get that book…I don’t believe it. Oh, those are just made up stories. It’s all opinion, there are no facts! Why write a book anyway? I don’t care what she said, he said or they say this is what I say!” 
 
 
The negativity lives on with mean-spirited loved ones. Even if some of the individuals weren’t that forthcoming with their personal lives and even if facts were not 100% accurate, wouldn’t it make sense for critics to produce documents that would prove otherwise? Most critical folks never bother to put their money where the mouth is to attend family reunions, purchase family memoirs or help others in big ways; therefore, their criticisms should fall on deaf ears, better yet, leave them out of your projects if you suspect they might be a problem.

Family is a big deal for many people who have grown up in environments where it was encouraged and sometimes demanded to connect with kin. A number of relatives spend much time contacting loved ones, gathering with them, and servicing one another just like their ancestors did before them. But with technological advancements numerous family meetings are occurring over the Internet.

The generation of children born during the 1970s had been labeled, "X" back in the 1990's as the slacker group by mainstream media. They were described as having no original thoughts, styles or plans to do anything significant to move society forward. I recall the Generation X hype back then during a time when we were bombarded with advertisements, television episodes, and more pressuring us to go to college. Some of us were the first to ever set foot on a university campus in our families.

The tide was turning once again with the traditional family and a lot of us Generation Xers didn't find family connectedness as significant as our predecessors. We were actually moving out of our hometowns rapidly which meant away from family. Further, many of us were not like elders preserving family traditions. When e-mail came along, relatives were receiving electronic messages sometimes more-so than phone calls.
 
 
Generation X, who had been introduced to multi-media computers which featured Cd-rom drives and surround sound speakers, online entertainment, shopping and more started having their children. Like their parents, a number of them became increasingly distant physically, but drew closer to electronic communication. To date, it isn't considered taboo to see a whole family seated in front of portable screens touching them, sending "selfies", sharing images, and leaving comments.

As a result of increasingly new technologies, websites and more, what you can find and share online about family history continues to change. The old ways of researching kinfolk like having to take a plane ride to visit a local library, view a family member's photo album, walk a community, and do other things to learn about historical events is usually a last resort for a researcher since many people are posting valuable information online.

Family members might be scanning and editing photos for an online album, then uploading old videos and records to a blog or web page, and doing other things to make family history more accessible via a social network, private e-mail, video or audio hosting site. Relatives might join online genealogy communities and reunion sites to connect with old favorites or meet new kin while others collaborate on family projects via online publishing programs. In addition, apps may be downloaded and relevant facts entered and shared via phones and other handy devices.

Seeing new inventions daily both on and off the Internet tells us Generation Xers, and those who had been critical of us, one thing, we too are all getting older. It is time for us to start organizing our offline keepsakes, continue to add to family documents and provide other useful information for our children and grandchildren, as well as do many things that our predecessors didn't do...This book is available at the following links:
 
 
 
 
 

Lazy Fathers - Ineffective Dads

After kids are born, sometimes things just don't change with some dads.
 
The good-for-nothing fathers are incognito. You don't know you have a lazy father/partner or ineffective dad around you until you spend some time with him. He isn't stubborn, controlling, or miserable, he just doesn't like to do too much of anything. For example, in the Bible 2 Samuel 13:21, King David heard about his son Amnon raping his daughter and was furious about it, but he didn't punish him. Too busy, too tired, too whatever to handle major issues, just imagine what his daughter thought of her father.
 
Ineffective fathers see the issues in the family or in the household and will promise to assist, or pretend they don't know, but rarely follow through on what they claim they will do to remedy situations. If a son or daughter can't trust that issues will be handled by the men in their lives, then it isn't any wonder that throughout life they have a hard time trusting others. When the kids are hungry, Ineffective Dad permits them to binge on junk food, rather than getting up off his behind, going to the kitchen and fixing his children a healthy meal. He doesn't like to repair anything neither does he bother to get someone more knowledgeable to handle broken things around the home even when they are an inconvenience to his partner and children. Further, he is even too miserly to spend money to get important responsibilities done.
 
The lazy father isn't big on cleaning and will leave something on the floor rather than bend over and pick it up. Most often, family members will call his attention to his slothful ways but he doesn't do much but defend himself usually making some reference to something he did weeks or even years ago that showed he was helpful. Laundry piles up, stains remain on walls, garbage climbs new heights, the bathroom smells, the pets are ignored, etc., and Lazy Dad doesn't care. So when children grow older and don't want to visit Dad in his crowded, stinky, and unsightly home, he shouldn't wonder.
 
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad

Toddler Meal Ideas


If I Knew Then What I Know Now...

If I knew that parenting would set me back so far professionally, I would have been more cautious about bringing children into the world during my 20s.

If I knew that I would have been divorced, I would have never got married (twenty-something) in the first place.

If I knew that I would have to be more patient, kind, forgiving, loving, etc. to others, I would have gone to church sooner rather than later and attended bible studies in my youth rather than spend so much time joining clubs.

If I knew that family wasn't going to help me pay off college and that I wouldn't be unable to purchase a home due to bad credit, I would have ignored them and went to a trade school or better yet remained at the job I had back then and moved up.

If I knew that all it took was to look like a 10, live in a location near wealthy men, and be at the right place at the right time...well what was the since in dating losers?

So the takeaway is to explain to children why it is so important to value their youth.  There is no returning to it or do-overs.  As parents we have to be mindful of things we tell them now that might negatively impact their future.  Dating, college, marriage, children, home ownership and more doesn't have to be all done prior to reaching 30.  Encourage them to pursue interests and if they don't appear to have any, well then take them places so that they can find some!  Those lazy evenings and weekends will soon be gone and what will they have learned? 

Funny how you look at your kids and think, "If I were you, I wouldn't...."  Fast forward to the future and they most likely will have their share of regrets too if they so choose to ignore sound wisdom or no one is teaching much of anything outside of school hours.  Show and tell children life's truths and hopefully something will sink in.

Nicholl


What Do You Know About Your Family History that You Can Pass On to Children?

So many people just don't know the significance of collecting quality family relics and maintaining good records about ancestors. 

When offspring is brought into this world, it can help them immensely when they are older to know a thing or two about their family roots.  Sure its nice to know something about American and World History, but what about your family?  The blog owner has constructed this well-thought out timeless guide to help you stay motivated to learn more about your ancestry.  Check out the paperback version here: Genealogy X What to Expect When Researching Family History or get the eBook here.

Stay Home Mothers and Career Moms - Be Supportive


Teen Videos - Set Aside Time to Workout- Encourage Your Lazy Teen

Teen Videos - Set Aside Time to Workout

When Life Throws You a (Parenting) Curve Ball

I have heard my share of negative stories from parents about their children.  They talked as if they weren't responsible for anything concerning their children's behaviors.  Broken relationships, dysfunctional parenting, and lots of blame.  "I just don't know why my daughter acts like that...I can't believe my son did such a thing...My kids are just like their no-good daddy...I can't stand my children's mother!"

Life threw these parents unexpected curve balls and rather than work to catch them, they dropped their balls giving the devil an easy run to home base.  As effective parents we fight for what is right concerning our children, we go after those dropped balls and work to get that devil out!  Ineffective parents don't care and most often look for excuses to get out of playing the game.

http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com
When one lays down with another and procreates he or she doesn't think too deeply prior to the love-making just how much his or her life might be affected if one becomes pregnant.  Before long, a newborn is being held in the arms of parents he or she trusts wholeheartedly that his or her emotional and physical needs might be met.  Yet, sometimes things happen, unexpected things that leave us heartbroken and stressed to the point that we feel like we are going to snap!  We don't anticipate family illnesses, job losses, major expenses, disabilities, depression, break-ups, death, or much else. All we choose to see is what we deem is beautiful, sweet, nice, and doesn't inconvenience us too much--oh that sweet little baby.  Then here comes yet another trial to throw us out of those blissful times that never seem to last as long as those troubling ones.

Parenting isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be too difficult.  Sometimes we manufacture our own challenges and downfalls simply by not being present, pro-active, and daring when it comes to raising children. For instance, we receive a phone call about our children misbehaving at school and the issues need our immediate attention. The bad news breaks our routine of having an ordinarily peaceful lunch at work.  It is at that moment the voice on the other end of the phone is waiting to see what we might do.  Leave a job, discipline the child in-person or via phone, or hurriedly excuse ourselves from the call, remain at work and wish the problem away.

Before children, we were primarily concerned about ourselves and when things suddenly happened we dealt with them without thinking too much.  But isn't it interesting how much we ponder once we have children and whether what they say or do is worth acting upon, "How much is it going to cost to fix, and what more might I have to do if I should say yes to something I am not completely convinced about?"  We carefully manage situations, talk with others (or vent) about our parental concerns, and other times we wonder, "Now why would the Creator of the universe pick me to be a parent?"

Nicholl

A Dream and Life Lesson on Spending and Saving Money - money tips, finances


Patience, Protection, and Purity

If there are three words that came up often during my parenting very young children, like under the age of 5 for instance, is the need for patience--they simply cry or whine at times too much, safety items for their protection (and for me too)--way too curious and purity, far too many people simply don't like or care for childhood innocence (sigh).

We can all agree that there are some things about the world that we live in that is quite unsafe, impatient and doesn't care at times for things like righteousness, love, truth, honor, etc.  As I look at my children, I see aspects of myself when I was their age and I cringe when I think about the things I was exposed to. 

Two of my four sons aren't babies and toddlers anymore, but they had been back when I started this blog--so glad those tough times are behind us!  The boys are school-aged, one will be in the sixth grade in August 2017, the other will be in the fourth grade, another in the 11th grade and the eldest of the four sons graduates this year, Class of 2017--time sure flies when you are finally able to appreciate the time with your children!  I admit during the early days I didn't but I got through due to prayer and reaching out to others for mental, physical and spiritual assistance i.e.) my blog When Mothers Cry which was created for therapeutic reasons during the early days of my motherhood journey of two more boys (sigh).

These days one of my sons is practically obsessed with recording his findings wherever he goes.  He mastered his digital camera something like this within days of receiving it and his brother spent more than enough time shooting us with a similar one. So weeks later both were curious about my camcorder the Sony HDRCX455/B Full HD 8GB Camcorder which my third son broke shooting his version of the most recent Jurassic Park movie (I was fuming--my camera was less than two years old!) 

After over a year of my third son not having a camcorder but really wanting one, I decided to get he and his brothers a well-recommended and reasonably priced  Besteker Portable 1080P this past Black Friday. No, you never heard of it, but can I say it works and the reviews on it weren't false.  I wasn't the least bit interested in paying almost $400 for a brand name camcorder no matter how badly he wanted it--especially when nowadays most people use their phones to record.  Besides my children have a couple out of service camera phones that they tinker with every now and again too.

Anyway back to patience, which I ran out of after the repeated requests to buy this and that.   Then the thought that I didn't bother to buy insurance protection for any of the cameras comes to mind.  As for purity, they are strongly cautioned to watch what they record and no offensive uploads are acceptable otherwise they lose their electronics for an undetermined amount of time.

We are still praying like we did when I started this blog, still growing, and excited about the future! Subscribe for periodic updates on our lives and other useful practical information about the basics of all things related to parents and children on this blog.  Thanks much to all those who have been with us for years, most appreciate your continued support!  Please share blog link, blessings to you and your family!

Nicholl

Yeah, I know, my fourth son was unavailable like Sasha was for her dad's fairwell address--lol.  If kids aren't busy taking exams, they are playing sports, video games or making money like my eldest son.  We miss you, love you, Dom!  Check out his YouTube channel for amusement. Dom Kemp

14 Things Needed for Successful Family

This is a short-list of the most essential things needed to insure that you have a quality life with your family.  There will be those highs and lows and sometimes they are brought on because we don't bother to think about our personal and family needs.  Check out the resources and improve especially if you are a new parent.

1)  Be Open to Taking Quality Parenting Advice

Parenting Advice

Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting

10 Bad Parenting Habits | HowStuffWorks

Traits of a Good Parent - Father


2)  Patience

20 Good Character Traits That Will Help ... - A Fine Parent

How to Be a More Patient Parent | Tips on Parenting Patience


3)  Money Management

10 Easy Tips to Help Manage Your Money - The Dough Roller

Money Management for the Family: Some Truly Timeless Tips


4)  Employment

CareerBuilder - Official Site

Indeed.com - Official Site

Simply Hired - Official Site

ZipRecruiter - Official Site

Snagajob - Official Site

Monster.com - Official Site


5)  Flexibility

13 Benefits of Flexible Parenting - One Time Through

Flexible Parenting Lessens Kids’ Anxiety, Depression ...


6)  Health Check-Up/Mental Stability

Quiz: How Healthy Are You? | The Dr. Oz Show

The 10 Personality Disorders | Psychology Today

Types of Doctors | MD-Health.com

10 Stress-Related Health Problems That You Can Fix

6 Inherited Health Conditions | Parenting


7)  Time with Spouse

7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them - WebMD

50 Date Ideas for Couples - Lifehack


8)  Time with Children

Fun things to do with kids | FamilyDaysOut.com

20 Activities To Do with Your Family This Weekend - Parents


9)  Support System

Build a Personal Support System - Life skills

Support Systems – www.loveisrespect.org


10)  Education

General Educational Development Test (GED®)

Going Back to College - Frequently Asked Questions

Trade Schools Guide | Find a College or Vocational School

7 Tips for Choosing the Best School for Your Child - TIME

Choosing a School . Going to School . Education | PBS Parents

Choosing a school for kids in grades K-12 - Bankrate.com

How to Choose the Best High School for Your Child | High ...


11)  Bigger Place to Stay

How to Buy a House: 9 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow

How to Buy a House - 6 Must-Dos Before Buying A Home

How to Buy a House -- A guide for first-time home buyers


12)  Reliable Transportation

Buying a Family Car | DMV.org

How to Buy a New Car - Consumer Reports

10 Steps To Buying A New Car - Kelley Blue Book


13)  Insurance (all kinds)

HealthCare.gov - Official Site

Compare Cheap Life Insurance Quotes | MoneySuperMarket

Insurance Quotes and Comparison - Car, Life, Home & Health


14)  Faith

Search out your denomination and find out what services you can attend locally to elevate you spiritually.  As the struggles of life increase, you will find yourself wanting something more than what appeases your flesh.  Take out the Holy Word and read it.


BONUS:

You will definitely need to know how to manage your time.

15 Time-Management Tips - Pregnancy, Birth, Babies, Parenting

10 Time Management Tips For Parents | Planning With Kids

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